The Adventures of Irving and Friends
by Spongey4441
Summary: Phineas and Ferb's biggest fanboy has certainly made a name for himself with his...personality. and now you get to see all of his WACKY ADVENTURES!
1. How it All Began

**Author's Note:** Hey, do you remember me? ...Well, i used to be Spongey444 and i had this fanfic series about the ever popular duo of Irving and Albert. My accounted got taking down and thus the story was gone. It's still on other places tohugh. But not i'm finally putting it back. So in the next couple days, you can expect the whole series, at least what i could find, back where it belongs! Mostly cuz i have special new episode coming out soon. So here you go...but be warned, these are old so they may be crappier or have plot elements i regret. Plus, they do use things that somehow ended up in the show later. These were written mostly from 2010 to 2012, so keep that in mind.

With that said, let's begin

 **Phineas and Ferb belongs to Disney, Dan povenmire, and Jeff "Swampy" Marsh.**

 **THE ADVENTURES OF IRVING AND FRIENDS**

 **WRITTEN BY SPONGEY4441**

 **EPISODE 1: How it All Began**

Our tale begins in the House of Irving Du Bois. It was the first day of Summer and Irving had just woken up after a good nights sleep.

 **Irving:** What a great morning! Wait a second…It's the first day of summer! YAY! But what do I do? Every year I plan on doing something big but end up getting distracted. Well not this summer. This summer I will sure nothing stops me from having the best Summer ever!

 **Irving's Mom:** Irving! Albert! Breakfast!

Irving: Right after breakfast.

Irving went to the kitchen where he found his Big Brother Albert eating some cereal.

 **Albert:** Hello, Irving.

 **Irving:** Hello, Albert.

 **Irving's Mom:** So what are you kids doing today?

 **Irving:** I don't know. I'll just walk around the neighborhood until I figure something out.

 **Albert:** My and my friends are going to wait in a really long line for concert tickets.

 **Irving:** Teenagers. I'll never understand them. Well I guess I'm heading out. See you later.

Irving walked around the neighborhood with nothing to do. Eventually he saw a huge line of people in front of someone's house.

 **Irving:** Hey what's this huge line for?

 **Django:** Phineas and Ferb built a Rollercoaster!

 **Irving:** Who?

 **Django:** You don't know who Phineas and Ferb are?

 **Irving:** I don't get out much

 **Django:** Well it doesn't matter who they are. Those 2 kids built a rollercoaster!

 **Irving:** Aren't they a little young to build a rollercoaster?

 **Django:** Yes. Yes they are.

 **Irving:** …Cool! I've GOT to check this out!

The two kids went inside the tent to see the coaster Phineas and Ferb built.

 **Phineas:** Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages! May I present to you a spectacle most of the morning in the making….the coolest…. coaster...ever!

Irving looked up to see that the Coaster was really high and almost reached the clouds.

 **Irving:** This…is awesome! Those Phineas and Ferb kids must be cool if they cab build this thing!

 **Phineas:** So, who wants to go first?

Everyone shot there hand up.

A few minutes later, they were on the coaster as the ride was about to begin.

 **Phineas:** Well, that's about it. Enjoy the ride.

The ride begin and it was nothing like Irving imagined…it was better. The coaster went al over the place. It was awesome. Later, Irving looked up to see that a helicopter picked up the coaster somehow. But even more strange is that he saw a platypus with a fedora that like a Secret Agent or something!

He turned around to see the exact same Platypus but with no fedora.

 **Phineas:** Oh There, you are Perry.

 **Irving** : Did I just…see a secret agent platypus. Man what did I eat last night?

Eventually, the coaster ended up in space. Then it went back to earth and back in Phineas and Ferb's backyard. All the other kids left but Irving stood in the background.

 **Isabella:** That was great, Phineas. So what are you going to do tomorrow?

 **Phineas:** I don't know yet.

 **Isabella:** Maybe you can teach Perry some tricks.

 **Phineas:** Well, he is a platypus. They don't do much.

 **Ferb:** They're the only mammals to lay eggs.

 **Irving:** Woah Ferb Speaks…with a British accent. No wonder he never talks.

 **Phineas:** So what should we do tomorrow? There's a world of possibilities. Maybe we should make a list.

 **Irving:** Wow. Phineas and Ferb are awesome. They can build a rollercoaster, they have a pet platypus who may or not be a secret agent and one has a British accent! I know what I'm gonna do this summer. I will follow Phineas and Ferb's every move. I will know everything about them, their friends, and their family! I will be their biggest fans!

Irving left and went home where he met up with Albert.

 **Albert:** Hello Irving. How was your day?

 **Irving:** It was great! I found some else to obsess over!

 **Albert:** I hope it turns out better then the last person you obsessed over.

 **Irving:** Oh come one! I paid for all the damage and Grandpa should see perfectly out that eye by now.

 **Albert:** Well just leave me out of this one.

Later that night, Irving was in his room putting up a map of the Tri State with Phineas and Ferb's circled so he would remember where it is.

 **Irving's Mom:** Bed time!

 **Irving:** Ok Mom!

Irving turned off the lights and closed his eyes.

 **Irving:** This was the best day ever!

 **End of Episode 1**

 **AN: Ah, memories. I'll give oyu some juciy behind the scenes info on each ep. As for this one, it seemed like a natrual place to start, but in hindsight it only works as a pilot. There's nothing really that funny here, but i did fix that later...**


	2. Gnome Alone

**Author's Note:** The originally concept for this series was to have each ep take place at the same time as another. I ditched it but this was a remnant of that idea. I used this to explain why Irving knows Perry's secret in other episodes. In hindsight, i should have done a normal story cuz as it is, this one is a bit dull. But eh, it's done so here it is.

 **The Adventures Of Irving and Friends**

 **Episode 2: Gnome Alone**

It was another day in the life of Irving. Yesterday, Irving had discovered the 2 greatest kids in the whole world. Starting Today, he was gonna keep a close on them to see what they will do each day. He had just left the house to see what Phineas and Ferb are doing.

 **Albert:** Hey Irving!

 **Irving:** What is it? I have something to do?

 **Albert:** Where are you going?

 **Irving:** None of your business!

 **Albert:** It's MY Business as your big brother to know where you are at all times!

Irving: If you must know, I'm going to a friends house!

 **Albert:** You have friends?

 **Irving:** Yes. Yes I do.

 **Albert:** Fine. Just don't bother me.

Irving went over to Phineas and Ferb's where they had just unveiled Today's Project, a Beach in the Backyard. Irving was watching as Candace was being informed by Stacy that Jeremy was there

 **Irving:** This is great! First a rollercoaster, now A Beach? What are they gonna do next? Build A Rocket? Fight a Mummy, Climb Up the Eiffel Tower? Discover something that doesn't exist? Or even….giving a monkey a shower? Nah not even he would do that.

Irving then saw a lawn gnome that looked a lot like Perry for some reason. But before he could do anything, The Gnome fell into the ground!

 **Irving:** Huh? What is this? I have to see what's going on!

But then Irving fell into the hole and found himself in a pile of Lawn Gnomes.

 **Irving:** What the heck? Where Am I?

Then Irving saw Perry, as in front of an Evil Looking Scientist..

 **Irving:** Perry! He must of fell down here too!

 **Doofenshmirtz** : A Platypus?

Then Perry put on his Fedora.

 **Doofenshmirtz:** Perry The Platypus!

 **Irving: What?** Perry must be a Secret Agent or something! But what is that evil guy planning?

 **Dr. Doofenshmirtz** : And now Perry the Platypus, you will finally understand my pain. Back in Gimelschtump in the days of my youth, the Doofenshmirtzes were a proud family. But those were lean times for my father, and our beloved lawn gnome was repossessed. Who would protect our ancient garden from witches, spells, and wood trolls? From a tender age, my father decided that it will be me. While the other kids played kick the schumptel and ate doonkelberries, I would stand for hours. All through the cold night, as the spitzenhounds howled... My only companion was the moon. And my neighbor Kenny. So, since my lawn gnome was taken from me, I will destroy every lawn gnome in the whole Tri-State Area!

 **Irving:** Wow. That guys life must have been really bad. No wonder he turned evil. Though I can't blame him for wanting to get rid of lawn gnomes. I hate those things. But he's getting rid of them for all the wrong reasons! Hmmmm…Maybe I should help Perry! But how do I do that without being noticed?

The doctor accidentally pressed the wrong button and freed Perry.

 **Irving:** Wow, Perry is awesome!

During the fight, Irving noticed a Lever with the Words "Suck/Blow" under it.

 **Irving:** Hmmm, that gives me an idea!

Perrry kicked Doofenshmirtz and he hit the lever but nothing seemed to happen. Irving snuck up and pulled the lever a bit, causing it to go into reverse. Both were too busy to notice Irving standing right there.

 **Irving:** I did it! But how come they didn't see me? Whatever I have to get out of here!

Just as all the water from The Beach was about come down on them, Perry and Irving crawled out of the hole. Irving made sure that no one saw him.

 **Phineas:** Oh There you are Perry.

 **Irving:** Yes! I made it!

The beach was gone and everyone left for home. Irving stuck around like last time. Phineas and Ferb sat down to listen to the radio.

Radio DJ: Stanky Dog here with a special shoutout to my two new pals, Phineas and Ferb, for hosting a beach party that was hot, hot, hot. And speaking of hot, slather on the sunscreen listeners, cause tomorrow's weather calls for another scorcher.

 **Ferb:** With a slight chance of scattered lawn gnomes.

 **Irving:** Heh. Another classic Ferb line. Well It's time for me to head home!

Irving then left and headed home where he ran into Albert again.

 **Albert:** Hello Irving. How was your friends house? Did anything interesting happen?

 **Irving:** Well….Nothing. Pretty Boring.

 **Albert:** Whatever. Let's head back inside.

Later that night before bedtime, Irving put another picture in his scrap book.

 **Irving** : Man these past few days have been great! I discovered the tow greatest kids kids in the universe AND I found out their Pet Platypus is a Secret Agent! But how will I juggle all this? I mean I can't look at what Phineas and Ferb are doing AND follow Perry's Secret Agent Adventures. Wait I know! On some days, I'll following Phineas, and some days I'll follow Perry. I'll alternate! So Tomorrow I'll follow Phineas and Ferb! This is gonna be great!

 **Albert** : Go To bed Irving!

 **Irving:** Ok Albert! What a great day.

Then Irving went to sleep, ready for another great day.

 **END OF EPISODE 2.**

 **By the way, I do plan to give my explanation for how Irving works for OWCA in the future. I still love that they did that.**


	3. Bugging Out

**Author's Note: This one was simply a genius idea i just had to do. Of course, the show would basically do this but with Buford. I like how htis one turned out, but i don't like the ending with Candace. It was OOC and forced but ah well. And yes, i also predicted Gi-ants  
**

 **The Adventures Of Irving And Friends**

 **Episode 3: Bugging Out**

It was another morning in the Life of Irving. Irving was already awake and ready to leave for Phineas and Ferb's house.

 **Albert:** Yo Irving!

 **Irving:** What is it Albert? I'm about to visit Phineas and Ferb.

 **Albert:** Do you really have to visit them every other day? Can't you just hang out at home like a Normal kid?

 **Irving:** Yes I do. I must know what they are doing today!

 **Albert:** What ever Irving. I'm gonna go do stuff with my friends. Something YOU don't have

 **Irving:** I so have friends!

 **Albert:** Please! It's obvious they hate you!

 **Irving:** They so do not! Well maybe Buford hates me and I think Baljeet called me a nerd once, but that's it!

 **Albert:** Of course they do! Especially that Candace chick! Yesterday I saw her talking about Phineas and Ferb's friends and she said that she tolerates the others but can't stand you!

 **Irving:** She said that? I must have been to busy with...that other thing that I didn't see it. Wait, how did you see that?

 **Albert:** I was walking by their house when I saw her in the front yard talking to Stacy while waiting for their Mom to show up. She hates you.

 **Irving:** She does not! She can't hate me. I certainly don't hate her. I actually kind of of like her.

 **Albert:** Do you like her? Or do you LIKE like her?

 **Irving:** *Sigh* Yes. Yes I do.

 **Albert:** Isn't that cute, you have a crush on Candace!

Irving: Hey if Ferb can have a crush on that Vanessa girl then I can crush on Candace!

 **Albert:** The amount of Info you have on Phineas and Ferb really scares me. Anyway, how can you impress her? There's no way she would like, especially because of the 5 year age difference.

 **Irving:** Well I've always imagined we'd up together when we're older and the age difference isn't that big. In 15 years, I'll be her 2nd husband.

 **Albert:** What happened to her 1st husband?

 **Irving:** Nothing you can prove.

 **Albert:** Ok Anyway, she will never go for you! If anything, should go for me

 **Irving:** I highly doubt she would like me. Wait...do you like her?

 **Albert:** I do but that's beside the point. She will NEVER like you. She's very hard to impress.

 **Irving:** Oh don't worry. I have the Perfect way to impress her. Well Bye! I'm off to Phineas and Ferb's house!

 **Albert:** Bye! He doesn't have a chance.

Irving had just arrived at Phineas and Ferb's house. He didn't see them in the backyard so he went inside the house and upstairs to find them. He overheard Candace talking to Stacy on the phone in her room.

 **Candace:** Oh Stacy, at this point I think it's impossible! I've tried over 50 or so times and I can't seem to bust Phineas and Ferb! Maybe I should just give up.

 **Irving:** You shouldn't give up!

 **Candace:** Irving? What are you going here? Phineas and Ferb are in there room I think.

 **Irving:** I came to see them but I couldn't help but overhear your problem.

 **Candace:** You wouldn't understand.

 **Irving:** Oh but I do. Everyday you try to bust Phineas and Ferb but you can't seem to do it. I'm here to help.

 **Candace:** You want to help me bust them? But you once tried to STOP me from busting them!

 **Irving:** I know that but, sine then I've gone to understand why you do this. I want to help you!

 **Candace:** Well...Ok! Since you know everything about them you must have a good busting strategy!

 **Irving:** Oh I do. Hey,Where's Perry?

Perry was already in his hideout, about to receive a mission from Major Monogram.

 **Monogram:** Hello Agent P. There's been a recent bug infestation in The Tri State Area. You can't walk one step without being bitten by something. And all the bug spray has been bought out by Doofenshmirtz. Find out what's he up to put a stop to it.

Perry saluted his boss and left to stop Doof once again.

Meanwhile, Irving was in the Den with Candace discussing his Busting Strategy.

 **Irving:** Ok I'm gonna see what Phineas and Ferb are doing.

 **Candace:** What about me?

 **Irving:** You can't know what they are doing today or else my strategy won't work.

 **Candace:** Why?

 **Irving:** Because the minute you see what they are doing, you'll ignore me and run straight to Mom.

 **Candace:** I guess you're right

 **Irving:** Be Right Back!

 **Candace** : OK! What a nerd.

Irving went to the backyard to see what Phineas and Ferb were doing.

 **Irving:** Hi Guys!

 **Phineas:** Hey Irving.

 **Irving:** He...is Isabella here yet?

 **Phineas:** No. Why?

 **Irving:** No reason. So... Whatcha doin'?

 **Isabella's Voice:** I Heard That!

 **Irving:** How did she hear that?

 **Phineas:** Well this morning, me and Ferb saw this documentary on Ants. They were so fascinating that we're making our own Ant Farm!

 **Irving:** An Ant Farm? That's it?

 **Phineas:** It's not done yet. When it is, I bet you'll want a picture of it in your scrapbook!

 **Irving:** Interesting. You know how your stuff always disappears?

 **Phineas:** What about it?

 **Irving:** Well, do you think this will disappear?

 **Phineas:** I don't know how a Ant Farm would disappear. Unless someone built a giant bug spray can or something

 **Irving:** Hmmm, so that's what Doofenshmirtz must be up today.

 **Phineas** : What was that?

 **Irving:** Nothing. Well I'll back in few minutes.

 **Phineas:** Ok See you later then!

Irving went back inside the house to speak to Candace.

 **Irving:** Ok Candace, it's time for a little busting.

 **Candace:** Yes! There's no way I won't be able to bust them this time.

 **Jingle Singers'** : Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!

As usual, Agent P burst in threw the window. Then suddenly, several breadsticks came flying at him. They hit Agent P and sent him flying towards the wall. The breadsticks held him in place.

 **Doofenshmirtz:** Hello Perry The Platypus. Do you like my new Breadstick-inator? I made it out parts form my old Bread-inator! Anyway, on to today's scheme. There's nothing I hate more then Ants. They get all other place when you leave food of the floor, they ruin picnics, and they creep me out! Which why I made THIS!

Doof pointed to his latest invention. It looked like a giant Bug Spray can.

 **Doofenshmirtz:** Behold! The Bugspray-inator! Powered by 20,000 bug spray cans, this will get rid al the bug In the tri state area! Therefore sending them all somewhere else! I know that other place will be "Bugged" by it by I don't care because I'm evil.

 **Doofenshmirtz:** Now I will activate my invention!

Doofenshmirtz pulled out a remote and pressed a button, causing the machine to active and the giant cloud of bug spray to come out of the can.

 **Doofenshmirtz:** Yes It's working! There's no way you can stop me,Perry The Platypus!

Agent P was still stuck to the wall. He then realized that he is being held by bread sticks so he ate his way too freedom.

 **Doofenshmirtz:** Perry The Platypus? That's the last I make my traps on an empty stomach.

Meanwhile, Irving and Candace were at the mall. Irving knew that Doof would most likely try to get rid of bugs somehow. He knew Doof well so he guessed that he would build a giant bug spray can or something. He knew a place at the mall that could help get rid of the doctors invention.

 **Candace:** What are we doing at the mall again? Not that I'm complaining

 **Irving:** Because, this is where we will find what we need to make sure Phineas and Ferb's latest project does not disappear.

 **Candace:** What are they doing?

 **Irving:** Ok fine I'll tell you. Phineas and Ferb have built a giant ant farm.

Candace: What? I've gotta call mom!

 **Irving:** No! This is why I didn't want to tell you. The second you see what they are doing you atomically call Mom! First you must analyze the situation and wait for the perfect time to strike. Okay were at the right place.

 **Candace:** Haney's Bug Emporium ? What are we doing here?

 **Irving:** You will see

The two walked into the store and they walked up the counter where they saw the owner Haney

 **Haney:** Hello. What can I do for you kids?

 **Candace:** Wait, aren't you the guy that sold me that cow whistle?

 **Haney:** Yes. Yes I am.

 **Candace:** I still want a refund on that.

 **Irving:** Candace, that's not important right now. Haney, do you got something to cancel out bug repellent?

 **Haney:** Cancel OUT bug repellent eh? Strange but thankfully I've got some right here.

Haney then took out a can of what looks like Bug Spray.

 **Haney:** Here we go! Bug Spray Spray!

 **Candace:** Kind of a redundant name don't you think?

 **Haney:** Look do you want it or not?

 **Irving:** We do!

 **Candace:** Why do want to get rid of bug spray?

Irving: You'll see...

/

Back in The Backyard, Phineas and Ferb were done with their Ant Farm. Isabella and the gang had arrived to see what they we're doing today.

 **Isabella:** Hi Phineas. Is Irving still here?

 **Phineas:** He and Candace left.

 **Buford:** Well at least that fanboy won't bother us...Why do I feel so empty?

 **Phineas:** We built a giant ant Farm!

Just then, Irving and Candace came in the backyard, with The Bug Spray Spray handy,

 **Irving:** Hello!

 **Buford:** Speak of the devil.

 **Phineas:** Hey guys. Want to help us with the ant farm?

 **Irving:** I would love to But first I've gotta talk to Candace for a sec

Irving and Candace snuck over to the side of the house to talk in private.

 **Irving:** Ok Candace Now we'll be able to bust your brothers!

 **Candace:** How will we bust them with that?

 **Irving:** Trust me Candace. Have I ever let you down before?

 **Candace:** Yes, when you tired to stop your brother from helping me

 **Irving:** Whatever. The point is, after many days of trying to get Phineas and Ferb in trouble for their crazy inventions, you will finally win!

 **Candace:** YES!

/

Back at the DEI building, Doof and Perry were still fighting

 **Doofenshmirtz:** Slow down Perry The Platypus, don't be antsy! Ya, don't Bug out! I've got a million of them.

Agent P kicked the doctor in the face causing him to fall onto the Bug Spray Inator. Or of the spray came out. The cloud got bigger and bigger.

 **Doofenshmirtz** : Oh no! The cloud is getting bigger. If it gets any bigger it'll get strong and start working on other species besides bugs! Why did I program it like that?

Doof then started trying to deactivate the machine, but to no avail.

 **Doofenshmirtz:** NO! We are doomed!

Back home, Irving and Candace were prepared.

 **Candace:** Ok I just called my Mom and she's on her way.

 **Irving:** Perfect. Now to break out The Bug Spray Spray!

Suddenly the giant cloud started to float toward the backyard.

 **Irving:** Ok. Ready, set, spray!

They both took out their spray and started to the spray the cloud. After a minutes of spraying, the cloud starting getting smaller and smaller until it was no more!

 **Irving:** Yes It worked!

 **Candace** : How did you know that would happen?

 **Irving:** I had a hunch.

Then they heard the front door open.

 **Linda** : Candace! I'm home! What is this thing you want me too see?

 **Candace** : Yes! I'll prove I'm not crazy!

Back at DEI, The Bug Spray Inator was still going crazy.

 **Doofenshmirtz** : I've gotta shut this thing off!

Then Agent P simply walked over to the BSI and pulled the On/Off switch and the machine shut down.

 **Doofenshmirtz:** What? It was that easy? I can't believe it! That was Anti Climatic. Your slipping, Perry The Platypus!

In frustration, Doof hit the BSI. Unfortunately he hit the self destruct button.

 **Doofenshmirtz:** *Sigh* Well I knew this was coming.

The BSI exploded, which cause Doof to, as usual to fly off the building and thorough the sky.

 **Doofenshmirtz:** Curse You Perry The Platypus!

Back in The Back yard, Candace and Irving were wafting for Mom.

 **Phineas:** It looks great! But is it me or is it getting smaller?

 **Irving:** Huh? I've gotta check out that Bus Spray Spray.

 **Irving(Reading Label):** "Warning, don't use on or near real bugs as it will cause them and their environment to shrink" Oh boy

Then Ant farm got smaller and smaller, until it was no more.

 **Candace:** You see Mom? I'm not insane!

 **Linda:** Oh how cute. It's an ant Farm!

 **Candace:** What?

 **Linda:** Boys, did you make this?

 **Phineas:** Yes. Do you like it?

 **Linda:** It's great. Let's come on it for some snacks.

 **Phineas:** Oh, There You Are Perry

As the kids went in for some snacks, Albert showed up in the backyard to pick up Irving. He saw that Irving was with Candace and decided that it wasn't the best time to butt in.

 **Candace** : No It can't be! This is YOUR fault, Irving!

 **Irving:** It's not my fault the Spray didn't work!

 **Candace:** It so is! I was gonna prove to my Mom I'm sane but YOU ruined it! YOU prevented me form busting Phineas and Ferb!

 **Irving:** I know you feel bad but you can't take it out on me!

 **Candace:** Oh Yes I can! I'm gonna enjoy this!

Then Candace, raised her face preparing to punch Irving's lights out . But then Albert came out of his hiding place

Albert: Hey Candace!

 **Candace:** Oh hello. What do you want?

 **Albert:** Yes. And I couldn't help but notice that your messing with Irving

 **Candace:** What of it?

 **Albert:** No one harms my brother, but me!

 **Candace:** What are You gonna do about it? You can't hit a girl.

 **Albert:** No. But I can tell on them.

 **Candace:** What?

 **Albert:** Mrs. Flyn Fletcher!

 **Candace:** You wouldn't

 **Albert:** Try Me

Linda heard Albert from inside so she came out to see what was wrong.]

 **Linda** : What's going on?

 **Albert:** Hello. I'm Albert, Irving's brother And your daughter her seems to be trying to beat up my little brother here.

 **Linda** : What?~ Candace, is this true?

 **Candace** : Well kind of but Irving, he-

 **Linda** : I don't want to hear it. You go right up to your room right now!

 **Candace** : But Mom!

 **Linda:** GO!

 **Candace** : Ok I'm going.

 **Linda:** I'm sorry about Candace boys, I have no idea what got into her!

 **Irving:** Wow Albert! I can't believe you did that for me!

 **Albert** : Irving, You may be annoying, but you're still my brother. And brothers stick out for each other, no matter what! Besides, if she beat you up, then I wouldn't be able to!

 **Irving:** Awww! Thanks Albert...sort of.

 **Albert:** So do you still like Candace?

 **Irving:** Well, Though she may be kind of annoying at times, I do fell real sorry for her. I mean her must life must be rough. But I'm over her. I think I'll go for someone near my age.

 **Albert:** You are so not over her

Irving: Shut up Albert

Albert: I'm just saying!

Doofenshmirtz was still flying through around, surrounded by Bug Spray Cans. Eventually he and the cans started falling towards the ground.

He was right above a sort of Bug Spray Store, much like Haney's. 3 Guesses to who owns it.

 **Nagging Wife:** I can't believe you sold that last place and bought a Bug Spray store and again didn't buy what you needed to run it! What did you think, some bug spray was gonna fall out of the sky?

Unusually, nothing happened.

 **Husband** : Hmmm. I really thought it was gonna fall of the sky that time.

Instead, Doof landed in the neighbor park…right on top of an anthill.

 **Doofenshmirtz** : Whoa. What happened? Oh hi..ants. I'm not here to hurt you really. The bug spray means nothing !

Of course, being Ants they didn't listen and proceeded to climb on his face, his legs, and the rest of his body.

 **Doofenshmirtz** : No! Curse you Perry The Platypus!

 **END OF EPISODE 3**

 **AN: Yeah, now you see why i regret the ending. In my defense, this was before Candace gets Busted, an episdoe i disliek for unfair Candace treatment. I could changed it a bit but i wanted to present it as it is. So there you go.**


	4. Secret Agent Irving

**Author's Note: With this one, i just wanted to do something with Irving knowing Perry's secret. The rest more or less wrost itself. I got no issues with htis one, but i could have done more, i suppose.**

 **Also, from now i won't bold the names in these re-uploads cuz it takes way too much. I think you can read it fine, though**

The Adventures Of Irving And Friends

Episode 4: Secret Agent Irving

It was another morning in Irving's house. Irving was eating some ceral when the doorbell rang.

 **Albert:** Could you get that?

 **Irving:** No way! You do it!

 **Albert:** I don't have time for this, just go get the door!

 **Irving:** Fine!

Irving opened to see it was..Phineas and Ferb?

Irving: Phineas? Ferb? What are you doing here?

Phineas: Well we wouldn't usually visit you, but this is important.

Irving: What is it?

Phineas: Well…take a look.

Phineas then held up Perry. Or at least some sick blue alien looking thing that looks like him.

Irving: Whoa. What happened to Perry?

Phineas: He was sick when we woke up this morning. How did he even get sick?

Irving: I don't think I wanna know. But why are you here?

Phineas: Well we can't take care of him because we are busy with Today's project. Candace is going to the mall with Stacy, Mom is shopping and Dad is too busy fixing some stuff around the house. So the only option left was…you.

Irving: Me? But what about the other kids?

Phineas: They're gonna be helping us with today's Project. I don't wanna make them worry about Perry the whole time.

Irving: Awesome! This is a real honor!

Phineas: No Problem. Just don't weird him out with your fanboy stuff ok?

Irving: What do you mean?

Phineas: Well, you can get a little…..obsessive.

Irving: I'll take your word for it.

Phineas: Bye! We'll be back to pick him up later.

Irving: Great! Well Perry, you won't be able to disappear today because of you being sick and all.

Albert: Who was at the door? And why is Perry here?

Irving: It was Phineas and Ferb. Perry got sick so they let me take care of him for the day.

Albert: Cool! But didn't you once tell me that Perry was a sec-

Irving: Albert! Ix-nay on the –agent-ay!

Albert: Oh Ok. I'll be…somewhere else if you need me.

Irving: Don't Worry, I won't.

Irving then set Perry on the floor.

Irving: Well Perry, you just sleep there while I go do some stuff.

Luckily, Perry was already asleep so it seemed like Irving wouldn't have to do much today. Or would he?

Irving: Aw he looks so cute! Wait, what's that thing under him?

Irving saw that Perry was sleeping on something. He picked it up to see it was…

Irving: It's his fedora! Wow! Wait, if he's sick then who will defeat Doofenshmirtz? I doubt they'll send Planty again. Hmmm, I guess it wouldn't hurt to try it on…

Irving then put Perry's fedora on his head.

Irving: This is so cool! Wait, there's a button on the inside. I wonder what it does…

Irving then reached inside the fedora and pushed a small red button. Then suddenly, a a big green light came out and teleported him away!

Irving: AHHHHH!

Albert: Hey Irving, want something to drink? Hey, Where's Irving?

/

The light had somehow teleport Irving to Perry's hideout, where Monogram was there, unaware that Perry was sick.

Irving: Woah! I'm in Perry's Hideout!

Monogram: Oh there you are Agne-Oh boy

Carl: What is it?

Monogram: We have a breach in security again!

Carl: Is it a teenage girl?

Monogram No it's just a little boy.

Carl: Oh. What do we do?

Then Perry's Fedora fell on Irving's head.

Monogram: Oh there you agent P. Great Disguise!

Carl: Sir, That's not Agent P.

Monogram: Nonsense! He has the fedora.

Carl: Sir, all our Agents have fedoras. That's just sonme kid who found the secret entrance in the hat.

Irving: He's right,. I'm not Perry.

Monogram: Wait, how do YOU know about Agent P?

Irving: I've know about this place for awhile.

Monogram: How long?

Irving: Since the 2nd day of summer.

Monogram: Oh That Day. Well in the Manuel it says that if someone has known about the OWCA for more then 1 month then we are not allowed to erase there memory.

Irving: That's a stupid rule.

Monogram: Yes. Yes it is. But where's Agent P?

Irving: Oh He's sick

Monogram: Sick? Oh this is terrible! Who's going to stop Doofenshmirtz?

Irving: Well...

Monogram: Forgot it, we're not sending you there!

Irving: Please?

Monogram: Ok fine. We'll call you….Agent I.

Irving: Really?

Monogram: Yes. Now on to your mission. Dr Doofenshmirtz has been buying more suspicious items. This time it's Pocket Protectors, Big Black glasses and calculators. Find out what he's up to and put a stop to it.

Irving: Yes Sir! But how do I get out of here?

Monogram: Take that Jetpack over there.

Irving: Ok

Irving then picked up a jetpack and put it on. He pressed and lauched up into the air…and crashed into the roof.

Irving: A Little help here?

Monogram: This is gonna be a long day.

/

Meanwhile, Albert was bored and decided to head to Phineas and Ferb's to see what they we're doing so he could tell Irving later.

Albert: Hey Phineas. Hey Ferb

Phineas: Oh Hey Albert,whats up?

Albert: Not much. So what are you kids doing today?

Phineas: Don't know yet.

Albert: Hey it's awfully quiet out here.

Phineas: What do you mean?

Albert: Usually i'd be hearing Candace by now...

As if to answer his question Candace, along with Stacy came into the backyard.

Candace: Phineas, what are you doing?

Phineas: Nothing yet

Albert: Hello, Can-dace.

Candace: Oh Hello, Al-bert. What are you doing here?

Albert: Nothing.

Phineas: Do you guys know each other?

Candace: Unfortunately.

Stacy: Is this that nerd you told me about?

Candace: Yes. Yes it is.

Stacy: He's not as bad as you said he was.

Albert: Really?

Candace: Pay no attention to him Stacy. We don't deal with his kind .

Albert: My kind?

Candace: You know, NERDs!

Albert: Oh No you didn't!

Candace: Oh Yes I did!

Albert: You win this round, Flynn.

Candace: Come Stacy, let's go.

Stacy: Ok.

Phineas: Well that was awkward. So what are we gonna do today?

Albert: I don't know…

Phineas: Hey Albert, I kinda noticed you were looking at Stacy back there.

Albert: What of it?

Phineas: Do you have a crush on her?

Albert: No, No I don't!

Phineas: Albert…

Albert: Ok fine I do! So what?

Phineas: I think it's kinda cute.

Albert: I guess. She's so…you know? But she'd never go for a loser like me.

Phineas: Hmmm, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today!

Albert: I wonder how Irving's doing?

/

 **Jingle Singers** : Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!

Irving arrived at Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc on the jetpack.

Doofenshmirtz: Who are you? A Human Boy?

Irving put the fedora back on.

Doofenshmirtz: Perry The Human Boy!

Irving: No I'm not Perry. My name is Irving.

Doofenshmirtz: But Where's Perry The Platypus?

Irving: He's Sick. They sent me instead.

Doofenshmirtz: Are you a little young to be a Secret Agent?

Irving: Yes. Yes I am

Doofenshmirtz: Ok then. Let me introduce myself I am Dr Hezinz Doofen-

Irving: Oh I already know you.

Doofenshmirtz: What? How?

Irving: I've been in here almost every day watching you and Perry!

Doofenshmirtz: How come I never noticed you?

Irving: You never looked.

Doofenshmirtz: Ok but that's still really creepy. No Offense.

Irving: It's ok. I get that a lot.

Doofenshmirtz: Anyway, I don't have any human sized traps so you'll have to stay put while I tell you my plan.

Irving: Woopy. Another back-story.

Doofenshmirtz: I can do without the attitude!

Irving: Sorry.

Doofenshmirtz: It's ok. Anyway, during my teen years I was never considered well…cool.

Irving: There's A Shocker.

Doofenshmirtz: Ahem! Anyway, everyday they would pick me for being a nerd. Even the really nerdy nerds picked on me! But Today I'll show them...with this!

Doofenshmirtz then pointed to his latest invention which looked some normal laser.

Doofenshmirtz: The Nerd-inator! With this I will turn everyone Nerds so I will cooler by comparison!

Irving: Can't you make yourself cooler?

Doofenshmirtz: Nah. This is much more fun.

Irving: Now I know how Perry feels.

/

Meanwhile, Candace had returned to the backyard to see Phineas and Ferb talking to Albert.

Candace: What are YOU still doing here?

Phineas: We're going to help him get a girl!

Candace Ok. 1. No girl would ever want him. 2. You don't know the first thing about what girls like!

Phineas: That's what Isabella is here for!

Isabella: Hello!

Candace: When did she get her?

Phineas: While you were gone.

Candace: Okay but what girl does he want anyway?

Albert: Stacy.

Candace: Excuse me for a moment. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Phineas: You done yet?

Candace: No. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHA! Ok I'm done. But seriously, Stacy? What makes you think she'd want you?

Albert: Well you didn't have to be mean about it.

Candace: Whatever.

Phineas: You know Candace, you know Stacy the most. Why don't you help Albert get Stacy?

Candace: After what happened yesterday? I don't think so!

Albert: Ok. I guess I'll go home and sit in the dark and think about how I'll never have love in my life. I guess I'll die alone..

Isabella: Come on Candace. Please?

Candace: Oh I can't say no to you, Isabella. Ok fine I'll help Albert. But Stacy doesn't like nerd. Your gonna need…a makeover!

Albert: Oh Goody.

/

At this point, there would be a little montage of Albert trying on random clothes set to music. Just imagine the music yourself. Eventually, Albert was wearing a black jacket, sunglasses, and jeans.

Albert: Does really this kind of stuff?

Candace: Well I'm not to sure but I know she likes cool boys so I made you looks cool.

Albert: But how should I Act?

Candace: Well normal I would tell you to act cool but to avoid wacky hijinks I'll tell you be yourself.

Albert: But myself is nerdy.

Candace: Look just do it and maybe she'll fall for you. Now get out there and find some love!

Albert: Great! I'm off!

Phineas: Do you really think she'll like him?

Candace: Well….no

/

Doofenshmirtz: Now to activate The Nerd-Inator!

But before he could, Irving jumped up and punched him in the face.

Doofenshmirtz: OW! Maybe I should make some human size traps. No matter I'l still make everyone Nerds!

Irving: Out of curiosity, what does it to nerds?

Doofenshmirtz: I don't really know. But I think it makes them cool.

Irving: Then if you're a nerd then why not hit yourself with it?

Doofenshmirtz: I never thought of that. But It's too late now so It's Nerd time!

Doofenshmirtz then walked over to the Nerd-inator but then Irving ran over to hit him but Doof stepped out of the way and Irving bumped into the Nerd-Inator, activating it.

/

Albert was on Stacy's front door. He knocked on the door and waiting for Stacy to come out.

Albert: I hope this works!

But before he could do anything, Albert was zapped by the Nerd-Inator which caused him to start frowning somehow.

Stacy: Hello?

Albert: Yo

Stacy: Hey aren't you that Albert guy?

Albert: What of it?

Stacy: Nothing. Hey you look kinda…cute.

Albert: Cool. Wanna go out?

Stacy: Well we did just met today but…Yes!

Albert: Awesome. Meet me at the park.

Stacy: Ok. See in a bit.

Albert: Cool.

Stacy then went back inside and Albert walked away.

Albert: It worked! This is gonna be awesome.

/

Later, Phineas, Candace, and the gang were at the park watching Albert as he was waiting for Stacy.

Candace: Wow. I can't believe. He's cool! I must be better then I thought.

Phineas: Let's see how it goes.

Stacy then arrived and sat on the bench with Albert.

Albert: What's up?

Stacy: The Sky?

Albert: I meant it metaphorically

Stacy: Oh.

Albert: You know Stacy, your pretty cool.

Stacy: I am?

Albert: Yes. Yes you are.

Candace: Wow. It's working! I don't really approve but if it means that Albert is happy then I'm fine. What could possibly go wrong now?

/

Back at DEI, Irving and Doofenshmirtz were still fighting, Irving had kicked Doofenshmirtz, which caused him to bump into the Nerd-Inator. To be more specific, it's self destruct button.

Doofenshmirtz: Why do I always put a Self Destruct Button on it?

Irving: Because you have poor planning skills.

Doofenshmirtz: I hate you.

The Nerd-Inator exploded causing Doofenshmirtz to fly into the air once again.

Doofenshmirtz; CURSE YOU IRVING THE HUMAN BOY!

Irving: That was awfully quick. Well I guess it's time to go home.

Irving then strapped on his Jetpack again and flew away…into the roof.

Irving: I'm Ok!

/

Back at the park, Albert and Stacy were hitting it off.

Stacy: Albert, you're a pretty cool guy.

Albert: Thanks.

Albert (Thinking): Come on Albert! This is the perfect time to kiss her!

Albert then looked at Stacy….and kissed her.

But just as they were about to kiss, the nerd-Inator hit Albert again turning him back into a Nerd. Stacy opened her eyes during the kiss and saw Albert as his Nerdy self.

Stacy; AHHHHH! NERD!

Albert: Huh?

Of course, Stacy Slapped him.

Albert: OW!

Stacy: Wait, Albert? You're an nerd again?

Albert: Huh?

Stacy: I thought you had turned cool but it turns out you just did to impress me.

Albert: Look Stacy, I'm not cool. I'm far from it. But I thought if I was cool you would like me.

Stacy: Albert, I think you're a swell guy for a nerd and your not to bad looking but I don't really LIKE you. Understand?

Albert: Yes. I hope we can still be friends.

Stacy: Of course!

Albert: It's too bad we couldn't finish our kiss though.

Stacy: Oh….why not?

Stacy then leaned over and kissed him again.

Stacy: How was that?

Albert: Great. So, Friends?

Stacy: Friends.

Candace: Well that went well.

Isabella: Well he got Stacy. Cough it up.

Phineas: Oh ok.

Candace: Wait you were betting on weather Albert got Stacy or not?

Isabella: Yes. Yes we were.

Candace: Normally I would care but I don't. Let's all go home!

/

Back at Irving's House, Irving arrived and put the hat back on Perry. But then Perry woke up to see Irving putting the hat on him .

Irving: Oh Hi Perry. I don't know why this Fedora was here. I just found it and out on your head for fun. So..bye!

Irving walked away and went back to his room.

Perry then put on his Fedora and got up and went to fridge, revealing that he wasn't sick the whole time. But Irving happened to be right behind him.

Irving: Well, so he was faking it! Why would he? Because he knew that I knew his secret and wanted to give me a change to defeat Doofenshmirtz? Nah. I'm going to bed.

On his way to bed, he bumped into Albert who just came home.

Albert: How was your day Irving?

Irving: Great! I found Perry's HQ and I got to be a Secret Agent! I even fought Doofenshmirtz.

Albert: Cool! What did he do today?

Irving: He created this machine that could make Nerd's Cool and Cool People nerds! I accidentally turned it on.

Albert: Really? Cuz when I got to Stacy's house I somehow turned Cool and later on I became a Nerd again and Stacy slapped me. But then we became friends…

Irving: Well what a amazing Coincide!

Albert: Oh that's it you are dead meat!

Albert then started chasing all through the house. Everything was right with the World.

END.

 **CREDITS**

He's A Non Aquatic, Human Boy of Action!

He's a Dorky Little Fanboy, who's a little stalker iiiiish!

He's doesn't got mad skills, and he's to young to pay the bills.

But the Bad guys cower, whenever they hear him Squeal!

Irving: *Squeals*

Bad Guys: AHHHHHHHHHHH!

He's Irving!

Irving The Human Boy!

 **END OF EPISODE 4**

 **Come on, i had to give Irving his own theme song! And expect more on the Stacy thing...**


	5. Albert and the Spy

**Author's Note: This is another weak one since the plot wasn't the best, and it's pretty short, but it's important since it continues the day after Secet Agent Agent. It's also important for the next episode, and it introduces an OC. Oh yeah, let's do this.  
**

T **he Adventures Of Irving And Friends**

 **Episode 5: Albert and The Spy**

/

We open up once again in Irving's House. Irving had just woken up from another Good Night's sleep. The first thing he was was Perry sleeping on his bed.

 **Irving:** Perry! What are you doing here? Oh wait know I remember. Phineas forgot to pick you up last night. I'll just call him right now.

But before he could, the phone rang. 

Irving: How ironic. Hello?

Phineas: Hey Irving.

Irving: Hey Phineas. You forgot to pick up Perry last night.

Phineas: I know. I was kinda busy you know?

Irving: It's ok. You gonna pick him up now?

Phineas: Actually No. Since you obviously enjoyed his company yesterday, we'll let him stay there for today. But we'll come get him later.

Irving: Really? Awesome! Perry's an awesome pet. I wish I had one like him.

Phineas: Yep. It's too bad you have don't have a pet.

Irving: Yeah. Wait, my own pet? Of Course! I know what I'm gonna do today!

Phineas: Hey, Irving Where IS Perry?

As per usual, Perry put on his Fedora. He was about to go through an entrance when his communicator watch started beeping.

Monogram: Hello Agent P. It's good to see your feeling well. But we have terrible news. We just received word that Dr. Doofenshmirtz has just sent a spy to find out where you live. Instead of going there and stopping him, I want you stay there and keep an eye out for any suspicious activity. Monogram out!

Perry saluted his boss and went off to find this spy.

/

Irving meanwhile was at the Pet Shop to find a pet.

Owner: Hello Little Boy. What can I do for you today?

Irving: Well I'm looking for a pet. What do you got?

Owner: We have all kinds of pets for kids like you!

Irving: Got any Platypuses?

Owner: No. They're all sold out. You wouldn't believe the demand for Platypi these days.

Irving: Oh ok then. What else?

Owner: Well let me show you our most recent pet.

Irving: What is it?

The owner then took out…a lemur.

Irving: A Lemur?

Owner: Yes. Isn't he great?

Irving: Who would want a lemur for a pet?

Owner: You wanted a Platypus.

Irving: Point Taken. I'll taken him.

Owner: Great!

Irving then bought the Lemur, and left the store.

Irving: Ok so what should I call you? Oh I got it! Larry! Larry the Lemur! But what will I do about Perry? I think I'll focus on him today, Larry. I don't wanna show to much attention to you right away. Come on let's head home!

/

 _Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!_

Doofenshmirtz: Oh Where is Perry The Platypus? He should be here by now!

Then suddenly, an Agent Came in on a jetpack. But it wasn't Perry. It was….

Pinky: Arf!

Doofenshmirtz: A Chihuahua?

Pinky then put on his Fedora

Doofenshmirtz: Perry The Chihuahua!

Pinky Arf!

Doofenshmirtz: What? Your not Perry?

Pinky: Arf?

Doofenshmirtz: Yes. Yes I do. Anyway, Why are you here?

Pinky: Arf!

Doofenshmirtz: So Perry is too busying finding my spy to fight me today? HA! He'll neither find my clever spy. But In the meantime I set up a little plan. I don't have any dog sized traps so just stay there.

Doofenshmirtz: Anyway, for the longest time I've tried to get rid my most hated things but nothing works. But now I have it! Behold…

Doof then pointed to his latest invention which I once again don't want to describe.

Doofenshmirtz: The Teleport-inator! Made out of parts from my old Away-Inator, I will simply transport all the thing I don't like to another planet!

Pinky: Arf!

Doofenshmirtz: Oh shut up!

Pinky then jumped up and punched Doof in the face.

Doofenshmirtz: Ow! This is the 2nd day in a row this has happened! This just isn't my week.

/

Irving had just arrived home with Larry. Irving set Larry down .

Irving: Hey, Perry where are you? That's odd. Hey, Where's Larry? I guess it doesn't matter.

Meanwhile, Perry was sneaking about the house, looking for the spy. But little did he know, Albert had been watching Perry this whole time.

Albert: So Perry is looking for a spy. I guess it wouldn't hurt to help.. But who could it be? I'll ask Irving. He knows more about this stuff then I do.

Irving was in his room talking on the phone.

Albert: Oh there he is. I guess I'd better talk to him.

Irving: Yes. That's right, Don't worry, I'll have it done! When I'm done he will be gone forever!

Albert: Gasp!

Albert then ran back to his room.

Irving: Yes I'll get rid of that bug for you, Phineas. It's too bad your so busy with your new project that you can't get rid of that giant bug in your living room. Though you could of just became exterminators. But I guess whoever comes up with this stuff couldn't think of anything better. Hey, where's Albert?

Albert: I can't believe it. Irving must be the spy! Or maybe he's one of Doof's little helpers in disguise. That Doofenshmirtz guy must have kidnapped the real Irving! Well there's no way he's getting away with it! I know what I'm gonna do today!

/

Meanwhile, Pinky and Doof we're still fighting. But they're fight was interrupted by a knock on the door.

Doofenshmirtz: Now could that be? Let me go get that .

Doofenshmirtz opened the door to find it was Pinky's Nemesis, Professor Poofenplotz.

Doofenshmirtz: Who are YOU?

Poofenplotz: You've never heard of me?

Doofenshmirtz: No. No I haven't.

Poofenplotz: Well I am Professor Poofenplotz. I'm Pinky's Nemesis.

Doofenshmirtz: Nemesis? Oh. This is awkward.

Poofenplotz: Well you see, I have an Evil Scheme all ready but I can't start on it until, Pinky arrives. Unfortunately, I heard that Pinky fighting you today. I need my nemesis now!

Doofenshmirtz: Well how do you think I feel? This is the 2nd day in a row Perry The Platypus hasn't showed up!

Poofenplotz: look I don't really care. Besides, Pinky shouldn't be wasting his talents on an Evil Novice like YOU.

Doofeshmirtz: Novice? What do you mean?

Poofenplotz: Oh Come on. Have you seen on your "Evil" plans?

Doofenshmirtz: Like your any better!

Poofenplotz: I am. For one, I try to take over the word. Not just the TriState Area.

Doofenshmirtz: Interesting. How do you suppose your gonna do that?

Poofenplotz: Well you see I can't take over the word until I'm Drop Dead gorgeous.

Doofenshmirtz: What? You don't want to take over the world until your good looking? That's so stupid! All you care about is your looks! I don't care about my looks.

Poofenplotz: Clearly.

Doofenshmirtz: Oh it's on now!

The two Evil Scientists then started to fight. In the middle of this\, Pinky walked over the Teleport-Inator and turned it off. But in turning it off, the thing activated too.

Doofenshmirtz: Hey get away from My Teleport-Inator!

But it was too late as the Teleport-Inator fired. Fortunately it didn't hit anything important. Just a train and some railroad tracks.

Doofenshmirtz: Aw man I actually like Trains!

Poofenplotz: A Teleport-Inator! That's perfect. I'll get rid of everyone who's prettier then me!

Doofenshmrtz: Oh No you don't!

Pinky: Arf!

Poofenplotz: Shut up you!

/

Meanwhile, Albert had talked Irving all day (Looks like the Stalker has become the Stalked) and got "evidence" that Irving is the spy. Now he was watching Irving as he was putting pictures in his Scrapbook. More specifically, pictures of Doof and Perry. Albert was bright flash of light but he ignored it and walked up to Irving.

Irving: Oh, There You are Albert.

Albert: Hello…SPY!

Irving: Spy? What are you talking about?

Albert: Don't play games with me! I know your really one of Doof's helpers in Disguise!

Irving: What? I'm not wor-

Albert: Enough Talk! You have a 5 second head start.

Irving: But Albert!

Albert: 1..2…

Irviing: Ahhhh!

Albert then started chasing Irving Scobby-Doo Style. A few minutes later. Albert have Irving trapped in a corner.

Albert: I have you now!

But before anything can happen, the doorbell rang. Albert answered to reveal…Norm in a bad Irving costume.

Norm: Hello, I'm Irving. And I am not a spy!

Albert: Wait, you're the spy?

Norm: No. I'm just a little boy!

Albert: Irving's right over there.

Norm: Oh. Well that failed. See you later!

Irving: Wait, you thought I was a spy for Doofenshmirtz?

Albert: Maybe…

Irving: Albert, I can't bevlive you would think such a thing!

Alert: Sorry. I should just asked instead of doing all that stuff.

Irving: It's ok. Wanna go get some Ice Cream

Albert: Sure

At that point, Larry showed up.

Irving: Oh there you are Larry.

Meanwhile, Perry was at his Hideout, telling Monogram about his loss.

Monogram: It's ok Agent P. We just found out the spy was just Norm in a bad Irving costume. But if your quick you can stop Doofenshmirtz. Go out and stop him!

Perry saluted his boss and ran off.

/

Back at DEI, Perry had just arrived.

Doofenshmirtz: There you are! Did my spy work?

Perry: grgrgrgr

Poofenplotz: Looks like you failed again1

Doofenshmirtz: Wait, you speak platypus?

Poofenplotz: Yes.

Doofenshmirtz: Wow. We both speak of the language of the others Nemesis. How ironic.

Poofenplotz: I guess we had more in Common then we thought. Though I must get back to making myself more beautiful.

Doofenshmirtz: Why? I think your beautiful enough.

Poofenplotz: You really think so?

Doofenshmirtz: I know so.

Poofenplotz: So… about that Teleport-Inator?

Doofenshmirtz: Oh yes I forgot about that!

But then Pinky simply pushed the Self Destruct Button, destroying it. Perry and Pinky flew on their Jetpacks, leaving the two evil scientist alone.

Doofenshmirtz: That was quick.

Poofenplotz and Doofenshmirtz: CURE YOU PERRY THE PLATYPUS/ PINKY THE CHIHUAHUA!

Doofenshmirtz: That was…creepy.

END OF EPISODE 5.

 **AN: Yeah, The doof plot wasn't the best...or orginal. Ah well. Expect more Larry, and yeah, i threw in the Doofenplotz stuff as a joke. I never build on it. See oyu in the next one.**


	6. Candace on the Couch

**Author's Note: Remember Unfair Science Fair Redux, Temple of Sap, and Bee Story? Yeah, this is like that with the previous story. Thought it would be fun to do this, and for what it is, i like htis one. It has Larry action and introduces his nemsis. So yeah, read on.  
**

 **The Adventures of Irving and Friends**

 **Episode 6: Candace On The Couch**

/

We open up at Phineas and Ferb's house as they have just woken up. But Phineas noticed someone is missing.

 **Phineas:** Morning Ferb. Wait, where's Perry? Oh yea we forgot to Pick him up from Irving's house. I guess we're so caught up in supporting Non-Canon Shipping's that we lost track of time. Well, I don't see anything wrong with leaving him with or Today. I think I'd better call and tell him.

 **Ferb:** Hey, Where's Candace?

/

To answer Ferb's question, Candace was in the car with Linda as they were headed somewhere.

Candace: Mom, Why Do I have to go to the psychiatrist again?

Linda: Candace, you have spent most the summer telling me Phineas and Ferb are building crazy inventions and when I get home whatever they are doing is never there. Why WOULDN'T you be going to a psychiatrist?

Candace: But I'm not crazy! It's all true!

Linda: Oh Come one, this won't be so bad. What's the worst that could happen?

Candace: The entire planet could blow up?

Linda: Look, just stick it out and you'll be fine

Candace: Whatever you say mom.

/

Later, Irving had arrived home with his new pet, Larry the Lemur.

Irving: Hey, Perry where are you? That's odd. Hey, Where's Larry?

Larry was in the next room. He then put on a Fedora Hat, revealing that he too was a secret Agent. He pulled a hidden lever on the wall which opened up the floor, causing him to fall into his hideout, which happened to be Pinkys' hideout too.

Wanda: Oh Hello Agent L. It's a good thing you ended up in our Division instead of the division of that idiot Major Monogram

Monogram: I heard that!

Wanda: What? How did you hear me?

Monogram: Your room in right next to mine. So If you excuse me I have to go do something

Wanda: Anyway, welcome to your first day on the job. Since you were going to be in Francis's Division before you got transferred, I'll give you the kind of Nemesis Francis would of given. His name is… Aloyse Everheart Elizabeth Otto Wolfgang Hypatia Gunther Galen Gary Cooper von Roddenstein. Or to avoid the overly long gag, Rodney. This time, he's up in his building, working on his latest Invention. We don't know what it is but we know it's no good so…stop him.

Larry saluted his boss and went to stop his nemesis.

/

Meanwhile, Phineas and Ferb were still thinking of what to do today. They got kinda bored so they went to the living to see if they could get any ideas.

Phineas: Well Ferb, what do we do today? I think we should-whoa what the heck is that?

Phineas looked to see that there was a huge bug in the living room.

Phineas: Whoa! Look at the size of that thing! How do we get rid of that? Normally I would suggest we be exterminators for today but I want to do something a bit more fun. Maybe we should call someone. But all of our friends besides Isabella are busy with other stuff. Who's left?

Ferb: Maybe it's not a friends we should be looking for

Phineas: Your right Ferb. We'll call Irving! He's got nothing better to do.

Phineas then picked up the phone and called Irving.

Phineas: Hey Irving. We need your help with something later. Yes we've got this huge bug in our living room. Yes. Yes we do want your help. Hey don't use that choice of words, someone might over hear and misinterpret it. Okay then. Bye. Okay he'll be later on when he's done with whatever he's doing.

Phineas: Wait! I think I know what to do today! We'll build that railroad we wanted to last month before we ended up doing nothing! Yes Ferb, I know we have rule against doing things we've done before of thought of doing before but it'll be fun. Though I am kinda glad Candace isn't here. She might not believe us when we tell her we're doing something against our policy. So let's go build that railroad!

/

 **Jingle Singers** : Rodney Maniacal Industries!

Larry burst in trough the door of RMI.

Rodney: Oh Hello. You must be my new Nemesis. Well I must say your appearance was unlikely. And by unlikely I mean COMPLETELY LIKELY!

Rodney then pushed a button which caused a cage to Fall on Larry.

Rodney: Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Aloyse Everheart Elizabeth Otto Wolfgang Hypatia Gunther Galen Gary Cooper von Roddenstein. Or Rodney for short. Anyway, like most of my other colleagues my goal is to take over the world! But of course before I can do that I must prove I'm the most evil scientist ever! Of course my other plans to do this have failed but now that I have a nemesis like that loser Dr. Doofenshmirtz, people will treat me with respect. But they're still better then me! I know crazy right? But that's why I made this!

Rodney then pointed to his newest invention which I still don't like describing.

Rodney: Behold! The Worse-inizer!With this I can make any person, thing or even situations 20 times worse! Now I will test it by firing it at some kids house.

He then aimed the ray at someone's house and fired.

Rodney: Yes! It works! Now to make all my enemies worse then me!

But then suddenly, Larry kicked him in the face.

Rodney: Wait, how did you get out your cage? Maybe I should of locked it.

/

Meanwhile, Phineas and Ferb had just finished making their Railroad when Isabella showed up.

Isabella: Hi Phineas.

Phineas: Hey.

Isabella: Whatcha doin'?

Phineas: We just finished building our own railroad!

Isabella: I thought you once told me you tried to do that but ended up doing nothing.

Phineas: But we didn't technically do it, so we aren't really breaking our own rule.

Isabella: Hey, where's Candace?

Phineas: Oh Mom took her to a psychiatrist.

Isabella: Really? I guess it was a matter of time.

Phineas: I wonder how she's doing.

/

Candace was now in the office of her psychiatrist, Dr. Phyllis. You imagine what she looks like for yourself.

Dr. Phyllis: Ok, Candace so why are you here?

Candace: I Thought you already knew that

Dr. Phyllis: I do but I want to hear it anyway.

Candace: Ok. Well… my mom thinks I'm crazy.

Dr. Phyllis: Now why would she say that?

Candace: Well everyday my brothers, Phineas and Ferb create these crazy inventions and I drag my mom home to see them but it disappears before she can see it.

Dr. Phyllis: Ok how long has this been happening?

Candace: Since the last day of school, when they trained Monkeys to jungle bicycles.

Dr. Phyllis: Candace, I think you may be imagining all this and that's why the stuff is always gone.

Candace: Not you too! I'm not crazy!

Dr. Phyllis: I'm not saying you are. I'm just saying that maybe you wish to have power over your brothers so you make up these crazy inventions so you have a reason to get them in trouble.

Candace; I'm telling you it's all true!

Dr. Phyllis: Ok but other then these inventions what other out of the ordinary things do you see?

Candace: Like what?

Dr. Phyllis: You know something over crazy things. Like…I don't know a talking zebra that calls you Kevin or something.

Candace: Well now that you mention it…oh hold that thought! I've gotta pee!

Dr. Phyllis: Kids and their tiny bladders. Ok you go I'll be here.

After Candace left, Dr. Phyllis opened the window to see….Phineas and Ferb's railroad.

Dr. Phyllis: What the…What are you kids doing?

Phineas: Hey. Aren't you that psychiatrist that Candace was going too today?

Dr. Phyllis: Wait, are you those brothers she was talking about?

Phineas: Yep. We build this train. Wanna ride it?

Dr. Phyllis: Aren't you a little young to be a train conductor?

Phineas: Yes. Yes I am. I get that alot

Dr. Phyllis: I bet you do. But anyway, you shouldn't be doing this! You could get hurt!

Phineas: It's alright. We won't get hurt.

Dr. Phyllis: That's it! I'm calling your mom!

Ferb: Now where I heard that before?

Phyllis then ran back into the room where Candace had returned to the bathroom.

Dr. Phyllis: Candace, you have to see what Phineas and Ferb are doing!

Candace: Oh so you finally realized I'm right eh? What have they done this time?

Dr. Phyllis: They built a railroad!

Candace: A railroad? Really? They once told me they tried that but ended up doing nothing. They have a policy to not do things twice.

Dr. Phyllis: But Candace, they didn't really do it so it's not breaking their rule!

Candace: Look, I refuse to believe that Phineas and Ferb would do that.

Dr. Phyllis: Just look out the window!

Candace: Ok fine

Candace then looked out the window to see….nothing.

Candace: I don't see anything.

Dr. Phyllis: What? It right here I swear!

Candace: I bet it was. Now can get back what we were doing?

Dr. Phyllis: No it was really there! I'll prove it! Follow me.

Candace: Ugh. Ok fine, But only because this feels somewhat familiar.

/

Back at RMI, Rodney and Larry were still fighting.

Rodney: So, Larry the Lemur, you think you can stop me? Well think again! Because I still have The Worse-inator

Rodney then activated The Worse-inator, causing it to fire at someone.

Rodney: Oh ,I aimed it wrong. I hope it didn't hit anyone important. I guess it doesn't matter.

Larry then jumped onto the top of the Worse-atron and fired it. But it missed Rodney and hit the wall instead.

Rodney: Ha! You missed!

But the suddenly, the wall started to fall apart. Eventually it gave way and fell on Rodney, who was now trapped under a pile of rubble.

Rodney: Ow! I should seen that coming. Any help here? …CURSE YOU LARRY THE LEMUR!

Larry then flew off.

/

Meanwhile, Dr. Phyllis had dragged outside to see Phineas and Ferb's rail road.

Dr. Phyllis: It's close! I can smell it.

Candace: Now your scaring me.

Dr. Phyllis: It's over there! Come here!

Candace: Wow. This chick is crazy. Though her mannerisms seems familiar. Well at least Crazy-ness can't get any worse.

Right the moment, the Worse-inator hit . Phyllis. She then ran to where Phineas and Ferb's railroad was now.

Dr. Phyllis: There you kids are!

Phineas: Hey! Wanna ride our train?

Dr. Phyllis: No way! You kids are so busted!

Phineas: Somehow that sounds familiar….,

Candace walking over there as well when she bumped into Linda.

Linda: Oh Hi Candace. What are you doing here?

Candace: Ask her.

Dr. Phyllis: There you Mrs. Flynn. Your sons have a built a rail road! It's over here!

Linda: Really? that's something Candace would say.

Dr. Phyllis: Whatever just come over here!

Candace: Man that's getting annoying.

Linda: Welcome to my world.

Phyllis ran back to the railroad to show it to Linda. But just then, the weird ray hit the railroad, causing it to disappear.

Dr. Phyllis: See! There it is!

Candace: I don't see anything.

Dr. Phyllis: What? But it was right here!

Candace: I'm sure it was.

Linda: Come one Candace. It's obvious this physiatrist thing isn't working out.

Dr. Phyllis: No really it was here! I'M NOT CRAZY!

Candace: Wow. I'm really like that?

Linda: Yes. Yes you are.

Candace: Whatever. Let's all go get something to eat

Phineas: Great idea! I'm starving.

Just then, Irving and Albert arrived with both Perry and Larry.

Phineas: Oh there you Perry. Oh who's this little guy?

Irving: He's my new pet Lemur. I'm naming him Larry. Larry The Lemur.

Phineas: I hope Perry wasn't too much trouble.

Irving: Oh, he wasn't.

Dr. Phyllis: NO! How could it have disappeared?

Irving: Who's the crazy chick?

Phineas: Just Candace's psychiatrist.

Irving: Psychiatrist? I guess it was only a matter of time.

Everyone then went home, to get something to eat.

END OF EPISODE 6

 **AN: This is one i had to edit, because i wrote this before they introduced the idea of Rodney making Inizor's. Thus, i had to change what i had to that. Anyway, i had fun with this one. This is the point where i feel the series gets better, so join me next time.**


	7. Fired Fanboy

**Author's Note: Here's one of my favorites. This is where I feel the series gets a lot better, so this is the growing the beard moment. I like the concept and i think i did an interesting job with it. It does a couple mistakes, which I'll address at the end. Also, It's at this point i should mention that the spacing is off cuz it doesn't' seem to work for some reason. I do Shift + Enter and it does nothing.  
**

 **The Adventures of Irving and Friends**

 **Episode 7: Fired Fanboy**

It was about 6:53 AM. Phineas and Ferb were sound asleep. But then they heard a sound…

Phineas: Huh? What was that? Eh it's probably nothing.

But then he heard the sound again…

Phineas: Okay, who's there?

No one answered…

Phineas; Hey it's 6:55! It's almost time to wake. Well I might as well get up.

Phineas climbed out to bed. But when he looked to his side he saw….

Irving: Ummmmm….Hello?

Phineas: IRVING? What are YOU doing here?

Irving; Nothing!

Phineas: Were you watching us sleep?

Irving; Maybe…

Phineas; You were!

Irving: Okay fine, I was

Phineas: Irving this is …wrong! I mean I can understand, the scrapbook, the borderline stalking, the getting in my Mom's car when she stopped for gas. But THIS? It's just wrong!

Irving: But Phineas. I just….

Phineas; Just WHAT? Just wanted to stare at us at night?

Irving; Phineas, it's not like that i…I've never seen you this mad before. Infact, I've never seen you display any emotion other then happiness. This is actually out of character for you

Phineas: Irving, It's over.

Irving; WHAT?

Phineas: You heard me Irving, It's over. You are officially SHUNNED. I'm firing you as my fanboy.

Irving; Well FINE! I never liked you anyway. You can die in a hole for all I care!

Phineas: Good riddance you stalker!

Candace overheard this fight and went to see what was going on.

Candace; Phineas what is going on here?

Phineas: Oh Nothing. We just discovered Irving was watching us while we sleep.

Candace: Wow. That's kinda creepy.

Phineas: I know right? Anyway, we told him it's over and we fired him as our fanboy.

Candace: Wow. Who knew Irving would be the one to finally make you angry?

Phineas: Look Candace, if you don't mind I have to get dressed.

Candace: Okay, jeez., I liked you better when you were overly happy.

Phineas: Well that's over. Come on Ferb. Let's get dressed.

/

Later that day, at around 11 Am, Irving had finally woken up and got some lunch.

Albert: It's about time you got up.

Irving; Oh hi. I've just been depressed.

Albert: Really? What happened?

Irving: Okay, Well… Phineas and Ferb discovered that I watch them while they sleep

Albert: Wow. That's kinda creepy Irving.

Irving ; Yes. Yes it is. Anyway, so then Phineas go mad and said he firing me as his fanboy.

Albert: Wait, you made him mad? You made him express an emotion other then happiness?

Irving: Don't rub it in. Your making me feel bad.

Albert: Well maybe this for the best. Your obsession was kinda unhealthy.

Irving; Maybe your right. But I need someone else to obsess over! I need someone to complete my life!

Albert; No wonder he got mad at you

Irving: Whatever.

Then suddenly the door bell rang.

Irving: Oh I'll get it!

Irving opened the door to reveal…Isabella?

Irving: Isabella? What are you doing here?

Isabella; Irving? You live here?

Irving: Yes.

Isabella: Okay. Well I was selling these Fireside girl cupcakes.

Irving: Awesome. I'll take some.

Isabella: Great. Well here you go.

Irving: Thanks.

Isabella: You welcome. Well now off with the fireside girls to get our mining patches.

Irving: Cool. Well see you later.

Irving then went back inside.

Albert: Who was it?

Irving: Oh it was just Isabella selling some cupcakes. Then she said was gonna get her mining patch.

Albert: Mining? Cool. You know based on the other things you've told about the fireside girls, it seems that stuff they do is just as amazing as Phineas and ferb's stuff. Weird huh?

Irving; Really? That gives me idea…

Albert: Oh no

Irving: Albert, I know who I'm obsessing over today!

Albert: Hey, where's Perry?

/

Agent P was already at his hideout, receiving another briefing from Monogram

Monogram: Good morning Agent P. is up to mischief once again. This time he's sent in Norm to do some errands. This time he's buying spare robot parts. We don't know what this means but since he is evil it must be something evil. Find out what he's up too and put a stop it!

Agent P saluted his boss and ran off.

/

Back in Phineas and Ferb's backyard, Phineas and Ferb were trying to figure out what to do today.

Phineas: I'm so bored. What are gonna do today?

Linda: Kids, I'm going on some errands. I'll be back soon

Phineas: Again?

Linda: What do you mean "again"?

Phineas: It's just that you always leave everyday. Can't you stay home once in your life?

Linda: Phineas! What has gotten into you?

Phineas: Nothing mom. Just go.

Linda: Okay then. See you later.

Phineas: Well that's over. Now what?

/

Baljeet and Buford then arrived in the backyard.

Buford: What's up Dinnerbell?

Phineas: Not much. Hey why do you call me that?

Buford: What you mean? Dinnerbell?

Phineas: Yes that. It makes so sense! Why don't call me something original like "Triangle Face" or 'Dorito Head"?

Buford: Heh. Triangle Face. Mind if I use that one?

Phineas: Yes. Yes I do.

Baljeet: What's wrong Phineas? You're acting…different

Phineas: None of your business. So what's up, Bully and Nerd?

Baljeet: Phineas, your not usually this mean. What's wrong/

Buford: Hey where's that Irving nerd? I haven't been annoyed yet.

Phineas: Oh I discovered he watches me while I sleep.

Buford: Wow. That's kinda creepy.

Phineas: Yep. I got mad and told him to leave me alone.

Baljeet: Wait a minute, That's it!

Phineas: What's it?

Baljeet: The fact that Irving watches you while you sleep mad you so mad that your no longer oblivious to everything around you. You realized that your Mom is not that smart, you poke holes in Buford's logic and you call me a nerd!

Phineas; I guess so. But who cares? He was annoying anyway.

Baljeet: Oh no this is terrible!

Buford: What are we gonna do about it?

Baljeet: I know! I'll convince Irving to apologize for what he did

Buford: Good luck with that….your gonna need it

/

 _Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!_

Agent P arrived at DEI…only for a big jar to fall on top him.

Norm: Greetings Perry the Platypus! Insert Clever Pun Here! You might be wondering where the boss is. Well he got sick so he put me in charge! Isn't that grand?

Norm: He even let me build a crazy invention. Check this out!

Norm then pointed at HIS latest invention which I…well you know..

Norm: Behold, the Robot-inator! With this I shall turn everyone into robot slaves for my master! Won't that be grand? Of course it will take a little while to charge up but there is no way you will defeat me so I don't really care. And don't even try to escape Perry the platypus. There's no release button in the jar AND there's no self destruct button this machine! The boss will be so proud.

Perry opened his eyes in Horror as if to say 'Who knew this guy could do evil?"

Doofenshmirtz: Norm! Get me some soup!

Norm: Yes sir! Be right back

Norm then left the room to get some soup.

/

Meanwhile, The Fireside Girls were at the outskirts of Danville, finding something to mine. Irving arrived and walked over to Isabella.

Irving: Hey

Isabella: Oh Hi Irving.

Irving: So… Whatcha do-

Isabella: Say it and you die.

Irving: Okay, then.

Isabella: So what are you doing here?

Irving: Well you see Phineas discovered that I watch him while he sleeps

Isabella: Wow. That's kinda creepy

Irving: Yes but that's not important. You see Phineas got mad and told me I was fired as his Fanboy

Isabella: He got mad? He's never displayed a different emotion other then happiness or sadness before. Maybe I should check on him

Irving: Don't worry Isabella. He'll be fine. Anyway, since I'm no longer Phineas and Ferb's fanboy I decided be a fanboy for someone else.

Isabella: Who?

Irving: You!

Isabella: Me? I don't know. I've never had a fanboy before

.rving: It'll be okay. Phineas and Ferb didn't mind me be being there Fanboy…until Today but I promise not to watch you while you sleep.

Isabella: You promise?

Irving: Yep. Oh and I promise not to hit on you either. I know you have that crush on Phineas.

Isabella: How did you know about that?

Irving: Please. The hearts in your eyes? The "Whatcha doing" stuff, the cute tracker?

Isabella: Is it really that obvious

Irving: Yes. Yes it is.

Isabella: Well I guess it would be kind of cool. So…yes

Irving; You won't regret this!

Isabella: Well, it looks I've got a fanboy.

And with that …a song started up.

 _He used to be a fan of Phineas and Ferb_

 _Then one day they got a little disturbed_

 _Now I have a fan who is superb_

 _And now he's My Fanboy_

 _Yes He's my fanboy_

 _He follows me all night and day_

 _And now My Fanboy is here to stay_

 _And He listens to whatever I say_

 _Cuz he's my fanboy_

 _He does whatever I want him to_

 _He can make something old into something new_

 _And He can make some really good stew_

 _Because he's my fanboy._

 _Yes He's my fanboy_

After the song, Irving had helped the Fireside girls successfully get their Mining patches.

Irving: Wow you girls did a great job!

Isabella: Yes it went great! Expect for that old coot that keep's bothering us

Old Coot: Hey if you find any gold, it's mine!

Irving: I told you there's no gold! Now go away!

Isabella: Your not as bad a fanboy as I thought

Irving: Thanks!

The Fireside girls were now simply watching Irving and Isabella talk.

Ginger: Hey Katie is that your "I just saw a cute boy" patch?

Katie: Yes.

Ginger: Oh who's it for?

Katie: Duh the cute one over there with the scrap book!

Ginger then ripped off Katie's "I just saw a cute boy" patch. Then Baljeet rushed onto the scene.

Isabella: Baljeet? What are you doing here?

Baljeet: I heard from someone that Irving is your fanboy now. Is that true?

Irving: Yes. And no I won't go back to Phineas and Ferb.

Baljeet: How did you know I would say that?

Irving: Your very predictable.

Baljeet: Oh come one please? Ever since you left Phineas has been acting…different

Isabella: How different?

Baljeet: He's been acting really mean. He realized that his Mom is not that smart, he pokes holes in Buford's logic and he calls me a nerd!

Isabella: That sounds terrible! I'm go gonna check on him.

Irving: Ok fine go! He can stay mean for all I care.

Baljeet: Irving, you have to come and apologize for what you did!

Irving: No Way! Phineas is the one who should be apologizing!

Baljeet: This is gonna be harder then I thought.

Back at DEI, things weren't looking so well. Perry couldn't find a single way to escape from his trap, so it looks like there's nothing stopping norm.

Norm: Now it's time for some real Robot-ification! Thankfully I programmed it so it will hit several people at a time so It won't take to long.

Norm then activated the robot-inator. The ray then hit a bunch of people.

Norm: Yes! This is working great! I just hope the robots don't go rouge and try to destroy all humans.

/

Meanwhile, Isabella had made to Phineas and Ferb's backyard.

Isabella: Phineas!

Phineas: Isabella? What are you doing here?

Isabella: Baljeet told me what happened. Are you ok?

Phineas: I'm fine! Now leave me alone!

Isabella: Phineas this is go unlike you! You have come and apologize to Irving!

Phineas: No Way! He's the one that should apologize! What's he been up to anway? Did he become someone elses Fanboy?

Isabella: Yes.

Phineas: Good. Who's stuck with him now?

Isabella: Me

Phineas: WHAT?

Isabella: It's ok Phineas. He's actually not that bad once you get to know him. He's not as cool as you anyway.

Phineas: Hey what's with the hearts in your eye?

Isabella: What hearts?

Phineas: Don't lie to me, Isabella. I can see the way you look at me. Wait, it all makes sense now! The hearts in your eyes? The "Whatcha doing" stuff, the cute tracker. Why didn't I realize it before?

Isabella: Realize what?

Phineas: You know what I'm talking about. You like me!

Isabella: Well about that well…hey look at the time I've gotta get to the fireside girls!

Phineas: Oh No Isabella. I'm coming with you . I want to see if Irving is as good as you say

Isabella: Ok. Come on.

Little did they know, Candace was watching them the whole time.

Candace: Oh No they don't! They're not getting involved in any shenanigans on my watch!

Candace then decided to follow them to see what was going on.

/

Meanwhile, Baljeet was getting bored waiting for Isabella to show up.

Irving: So…when's Isabella getting back?

Baljeet: I do not know. But they better hurry up!

Irving: Yep. So how are things?

Baljeet: Things are good.

Irving: I bet.

Baljeet: So…how's obsessing over Isabella coming along?

Irving: It's going great. She's a cool girl.

Baljeet: Yes. Yes she is.

Irving: I'm bored.

Baljeet: Me too.

Irving: I don't think there's any way this could not be boring!

Baljeet: Yep.

But then suddenly, the Robot-inator ray hit Baljeet!

Irving: Whoa! What was that?

Due to the robot-inator ray, Baljeet started to turn into a robot. His skin turned all gray metallic, his eyes stated glowing, and gained a robotic voice.

Irving: Baljeet? What's wrong?

Baljeet: Target Acquired. Human Boy.

Irving: Why are you acting like a robot?

Baljeet: Must Destroy Humans.

Irving: I'm gonna run now.

Irving started to run away but Baljeet had grown into a giant robot and blocked Irving's path.

Irving: Oh Cheese.

/

But then Phineas, Ferb, and Isabella rushed onto the scene.

Isabella: Irving, what's going on here?

Baljeet: Must Destroy Humans!

Isabella: Irving what did you do?

Irving: I didn't do anything!

Phineas: Great first Irving now this! How can this day get any worse?

Irving: That's temping fate right there.

Then Candace ran onto the scene as well.

Phineas: Candace! It's about time you got here. Help us with this robot!

Candace: You built a giant robot? Didn't you already build a robot?

Phineas: We didn't build this one!

Candace: Yea right. I'm getting Mom over here when I do, you will be so busted!

Phineas: Busted? What do you mean?

Candace: You know. Busted! I'm gonna prove to Mom you do those crazy things and finally get you in trouble!

Phineas: Wait what? You mean to see you've been trying to get us in trouble this whole time?

Candace: Well Duh!

Phineas: So you DON'T like our inventions? You just wanted to get us in trouble? You don't like us?

Candace: Phineas it's not like I-

Phineas: Don't say anything else. I only have one thing to say to you. I ha-

Irving: PHINEAS! HELP!

Phineas: Huh?

Phineas looked to see that Robot-Baljeet was about to step on Irving.

Phineas: I'll save you Irving!

Irving: Great! Now based on what I know about Phineas, I can guess his fighting techniques and use that to help me defeat this Robot Baljeet here!

Isabella: Come on girls we have to defeat that robot…for Phineas!

Fireside Girls: Yay Phineas!

Katie: And Irving!

Ginger then ripped off Katie's "I just saw a cute boy" patch again.

/

Norm: Yes! Over 92% of the Danvile population has been turned into Robots! Now I just need to turn those kids over there into robots !

Perry's eye shot open as he could only guess those "kids" were his owners. Unfortunately, there was no way to escape from his trap.

Norm: The Boss will be so happy!

Doofenshmirtz: Hey Norm!

Norm: Boss? What are you doing up?

Doofenshmirtz: I'm feeling a lot better now. I'm ready to take over

Norm: Well boss, as you can you see I have everything under control. Over 92% of the Danville population has been turned into Robots!

Doofenshmirtz: I would say you did a good job…but that would be lying. But lying is pretty evil so…you did a good job.

Norm: What are you talking about?

Doofenshmirtz: Oh Come on! You didn't put a self destruct button on the machine or a release button inside that jar over there! You're a terrible replacement!

Norm: But Boss I-

Doofenshmirtz: No worries, Norm. I put the liberty of installing both for you!

Norm: You what?

Perry looked to his side to see a release button. He pressed it and escaped.

Doofenshmirtz: He escaped! This is all your fault norm!

Doof prepared for another beating from Perry but to his shock, Perry started pounding Norm instead!

Doofenshmirtz: Wait, why are you pounding Norm? Oh I see, this was technically his plan so-ya I get it.

A few minutes, later Perry was done beating up Norm.

Doofenshmirtz: Ok that was kinda awesome. But now it's time to robot-ify those kids!

But before he could, Perry pressed thee self destruct button and flew away on his jetpack.

Doofenshmirtz: You know in retrospect, maybe Norm had the right idea. Cure you Perry the platypus!

/

Meanwhile, the kids were still fighting the robot.

Irving: Okay based on what I know, I can only assume Phineas will try to jump on the robots back and shut it off using it's control panel in the back. Then I will have the jump on it's chest and go for it's other control panel in the front! Of course since he was simply turned into a robot and wasn't originally one it may not work. Oh who cares?

Just as Irving predicted, Phineas did so. At the exact same time, Irving jumped high and grabbed onto it's chest. He opened the control panel and pulled a switch at the same time Phineas did. This caused Robot-Baljeet to shut down. Thankfully, the Robot-inators destruction caused Baljeet to turn back to normal.

Baljeet: Oh where am I?

Irving: Baljeet! You're alright!

Baljeet: What just happened?

Phineas: You turned into a giant robot and tried to destroy all humans!

Baljeet: Did I crush anyone?

Irving: No.

Baljeet: Aw man!

Phineas: Irving, you were awesome out there! How did you do it?

Irving: Well since I know almost everything about you, I knew how you would try to defeat Robo-Baljeet. So I did the exact same thing.

Phineas: Wow. So I guess you being obsessed with me and Ferb isn't so bad after all.

Irving: Yes. Look I'm sorry about watching you while you sleep

Phineas: It's ok Irving. I'm just happy we're all ok.

Irving: So does this mean-

Phineas: Yes Irving. You're my fanboy again.

Irving: Yes!

Candace: So Phineas what were you about to say?

Phineas: What are you talking about?

Candace: You know when you said "I ha" and then you got cut off

Phineas: Really? I guess I was gonna say something mean spirited due to me having a complete emotional breakdown after finding out Irving watches me while I sleep.

Candace: So Irving making you mad made you less oblivious to everything?

Phineas: I guess so. And Irving getting in danger made me normal again!

Candace: So he caused and prevented a complete emotional break down? I now both Love and hate that boy.

Irving: Thanks?

Just then, Linda showed up.

Linda: There you kids are. Buford told me you came over here. What were you doing out here?

Phineas: Nothing Mom.

Linda: Well then let's go get something to eat.

Phineas: Great!

Irving: Hey Isabella since we now have a better understand of each other…

Isabella: Yes?

Irving: Can I say your catchphrase?

Isabella: Well…ok

Irving: Yes! So… Whatcha doing?

Isabella: Nothing. Happy now?

Irving: Yep! Now let's head out!

Isabella: In a sec! So Phineas, about what you said back there.

Phineas: Yes?

Isabella: Did you really figure out I had a crush on you?

Phineas: Yep I

Isabella: So I guess the cats out of the bag huh?

Phineas: It sure is.

Isabella: Well….do you like me back?

Phineas: I don't know Isabella. I'm not sure if I like girls. But If I did…I would do this.

Phineas then leaned over….and kissed Isabella.

Phineas: Now come on let's go get something to eat!

Isabella: Sure. No prob

Irving: Hey Katie, is that your "I just a cute boy patch"?

Katie: Yes. Yes it is.

Irving:…Cool.

Ferb: And thus status quo is restored.

 **END OF EPISODE 7**

 **AN: Yeah, the kiss thing at the end was one of the mistakes. Just cheap fanserice at it's finest. But aside from that, I like this one. But it's outdated for sure. I wrote this in mid 2010, and since then we've had Phineas act angry in SBTY, AT2d and the ever infamous Mission Marvel. Actually, the latter makes him in htis episode even funnier. If you didn't get it, the shock of knowing Irving watches him in his sleep messed up his brain so badly, he just turned into a jerk and stopped being oblivious. Weird, but whgatever. And yes, Norm has since been scary competent in Norm Unleashed. It's not even the weirdest thing I predicted...**


	8. Irving Who?

**Author's Note: Here's another one I'm not too proud of. I didn't focus enough on the main plot, and the subplot was too unfair to a certain character. I don't even hate him, it just ended up this way. But i had a few good moments, so it's not a huge lost. It also leads up to a big episode coming up..  
**

 **The Adventures Of Irving And Friends**

 **Episode 8: Irving Who?**

We opened up in the backyard of Phineas and Ferb, as they have yet to figure out what to do today.

 **Phineas:** Ferb, I think we're in a rut. I mean all we've really done this week is build an ant farm and a railroad. We need to think of something we haven't done! Let's look at the list.

Phineas pulled out a list of things they've done this summer.

Phineas: Let's see. We've built a rollercoaster, a shrinking submarine, a lemonade stand, a rocket, a backyard beach, and a time machine. How are we gonna top those?

Irving: Hello!

Phineas: Irving! You scared me!

Irving: Sorry.

Phineas: How did you even get in here?

Irving: Magic...

Phineas: Okay...So how are things?

Irving: Great.

Phineas: How's Albert?

Irving: Fine. He said he was gonna try to get a girlfriend today. Hah! We all know he's gonna strike out.

Phineas: Strike out? That gives me an idea!

Irving: Ohh! He's gonna say the words!

Phineas: Irving, remember what I said about not geeking out?

Irving: Sorry.

Phineas: Hey wanna help with today's project?

Irving: BOY, DO I!

Phineas: Whoa. Calm down.

Irving: Sorry again.

Phineas: It's okay. So come on!

Irving: Awesome! I can't believe this! When we first met, I was just some stupid fanboy. Now I'm an official part of the group!

Phineas: Hey, where's Candace?

* * *

Candace, Stacy, and Jenny (!) were all hanging out in Candace's room.

 **Candace:** Okay, girls, today is the day!

Stacy: What day?

Candace: You know, the day me and Jeremy officially become boyfriend and girlfriend! I've planning this day since we met!

Stacy: Wait, so you've been planning to get together with him on THIS specific day?

Candace: Yep!

Stacy: Now that is being prepared.

Jenny: Great...

Candace: Is something wrong Jenny?

Jenny: Nothing. It's just that that I feel lonely being the only with a significant other.

Candace: What do you mean?

Jenny: I mean you have Jeremy, Stacy has Coltrane-

Stacy: Hey! We're not together. I don't know if I really want him. But he is kinda, cute though.

Jenny: My point is that you guys have had relationships, but I'm still lonely.

Candace: Well, you are kinda...

Jenny: Don't say it.

Candace: Okay. But that does give me an idea...Jenny, I know what you're gonna do today!

Jenny: Hey, where's Perry?

Once again, Perry was at his hideout, getting a mission briefing from Monogram

Monogram: Good morning, Agent P. Dr. Doofenshmirtz has been hitting up sport goods stores for used baseballs. Now, that's just crazy. What kind of evil plan could involve Baseballs? Well, anyway, whatever he's up to, go out and stop it.

Perry once again saluted his boss and went off to stop Doof.

* * *

 _Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!_

Agent once again crashed trough the roof of DEI.

Doofenshmirtz: Perry The Platypus, how unfortunate. And by unfortunate, I mean COMPLETELY FORTUNATE!

Perry waited for a trap, but nothing happened.

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, yes, the trap. Well you see, after yesterday, I wasn't in the mood to make one, so just stay there and don't punch me like Pinky and that Irving kid.

Perry nods.

Doofenshmirtz: Okay then. Hey, Perry the Platypus, guess what time it is? That's right! It's...backstory time!

Doofenshmirtz: You see, Perry the Platypus, when I was a kid, I decided to try baseball. But when I tried to play an actual game with my friends, something happened. You see, the person up to bat was...well, you know how in every group of friends, there's this one guy that no one likes, but they keep him anyway? Well, that was him. He was famous for being a major klutz. I wasn't worried…at first. You see, I was the pitcher, and well he...beaned me in the head.

Doofenshmirtz: It wasn't that big of a deal at first, but the next I went up to bat...Beaned! I was beaned almost every time I played baseball. After that, I swore off baseball forever. But today, I shall get my revenge! Behold...

He then pointed to his latest invention...

Doofenshmirtz: The Bean-inator! With this, I shall bean everyone in the head with a baseball! But you can't start fighting me yet! No, I have to activate the machine first, Then you fight, then you turn it off, then you win. That's how it always goes. Now to activate the Bean-inator!

Doofenshmirtz then activated the Bean-inator, which shot several baseballs into the air.

Doofenshmirtz: Yes! Although maybe the impact of one of these balls to the head might cause amnesia. Oh, I guess it doesn't matter.

* * *

Candace, Stacy, and Jenny were leaving the house when they saw Phineas and Ferb working on their latest project.

Candace: Phineas! What are you doing?

Phineas: Oh, hey Candace. We were just building our own baseball field.

Candace: A baseball field, eh? Well, there's nothing wrong with that. I'll be going now.

Phineas: Okay. Bye!

Irving: Is it just me, or did Candace just pass off an attempt to bust you?

Phineas: What's that, Irving? I didn't hear you.

Irving: ...Nothing.

Just then, Isabella and the rest of the gang showed up.

Isabella: Hi, Guys! And Irving.

Irving: Hey.

Isabella: Whatcha doin'?

Phineas: We're making our own baseball field!

Buford: Awesome! I've been practicing my umpire skills.

Phineas: Great! As long as no one gets hit in the head with a baseball as it often happens, we'll be fine.

Irving: Hey, what's that?

Irving looked up to see a baseball from the Bean-inator flying at him.

Irving: Oh, it's just a baseball. Well, I guess I'd better get back to Phineas and F-

Irving then got cut off by the baseball hitting him the head, knocking him out.

Phineas: Irving! Are you okay?

Irving: Easy peasy, lemon squeezy…

Then he passed out.

Phineas: Irving! Don't worry! We'll help you, man.

Baljeet: I must admit, I did not see that coming.

* * *

Meanwhile, Albert was at Slushy Burger. He was drowning his sorrows in milkshakes. As it turns out, he hasn't had any luck yet.

Albert: (He sighs.) My life is a mess.

Jeremy: Hey, don't you think you've had enough milkshakes?

Albert (drunkenly): Don't tell me when I've had enough shakes! I'll tell you when I've had enough shakes!

Jeremy: O...kay?

Albert (normally): Sorry about that.

Jeremy: It's okay.

Albert: I guess I'll move to another table. I need to free up space for other people anyway.

Albert then got up and sat down at another table.

Albert: That's better.

Coltrane: Hey, dude, this tables taken.

Albert: Oh. Sorry. Wait, aren't you that Coltrane guy?

Coltrane: Yes. How do you know me?

Albert: My brother Irving told me about you.

Coltrane: I don't know an Irving. How does he know about me?

Albert: It's better if you don't know.

Then, at that moment, Stacy, Candace and Jenny walked in.

Candace: Okay, Jenny, this is a great place to meet guys!

Stacy: Did you bring us here just so you could talk to Jeremy?

Candace: Maybe...Go find a place to sit. I'll be right back.

Stacy: Fine.

They then sat down at a table. It just happened to be the same table Coltrane and Albert were sitting at.

Albert: Hey, Stacy and Jenny. Funny running into you guys.

Stacy: Oh, hey, Albert.

Coltrane: Hey, Stacy.

Stacy: Oh, hi, Coltrane! (She giggles.)

Jenny: Is this that Albert person Candace told me about?

Stacy: Yep.

Albert: And you're that Jenny girl Irving told me about.

Jenny: Irving? The kid that Candace hates?

Alert: He said you're a hippie.

Jenny: Well, I wouldn't use that term. I would say I'm "earth friendly".

Albert: Hey, I didn't say I agreed with him. You seem cool.

Jenny: Thanks.

Stacy: Hey, Jenny, let's go check up on Candace.

Jenny: Okay.

Jenny and Stacy went off to what Candace was doing, leaving Albert and Coltrane sitting there.

Coltrane: So...have you met Stacy before?

Albert: Yep. I actually had a crush on her.

Coltrane: Really?

Albert: Yeah. I somehow turned cool and impressed her and even got a kiss from her. But in the end, we decided to stay friends.

Coltrane: Wait, you got a kiss from Stacy? How is it that you got a kiss from her before I could?

Albert: Maybe because I'm more interesting and more of a ladies' man than you?

Coltrane: What is THAT supposed to mean?

Albert: I mean I'm more interesting! I act very mean to my little brother, but I will help him out if he benefits me. I'm a jerk with a heart of gold! You? You're boring. The only reason you exist is because Stacy needed a significant other. You're a nice guy, you can help her out in her time of need...and that's about it. You're flat and boring! You're a big bore. That is the reason you stink.

Coltrane: Wow. Well...you're a stinky head

Albert: Very mature, you are.

Coltrane: Don't get all sarcastic on me!

Albert: You can't tell me what to do!

Coltrane: Oh yes I can!

A crowd starts to gather around them.

Crowd: Fight! Fight! Fight!

Albert: A fight? Who's fighting?

Coltrane: It's us! We're fighting!

Albert: Well, don't mind if I do!

Stacy, Jenny and Candace noticed the crowd. They went over there to find out what was going on.

Candace: What is going on over here?

Albert: Me and Coltrane were about to fight!

Jenny: Fighting? Whoa, make love, not war.

Albert: Eww!

Candace: She doesn't mean that kind of love, you moron!

Stacy: But why are you guys fighting?

Coltrane: He said I was boring and that he's better!

Albert: Well when you say it like that, it sounds negative.

Stacy: Look, it doesn't matter who's more interesting. Just get along!

Albert: I guess you're right….

Candace: Good! Now if you excuse me, we are off to find Jenny a guy.

Stacy: Bye!

Jenny: Peace out.

Guy In Crowd: Aww, man! Come on guys! Let's get out of here!

The crowd then left out of boredom.

Albert: Well...that was awkward.

Coltrane: I suppose Stacy's right. We shouldn't fight...even though I'm much more interesting, especially to the ladies.

Albert: Oh yeah? Wanna bet?

Coltrane: Yes. Yes I do.

Albert: Okay, then. Let's make a bet. Whoever gets another girl to kiss them wins. If I win you must...massage my back, or something!

Coltrane: And If I win?

Albert: Then I'll...I'll be your slave for a month!

Coltrane: Deal!

Albert: Okay! So…what do we do now?

Coltrane: Well, I say we go off to find a girl.

Albert: But there's no girl here that could possibly like me.

Coltrane: Not my problem. See you later!

Albert: Yeah, bye. Looks like I know what I'm doing today.

/

Back in the backyard, Irving had finally come to.

Phineas: Irving! Thank goodness! Are you okay?

Irving: Who are you talking to?

Phineas: You, of course! Are you feeling fine, Irving?

Irving: Who's Irving?

Phineas: You mean you don't remember?

Irving: I guess. Where am I?

Phineas: Oh, great. Guys! It looks like Irving's lost his memory!

Ferb: How cliché.

Phineas: Huddle up, guys!

Buford: What is this? Football?

Phineas: Just huddle up!

The kids all huddled up to see what Phineas wanted.

Phineas: Okay, guys it seems as if Irving has lost his memory. What do we do?

Buford: I say we keep him like this.

Phineas: No! We are not keeping him like this!

Buford: Oh, come on! That nerd was annoying. I say we make him think that he's a normal boy and not a big nerd.

Phineas: Buford, we have to get his memory back no matter what.

Buford: Whatever floats your ship.

Phineas: Don't you mean boat?

Buford (grinning): No.

Phineas: O...kay...

Irving: Wait...I lost my memory?

Phineas: Yes, but don't worry. You'll have it back in no time!

/

Albert then decided to head back to his street to see if he could find a girl for himself. But just then, she spotted Candace, Stacy, and Jenny there as well. For some reason, he was looking at Jenny. He didn't know why. There was just something about her...

Jenny: I don't know, Candace. I don't think we'll ever find a good guy for me.

Candace: Oh come on! There are plenty of great guys in town! ….And Albert.

Jenny: Wait, why not Albert?

Candace: What about him?

Jenny: Well, based on what I've heard about him, he does sound sort of mean, but he doesn't seem THAT bad.

Stacy: What are you insisting, Jenny?

Jenny: I think...I think I like Albert.

Candace: You're lucky I'm not drinking something right now, or I would do a spit take.

Stacy; Oh come on, Candace. He's not that bad.

Candace: You're just saying that because you kissed him once.

Stacy: No way!

Albert couldn't help but overhear all of this, and decided to walk over to them.

Albert: Um...Hello, ladies.

Candace: Oh, hello...Albert.

Stacy: Hey, Albert.

Jenny: Hi.

Albert: Um, hi.

Candace: What do you want with us?

Albert: Actually I kind of wanted to talk to Jenny.

Jenny: Really? Well...ok

Candace: Be careful, Jenny. This could all be part of his evil plan...

Stacy: Wow, you're good at holding a petty grudge.

Candace: Yes. Yes I am.

/

Meanwhile, Phineas and the gang started working on recovering Irving's memory.

Phineas: Irving, let's start on getting your memory back.

Buford: Okay, let me start off. My name is Buford.

Irving: Hello, Buford.

Buford: And I'm the bully. Well sometimes. I'm kind of a nice guy as bullies go.

Baljeet: Try saying that to my underpants. I'm Baljeet, by the way.

Irving: A bully who is a nice guy and a Indian nerd...I remember now! You're the one who always snarks at me! And you're the guy that called me a nerd when he first met!

Buford: Wow. He catches on quick.

Phineas: That's almost unrealistically quick. So how else can we get his memory back...?

Buford: We can bonk him on the head like in the cartoons!

Phineas: Buford, this isn't a cartoon.

Buford: I know. It's a fanfic BASED on a cartoon. Duh!

(Phineas stares blankly at the ground, most likely in contemplation.)

Buford: Um. Never mind that.

Phineas: Okay, your turn, Isabella.

Buford: How come she hasn't done anything since she got here?

Phineas: I have no idea.

Isabella: Hello Irving. I'm Isabella.

Irving: Isabella...Nice name.

Isabella: Yes, we haven't actually talked that much except for the time you became my fanboy. That was yesterday.

Irving: Hmmmm. I, oh yes, I remember you! You're the one who's a fireside girl!

Isabella: That was also quick.

Phineas: Okay, I know what will really bring his memory back! It's my turn!

Buford: Good luck, dude.

Phineas: Hello Irving. I'm Phineas.

Irving: Phineas...nope, doesn't ring a bell.

Phineas: You know. The guy that makes amazing inventions? The one you're obsessed with?

Irving: Nope. Don't remember that.

Phineas: But what about Ferb?

Irving; His name is Ferb?

Phineas: Well yes, It's short for-

Irving: Nope, don't recall.

Buford: Ugh! How come whenever someone is about to say something important they get cut off? That gets annoying.

Phineas: Come one! Don't you remember us? You've been crazy over us for a while.

Irving: I'm sorry, Greg.

Phineas: It's Phineas.

Irving: Whatever. But I don't remember you or that green haired kid.

Phineas: Please! You have to remember me!

Irving: I don't.

Ferb: Blimey.

* * *

Albert and Jenny were now in front of Albert's house, talking.

Jenny: So Albert, you wanted to talk to me?

Albert: Yes. Well, you see, I've been thinking about you these past few...minutes and well...

Jenny: What?

Albert: Well...I think you're kinda cute.

Jenny: Really?

Albert: Yes, and I know not too many people like you but...I do.

Jenny: That's so sweet! You're not too bad yourself.

Albert: Thanks.

Albert (thinking): Wow! I can't believe it! I don't even care about this stupid bet anymore! I really like her! Man, I've gotta call off this bet!

Albert: Um, excuse me a moment.

Albert then went off to find Coltrane. Luckily, he saw Coltrane talking to Stacy on the other side of the street.

Albert: Hey Coltrane!

Coltrane: What is it?

Albert: Can I talk to you over here for a second?

Coltrane: Sure. Be back in a sec.

Stacy: Okay.

Coltrane and Albert walked to the side of the house to talk.

Stacy: Hmmmmm, I'm not one to eavesdrop, but I am curious as to what they are talking about. Better check it out.

Stacy then walked over there to listen in on their conversation.

Albert: Coltrane, we have to call this whole thing off!

Coltrane: The bet? No way!

Albert: Come on please! I think I might actually...like Jenny!

Coltrane: Well good for you. But there's no way I'm calling off the bet. The deal was whoever gets a girl to kiss them by the end of the day wins! And there's no way I'm losing.

Albert: So you chose Stacy? Simply because of the bet?

Coltrane: Well kind of. If I wasn't in a bet right now I probably wouldn't have gone after her again in the first place.

Stacy: Oh, really?

Coltrane: Stacy! How much of that did you hear?

Stacy: Just about enough.

Albert: Oh, this is good!

Stacy: So this was all part of some stupid bet?

Coltrane: Well, yes, but -

Stacy: But nothing! I don't want a guy who goes after me simply because of a bet! It's over!

Albert: Well, Coltrane, it seems as if you got what you deserved.

Coltrane: But you were a part of this bet too!

Albert: Yes, but I chose Jenny all on my own!

Stacy: So you really like her? Bet or not?

Albert: Yes. Yes, I do.

Jenny: Really?

Albert: Jenny! I didn't see you there!

Jenny: It's okay, Albert. I heard what you said .

Albert: You did?

Jenny: Yes. And I thought it was very sweet.

Albert: Really?

Jenny: Yes.

Albert: Well...do you like me back?

Jenny: Does this answer you question?

Jenny then leaned in and kissed Albert.

Albert: Wow. That was...wonderful.

Jenny: Thanks.

Albert: I wonder how Irving is doing.

* * *

Phineas and Ferb were having no luck in getting Irving to remember them.

Phineas: Okay Irving, you MUST remember us by now!

Irving: Nope. Still nothing.

Phineas: This is hopeless.

Just then, Candace, Stacy, Jenny, and Albert entered the backyard.

Candace: Hey boys. What happened to your baseball field? Did it disappear already?

Phineas: No we never built it. Irving got amnesia. We're trying to get him to remember us.

Candace: Can't you just bonk him on the head like in the Cartoons?

Buford: Told you!

Albert: Irving lost his memory? How cliché.

Irving: Who are you guys?

Candace: Well...I'm Candace.

Irving: Hello. Hey, you're kinda cute.

Phineas: Wow. Didn't expect him to say that.

Irving: Wait, I remember you guys! You're the one that always yells, you're the one that likes shoes, and you're the hippie!

Albert: Don't call her a hippie, Irving!

Irving: And you're my annoying brother!

Albert: He catches on quickly.

Phineas: And I'm...

Irving: I have no idea.

Phineas; UGH!

* * *

Back at DEI, Doof was firing his Bean-inator.

Doofenshmirtz: Yes! Soon everyone will be beaned in the head!

Then Perry jumped up and punched him in the face.

Doofenshmirtz: Hey! Why does that always happen to me?

Doofenshmirtz then ran back to the Bean-inator.

Doofenshmirtz: Perry The Platypus, prepare to get beaned!

Doofenshmirtz started firing the Bean-inator at Perry, but he simply dodged every single baseball.

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, that's it! Time to bring this baby to full power!

Doofenshmirtz then put the machine on full power. The machine started going crazy, shooting baseballs everywhere.

Doofenshmirtz: Ahhhh! Perry The Platypus, stop this crazy thing!

Thankfully, the machine exploded, which caused...raining baseballs. Perry the Platypus then flew away on his jetpack.

Doofenshmirtz: Well, it looks like I struck out. Curse you, Perry The Platypus!

/

The raining baseballs then started to fall onto a sporting goods store. Guess who owns it.

Nagging Wife: I can't believe you sold that bug spray store and bought a sporting goods store and forgot to buy any sporting goods! I mean, what did you thin tjatk...baseballs are gonna land on my head, aren't they?

Husband: Bingo.

Then a bunch of baseballs landed on her.

Husband: At this point, I should just retire.

/

Back in the backyard, Irving still had yet to remember Phineas.

Albert: Come on Irving, don't you remember them?

Irving: I told you, I don't!

Phineas: Come on Irving! You have to remember us! You're obsessed about us! You have a scrapbook about us! You got in our car when our mom stopped for gas! You watched us while we sleep!

Irving: That's...creepy.

Albert: Yes. Yes it is.

Phineas: Remember us, Irving! I think you're a cool guy, you're not annoying at all! I miss you, Irving!

Just then Perry arrived.

Phineas: Oh, there you are, Perry.

Irving: Huh? What? Oh, hi, Perry.

Phineas: Oh great, now he remembers Perry!

Irving: Phineas, what's wrong?

Phineas: Oh nothing it's just that - did you just say my name?

Irving: Yes. Why wouldn't I?

Phineas: Irving! You remember me! And Ferb too.

Irving: What are you talking about?

Albert: Irving, you lost your memory!

Irving: I did? How cliché. Did I do anything...embarrassing?

Phineas: Other then when you called Candace cute, nothing.

Irving: Did I say that? I meant uh...I've got nothing.

Candace: No comment.

Phineas: Come on, let's go get something to eat.

Irving: So Albert, how was your day?

Albert: It was...*Snaps* Ok!

Irving: Albert, please never EVER do that again.

Albert:...I liked you better when you didn't know anything

 **[End Of Episode 8]**

 **AN: Now oyu see what i mean. I have no idea what was up with the Coltrane stuff, but i give him a happy ending later. Otherwise, this episode is alright and i do love the fanfic based on a cartoon joke. Next one is...special.**


	9. Irving's Fan

**Author's Note: This one is special for a few reasons. It introduces an...odd OC, and it had a lot of influces from some beta readers. This is the only ep i did that for, and i sadly forget their names. So if you come across this, thank you. So let's move on.  
**

 **The Adventures Of Irving and Friends:**

 **Episode 9: Irving's Fan**

We open up again In Irving's house. It's raining hard outside, which means he can't go outside and play. Albert, however, is much more disappointed than Irving.

 **Albert:** Aw man! I hate rainy days.

 **Irving:** Oh, lighten up, Albert! Rainy days are awesome!

Albert: Are you just saying that because a rainy day is when you first formally met Phineas and Ferb?

Irving: ...Maybe.

Albert (sighing): I'm bored. What can we do while it's raining?

Voice: We can play tag!

Irving: Who was that?

Voice: Me!

Irving looks to see a kid sitting on the couch.

Irving: Who are you?

Kid: Allow me to introduce myself! My name is Irwin. I'm your biggest fan,

Albert (skeptically): How long have you been here?

Irwin: A few hours. My horoscope says I'm the background type.

Irving: Why does all this seem familiar?

Albert: Wait a minute...you're Irving's biggest fan?

Irwin: Yep!

Albert: I didn't even know he had fans. In fact, I thought everyone hated him except the people who conceived him.

Irwin: Oh, Albert, you're so silly! Irving's awesome! He's funny, and the way he obsesses over Phineas and Ferb is just great! In fact, I even have a scrapbook of all the adventures of Irving and friends!

Albert: Somehow, I've heard that somewhere else...

Irving: You have a scrapbook of me? Creepy.

Irwin: And I know everything about you!

Irving: Oh, really? Prove it!

Irwin: Okay! Your birthday is in July, your favorite color is orange, and your favorite number is 96, and your last name is-

Albert: Look, I don't care how big of a fan you are. This is our house, and you can't just intrude like this!

Irving: I hate to say it, but Albert's right. You're not welcome here. Get out!

Irwin: Okay, then! I guess I'm headed out.

Irving: Do you even live around here?

Irwin: Oh no. I'm here visiting with these friends of mine.

Irving: Fine. Go back to them.

Irwin: Okay. Guess I'm heading back to Thaddeus and Thor.

Irving: Wait, did you just say...Thaddeus and Thor?

Irwin: Happy trails!

Albert: Bye! You can take the umbrella there if you want.

Irwin takes the umbrella and leaves.

Irving: That was...odd.

* * *

Meanwhile, Perry the Platypus has already put on his fedora. He's in his hideout, ready to receive a message from the boss.

Monogram: Hello, Agent P. Doofenshmirtz has built yet another evil invention. I'm going to make a wild guess and say he built it because of a traumatic childhood event. And he'll turn the ray on, you'll make it explode or something, and Doof will curse you, and you'll head home. Just a guess. Anyway, go out and stop him.

Perry salutes his boss and goes out to thwart Doof.

* * *

A little bit later, Irving wakes up from a nap. He turns around and sees someone with scissors in their hand.

Irwin: Hiya!

Irving: GAH!

Irwin: Calm down. It's just me.

Irving: That's why I was screaming. What are you doing here?

Irwin: Oh, I was just getting a lock of your hair.

Irving: A lock of my hair? That's wrong!

Irwin: Oh, calm down. I was just getting some of your hair, some saliva, blood, sweat, tears-

Irving: Ewwww! Get out!

Irwin: Oh awesome! You left your shoes under here! Wonder how good they smell...

Irving: Irwin, don't you dare -

Irwin picks up Irving's shoes and sniffs them. He sniffs it a bit too hard, though, and a shoelace goes up his nose.

Irving: Oh my god, ewww!

Irwin: Hey, cool, I got your shoelace up my nose. The aglet is itchy.

Irving: That's it! Get out of my room!

Irwin: Okay! Have a good time!

Irwin then left Irving's room

Irving: That's it! I've gotta do something about this!

 **Singers:** _Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!_

Perry bursts into DEI, as usual.

Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus, what an outstanding entrance! And by outstanding I mean COMPLETELY STANDING!

Suddenly, a giant snow globe falls on Perry.

Doofenshmirtz: I told you I would use that trap someday! Anyway, on to today's plan. As you know, not too many people are fond of me. Crazy, right?

Perry rolls his eyes.

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, shut up, what do you know? Anyway, take a look at this!

Doof points to his latest invention.

Doofenshmirtz: Behold, the Obsess-inator! With this machine, I can make anyone become obsessed with the first person they see! And of course I'll make sure that person is me. When everyone is obsessed with me, they'll have to do whatever I say! Also free girls.

Doof looks around.

Doofenshmirtz: Now I will activate my invention!

Doof then activates the machine, but just as it revs up, a certain someone steps out of their room in the closet...

Norm: Hello, boss!

Doofenshmirtz: Norm! How many times have I told you to stay in your room?

Norm: 243.

Doofenshmirtz: That was a rhetorical question!

The Obsess-inator hits Norm.

Doofenshmirtz: Norm! Are you okay?

Norm: I'm fine...but how are you? You look tired.

Doofenshmirtz: Why do want to know?

Norm: Because I don't matter, only you. You're my life, I'm just your pawn.

Doofenshmirtz: Really? It seems as if Norm getting hit by the Obsess-inator isn't as bad as I thought.

Norm: Wait, I'll be right back! I'm gonna go get my scrapbook. Would you like some tea, master?

Doofenshmirtz: You have a scrapbook?

Norm: Yes. It's right by my shrine to you. Tea, master?

Doofenshmirtz: Well...okay.

Norm: I'll get right on it, sir.

Doofenshmirtz: Well, it looks like this scheme may actually work! Yes!

* * *

Meanwhile, Phineas and Ferb are in the backyard trying to figure out what to do. Irving shows up.

Phineas: Hey, Irving. What's up?

Irving: Guys, I need your help!

Phineas: What is it?

Irving: Well, today I found out that, um...I have a fan.

Phineas: What's wrong with that?

Irving: Because he's creepy. His name's Irwin, and he has this scrapbook of my adventures, he tried to get a lock of my hair and a bunch of other weird stuff, and he got my shoelace up his nose!

Phineas: Wow. That's...creepy.

Irving: I know, but that's not the worst part. You see, he's visiting here with his friends...Thaddeus and Thor!

Phineas: You mean those kids that challenged us to a fort contest? They're back?

Irving: Yes! I need your help to get rid of Irwin.

Phineas: Why don't you try talking to him?

Irving: Huh?

Phineas: I just think it would easier to just tell him that you don't like him, and just ask him to leave you alone.

Irving: You know what? You're right! I'll go right up to him and tell him to leave alone!

Phineas: That's the spirit Irving!

Irving goes next door to where Thaddeus, Thor, and Irwin are staying. He spots all three of them standing in the backyard. He decides to listen to the conversation to kill time until Thaddeus and Thor are gone.

Thaddeus: So, how did things go at Irving's house?

Irwin: Great! I showed him how much big a fan I am.

Thaddeus: Perfect!

Irwin: Why are we doing this again?

Thaddeus: Because, Irwin, after Phineas and Ferb showed me off with their stupid fort of theirs, I wanted revenge. So I decided to hit them where it hurts...their friends. When I learned about that fanboy, Irving, I decided to get someone to be obsessed with him in order to completely break him down! And after that, I'd get to work on the rest of Phineas's stupid friends!

Irwin: Wouldn't it be easier to go after someone...more important first? Like Isabella?

Thaddeus: Shut up, Irwin!

Irving: Gasp! Irwin was just working for Thaddeus the whole time! I've got to get revenge! I need some help. But who knows how to get revenge, and understands hating people for something not that big of a deal? Wait, I've got it! |

* * *

Back at DEI, Norm is getting...weird.

Norm: And this picture is from the time you got turned into a single cell organism!

Doofenshmirtz (sipping his tea): How did you even get a picture of that?

Norm: I know a guy.

Doofenshmirtz: Good for you, Norm, but I must get on with my plan!

Doof then walked up to the Obsess-inator to resume his evil plan.

Doofenshmirtz: Okay, Perry the Platypus, prepare to be obsessed!

Norm: Hey, boss, look at this one!

Norm shoves the scrapbook in Doof's face, distracting him.

Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Norm, get that scrap book out of my face!

Norm doesn't listen, and continues to shove the book into Doof's face. This distracts him, which causes him to spill the tea onto the Obsess-Inator, making it fire.

* * *

Back in Thaddeus and Thor's backyard, Irving is now there, since Irwin and the others are gone. Two other people are now alongside him.

Candace: Why are we here again?

Albert: Ditto.

Irving: Because, my friends...

Candace: I'm not your friend.

Irving: Please hold all questions until the end of the exposition.

Candace: That wasn't a question.

Albert: Nice.

Candace: Thanks.

Irving: Anyway, as some of you may know, I recently discovered that I have a fan.

Albert: And you want us to get revenge because he's really creepy, right?

Irwin: Lucky guess. But he's a friend of Thaddeus and Thor -

Candace: You mean those mean kids with that loser sister?

Irving: Yes, why else would we be standing in their backyard? For fun?

Albert: Nice.

Candace: Whose side are you on?

Albert: I don't take sides.

Irving: AHEM! So, I found out that Thaddeus hired him to scare me and break me down-

Candace: Why didn't he go for someone more important instead of you?

Irving: I don't know, okay?

Candace: You don't have to be mean about it.

Irving: You're lucky I love you, or else you would be dead.

Candace: What was that?

Irving: Nothing. Anyway, I want you guys to help me get revenge on him.

Albert: Why us?

Irving: Because I tried...that one guy whose name I can't say around Candace, but he seemed busy, so you two are my only hope.

Albert: Eh, why not? I've got nothing better to do.

Candace: Well, I do!

Albert: What, you mean trying and failing to bust your brothers again?

Candace: Okay, fine, whatever. (She sighs.) I'll help.

Irving: That was quick. Anyway, so first, we -

They're interrupted by someone stepping into the backyard.

Mandy: What is going on back here?

Irving: Oh, I forgot about her.

Albert: Now, who are you talking about -

Albert looks at Mandy for the first time, and he visibly likes what he sees.

Albert: Hello, nurse!

Candace: So, Mandy, we meet again.

Mandy: You again?

Albert: So, this is Mandy.

Mandy: Who are you?

Albert: Oh! Excuse my rudeness. My name is Albert. The kid over there is my brother.

Irving: I have a name!

Mandy: Well Albert, it's nice to meet you, but I want to know what's going on here!

Candace: None of your business!

Mandy: Asan older sister, it's my duty to know what everyone else is doing!

Albert: I think I like this girl.

Mandy: You're cute too.

Irving: Man, Albert is getting all the chicks!

Meanwhile, at DEI, the Obsess-inator starts firing willy-nilly, all over the place. It's only fired at random bystanders so far, but Norm is still annoying.

Norm: Come on, boss, look at my collection of your sweat!

Doofenshmirtz: That was wrong in every meaning of the word. Stop it, Norm!

Norm: But Boss -

Doofenshmirtz: And stop calling me that!

Norm: But I have to, you're my Boss!

Doofenshmirtz: Not anymore! You're FIRED! You're nothing but a stupid, klutzy WASTE OF SPACE!

Norm: But, Master -

Doofenshmirtz: Don't "But Master" me, get out!

Norm: ...Okay.

Doofenshmirtz: Don't beg, Norm just - Wait, what?

Norm: If it means that much to you, I'll go. Just let me get my stuff. I'm going to take some rope, try to see if I can tie a noose after all these years...I'll take some of your medication, I hope you won't mind if I borrow your stool...

Doofenshmirtz: That was easy. Wonder what he needs with all that stuff. Better not be a bucket trap. Well, now it's back to my scheme!

Doof goes back to the Obsess-inator to continue his plan. But then he realized something was missing...

Doofenshmirtz: Perry The Platypus, why haven't you stopped me yet?

Doof looks over to Perry's snowglobe trap, but Perry is sleeping.

Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, you fell asleep? Oooh, I would wake you up, Perry the Platypus, but you just look so cute like that! This gives me more time for my scheme, too!

* * *

Meanwhile, in Thaddeus and Thor's backyard, Irving is getting impatient.

Irving: Guys, we need to get back at Irwin!

Irwin: Oh, really?

Irving: Irwin? How did you get here?

Irwin: I told you I was a background type.

Irving: So, you heard what I said?

Irwin: Indeed, I did. And you heard what Thaddeus said back there.

Irving: Yes. Yes I did. I know all about your little scheme!

Irwin: Indeed you do. So it looks like I have to take some drastic measures...

Albert: Wait, what do you mean by that?

Irwin: You'll find out in a sec.

Irving: Albert, I'm scared.

Thaddeus: Hello, Irving.

Irving: Okay, who here ISN'T a background type?

The Obsess-inator hits Thaddeus and Irwin.

Irving: Whoa, what was that?

Thaddeus: How are you doing Irwin? Would you like some tea? Are you tired?

Irwin: Why you asking? Anyway, how you doing Irving? Do you need some rest?

Irving: Why are you asking me?

Thaddeus and Irwin: Because you're lovely, Irving/Irwin!

Thaddeus: Irwin, I must know everything about you! Want some sugar cookies?

Irwin: Whatever. Irving, tell me everything!

Albert: Oh, boy.

* * *

Back at DEI, Dr Doofenshmirtz is still using the Obsess-inator. The doorbell rings.

Doofenshmirtz: Ah, those must be my obsessed fans now!

Doof answers the door to reveal a bunch of people.

Doofenshmirtz: Hello, my fans!

Man: There he is!

Man 2: I made some tea for you!

Women: I want his firstborn!

Doofenshmirtz: ...Oh, Scheiße.

They all start to gang up on Doof. He runs away, but they eventually trap him in a corner.

Doofenshmirtz: ...Well, I didn't see THIS coming.

* * *

Back at Thaddeus and Thor's backyard, things are getting...odd.

Irwin: Come on Irving, tell me everything!

Irving: You're starting to creep me out. No way!

Irwin: Fine. If I can't be your fan...Nobody can!

Albert: How cliché.

Thaddeus: Same goes for you, Irwin!

Irving: This is bad. Irwin's gonna get rid of me, and Thaddeus is gonna get rid of Irwin! Actually, the second one doesn't sound too bad...

Albert: What are we gonna do?

Candace: Hmm, let me think. What happened the last time someone tried to beat up Irving?

Albert: Of course! Candace, you're a genius!

Candace: I am?

Irving (sighing): Yes. Yes, she is...

Candace: Now THAT was creepy.

Albert: Be right back, guys. I've got someone to talk to...

* * *

Back at DEI, Doof is surrounded by his obsessed fans.

Doofenshmirtz: Come on guys, can't we all just get along?

Man 1: I call sucking his feet!

Doofenshmirtz: Guess not.

Norm comes out of his room with everything packed. He sets down the stool and steps on it, fumbling with the rope. He is incredibly depressed, and visibly so.

Norm (to himself): Well, it's time to hit the old dusty trail for the last time...

Doofenshmirtz: Wait, Norm!

Norm: Yes?

Doofenshmirtz: Come help me out here, these guys are gonna kill me!

Norm: Sorry, but I was fired, remember?

Doofenshmirtz: I know, but please help me anyway!

Norm: You said it yourself. I'm nothing but a "stupid, klutzy waste of space."

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, come on, Norm, I didn't mean that!

Norm: Yes. Yes you did.

Doofenshmirtz: Norm, I -...I missed you!

Norm: You did not.

Doofenshmirtz: No, I did! During that...one scene you weren't there, I missed you! I missed the way you would always ruin things, break things, and speak in stereotypical "American Dream Husband" phrases!

Norm: You really missed me?

Doofenshmirtz: Yes. Norm...you're rehired!

Norm: Yay!

Doofenshmirtz: Now help me with these guys!

Norm: Okay!

Man 1: This is great and all, but...I still want to suck on his feet.

Norm (spinning the rope, which he's tied into a lasso): Excuse me, ladies and gentlewomen, if you don't mind too terribly, we would love it if you were to leave this fine building.

Man 1: Well, if you put it that way...sure!

Man 2: Comeon guys, let's go get something to eat.

Woman 1: You're cute, Merl.

The former fans walk away chattering.

Doofenshmirtz: Well, if it was THAT easy... (He sighs.) Whatever.

Norm: What should we do now, boss?

Doofenshmirtz: I say we follow their lead and go get something to eat.

Norm: Yay! What do you say, boss? A candlelit dinner with a rooftop view? An exotic gondola ride beneath the stars? A slow dance on the roof under the moonlight?

Doofenshmirtz: Uh, sure, okay. Let's go do that. Though I can't shake the feeling we forgot something. Something important...

Pan to a sleeping Perry as Doof walks off with Norm on his arm.

* * *

Meanwhile, at OWCA HQ, Monogram and Carl are starting to feel as if THEY forgot something important.

Monogram: Carl, where's Agent P?

Carl: I think he's still fighting Doofenshmirtz.

Monogram: Well, what's taking him so long? He can't be sleeping on the job or something!

* * *

Back in Thaddeus and Thor's backyard, it seems like it's the end for our heroes. Suddenly, Albert comes out of the house with someone else...

Albert: Guys, this is Irwin's mom, since I couldn't find Thaddus's aunt around here.

Irwin's Mom: What is going on out here?

Irving: Not much, your son here was just about to, oh, just probably hurt me.

Irwin's Mom: Irwin is this true?

Irwin: No. No, it's not!

Albert: He's lying, I can tell.

Thaddeus: Whatever. I was just about to hurt Irwin, so go away!

Irwin's Mom: You too, Thaddeus?

Irving: You're gonna get it now...

Irwin's Mom: How many times have I told you, Irwin? Don't harass other kids! And Thaddeus, your aunt and mother are gonna hear about this!

Irwin: But Mom -

Irwin's Mom: No buts, mister, you're grounded! Now get back in the house!

Irwin: Fine. But I swear, I will get my revenge! Irving, you have just made a powerful enemy...and superfan. Mainly superfan, since I'm still obsessed with you.

Irving: Albert, that was awesome!

Candace: I hate to say it but...it was.

Mandy: I agree big time. But if you excuse me, I must get something to eat. Besides, I have to get ready.

Albert: For what?

Mandy: Oh, yes, I never told you the reason we even came here. We're moving in!

Irving: You're what?

Mandy: Yes, we are moving to Danville, in this exact house. Irwin just happened to be moving here too, just not in this house.

Albert: No way!

Mandy: Yes way. Well, see ya!

Candace: Great, looks like we haven't seen the last of them.

Irving: It doesn't matter, as long as Irwin stays away from me!

Albert turns to Irving as Candace leaves.

Albert: Hey, Irving, didn't Irwin's behavior remind you of anyone?

Irving: Not really.

Albert: Come on, the borderline stalking, the scrapbook, the wanting a lock of your hair?

Irving: Nope, doesn't ring a bell.

Albert: ...Curse you, Irving, the human boy.

 **End of Episode 9**

 **AN: Aside from a few off moments, I like this one. Sadly, i didn't get to use Irwin a lot but he pop up a couple more times. Also, another Albert lvoe interest is introduced...yeah, wait til the next episode.**


	10. Love, Danvillan Style

**Author's Note: Here's another favorite, and an importat one. I hook up a couple here. Just know i don't take them seriously, you can feel free to not ship them. This is mostly for fun. I also make up for my Coltrane mistake here. Enjoy!  
**

 **The Adventures of Irving and Friends**

 **Episode 10: Love, Danvillan Style**

/

We open up, as usual, in Irving's House as Albert is in his room, writing in his journal,.

 **Albert:** And…there. My journal entry for today is now complete…even though I only woke up 2 hours ago, and therefore only wrote about what I ate for breakfast. Mmmm…bacon. Well, I guess it can't hurt to go nostalgic, and look at some older entries. Let's see, I can't read the date here, but I can tell it's from the day the tried to impress Stacy. *Sigh* Stacy…I remember her. Oh, here's the one from the day I met Coltrane, and made that bet and kissed that Jenny girl. *Sigh* Jenny…quite the woman, I must say. Though perhaps I was a little hard on Coltrane, though that speech I gave was pretty awesome. Oh, and here's from the day I meet that creepy Irwin kid, and his jerk friend's, sister Mandy. *Sigh* Mandy…Wow, I do sigh and then say the name of a girl I'm attracted to a lot, don't I? Maybe there's some other past love interests in here, besides Candace, since She has that Jeremy guy.

Albert quickly flipped through his journal, to find any other love interests he's possibly had.

Albert: Nope, Nothing. Wait, I won't be young and still have options forever, I have to choose a mate, much like a common animal. And it looks like my three choices are, Jenny, Mandy, or Stacy. Man, that's a hard one. They're all so great! How am I supposed to choose? Ugh, this is too hard.

Slightly depressed. Albert walked over to the window, and sighed,.

Albert: I mean, it's not like the answer to my problem will hit me in the fa-something's about to hit me in the face, isn't it?

Sure Enough, a piece paper flew in and hit him in the face,

Albert: That certainly was convenient.

Just then, Irving's Mom walked in.

Irving's Mom: Hi Albert. Whatcha doing? Albert: Eh, not much. I was about to look at this paper that hit me in the face. *Reads paper* Gasp, that's it! Mom, I know what I'm gonna do today! Irving's Mom: …Hey, Where's Larry?

/

Wanda: Ah, good morning Agent L. As you know, all the agents in Monogram's Division has been given the day off. But, I believe in hard work, and only 4 days off a year, not counting holidays. Thankfully, most of the evil scientist in town have taken the day off too…expect for Dr Heinz Doofenshmirtz, and Monogram doesn't wanna bother agent p, so we're sending you after him. Now on to your mission, Doofenshmirtz has bought up the tri state areas supply of Calculators. It's all very suspicious, so get out there and find out what he's up.

Larry salted his boss and went off to fight Doof.

/

Meanwhile, Irving was walking down the street, kinda bored and not knowing what to do that day,.

Irving: *Sigh* I can't believe it, but I'm bored on a summer day. Ever since I've discovered Phineas and Ferb, I haven't felt the feeling of boredom. …I hate it! Maybe if I look in this direction, I'll see someone I can talk to.

Sure enough, Irving spotted Coltrane walking down the street.

Irving: Hey, that looks like the Coltrane guy that Albert told me about. I'll go talk to him, I've got nothing else to do.

Irving walked over to where Coltrane was.

Irving: Hey dude

Coltrane: …Do I know you?

Irving: No. but you do know my brother, Albert.

Coltrane: Ugh, don't talk to me about him.

Irving: I guess you weren't very happy about what happened. ….What happened again?

Coltrane: Didn't Albert tell you about how he called my interesting, How he made that bet with me to see who could get a girl first, how I was only trying to impress Stacy to win the bet, how he ended up liking Jenny for real, and How Stacy found out and sort of dumped me?

Irving: …Actually yes. I just really like hearing that story. The idea of a girl, much less Jenny, liking Albert makes both laugh and puke at the same time.

Coltrane: ….Okay. Well, I haven't been feeling the same since then..

Irving: Let me guess, you feel bad for being such a jerk and you want Stacy back.

Coltrane: Actually, No. Well I do feel bad for it, but I don't really want her back. I always liked her better, with someone else. Like...I can't think of anyone other then Albert.

Irving: The idea of Stacy liking Albert just made me throw up a little.

Coltrane: …Ew. Well, I just think that I'll never really find love or anything. I'm gonna die alone..

Irving: Come on Coltrane, don't think like that.

Coltrane: I know I shouldn't be like this, but it's not like you can help my find a girl or something,…

Irving: …Or can I? Coltrane, I know what we're gonna do today!

/

 **Jingle Singers:** _Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!_

For the first time ever, Larry burst into DEI.

Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the-wait your not Perry the platypus. Oh not again! This is the third time this month! Wait, aren't you Rodney's nemesis?

Larry nodded his head.

Doofenshmirtz: Ah, his mediocrity must have been too much for you, and you jumped at the chance to fight a GOOD evil scientist, correct?

Larry just rolled his eyes.

Doofenshmirtz: …Well! I'm not even gonna waste a trap on! ...Mainly because I've run out of trap ideas, and didn't make one. Well anyway, as I've told Perry, my love life has been full of man disappointments. And I've decided that if my love life has suffered, then so must everyone else's! You see, in recent years, what with the invention of the internet and all, people have been desperate enough to used dating sites to find their one true love. I had used these sites in the past, and they've brought be nothing but pain, and a lady who liked Perry more then me! I like to think that the people running these sites make you find the one women you won't get along with. Of course, that's probably not true. So, I've decided to create…The Doofenshmirtz Evil Dating Service!

 **Jingle Singers:** _Doofenshmirtz Evil Dating Service!_

Doofenshmirtz: You see, I've created…this!

Doofenshmirtz then produced a calculator, out of nowhere.

Doofenshmirtz: Behold, the Love-Calculator…Inator! With this, you can see the exact the percent chance, you have with anyone! Just punch in two names, and there you go! With every costumer I get, I'll hook them up with the person they have the lowest chance with! And they'll suffer like I did! Though in retrospect, I don't think I'll get many costumes. What kind of lose would actually try a dative serv-

Then. the doorbell rang.

Doofenshmirtz: Now who could that be?

Doof walked up to the door, and opened it to reveal…

Albert: Yes, I'm here for the dating service?

/

Meanwhile, Irving and Coltrane were now at the Googleplex Mall.

Irving: Okay Coltrane, the mall is the perfect place to find a girl!

Coltrane: I don't know about this Irving.

Irving: Oh just give it a try. I'll called up some of my friends to help you out. Oh, here they come now!

Just then, Candace, Stacy, and Jeremy walked up them.

Coltrane: I really doubt these are your friends, Irving.

Candace: I would never be this geek's friend. Ever Coltrane: Wait, a sec Irving, why did you bring the girl who dislikes me now, here to help me?

Irving: I talked to Stacy, and she doesn't dislike you. She's over that, and she wants to help you find a girl.

Stacy: Yes. Yes I do.

Irving: Okay, I'm gonna close my eyes and point to a random girl over there, and you'll go over there and talk to her, alright?

Coltrane: Well…ok.

Irving then did so, and his finger landed on a random girl.

Irving: Okay, there's your girl.

Coltrane: She seems okay, guess I'll head over there then.

Irving: Good luck!

Candace: How long do you think it will take for him to strike out?

Irving: Sometime during the next scene.

/

Back at DEI, Albert was meeting Doofenshmirtz for this time, though he had no idea this was this was the man his little brother often talked about.

Doofenshmirtz: Well that answers my question. Well, welcome, young nerd!

Albert: We prefer to be called…actually, we like to called Nerds just fine. Nevermind. So, how does this work?

Doofenshmirtz: Well, With this!

Doof then showed Albert the Love Calculator…inator.

Doofenshmirtz: Behold, the Love Calculator…inator!

Albert: Inator? Really?

Doofenshmirtz: What? What's wrong with inator?

Albert: Nothing. It's just…overused, that's all. I prefer "a trons" myself.

Doofenshmirtz: Oh really? Then I guess I won't help you then.

Albert: No, I was just kidding! But, from my research only evil people built inators. …Are you evil?

Doofenshmirtz: Yes. Yes I am.

Albert: …Cool. So what other evil inventions have you made?

Doofenshmirtz: I am very glad you asked. Allow me to show you to the other room, where I keep my inventions.

Albert: Eh, I have time to spare

Albert followed Doof to the other room, where the inventions were. Larry was hiding in a corner, making sure Albert didn't see him.

Doofenshmirtz: Okay, I have rebuilt almost every invention of mine that didn't quite…work right. Like for example, take a look my first invention this summer…the Magnetism magnifier!

Albert: Very interesting. What did you use it for?

Doofenshmirtz: It's a long story, I tried to use tinfoil to reverse the rotation of the earth.

Albert: …What.

Doofenshmirtz: And this is my bread-inator! I used to turn the statue of this president with a great beard, that made me jealous, into bread!

Albert: …What?!

Doofenshmirtz: And this…is my whale translateinator! I used it to insult some whales.

Albert: So let me get this straight. You are a genius, evil scientist, who uses his resources…for petty revenge schemes?

Doofenshmirtz: …Yep!

Albert: That has to be…the most idiotic thing I've ever seen in my life!

Doofenshmirtz: WHAT?!

Albert: Sorry sir, I'll try to be more…helpful. It seems to that your inventions are very well done, and it seems you have amazing potential. But, you have poor planning skills.

Doofenshmirtz: Ok, Maybe my planning isn't ideal, but I assure, I am the best at what I do.

Albert: No. No your not. I'll keep this plain and simple: Your plans stink, and your not good at evil.

Doofenshmirtz: Ok maybe I'm a little…rusty. But what are you gonna do? Help me?

Albert: Well I don't know If I-

Doofenshmirtz: PLEASE HELP ME!

Albert: Whoa dude I don't know If I should…

Doofenshmirtz: …Please?

Albert: …Okay.

Doofenshmirtz: Really? You'll help me?

Albert: You have my word. My…nerd word.

* * *

Back at the mall…Coltrane had struck out.

Irving: Told ya it would happen during that scene.

Candace: Whatever, don't rub it in.

Coltrane: What just happened was so crazy I'm not even gonna bring it up ever again.

Irving: Thank goodness.

Coltrane: Maybe I should just give up.

Irving: No! We'll help you get a girl, I promise!

Coltrane: I don't know Irving, what kind of girl would want me?

Then, Jenny walked by.

Jenny: Hey guys.

Coltrane: Yeah hi Jen-

Coltrane caught sight of Jenny, and really saw her for the first time. Needless to say, he liked what he saw.

Coltrane: H-Hi.

Jenny: Umn…Hello.

Candace: Oh hi Jenny, what's up?

Jenny: Not much. Just came over to say hi real quick But Now I gotta go do my hippie stuff

Irving: Bye!

Jenny: See ya. *Leaves*

Irving: So, now that THAT pointless-ness is over, back to Coltrane problem.

Coltrane: I think I may have fixed it..

Irving: What do you mean?

Candace: Don't you get? (Mocking tone) Coltrane likes Jenny!

Coltrane: I….do. Ok?

Irving: Jenny? Well, not what I expected, but better for it to be someone I know, then some stranger I guess. Let's get cracking!

/

Back at DEI, Albert and Doof had started on a machine.

Doofenshmirtz: Thanks for helping me young man, with this I'll take over the Tri state area! Uh…what does this do again?

Albert: Well, I needed a way for you to take over, without anyone opposing you once you have done so. So, I have made…The Epiphany-inator!

Doofenshmirtz: The What?

Albert: The epiphany-inator! It causes whoever it hits to have an epiphany, or come to a great realization. And with my tweaks, that will be that they must serve you!

Doofenshmirtz: Perfect! This should be great! But, I supposes you'll be still wanting love help..

Albert: Well, can I really trust you? For all I know, you might hook me up with someone really ugly just to trick me.

Doofenshmirtz: That's what I was gonna do, but since you've been helping me I changed my mind.

Albert: …Okay!

Doofenshmirtz: Ok, just tell me the name of 3 girls you are interested and, the one you have the best chance with I'll see if I hook you up with her.

Albert: Let's see, there's Mandy Weaver, Stacy Hirano, and …I forget Jenny's last name.

Doofenshmirtz: It's ok, because I know the name of everyone in the tri state area, and there's only one girl named Jenny!

Albert: …You know the name of every person in the tri state area? Are you a stalker or something?

Doofenshmirtz: No, No I'm not! Not like that stupid kid who was here a few weeks ago. I forget his name, but I think it started with a "I". I just call him SOCSN.

Albert: SOCSN?

Doofenshmirtz: Yes, it stands for Super Obsessive Compulsive Stalker Nerd. I nickname everyone. Heh, Dr Coconut, I crack myself up. Anyway, I won't tell you the results of my calculations until we're done.

Albert: *Sigh* I wonder how Irving is doing

* * *

Back at the mall, Coltrane was figuring out how to get jenny.

Irving: Okay, so we need a way for you to get jenny to like you. Let's see what I have in my Wacky Hijacks file…

Stacy: Or he could just talk to her, avoiding any complications.

Irving: …You know what, I actually agree with you.

Coltrane: But after what I did that day, she might not be so crazy about me.

Stacy: Oh don't be like that. Just try to appeal to her good side.

Irving: Even if it means doing really nasty things.

Coltrane:

Candace: I think right outside,.

Coltrane: That's convenient.

Irving: Well what are you waiting for? Go get her!

Coltrane: Ok. Let's do this!

* * *

Back at DEI, Albert had finished the Epiphany-Inator.

Albert: Okay, I'm done. Now can you help me?

Doofenshmirtz: …Help you?

Albert: You said you'd help me when I am done. So, will you help me?

Doofenshmirtz: Kid, I'm EVIL. I only help those who are Evil. I never cared about your love life at all. I will use this inator to make every realize they're true purpose in life: Obeying me!

Albert: Hey, you can't do this!

Doofenshmirtz: I can do whatever I want! You can't do anything about it!

Albert: Your not doing anything on my watch!

Doofenshmirtz: Oh really? In less then a minute, I'll be on my way to becoming Dr Doofenshmirtz: Ruler of the tri state area!

Albert: …Doofenshmirtz?! YOU'RE the guy my little brother keeps talking about? I've been helping the man I would say bad words about under my breath?

Doofenshmirtz: You're the brother of Irving the human boy?

Albert: Yes! And I'm gonna turn this machine off!

Albert walked over the machine, but Doof tripped him up and Albert bonked his head on something, knocking him out.

Doofenshmirtz: Now that he's knocked out, I can make him realize that he should obey me!

Doof then fired the epiphany nator at Albert, just as Al was drifting off into a dream. But little did Doof know, Al had bumped into another one Doof's inators, causing it to fire…

* * *

In the parking lot at the mall, Coltrane had discovered what this hippie thing is…

Coltrane: …A Save the pygmy marmoset's rally? Guess they ran out of animals to save.

He spotted Jenny walking over yonder, and went over to talk to her.

Coltrane: Hi Jenny.

Jenny: Oh, hey Coltrane.

Just then, the inator Albert had bumped into, Fired at Coltrane turning him into…a hippie.

Jenny: Whoa, what happened, Coltrane?

Coltrane: Huh? I look like a..

Jenny: Hippie! Coltrane, you've finally discovered the true path In life!

Coltrane: You like it?

Jenny: Of course I do! My respect for you had gone way up! …What little I had, after what happened with you and Stacy.

Coltrane: Jenny, I can explain that. You see, it is true I wanted to win that bet. But I did that, not just to win the bet, but so I wouldn't be embarrassed that a Nerd had a girlfriend and I didn't. I did like Stacy a little, but I didn't think we had enough chemistry. I should of gone after someone else instead, and I was acting a little jerkish. I shouldn't have even made that bet in the first place. I'm sorry if I lost any of your respect.

Jenny: Oh, it's okay Coltrane. To be honest, even after that I still kinda liked you

Coltrane: Wait, do you mean like or…Like like?

Jenny: Well…maybe it's like like.

Coltrane: You really mean it?

Jenny: I do.

Then…they kissed.

Coltrane: …That was great.

Jenny: Indeed it was.

Coltrane: Maybe I should tell Albert what I just told you, about the bet and all. I wonder how he's doing…

* * *

Back at DEI, Albert was still knocked out, and Doof was all ready to start his evil plan

Doofenshmirtz: With that nerd knocked out I can finally start my evil plan!

Larry, who had been watching all this time, saw that this was the perfect time to stop doof, now that Al was knocked out. Larry sprang into action and sprang at the machine.

Doofenshmirtz: Larry the lemur, what are you doing?! Get away from there!

Larry somehow picked up the machine and threw it out the window, and when it landed on the ground, it fired.

Doofenshmirtz: Well that was quick.

Larry then quickly jumped out the window, and headed home.

Doofenshmirtz: ….CURSE YOU LARRY THE LEMUR!

Albert was still knocked out, and he started to drift of into a dream/epiphany …

* * *

Albert was standing in a blank void, all by himself.

Albert: Ugh, where am I? I think I was hit by that inator. Is this my epiphany?

Voice: Yes. Yes it is.

Albert: Huh?

Albert turned around to see that this person was….

Albert: …Mandy?

Mandy: No, I am a spirit. I have chosen the form that would make your more comfortable.

Albert: Kinda like that stupid movie I watched once.

Mandy: Anyway, you shall be visited by 3 ghost, counting me.

Albert: And they will she me my past, present and future, to teach me a lesson, right?

Mandy: Uh, Ya. How did you-

Albert: I've seen this plot before. Way too many times infact. Can't people come up with original ideas instead of re –using someone else's?

Mandy: Anyway, take a look inside the portal that just appeared, and you will see your past.

Albert: Okay…

Albert looked in said portal, and saw himself, way back when he was in 3rd grade.

Albert: Hey, there's 3rd grade me! I looked so cute.

Mandy: Indeed. And do you remember that girl you had attraction to?

Albert: Yea. There's little me talking to her right now!

Little Albert: Hi

Girl: I don't like you.

Albert: I never said I was a Casanova.

Mandy: But did you know that she actually secretly liked you back, but never realized it?

Albert: Really? Wait; is this fake and part of the dream, or real and part of the epiphany?

Mandy: You make the call. Also, did you know that girl grew up to be a certain fashion obsessed bow wearing girl?

Albert: Wait, the girl I liked when I was little was really…Stacy?

Mandy: Yes. But that doesn't mean she's still not an option. So you still have 3 girls to choose from. Well, I'll be going now,.

Mandy: By the way the ghost is right behind you.

Albert turned around to see…

Albert: Stacy? So you choose the form of the girl I'm still considering?

Stacy: Yep!

Albert: …Fair Enough.,

Stacy: I'm here to show you your future, and ultimately show you who you belong with.

Albert: Whoa, aren't you gonna show me the present first?

Stacy: Nah. We figured that we'd spare you the boring-ness of your current life, and show you what will happen if you choose the wrong girl.

Albert: Okay, that's fine.

Stacy: Okay, let's go to about 20 years later.

The next thing Albert knew, they were standing in front of house. Only things looked a little different. Everything was bleak, gray and boring.

Stacy: Here we are.

Albert: Whoa, what happened?

Stacy: Well in this timeline, you choose to get with Mandy. At first, you two went along ok. But soon she realized how successful you are compared to her. She started to leech off you. Years later, she wanted marriage. But you rejected, and instead decided to after Jenny, who now…less fortunate, if you catch my meaning. Mandy didn't take it too well, and she not only forced you marry, but she also was now the mayor because of a long series of events I don't want to explain. So un-fairly banned Jenny, and made the city a terrible place. Now your miserable, just like everyone else in town.

Albert: Have you considered changing your name to Mrs. Exposition?

Stacy: Have you considered shutting your trap?

Albert: Sorry. But you gotta be kidding.

Stacy: It's true. Choose Mandy, and your life is over.

Albert: What if I choose Jenny?

Stacy: Eh, pretty much the same thing. Only you choose jenny first, then you lose interest and go after Mandy, then she does the mayor thing and takes over.

Albert: So choosing Jenny leads to Mandy getting jealous, and choosing Mandy leads to pain?

Stacy: Yep. So, now you realize what your choice should be.

Albert: Of course! Jenny and Mandy are out so the only option left is-

* * *

Then, Albert was waken out of his Dream by Doof yelling at him.

Doofenshmirtz: WAKE UP!

Albert: Huh?

Doofenshmirtz: You've been knocked out on my floor for like 5 minutes! My temp nemesis has already destroyed my inator!

Albert: Your epiphany inator…it made me finally realize who to date! Thank you Doofenshmirtz, you've actually helped me! Bye!

Albert then ran out, leaving Doof alone.

Doofenshmirtz: I don't work for free you know! And he's gone.

* * *

Back at the mall parking lot, Stacy, Candace, and Irving had watched the Coltrane/Jenny hook up happen.

Irving: Well that didn't take very long.

Stacy: I'm glad Coltrane found someone. Now if only the same thing could happen to me….

Just then, the final short from the epiphany inator had finally fired, and hit Stacy.

Stacy: …I just realized something!

Candace: What is it?

Stacy: Well…

Just then, Albert ran in, and Larry was beside him

Irving: Oh, there you are Larry. And Albert.

Albert: After much thinking, and a long story I will never tell, I finally realized who I want!

Candace: This should be good.

Albert: I have made my choice! Stacy, I have known you for quite sometime. I remember when I first saw you, I liked you from the start. I know we don't exactly have the most in common, but it's better to be with someone who's different then you with one thing you really agree with, then with someone who's a lot like you, with something you disagree with. If that makes sense. I've fallen for other girls before, like jenny and mandy, even though I liked them I never felt the sort of…connection I left with you. I know that I'm a nerd, and your far from nerdy, but I still feel like we have a chance. I would understand if you weren't interested in me. But…I like you. The only question is…Do you like me back?

There was a long, awkward pause. And finally stacy spoke.

Stacy: Well…Yes. Yes I do.

Everyone: Really?!

Stacy: Yes. Really.

Then…Stacy and Albert kissed.

Albert: Wow. I never knew you felt that way.

Stacy: Neither did I, until I had this great realization a few minutes ago.

Albert: Great realization…where have I heard that before?

Irving: Wow. I never thought that would ever happen. But…I'm not disgusted. This is…kinda cute.

Candace: I never thought that Stacy would end up with a nerd. I should be enraged but…I'm ok with it. I'm actually happy for her.

Irving: And I'm happy for him. At least this will distract him from beating me up.

Albert: Come on guys, let's go home. It's been quite a day.

Irving: Indeed it has. But I can't shake the feeling that there's something I forgot to do….

Cut to Phineas and Ferb's backyard as the boys project for the day had just disappeared, as per usual.

Phineas: Ferb, Why do I feel like someone should be here right now?

Ferb: *Shrugs*

 **END**

 **AN: Not much else to add. I like how i did this, though in hindsight, Albert/Mandy isn't a bad idea. someone start that up! Anyway, next couple are more or less filler, but still good.**


	11. Happy Whatever

**Author's Note: This is a weird one. For this one, I held a contest on the P &F Fanon Wiki, to write this episode. After some extensions, we had some trouble trying to get it all worked out. Eventually, we just worked to combine the entries. So, I'll tell you who wrote one has a account, btw.**

 **Writers:** Spongey4441, P &I4EVAH, Tpffan, and I am the poptart

T **hanks To: All the the above writers, and me for not breaking down.**

/

It was a sunny summer morning in Danville. Irving was sound asleep in his bed. At least, he was. Until his alarm clock, which was right next to him on the table, went off.

 **Radio DJ:** Good morning Tri state area! DJ Stankydawg here wishing a happy birthday to...

Irving: YES?

 **Radio DJ** : ...no one! No Birthday's today! It's a good day to celebrate nothing at all!

Irving: LIES! It's MY birthday you stupid DJ! This is why video killed you!

Radio DJ: And if by any chance someone just insulted me, screw you! Ah, i love this job

Irving: Oh forget it. Well Larry, you haven't walked away yet, so i'll tell all abou-

Then Irving noticed Larry was no longer there.

Irving: Oh, i guess you had to do you're lemur thing. that's cool, I'll talk to you later.

Irving left and went to the kitchen, where Albert and Irving's Mom were

Irving: Hello brother and mother!

Irving's Mom: Someone's awfully happy today...okay who died?

Irving: No one died!...Yet.

Albert: Please be quiet.

Irving: Say Al, isn't there something you want to say to me?

Albert: Go play in traffic.

Irving: No! Something specific to today's date.

Albert: Go kill Rebeca Black

Irving: No! Not the day of the week... I mean the number of the day, in combination with the month

Albert: May the 4th be with you.

Irving: Wrong month! Come on, don't you know?

Albert: No. No I don't.

Irving: What about you mom?

Irving's Mom: Well...no. I can't recall what today is.

Irving: Come on, not you too! Ugh.

Irving left the room.

Irving: I can't believe they forgot my Birthday! And this seems real, not one those cliche "they're just pretending deals"! What am i gonna do? *Sigh* ...Hey, where's Larry?

/

Larry was now in his HQ, getting his mission of the day,

Wanda: Good morning Agent L. Rodney has been spotted visiting Doofenshmirtz evil incorporated recently. Not only that, but he's also purchased one of those quote a day calenders. It's all very suspicious, so find out what he's up to!

Larry then left.

/

Back at home, riving was pondering what to do.

Irving: How could they forgot my Birthday? I mean, even MY MOM forgot! How? I was always fine with my Butt Monkey-ness, but this is too far! This stinks! There has to be a way to celebrate my birthday, without people knowing it is...

Irving heard something coming from the TV in his room.

Man on TV: Don't forgot folks, next friday is National bottle cap day! There, now you have a reason to celebrate.

Irving: Bottle cap day? really? It's like people make days out of any object they can find! Why do that? Is it becuase you want to make a normal day seem special? I mean it's like they they celebrate just because there's no reason to celebrate! I mean what if I just made a random holiday so people could celebrate! ...Wait that's it! I know what I'm gonna do today!

/

 **Jingle Singers** : _Rodney maniacal industries!_

It was pitch dark at RMI. Not one sound was being made...

Rodney: Oh, this is gonna be great!

Then, the door opened.

Rodney: Gasp, he's here!

The light's flash on, revealing a huge party set up.

 **Rodney:** Ah larry the le-who are you?

Man: I'm the pizza guy. And i'm not larry. Name's David

Rodney: Whatever, I'm in the mood for pizza. How much is it?

David: 30 bucks

Rodney: WHAT? That's insane, i'm not paying that.

David: Nah, i'm kidding. It's on the house.

Rodney: Oh, thanks.

David then left, leaving Rodney to his pizza.

Rodney: Okay, let's take a look. I hope they didn't put any anchovies...

(Larry the Lemur jumps out of the box)

 **(I am the Poptart)**

Rodney (gasp) Larry the Lemur! And after this whole welcome party I set up for you, too ...Why have you infiltrated my pizza?

(Larry, by way of response, spits out an anchovie. Rodney gasps in shock.)

Rodney: ANCHOVIES! I KNEW IT! Curse you, Larry the Lemur...

(Larry raises an eyebrow)

Rodney: Well, a man's got to blame someone. (Sighs, throws pizza into the trash) I can't eat this now. So, I suppose this is AAALLL about whatever I've been doing lately. Well, first of all, that Wanda chick's got her info wrong; I have a WORD-a-day calendar, not QUOTE-a-day.

(Larry blinks)

Rodney: See that out the window there? (Rodney points out the window to the D.E.I complex)

 **Evil Jingle Singers:** _Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc-_

Rodney: NO, NO! I've had enough of THAT guy for a while. I'm sorry, Larry the Lemur, but I've just been a bit on edge due to DoofenSNOT lately. See, I was always under the notion that I was the greatest Scrabble player in all of Danville-up till last Tuesday. On that fateful day...He defeated me! I came back again and again, but loss, loss, loss! Man, I even bothered to buy a stupid word-a-day calendar to help me, but it's still not good enough! I'm so sick of it. So, I've invented...the Erase-O'Matic!

(Rodney pulls a tarp off of a large structure in the corner as he says this, revealing the machine. Rodney laughs maniacally.)

Rodney: Now, I can erase those terrible days straight from history, so I'll STILL be the Scrabble Champion! I've tested it, too-every event in history that occurred on this day, **(Day Withheld)** has been totally wiped out!

(Something sparks in Larry's memory-Irving. Larry's jaw drops, followed by a look of total rage.)

(beat)

Rodney: It just occurred to me that I didn't trap you...

/

 **(P &I4EVAH!)**

Irving, meanwhile is still starting his plan, while taking his walk...when he ran into someone.

Irving: Hey Katie.

Katie: Happy birthday, Irving

Irving: Wow...You're the only one who actually remembered.

Katie: Well of COURSE, silly. I do lo-

Irving:..Look, i have important issues right now

Katie: Like what?

Irving: Like the fact that NOBODY remembers my birthday except you.

Katie: That's bad. I feel sorry for you.

Irving: Not even my jerk brother. I remember HIS birthdays. _

Katie: Your brother's mean.

Irving: Yes, yes he is.

Katie: I know! Let's get back at him by having our OWN holiday.

Irving: I'm way ahead of you! But what do we call it?

Katie:…Whatever.

Irving: PERFECT! Let's do this!

/

 **(Poptart)**

(Meanwhile, at RMI, Rodney is dazed after being a bit knocked around by Larry.)

Rodney: Alright, alright, Larry the Lemur. I really gotta remember to trap you...so, what will prevent this beating from going further?

(Larry, as a reply, pulls a photograph of Irving from out of his special pocket in nowhere and shows it to Rodney.)

Rodney: Who is this little dork?

(Larry glares)

Rodney: Is this that little owner of yours? ...I gotta say, his glasses are positively fabulous.

(As soon as Rodney is through speaking, Irving's photograph begins to fade.)

Rodney: Wha-? Larry the Lemur, what just happened?

(Larry makes a lemur sound)

Rodney: So, I've wiped this kid from the face of history?

(Larry nods)

Rodney: Well, I GUESS I can reassemble reality for you. But it'll take a while...and by the way-

(Rodney pushes a button on a remote. Instantly, a box rises up around Larry and traps him.)

Rodney: Anything to keep you quiet.

/

 **(Tpffan)**

Meanwhile, Irving walked to the Flynn-Fletcher backyard.

Irving: Maybe Phineas and Ferb will remember my birthday. (sees P&F) Phineas, Ferb, today is a really special day!

Phineas: Is it Memorial Day?

Irving: No.

Ferb: Is it National Redhead Day?

Irving: No.

Phineas:...I got nothing.

Irving: (facepalms) Today, I'm having a special holiday. It's called...Whatever. In it, you do anything you want! ! (sees Candace walking out of her house) Hey, Candace, I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me, paparazzi.

Candace: Irving, get some help. (walks away)

Phineas: Let's help broadcast your holiday, Irving!

So, the three boys decided to broadcast the holiday. It spread to popularity very quickly. But still, no one remembered Irving's birthday.

/

 **(Poptart)**

(Meanwhile, at the mall...)

Stacy: Hey, Albert. What'cha DO-in'?

(Isabella walks by, glaring at Stacy)

Albert: Tell me, Stacy-do you ever get the feeling you've forgotten something, but you cannot place it, and yet it drives you to make a purchase for someone who you also cannot place?

Stacy: Yeah, all the time. Usually I buy myself some shoes and the feeling goes away, though.

Albert: Well, it is a feeling I despise. And I swear on my two remaining Nerd Words-I SHALL RID OF THIS FEELING BEFORE IT CONSUMES ME!

(Albert's voice echoes throughout the mall, followed by a beat.)

/

(Ferb is driving downtown in a small go-kart, shades drawn over his eyes. Trailing behind him is a banner stating, "Happy Whatever!")

Random citizen 1: Whatever? What's that?

Random citizen 2: Maybe we can just do whatever we want.

Random citizen 3: Wow, let's go celebrate!

Several other random citizens: Yeah!

(A chorus of random phrases are going up through the air now-"I'm going to make my dog give me a bath!" "I'm going to make my dog wash the car!" "I'll wash my dog's car!" "I'll buy my dog a car!" "I'm going to paint my flowers with zebra-stripes!" "I'm making ovens in a muffin!" "I'm taking a nap." Ferb, meanwhile, stops at the bakery...)

 **(Me)**

Man 1: So there's a new holiday?

Man 2: Yep, some kid made it

Man 1: Cool, what's it called?

Man 2: Whatever.

Man 1: Funny, what's the name?

Man 2: Whatever.

Man 1: No, the name!

Man 2: It's whatever

Man 1: THE. NAME.

Man 2: Enough of the Abott and Costelllo thing, the name of the day is Whatever.

Man 1: ...Okay.

* * *

 **(Me)**

We now return to RMI

Rodney: Okay Larry the lemur, i have restored history for you, happy?

(Larry nods)

Rodney: Now you're stupid owner is back to being existent. Can you go now?

(Lemur sound)

Rodney: Oh yes, the trap.

Rodney presses a button, and the trap goes away. But not without larry kicking his face, then walking away.

Rodney: Okay I deserved that...CURSE YOU LARRY THE LEMUR!

/

Irving: Man, that was the best whatever. So crazy i'll never mention it again. (realizes that Phineas and Ferb are gone) Guys? Where did you go? (sighs) Well, at least my holiday was successful.

Irving walks into his backyard

The entire cast: HAPPY BIRTHDAY IRVING!

Ferb: (blows a kazoo)

Irving: Wha...this is for me? (turns to Albert) But I thought you forgot!

Albert: I did forget, but somehow something snapped and i remembered!

Stacy: No I did, i just told him

Albert: Shush!

Phineas: This calls for an obligatory song!

 **(song starts, song by P &I4EVAH) **

**Love Handel:** _We wrote this song for you_

 _On this very special day!_

 **Phineas and Swampy:** _All of your friends are here_

 _And they would like to say_

 **Isabella and Ginger:** _Happy happy birthday!_

 _We hope you enjoy_

 _This birthday song!_

 **Candace: _It_** _'s time to celebrate_

 _All the things you have accomplished_

 _Over the past years!_

 **Ferb:** _Everyone get up and cheer_

 **Bobbi:** _So happy birthday_

 _To you, from me_

 _And all your friends!_

 **Stacy:** _Happy happy birthday!_

 _You know your happiness will never end!_

 **All:** _Happy Happy Birthday_

 _To_

 _You!_

 **(song ends)**

Ferb: ...That was short.

Albert: Anyway, i may regret doing this...(hugs Irving) I'll never forget your birthday again!

Everyone: Awwwww!

Albert: Don't you guys have jobs?

Man: ...You mad, bro?

 **END OF EPISODE 11**

 **AN: There's actually quite a bit from the entires i got that had to be cut, which you can see at pffanon. wikia wiki/Happy_Whatever_%28Contest%29 Just...without the spaces.. Despite the troubles, this turned out well and it has some nice moments. Let's move on.**


	12. How It All Began The Musical

**Author's Note: ow for the most special one yet. Remember how the pilot took place on tghe day of rollercoaster? You know how gthye made a Rollercoaster a musical. Yeah, you know what i had to do. This takes place during Rollercoaster the musical nad it is itself a musical. I had a lot of fun with this one, so enjoy.  
**

 **The Adventures of Irving and Friends**

 **Episode 12: How It All Began: The Musical!**

 **Songs Written By: Spongey444, Agent Goldfish, and PI4EVAH**

 **P &F Created by: Dan Povenmire and Jeff "Swampy" Marsh **

**Special Thanks To: Everyone who had even the slightest bit of involvement with the story, and anything having to do with it.,**

/

The episode opens with some epic narration…

 **Narrator 1:** For many centuries-

Narrator 2: Uh, it hasn't been centuries.

Narrator 1: Years? Months?

Narrator 2: Try months.

Narrator 1: Ok. For many Months, mankind-

Narrator 2: Look, here's a script. Try not to mess up this time.

Narrator 1: Fine, guess I gotta start over. For many months, the city has watched a brave, but stupid fanboy obsess over genius kids, and their friends. And many people have wondered how this epic tale started. And now they can wonder no more. This, is the story of how it all be-

Narrator 2: Dude, they already know the story. I have the script of it here.

Narrator 1: What? Let me see…Ugh, this story is awful. No character development, little plot, and nothing interesting!

Narrator 2: Well, that's how it happened. There's nothing you can do about it.

Narrator 1: Or is there? Gather round my friends, because this is story of How It All Began…The Musical!

Then…a song started up.

 _Yes, this is the tale of the biggest fan_

 _The fan with the biggest plan'_

 _Now I'll tell you_

 _How it all began_

 _And of course all good things don't last long_

 _So why not begin with a song?_

 _How It All began_

 _How it all began_

 _You know it wasn't some guy named Dan_

 _This is the most epic of tales_

 _Steal it, and you'll be in jail_

 _Some say this story isn't true_

 _But those poor guys, have no clue_

 _Soon, we'll start this awesome story_

 _One that's full of glory_

 _It'll start with a boy named Irving_

 _As soon as I'm done singing_

 _And there's his older brother_

 _One you shouldn't smother_

 _This story's about a nerd_

 _I hope it's not absurd_

 _I'm sure this story doesn't stink_

 _It's not as stupid as you think_

 _So sit down and eat some ham_

 _As I tell you…_

 _How it all Begaaaaaaaaan_

The episode proper opens at Irving's house, as the dork brothers themselves are eating breakfast.

Irving: So Albert, what do you wanna do today?

Albert: No idea

Irving: What about Larry, what does he wanna do?

Albert: Irving, what did I tell you about recreating things Phineas and Ferb did?

Irving: Buzzkil…Whatever, I'll just watch tv

Irving turned on the tv, and some musical was on.

Irving: Oh, it's Summer School Musical!

Albert: Ugh, turn that crud off.

Irving: Oh come on Albert, this is isn't that bad,. It's a real guilty pleasure for me.

Albert: I don't care, just change the channel.

Irving: Fine. I'll just check my Phineas and Ferb security cameras!

Albert: …What?

Irving changed the channel, to see the boys sitting in the backyard.

Irving: I wonder what they will do today…

Phineas: You know Ferb, one of the best days we had was when we built that rollercoaster We should do it again. This time…as a musical! What do you say? We'll do all the same thing, but we'll break into spontaneous singing and choreography with no discernible musical source!

Albert: Wait, so they're just re-do the first day of summer, but just shoe-horn songs in for no reason?

Irving: Yep!

Albert: That's so stupid! I mean, would it make sense if WE did the first day of summer again, as a musical? No!

Irving: Hmmm….Albert, you know who else is gonna re-do the first day of Summer as a musical?

Albert: …Your mom?

Irving: What the-No! Us!

Albert: No way, Irving! I'm not gonna sing!

Irving: Oh come on, I already got various instruments and background kids!

Background Kid 1: Is it song time now?

Irving: No, not yet!

Albert: No! I hate musicals! Okay!

Irving: Come on, I bet you have a lovely tenor voice

Albert: Actually, I'm more of a baritone.

Irving: Why do you hate musicals anyway?

Albert: Well, I'll tell ya!

And then…a rap started up

 **Albert** : Well let me tell ya,

There's one thing I just can't stand!

I just hate musicals, so don't expect me to sing!

I simply do not like musicals!

 _Kids_ : Whaaat?

 **Albert** : I just hate musicals! I just hate musicals and

I will not sing!

 **Kids** : Please sing!

 **Albert** : I won't sing! I just cannot stand these musicals!

 **Kids:** Whaaat?

 **Albert** : I just cannot stand these musicals! Well let me clarify,

The songs are pointless, the dances are endless, and there is no musical source!

This can sometimes get annoying, and the plot gets pushed off course.

I HATE MUSICALS!

 **Kids** : Whaaaat?

Albert: Yep I hate musicals, now listen to my rap

Kids: Don't rap!

 **Albert** : Yes I really hate musicals, and they're all just-

(Songs Abruptly stops)

 _Irving_ : Albert!

 _Albert_ : What? I was gonna say "crud"

 _Irving_ : Oh. Carry on then.

 _Albert_ : No, the moments gone.

Irving: Dang. Well, wanna do a musical?

Albert: Well, I already contradicted myself by singing that, so I guess I'm in.

Irving: YES! Ok Al, so while doing this re-do, pretend that you've never gone trough this before. Don't do anything differently; don't use your genre savvy-ness to get the upper hand, ok?

Albert: Yea, whatever.

Irving: Ok, let's do this thing!

Albert: …Hey, Where's Larry?

/

Larry The Lemur was already in his lair, waiting for his daily mission.

Wanda: Good morning Agent L. The nefarious Rodney is up to his old shtick. He's been doing a lot of research on musical theater. It's all very suspicious, so go on do your agent thing.

Larry then left to stop Rodney. He got in a flying lemur shaped car, and as he flew off…a song started.

 _He's not aquatic, so how's this for a re-action?_

 _He's a furry little ringed tail, who hasn't had much trai-ay-ing!_

 _He's got a tail, and no gills!_

 _And he's got some real mad skills_

 _And the villains scream, whenever they hear him say…_

 **Rodney:** Wait, what sound does a lemur make anyway?

 _He's larry, Larry the lemur!_

 **Wanda:** You can call him Agent L

 _Larry!_

Wanda: I SAID you can call him agent L!

 _Agent L!_

/

Irving: Okay Albert, what did you do while I was off riding that coaster? Wait, I think that morning you mentioned a concert right?

Albert: Actually, I lied just to make myself look cool.

Irving: That's not surprising. Anyway, whatever you did, I want you to recreate it, step by step. But, I want you to take this watch.

Albert: A watch? What for?

Irving: Well, when this watch beeps, you need to break into song. Just because I know you'll try to get out of singing.

Albert: Ugh, fine. I guess I'll head to Ro-er I mean the place I went to that day, that I can't tell you about. Secrecy and all.

Irving: Fair enough. Now let's start our *Sing song-y* MUSICAAAAL!

 **Jingle Singers** : _Rodney Manical Industries!_

* * *

Larry burst into RMI.

Rodney: Ah, Larry the lemur. Guess what? I'm so happy today, that I won't trap you! That and I already told you I am above using stupid traps to keep my enemies at bay. You see, I was looking back at my life before you were my nemesis and…it stunk. But the single worst day of my life, has to be the first day of summer. It was so bad I won't even mention what happened. I wish I could do it over. And today, I will! In the best way possible, with THIS!

Rodney point to his latest invention

Rodney: Behold the musical-inizer! With this, I shall make anyone it hits, spontaneously bursts into song, with no discernible musical source, even me! I'll do everything I did that, only I'll use baby to do it as a musical! And now it's time to start my musical day! Of course, I'll start with my favorite kind of song! What kind, you may ask? Well I'll tell you…

Then another song started up

 _There's a song in every musical_

 _With songs Good, bad, and lame_

 _There's always a special number_

 _That will blow your brain!_

 _It's the special song_

 _Where the bad guy explains his evil plan_

 _About how he'll take over every man_

 _There's epic music in the background_

 _And a voice as hammy as heck!_

 _If it's not done well_

 _It could be complete deck_

 _And as you see_

 _This is the villain song!_

 _They could be sympathetic_

 _Or you could want them to die_

 _It doesn't matter,_

 _As long as their song is fly!_

 _You could listen to the song for award bait_

 _Or the song about what some stupid princess wants_

 _Or you can listen as the villain taunts!_

 _The good guy will quake in fear_

 _As this awesome song pelts his ears!_

 _It could be as funny as can be_

 _Or scary enough to make you pee!_

 _Yes sir…_

 _This is the villain song!_

 _Yes, this is the villain song!_

 _There's no better way to be chillin'_

 _Then with a song...sung by the villain!_

 **Rodney:** Pretty good eh?

Larry reluctantly nodded.

Rodney: Yeah, I've got it.

/

Irving was now walking towards Phineas and Ferb's house, to continue his musical

Irving: Okay, I'm almost to their house. I just gotta pretend this has never happened to me. Man, I can't wait to experience this again. It all started here,. I found about Phineas and Ferb, and in just a week I had a scrapbook full of pictures of them, and another scrapbook of Candace pics, several posters on my wall, several biographys, and of course, all their songs on a mix tape!

Man: Hey kid!

Irving: What?

Man: I couldn't help but overhear about your little obsession…

Irving: So? Who cares if I say, have motion detectors on them?

Man:That's creepy. Are you a stalker or something?

Irving: Grrr…

(Song!)

 _Why does everyone say that?_

 _It's getting old_

 _Do these people_

 _Think they're so bold?_

 _I'm not a Stalker! I am not_

 _So what If I know_

 _P & F built a robot? _

_Just because I put cameras_

 _I'll over their home_

 _And I'm there wherever they roam_

 _Doesn't mean I stalk!_

 _Sure I know everything_

 _Their hopes, Dreams, and dental records_

 _And who won_

 _Whenever they play checkers_

 _But I'm not a stalker!_

 _Yes I know_

 _All their secrets_

 _And I know_

 _About their…wee pets.._

 ** _Man_ :** Wee pets?

 ** _Irving:_ ** I ran out of rhymes!

 _Of course I know every song they've sung_

 _Don't go, I'm not done!_

 _I'm…not a stalker!_

End Song

Man:…Whatever. Bye.

Irving: ….That was odd, came out of nowhere, had nothing to with the plot, and I will never mention that again. …Well, off to the boy's house!

/

Albert was heading towards the place he went to on the first day of summer…

Albert: Okay Albert, this will be easy. All you gotta do is just sing when that watch goes off. As long as there is no distractions..

?: Yo!

Albert turned around to see…Chad.

Albert: Oh hey, Irving told me about you. Wait, but I heard Phineas and Ferb were gathering all of their friend for an epic musical number. Don't ask how I heard that, it happened off screen,

Chad: Oh, they didn't invite me. I heard about that, but I don't seem to have been invited.,

Albert: Now that I think about, they haven't talked to me either…

Chad: That's odd. I mean, sure we are a bit minor, in comparison to the main people in this world, but we're still people.

Albert: Your right! We may be minor characters, as in people who are very minor, but we are still important!

?: I hear you.

Albert: Huh?

They turned around to see…Sabu.

Albert: Oh, Irving told me about you too. Wait, let me guess, you weren't invited either?

Sabu: Yep. Everyone who wasn't invited is actually standing right behind me!

Albert: Wow. That's….injustice! Us minor people deserve attention to!

Chad: What are YOU gonna do about it?

Albert: I'm gonna…

Suddenly, Albert's watch beeped.

Albert: Oh right. Forgot about that. Well, if he wants a song…

 _There are several characters in this good old town_

 _Animals, human, plants, and even a clown._

 _Most of them get tons of spotlight_

 _But my friends, that is not right_

 _There are some people who need to be shown_

 _Being hidden, I can not condone_

 _We should not stand of this_

 _We deserve some bliss_

 _So I think we should fight!_

 _Because…_

 **Chad,Albert, and Sabu** : _We are minor characters_

 _Yes we are minor characters_

 _**Albert** : And not care actors _

_All minors matter in this world_

 _The fact that we're not seen so much makes me hurl_

 _Yes we're all awesome_

 _Weather they be…_

Klimpaloon: Nang!

Random Guy Crazy people!

Random Guy 2: Somewhat creepy people!

Random Girl: Tomboys!

Irwin: Fanon!

Random Girl 2: Spys

 **Albert** : _And people with different colored eyes_

 _Yes there's tons of awesome people on this planet_

 _'Some who'll make just shout "Dang it!"_

 _But the minor characters, are the ones you should care for!_

 _Because…_

 ** _Chad Albert, and Sabu_ :** We are minor characters

Yes we are minor characters

 **Albert** : _And not care actors_

 _Yes We are minor characters_

 _We are minor char actors_

 _We…_

 _Are…_

 _Minor…_

 _Characterrrrrrrrrrrrrs!_

 **(End Song)**

Albert: Now THAT was awesome. Now if you excuse me I must continue with my musical day,. Perhaps I'll have some else sing a song,…

Then all of a sudden….Irwin popped up…and started to sing.

 **Irwin:** _Oh, He's Irving. He's irving_

 _He is not unnerving, he-_

(Song Stops)

Albert: NOT YOU! Get out of here!

Irwin: …Okay.

Albert: Well…that was pointless. Well, on to that place I went!

Albert was now at his destination.

Albert: Well, what is this place?

Al looked up to see it was...

Albert: Rodney Maniacal Industries? Sounds...interesting. But what could be in there?

 **(Song!)**

 **Albert:** _Oh, what is this building?_

 _What is this place?_

 _A guy who will kick me right in the face?_

 _Or a monkey who comes from outer space?_

 _Or a lady who will hit me with mace?_

 _Oh, what it is in this place?_

 _Oh what is this place?_

 _But who is Rodney?_

 _A dude who has 30 kidneys?_

 _Or a cat who has several bad kness?_

 _Why is it so tall?_

 _Will it ever fall?_

 _Why does it reach so high?_

 _If you jump off it, you might die_

 _What does place do?_

 _Is it a factory?_

 _Does it make cups, of tea?_

 _Will it like me?_

 _Why is it here?_

 _Does it sell root beer?_

 _What is this place?_

 _Oh, what is this place?_

 _A cop who will come and give chase?_

 _Should I go and enter?_

 _And then find the center?_

 _Oh, what is this place?_

 _Yes, what is this place?_

 _Oh...What issss thiiiis...plaaaaaaaaaaaace?_

Albert: Wait, why am I singing when I should be going on there? Let's check this place out..

Rodney: And now that I've activated my invention during that last scene, it's time to start my evil pla-

Then, the bell rang.

Rodney: Ugh, who could that be? Hold on Larry the lemur, let me get this.

Rodney opened the door.

Albert: ...hey

Rodney: Oh you ag-oh wait, you must be re-doing the day too. I mean, who the heck are you?

Albert: Oh hi. I'm Albert. I saw this place and thought I might check this out.

Rodney: Well please go away,. I am working on something.

Albert: ...Oh, sorry for intruding. I guess I might go home, and hope Irving is done with his thing so I can help him build that invention he asked me to build the other day,.

Rodney: Wait a sec...did you say invention?

Albert: Yes. I'm actually a pretty good inventor if I say so myself.

Rodney: Hm...really? Perhaps you could help with something?

Albert: It depends. What is it?

Rodney: Well you see I...am evil!

Albert: ...Cool

Rodney: However I have no nemesis as of yet, and I can't think of a good invention.

Albert: And where do I come in?

Rodney: I want YOU to help me come up with a plan to take over the ENTIRE TRI STATE AREA!

Albert: Um...no.

Rodney: Oh come on! Please?

Albert: No.

Rodney: Pretty please?

Albert: No! And there's no way you'll make me..

Rodney: Or really? How about this?

 **(Song)**

 **Rodney** : _I am an evil guy_

 _And i'll be bad til the day I die_

 _I'd build evil things all the time_

 _Because being bad is sublime_

 _But sadly i have no one to assist_

 _I would cease and desist._

 _But i simply can't resist_

 _I wish i had some help_

 _I'd even scream and yelp_

 _I'd get help from any dude_

 _Even someone's who is very rude_

 _So here's what i need you to do.._

 _I need you help me out!_

 _Yes please help me out!_

 _Come on and help me out!_

 _**Albert** : I don't know if i really should... _

_Or even if i could._

 _Why would help you out?_

 _I'd rather just sit and pout_

 _I don't have much skill_

 _Though i do have some time to kill..._

 **Rodney** : _Come on, do what i please_

 _I'm here begging on my knee's!_

 **Albert** : _I don't why i should help a villain_

 _I'd rather be home chillin_

 _Though it guess it would be cool_

 _But i'm no fool_

 _Yet, it could be fun_

 _I might stay til we're done..._

 **Rodney:** _Yes come and do this for me_

 _We'll never stop, even to pee!_

 _Just help me out!_

 _Yes help me out!_

 **Albert:** _Yes, i'll do this for you!_

 _I'll stick to you like glue_

 _I'll help you out!_

 _Yes help you out!_

 **Rodney:** _Yeah, we make such a great team_

 _It's much better then it seems_

 _Soon we'll rule this all!_

 _Everywhere, even the mall!_

 _We'll take over the world!_

 _And get all the girls!_

 **Albert:** And all i have to do is...

 **Both'** : _Help me/you...ouuuuuuuuuuuut!_

 **(End song)**

Albert: Okay, fine i'll help you. Though it is odd that I'm helping out 2 evil people in one su-wait, redoing the day, shouldn't know this yet.

Rodney: Yes! Let's get this started!

/

Irving was now at Phineas and Ferb's house. He saw the line for the rollercoaster and walked up to the line.

Irving: Okay let's do this. Hey, dude!

Django: Huh? Oh hi, Irving

Irving: Django, you messed it up!

Django: Huh?

Irving: Django, I am trying to redo the day I found out about Phineas and Ferb, and you're messing it up!

Django: Oh. Sorry. Can I start over?

Irving: Yes you may

Django: Okay. *Clears Throat* Oh hello. What's up?

Irving: Hey, I'm Irving. So uh, what's all this here?

Django: I'm Django. And I'm just waiting in line to get on Phineas and Ferb's rollercoaster!

Irving: Who are Phineas and Ferb?

Django: What? You don't know who Phineas and Ferb are?

Irving: Well, I've lived here for years, and I haven't heard of them, so I doubt they are famous, so I think it's understandable that I have not heard of them.

Django: Touché.

Irving: So, who are they?

Django: _Well, let me explain…._

 _Then a song started up._

 _These kids you see_

 _One's name starts with a P_

 _And the other is an F_ _The names are odd_

 _Might as well be called "Cod"_

 _But the names are as folloooooooooows..._

 _They're Phineas and Ferb_ _Not hideous and nerd_

 _But Phineas and Ferb_

 _They're quite the amazing people_

 _Phin's head's a triangle_

 _And Ferb's is some kind of rectangle like thing_

 _They're Phineas and Ferb_

 _Not hideous and nerd_

 _But Phineas and Ferb_

 _They can build anything in a day_

 _Like that monkey circus they made last may_

 _They'll do whatever whenever they pleeeeeeease_

 _And eat some cheeeeeeeese_ _They're Phineas and Ferb!_

 _ **Irving** : I'm amazed at what these kids can do _

_I'm amazed at what these kids can do_

 _But tell me why I should believe you?_

 _This is one very amazing feeeeeeaaaat_

 _I need to figure out just how_ _These kids did it right now_

 _These are things that no one could beeeeeeaaaaat_

 **Irving and Django** : _They're Phineas and Ferb!_

Irving: Wow, these guys sound awesome!

Django: They are!

Irving: Cool. Well I'm gonna go ride the coaster now. See ya, I'm looking forward to only seeing you in small cameos!

Irving then went into the tent thing to ride the coaster...

* * *

Back at RMI, Al and Rodney had started work on their evil invention

Rodney: This is gonna be great!

Albert: Indeed. So, you're evil huh?

Rodney: Yep! Have been for years

Albert: Do you have a nemesis?

Rodney: Do you want the present day answer or the first day answer?

Albert: Present day? You have a nemesis now?

Rodney: Yes, i do. But it doesn't matter, we need to finish this inizer!

Albert: Okay, fair enough.

They then went back to a work, and only a few minutes later, it seems like they were done.

Rodney: Perfect, it's done!

Albert: Man, i gotta stop making evil inventions, they just have me make horrible decisions.

Rodney: Okay, i have no idea what this does, but let's find out!

Albert: Actually Rodney...i think this is mine!

Rodney: What the-hey!

Albert: Hey wait...You were gonna steal this inizer for your self! Well, i'm gonna beat you to the punch. I'm gonna be the one to steal this invention!

Albert attempted to drag the invention out the room

Rodney: Hey kid, do you know what this does?

Albert: Welll, i don't REMEMBER...

Rodney: I do...it's a cannon-inizer and it can shoot you without having to step inside it!

Albert: Wait what?

Rodney: Fire in the hole!

Albert: Wait, no!

Rodney: *Evi l laugh* YES!

Then, Rodney activated the canon-inator, which fired a beam at Albert. The beam made albert suddenly shoot off into the air, and far away from the building. .

Rodney: YES! Now i can go on with my evil pla-

Rodney looked to see Larry was..not there.

Rodney: Hey, where's Larry the lemur? Oh great, he must of got bored. Well, i guess there's no one to stop my pla-

Then, the inator blew up into 9001 peices.

Rodney: ...I guess he set it for Self Destruct. CURSE YOU LARRY THE LEMUR! ...Well that was fun, doing my worst day again worked out well. Guess i can turn off the music inator.

Rodney walked up to the inator.

Rodney: That's odd, acording to this meter..it's never been turned off since i first made at the start of summer! I forgot i made it before, i wanted to re-do that i guess. Wait...this music inator has been on all summer? People have been saying they randomly sing...nah, it can't be it. I'm going to watch some Toony Lunes show. No idea why some people hate it though, it's alright!

/

A little bit later, Albert had landed. In phineas and ferb's backyard no less.

Albert: That's gonna hurt in the morning. Well, i think that day was...good! I mean , i sang...a bit. I didn't sing much did i? I planned a musical, and i barley sang? I guess combined with the songs Iriving sang, it might be 11 but whatever.

Albert walked out of the backyard and decided to head home.

Albert: Only one more thing to do though...wait for irving!

Irving: HI!

Albert: *Girly Shriek*

Irving: Why do so many manly men have girly shrieks?

Albert: Because it is a trait on toughness. Like eating bowls of nail for breakfeast, or watching my little pony.

Irving: ...Ya.

Albert: How was the roller coaster?

Irving: I just got off and...That was amazing! I've got to tell someone about this!

 **(Song)**

 _Hey all you people, hey all you people, hey all you people won't you listen to meeeeeee_

 _I just rode a coaster, no ordinary coaster_

 _the coaster that is the coolest eveeeeeeeeeer!_

 _Hey man you got to ride this coaster, it's no ordinary coaster,_

 _it's the best coaster I've ever seeeeeeen!_

 _A zebadadebadaba doobidab zabady da yeeeeeeaaaaaaah!_

Man: SHUT UP!

Albert: This is why you fail and i succeed.

Irving: Eh, whatever. I think we should close this thing with...

Albert: Ponies?

Irving: ...No. Another song!

Then. our final song started, just as that OTHER finale song started in the backyard

 _ **Irving:** We hope that you enjoyed the show. _

_**Stacy and Albert:** Before we leave there's one thing you ought to know! _

_**Phinello and Isabella:** You have to try to enjoy the day! _

_**Candace:** In your very own special way! _

_**Stacy** Don't let anyone tell you to give up! _

_Just keep trying because..._

 _ **Isabella:** You can do it! _

_( **Vanessa:** You can do it!) _

_**Isabella:** You can do it! _

_If you believe, you can achieve,_

 _With your friends by your side!_

 _If you put your mind to it, with your friends to help you through it...m!_

 _ **Albert:** You just have to try to enjoy the day! _

_**Stacy:** In your own special way! _

_**Ginger:** Cuz you can do it!_

 _Oooohhhhhhhh..._

 _ **Phineas:** Every day's a brand new day baby Carpe Diem! _

**Rodney:** _Ooh...Ooh..._

 _ **Sabu** You can do it, so just have some fun! _

_**Klimpaloon:** Nang nang nang?  
_

 _ **Harry the Contractor:** Just rock out with everyone! _

_**Thaddeus and Thor:** Yeah yeah yeah! _

_**Mandy:** Just get out there and enjoy the day, cuz you can do it! _

_Ooh...Ooh..._

 _ **Candace:** Yeah, just get out there! You'll never know until you try! _

_**Stacy, Django, and Jenny:** Just get out there and enjoy the day! _

_**All:** Cuz you can do it! _

(At the same time, the final "Baby, Carpe Diem!" plays, and the final note for both songs plays until the end)

Irving: Well, the only thing left to do is re-enact that one part of the day i never told you about.

Albert: ...Okay. see ya at home.

Irving walked up to the front on Phineas' house, where Candace was sitting on the steps, moping.

Irving: Well hello, young woman. How are you?

Candace: ...I'm feeling cruddy today.

Irving: Why is that?

Candace: For the last...2 days, i tried to get my brothers in trouble for crazy inventions they do.

Irving: Hmmm, let me guess. You either fear they might get hurt, or you are jealous you can't get away with that kind of stuff.

Candace: ..That's right. How did you guess?

Irving: It's as obvious as your beautifully long neck

Candace: ...My what?

Irving: ...Nothing.

Candace: Well anyway, they just annoy me, but my mom never believes me. I think i should just give up while i'm ahead.

Irving: NO!

Candace: No?

Irving: No. Neit. Nein. Nada. The opposite of yes. I HAVE A NEGATIVE IMPULSE TO THIS SCENARIO!

Candace: ...What?

Irving: I mean, you shouldn't give up. Yes, you might not succeed. But if you try about 104 times, you might win someday.

Candace: Are you saying that i should devote my life to a silly task i will never achieve?

Irving: No. I am saying you should try and try until you get bored.

Candace: You know what? You are right! I should never give up! Thanks to you, i shall try to bust my brothers for many epi-er days, to come!

Irving: There we go! Okay, that's over Candace.

Candace: Good, I've had enough of re-enacting moments from that bad day again.

Irving: See ya!

Irving returned to Albert's side, as they started walking home.

Albert: So Irving...was that thing back there really from the first day of summer?

Irving: Yep. I never told anyone about it until now.

Albert: So you're the reason Can-

Irving: Let's not speak of it. Today was a great day, and i'd rather not spoil it.

Albert: Fair Enough.

The two nerds walked home, looking back on their insane day

 **Narrator 1:** And this is How it all began...as a musical. Now, are you happy?

Narrator 2: Yes. Yes I am.

Narrator 1: Great. These two nerds started their summer as...well, 2 nerds, but through only a month and a few weeks they are now...a nerd with a friend, and a nerd with a cute girlfriend.

Narrator 2: They have gone a long way.

Narrator 1: Indeed they have. And that is the epic tale of how they re-did their first adventure. And with that, I am done with this narrator gig!

Narrator 2: Come on, it wasn't that bad!

Narrator 1: It was the worst experience of my career. I quit.

Narrator 2: Don't say that, come back!

Narrator 1: No!

Narrator 2: Oh geez..

 **END**

 **AN: Yeah, i got no issues with this one, aside from a few weird moments. This one was fun. That's all i got.**


	13. The Norminator

**Author's Note: Here's another favorite. The plot is interesting and i don't think i made any mistakes here. However, i may have a hard time convincing you that i wrote this in like 2012 or so. Cuz while i have creepily predicted events in the show before, this goes beyond that. What do i mean? You'll see..  
**

 **The Adventures of Irving and Friend**

 **Episode 13: The Norminator**

/

 **THE NOT TOO DISTANT FUTURE**

 **Next Sunday AD**

 **Jingle Singers:** (Slowly) _Doofenshmirtz *Cough* Evil incorporated!_

Doofenshmirtz: Dang it, even The Slacks have gotten old!

Jingle Singers: Dude, we just have a cold ,we're only 24…well Jarred is 26

Doofenshmirtz: Oh Sorry, I'm getting old…

Norm: Do you need a cane?

Doofenshmirtz: *Sigh* That's cool.

Norm: What's wrong, sir?

Doofenshmirtz: It's just that…it's been like 5 years since I started this, and I still haven't taken over the tri state area!

Norm: The 90001th time is the charm!

Doofenshmirtz: No, yesterday was attempt #9000, so it would be 9001

Norm: That's what I said!

Doofenshmirtz: Whatever. You know maybe I should just retire. I still have my retire-inator…Not the tire one, I mean the retire as in the stop working one.

Norm: Retiring is for wimps!

Doofenshmirtz: *Sigh* Yeah… if I stopped Perry earlier, I wouldn't be so bummed. Sure, he would of stopped me again eventually, but then I would have won once, then just gave up, since I at least felt victory!

Norm: At least you have me!

Doofenshmirtz: …That's worse!

Norm: It's too bad you can't just make it so you beat him a week go.

Doofenshmirtz: …Or CAN I?

Norm: Yes. Yes you can.

Doofenshmirtz: Then why did you say otherwise?

Norm: To get the plot rolling.

Doofenshmirtz: Ah, well that makes sense. Anyway, I think I know what I'm going to do today! I will send you into the past to stop Perry once and for all!

Norm: Sounds like fun!

Doofenshmirtz: Yea, here's the thing…you're not "evil" enough.

Norm: What do you mean? Is it my face?

Doofenshmirtz: You're face is fine. It just needs to be…eviler.

Norm: Is It my shape?

Doofenshmirtz: You're shape is fine, you just need to be eviler. …You need to be about 20% eviler.

Norm: How will you do that?

Doofenshmirtz: You'll see…

 ***15 Minutes Later***

Doofenshmirtz: Okay, it's done! Behold, no one in particular, my most evil invention…THE NORM-INATOR!

Norm steeped out from the closet only he was completely white, and had glowing red eyes,..

Doofenshmirtz: It's just Norm, but with evil weapons…and the inator suffix!

Norminator: What shall I do, sir?

Doofenshmirtz: I want you to step through my new time portal-inator, and defeated your target. I set it for 1 week into the past.

Norm: Why a week?

Doofenshmirtz: If I send him too far, then I will have beaten him /too/ early. Too late, and it will seem boring after all this time, but 1 week ago, is just right!

Norm: Very well.

Doofenshmirtz: Now, go!

Norm stepped through the portal and went to get rid of Agent P.

/

Little did Doof know, back in OWCA HQ, Monogram was sitting in his chair while using his secret Listening device ( OWCA 2012)

Monogram: ..Gasp! This is awful!

Carl: What is it, sir?

Monogram: ..Carl, if you ever scare me like that again, I will fire you.

Carl: Sorry sir.

Monogram: Anyway, we have a problem so big, I don't think we need agent P.

Carl: We don't? Why?

Monogram: You see, Intern Carl, 'Dr Doofenshmirtz has sent a new norm one week into the past to get rid of agent P.

Carl: Oh no, what are we going to do?

Monogram: Fight fire with fire!

Carl: You mean we send our own robot into the past to protect Agent P?

Monogram: I was going to say send you, but eh, that'll do

Carl: As luck would have it, I built another norm in my spare time!

Monogram: …You're unpaid, right?

Carl: Yes.

Monogram: Good, let's keep it that way.

* * *

A few minutes later, another Norm had been built, and Monogram has made a time portal to send him back.

Monogram: Okay, I dub thee, the N-1000!

Carl: Nice name. This baby has some modifications. For example, he is now made of liquid metal,

Monogram: Liquid metal? What will they think of next?

Carl: Self lacing shoes?

Monogram: Only 4 more years, carl.

Carl: Now, step forth and head to the past to protect Agent P!

N-1000: Very well, Sir.

Carl: Sir? Squeeee!

* * *

Meanwhile, Irving and Albert were at home, just sitting around.

Irving: Well Albert, it's been a fairly average last 2 days.

Albert: E-yup.

Irving: Why didn't we do any-AHHH!

Albert: Huh?

Irving: I just felt a weird sort…time lapse,.

Albert: You mean you felt like…time just got…changed?

Irving: Yea, how did you know?

Albert: I just had that same feeling..

Irving: Odd, what just happened?

Albert: Why do I have the feeling we are about to remember.

 **1 WEEK EARLIER**

 **SUNDAY: 11 AM**

The Norminator had stepped out of the portal

Norminator: Now, to find myself some clothes, maybe some jeans, those are nice.,

The Norminator walked across the street, until a saw a restaurant.

Norminator: This should hold human beings with clothes. ..I sound too robotic. Wait, I am a robot.

It walked into the restaurant, which was filled with evil scientists of all kinds.

Rodney: Hey, look at the tin can!

Dr Bloodpudding: Do you get dial up or windows 7?

Norminator: Give me your clothes.

Dr Lloyd Wexler: I didn't know you were a pleasure model!

Norminator: Give it to me or you will pay.

Rodney: Hmmm,how about "Nein"?

Norminator: You have forced my...robot powers I guess.

Norminator then used his robot powers to zap rodney's clothes onto him, minus the lower half.

Rodney: Hey, why do I still have my pants?

Norminator: Pants are for squares.

Bloodpudding: That is true.

Norminator also zapped another scientists sunglasses.

Norminator: There, now the spoof is complete.

Wexler: That is one cool robot…

/

Irving and Albert were outside, bored as all hell.

Irving: You know Albert, I can't think of anything to do today. I mean, I st-I mean follow, Phineas and Ferb every day. I need to something on my own!

Albert: I've told you to do that 9001 times!

Irving: You have not!

 ***CLIP SHOW THINGY***

Irving and Albert are outside during How it All began

Albert: You should do something without Phineas and Ferb

Irving: You shouldn't even know them yet!

Irwin is gaining on the 2 during Irvin's Fan

Albert: You should do something without Phineas and Ferb

Irving and Albert are fighting Satan*

Albert: You should do something without Phineas and Ferb

 **END***

Irving: That last one never even happened!

Albert: Be that as it may, I still think you should do it.

Irving: I will! Okay, on the count of three.

Both: One...two...three!

Both: LET'S DO THIIIIIIIIIIIIS!

* * *

At Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc., in the present., Doof was working on something while he waited for Agent P.

Doofenshmirtz: Dang it, why is this so hard? I just need to make this device that changes norm's directive so he will obey me for once!

Norm: It's okay, I'm still awesome either way!

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, forget this!

Doof threw the failed device out the window, and it crashed on the pavement. However, this also sent energy waves through the city.

And just as this happened, both the Norminator and N-1000 were at complete opposite ends of a street, unaware of the other. Just then, the wave hit them both.\

Both: I MUST DEFEAT /PROTECT …IRVING AND ALBERT.

* * *

The two nerds had finally decided on what to do…stare at the sun until; something happens.

Irving: …I think my eyes are dying.

Albert: You do know I was kidding when I suggested this, right?

Irving: You were? Uh, I mean, of course!

Albert: Sometimes I wish you had a brain.

Irving: Okay, can I borrow yours? No wait, I'm not that desperate!

Albert: I hate you.

Just then, they heard a big boom from across the street.

Albert: Irving!

Irving: It wasn't me!

They looked to see it was…The norminator!

Norminator: I am the norminator, I have been sent to get rid of you.

Albert: Let me guess, this is another stupid Phineas and Ferb invention?

Irving: Uh...no. They've built robots before, but not one that…gets rid of people.

Albert: And by get rid, you mean kill?

Norminator: I have instructed not to kill, only harm if needed. You are too young to die.

Irving: …uh, yes, yes I am?

Albert: So, this guy is for real?

Irving: Let's find out. Hey, can you love, laugh, and cry?

Norminator: No.

Irving: Yep, he's a robot.

Albert: Do we run like idiots, or stand our ground?

Irving: Run.

Albert: Good choice.

But just then, there was another boom, and they turned to see..

Man: Hello!

Albert: Hey, he must have been sent to save us!

Man: Actually, I'm lost. Do you know how to get to Elm street?

Irving: No.

Man: Oh, well oka-

Then, he was pushed aside, and right there was…the N-1000

N-1000: Come with me if you want to not…die, I guess.

Norminator: Hey, they're mine!

N-1000: Shut up.

Albert: …Hey, we're going to run in the house, that good robot can follow us if he wants.

They ran into the house screaming,. They would of run further but they bumped into…Mom

Irving: Mom, can we hide out in our house for about 20 years? Some robot wants to get rid of us!

Mom: Aren't you a little young to have a killer robot after you?

Irving: We don't have time for that gag!

Mom: Well, you have fun with your "Robot", honey

Albert: Mom, only I can embarrass Irving, when I do it, it's funny. When you do it, it's just downright cruel.

Mom: …I'll see ya later.

She then left to get away from whatever they were doing.

Albert: I really hope that robot doesn't come and kill us!

Irving: Don't worry Albert, we're safe!

N-1000: Whatcha doing?

Irving: Eh we're just hiding from a kill-AHHHHHH!

Albert: No wait, this is the good one!

Irving: Oh… I knew that

N-1000: I am the N-1000. I have been sent to protect you from the evil Norminator.

Albert: Why does he want to get rid of us?

N-1000: I have only been informed of the basics. I'm the robot, not the programmer, bud.

Irving: Well, someone has an attitude?

Albert: Do you have any robot powers?

N-1000: I made of liquid metal, which can shift into anything, and it is indestructible.

Irving: That…is epic.

N-1000: Indeed it is.

Albert: Okay, so how bad is this Norminator?

N-1000: He is packed with at least 96 weapons designed to defeat anyone.

Irving: Sounds like this guy a force to be reckoned with.

Albert: At least he's not-

And right on cue, The norminator barged in.

Norminator: I must defeat you.

Irving: AHHHHHHH!

N-1000; Get out of here. I shall hold him off.\

Albert: I'm on it!

The n-1000 stepped up the Norminator. The evil robot glared at the shiny liquid metal "hero". The N-1000 changed his hand into a hammer, and tried to smash the technical disaster. However, The Norminator grabbed the hammer head with mighty hand and shoved it into the good robot's face. The N-1000 stumbled a bit, but soon regained his balance. He turned his hand into a shiny sword and slashed with strong arm of the Norminator,.

N-1000: You will not stop me!

Norminator: Oh, I will!

The N-1000 grabbed the Norminator with its immense strength and held it over his head.

N-1000: This ends now!

* * *

Irving and Albert had decided to hide out in the safest possible location..

Stacy: I'm glad you're here Albert, but what's the occasion?

Albert: Oh…No reason. Just wanted to see my-

Irving: An evil robot want to defeat us and a good robot is fighting him off.

Stacy: …Is it Tuesday again?

Albert: Sunday.

Stacy: Oh, I see. Wait, why is there an evil robot after you?

Irving: We have no idea. We figure it would be too much to handle if we knew the full details.\

Albert: So we're hiding out at your house until we can stop the evil robot.

Stacy: Well, you can stay here as long as you like. And if that cyborg does show face, he's gonna have to answer to me!

Irving: I doubt you can fight a robot.

Albert: Well, it's the thought that counts.

Stacy: So where's this good robot.

Irving: Right behind you.

N-1000: Hello.

Stacy: AHHHHHHHHHH!

N-1000: Scanning. Stacy Hirano. Age: 15. Height: 5'6. Gender: Female. Additional Information: Seems to be the girlfriend of one Albert Du Bois….My database must be malfunctioning, as that is highly illogical.

Albert: HEY!

Stacy: Okay, so this robot needs to beat up the Bad one so this one can get out of here.

N-1000: Bite my shiny metal-

Irving: Okay, enough fighting. Stacy, where is your mother?

Stacy: She's out at the moment with Ginger on some Mother-Daughter thing. She's doing it with me next week.

Irving: WAIT! I want to talk with this robot some more.

N-1000: What would you like to know?

Irving: Do you…do whatever I say?

N-1000: Yes!

Albert: Irving, this is not the time to mess around!

Irving: …Wave your hand.

N-1000: *Waves hand*

Irving: Clap!

N-1000: *Claps*

Irving: Yes! I have a buddy will do..ANYTHING!

And thus, a song started up

 **Irving:** _I have a little buddy who will do anything for me!_

 _He's a special little friend, and he's always so happy!_

 _He's also very snappy_

 _He's my mechanical buddy,_

 _Not just a titanium toy!_

 _He makes me such a happy little boy!_

 _I'm filled with so much joy!_

 _He's not a pirate who shouts Ahoy!_

 _he's not being coy._

 _Yes, he's my robot friend\_

 _He'll be there to the end_

 _He knows all the latest trends_

 _He's known as the N-1000_

 _I… don't have a rhyme for 1000!_

 _I know that seemed quite laaazzzzy…_

 _But my memory of rhymes is quite haazzzy_

 _BRING IT DOWN, HOMIES!_

 **Irving:** _My robot friend!_

 _My robot friend!_

 _He really is quite helpful!_

 _He's my robot friend!_

 _My robot friend!_

 _My robot friend!_

 _He cleans up my room_

 _without a huge boom_

 _He's not gonna spread any doom_

 _He's a robot man_

 _His names not stan_

 _And he's in the band_

 _He's not very tanned!_

 _This song is gonna end!_

 _He's my robot friend!_

 **N-1000:** I will obey him to the end

 **Irving:** You better believe it, punks

 **(song ends)**

Irving: This is going to be amazing!

Stacy: We kind of need to /hide/, not be all show-boaty.

Irving: Sorry.

Albert: Good, now who will be sleeping with whom?

Irving: Yeah, you want to sleep with Stacy, right?

Stacy: Yeah, Sorry but…I don't want the robot with the little boy. So, I think you should be with him, to make sure he doesn't try anything.

Albert: But that means you will be with Irving!

Stacy: I know Al, but I don't want the fear that a robot is with a little boy. You're a tough guy, you can handle the robot.

Irving: But he's like my slave.

Stacy: That's the bad part.

Irving: So my song will never be mentioned again?

Crazy Voice: BIG LIPPED ALLIGATOR MOMENT!

Irving: …Where did that come from?

Albert: *Sigh* We're not going to be here long enough to need to sleep anyway...but fine, I'll do it.

Irving: Hey…where's Larry?

* * *

In the very next room, Larry reading a magazine, and all was fine…until Wanda's face showed up in place of the face of some model that was on the page.

Wanda: Hello Agent L…Oh, am I interrupting something? Well sorr-hey, this a nice body I have here. Wish I could feel it. Well anyway, I see you are close to your owners. Well, as it turns, they have been targeted by an evil robot from the future. Yes, really. Thankfully, another one has come to protect him. But, you need to make sure he does not see harm of any kind. This is the single most important task I have given you, I trust you to do this. Godspeed.

Wanda's face went away. Larry would of gone off right then and there. But he had second thoughts. He was only a rookie after all. Could he handle all this responsibility? Either way, Larry had to do this. Larry went off to do his duty

* * *

Albert was in his room with the robot.

Albert: Okay, N-1000/ Just stay on your side, while I read my book. If the bad robot comes around, you fight him off and I will just figure out the rest.

N-1000: Very Well.

Albert: Thanks.

The door cracked open.

Albert: AHHHH NORMINATOR!

Thankfully…it was just Larry. He had assumed Irving was in there. He was going to turn around and find Irving, but…

Albert: Oh, there you are Larry. Hey, come over here. I need a flesh and blood being around here.

Larry thought things over quickly. He figured that Albert was his owner too, so why not?

Albert: *Sigh* Larry. My life isn't quite the greatness it should be. But, I do have that one happy spot who's name starts with an S and ends with an acy Hirano…I just ruined the whole "keep the name a secret thing". Drat.

Larry rolled his eyes.

Albert: You know Larry, I never have been with you alone before. You seem to disappear every day, before we can do anything. You always hang out with irving. But, eh I guess it doesn't matter. I mean, he's the one who really need the company. Poor nerd…

Larry suddenly felt guilty ..

Albert: You don't seem quite that bad, honestly. But, you don't do much. Though, you are a lemur. What are they supposed to do? Party with penguins? Irving always did get the better stuff…The best thing I ever got were those nun chuck. It's a long story, but it's both a painful reminder, and a happy memory. But that's another story.

Albert then noticed Larry crawling into his lap.

Albert: Oh, you can stay there. You do seem kind of cute. I wonder what you think about..

Larry drifted off to sleep. Albert was a nice guy after all, at least to Larry

/

Meanwhile, The norminator had survived his last battle with the N-1000. He was now at the park, sitting on a bench.

Norminator: This should be easy. Nerds are weak. But that darn Good guy was just too good. Evil should be a walk in the park. You blow things up, take over, and you are done. But it's quite hard. This evil thing isn't all that fun. Maybe-

He was interrupted by a Call from Doof, on his wrist watch thing,.

Norminator: Yes, sir?

Doofenshmirtz: Have you made any progress in stopping your target?

Norminator: No. This is getting hard. My enemy has been rather strong.

Doofenshmirtz: Well, you need to be stronger! I need perry the platypus stopped, now!

Norminator: Perry? But i-

Doofenshmirtz: No buts! You must stop him, no matter what.

Norminator: But this evil is thing is kind of-

Doof then disappeared.

Norminator: *Sigh* I hate my life.

/

Back at the House, Irving and Stacy were now in their room.

Stacy: Normally I would tell you to stay on your side or something, but I'm not a jerk. I'm, nice to kids, so you stay where you please.

Irving: Thank you. You know, I have never technically spoke to you alone when not being a fan boy, or doing anything else.

Stacy: Well, you don't really seem to care about me, at least not until the whole…Albert thing happened.

Irving: That is true. Yeah, Albert isn't the best person to live with.

Stacy: He seems fine to me.

Irving: Do you know he much he tortures me? How much he insults me?

Stacy: Big brothers do that all the time.

Irving: I know, but he seems to be it without being provoked. Ever since…something happened with Dad. Long story.

Stacy: …Wait, Albert was like this after your dad left?

Irving: Yes, but I don't see how it matters…Wait…

Stacy: I do not know what airline food, but I can tell that pain of that loss, lead to him letting his anger and pent up feelings, out on you.

Irving: I…never thought of that. Though I rarely think of Albert when he's not around. A little busy with Phineas and ferb.

Stacy: Well, maybe you should take a break from them every now and then, and have some time with your brother. I mean, he is a nice guy when you get to know him. He has to be, or i…well you know.

Irving: Yeah,…maybe you should. You know, I did wonder I but why Albert liked you see much…and I see it now. You're cool.

Stacy: Thanks...For being the little brother of a man I love, i…tolerate you.

Irving: …Thanks, I …let's check up Albert and the robot.

* * *

Albert was playing poker with the N-1000

N-1000: …go Fish?

Albert: Wrong game.

Irving and Stacy entered the room.

Albert: Ohai Irving.

Irving: Yo…oh there you are larry.

Stacy: Oh, I've never seen this little guy before.

N-1000: …Why do I do this?

Irving: Do what?

N-1000: Protect you. Why am I obeying orders given to me? Why were they given?

Albert: Because an evil robot was after us!

N-1000: But why was he after you? I wish I was him, killing looks like…fun.

Irving: Well…Evil is sometimes sexy.

Stacy: Yea, it is..

Albert: …Okay, "Stacy needs to be evil" jokes aside, being evil sucks. Just look at a person I can't say around Stacy.

N-1000: I…think I'll…*Deep voice* give it a try!

Irving: ….Oh crap.

Stacy: …Should we run?

N-1000: Yes, It's more fun to chase. I'll give you a 5 minute head start

Albert: Will do.

All: AJHHHHHHHH!

They then ran out of the house as fast as their feet could take them.

N-1000: And by 5 minute, I mean 5 seconds. I'm a liar, and lairs are evil.

/

A few miles away, stood the Danville lava pit. Due to an accident caused by both a Phineas and ferb invention, and doof one, a lava pit stood in a spot. Instead of getting rid of it, they built a steel shack around it so no one could fall into it, unless they couldn't read the "DON'T GO IN IF YOU LIKE YOUR SKIN, BRAIN, AND LIFE OVERALL" sign. Anyway, the 3 kids ran into it, hoping it was a good hiding place.

Irving: Okay, we should be safe in this shack with a giant lava pit.

Stacy: Do you listen to what you say?

Irving: I drift in and out.

Albert: Okay, I doubt a robot will come in here.

The N-1000 and Norminator both ran in.

Stacy: I doubt t'll ever get a car.

Irving: It doesn't work that way.

Stacy: …Of course.

N-1000: Hey, this is my game. Get out

Norminator: Actually, I would like to request that they not be harmed…by anyone.

Albert: ..But, don't you want to kill us?

Norminator: No. Being evil…does not suit my original programming.

N-1000: Wow, we both switched sides. That's weird. Anyway, if you won't defeat them, I will!

Norminator: That does not compute.

Stacy: Come on, why would you to hurt us? We're so cute!

Albert: Yes, she is…oh, and I guess Irving and I look decent too.

Norminator: I do not know this "cute". Is it a Mexican dish?

N-1000: Cute means appealing and delightful, and also attractive. My scanners say there is a heavy amount of it somewhere here, but I don't know where….most likely not from a pink girl.

Isabella (Off Screen): OH COME ON!

Norminator: Man, you got all the good stuff. Even liquid metal.

N-1000: And that is why I will end you…then these kids are next!

Albert: Okay, just close your eyes so you don't have to see us being…defeated. I'll look because I am manly.

They did as requested.

N-1000: Then I shall give you a manly defeat…with a giant hammer.\

Albert: I should of closed my eyes.

Just then, Larry burst in just quick enough to go into pet mode before being spotted.

Albert: Larry! Save yourself!

Irving: Larry? Is he okay?

Albert: Uh…yes, for now.

Stacy: Um…Al, can I be the one to have their eyes open? If the robot trys to hurts you, I must know about it so I can kick his robot chassis.

Albert: …Eh, sure. I can't say no to you.

Irving: Oh barf.

Albert: *Closes his eyes*

Stacy: Now go on larry!

The N-1000 charged at the three…

Irving: What's going on?~ I hope it's pleasant..

Stacy: Larry, go get help!

Irving: What she said!

But, Larry did not run… Instead, the Lemur had decided that, since Irving can't see him, to do the most logical thing possible…bust out his fedora and kick the robot!

Stacy: …Did Larry just do that?

Larry forgot about Stacy. No one ever said he was a smart agent. But Larry had no time to cover up his secret; he needed to stop these robots.

Albert: What's going on?

Stacy: Uh…the robots seem to be fighting each other.

The two robots began to battle. The N-1000 morphed his hand into …a spatula.

Norminator: What are you going to do? Fry me to death?

N-1000: Sorry, wrong weapon.

He then changed it into a deadly laser.

Norminator: Much better. Now, let us do battle.

The two robots began to engage in epic wa-

Monogram: The OWCA interrupts this program by order of…me. This scene is way too epic and heavy for impressionable child readers. Instead, enjoy this picture of a pretty bunny

LOOK AT THE PRETTY BUNNNYYYYY…

Monogram: Yep, that is one cute bunny. I wanted a pet bunny. But my father didn't let me have one. He said I wasn't responsible with bunnies. I'm the head of an entire animal agency, suck on that!

Carl: But didn't Dennis the Bunny go rouge?

Monogram: Back to the epic war.

The Norminator was quite beat up, while the N-1000 charged his laser hand…

Larry jumped up to kick the robot but…the N-1000 morphed his hand back to normal and punched larry, who flew across the room.

Stacy: Larry, no!

The Two nerds opened their eyes to see their pet lemur, who was in pet mode now…hanging over the lava pit.

Albert and Irving: NOOOOOOOO!

Irving: Wait, why do you care?

Albert: You may have bought Larry,but he belongs to both of us! And…he's...a good...pet…i guess.

Larry may have been in horrible danger, but he still had time to smile at that comment.

N-1000: Now, to get rid of this bothersome Lemur.

Albert: …NO! You came for Irving and me…but I can't stand to be without larry or Irving so…COME AT ME BRO.

Irving: Albert, you don't have to do this. TAKE ME!

Albert: No, me!

N-1000: Oh, screw it.

The N-1000 then…kicked Larry off the edge, and into the lava..

All: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Albert: …No! That didn't happen!

Irving: It did…he …threw the lava.

Stacy: Anyone want to peek over edge to make sure?

Irving: …He's dead

Stacy: I guess that's a no, then.

Albert: I…only just started to know him.

Irving: He was so…cute.

Stacy: He was pretty cool..

Albert: Grrr., hey robot!

N-1000: Yes?

Albert: You…MEAN PERSON!

Irving: Oh, He means business.

Albert: No one hurts my le-

The N-1000 simply picked up Albert and threw across the room… very close to the edge of the pit.

Irving and Stacy: NOOOOOOOOO!

N-1000: Yes!

Stacy: Look, you-

Irving: Big bucked of bolts~

Stacy: You big tin can!

Irving: No one!

Stacy: Not one person..

Irving: Ever.

Stacy: EVER!

Both: HURTS ALBERT!

They both ran at the robot, as fast as they could. They smacked right into him, hard. The robot tried to push the kids off of him.

N-1000: Hey, why can't I push you?

Stacy: The magic of friendship?

? : Actually, No

They all looked to see…a portal, with both Doof and Monogram in front of it.;/

Monogram: It was my remote. But that last bit was…Doof, are you sweating through your eyes?

Doofenshmirtz: Actually yes. My new inator got…messed up.

Albert: Wait, what's going on?

Monogram: First things first, is everyone accounted for?

Irving: Well Except for Larry…

Stacy: Ugh, I'll check.

Stacy peeked her head over the lava pit…and saw Larry still clinging to the edge.

Stacy: HE'S ALIVE!

Stacy picked Larry up. The two nerds ran over and they all went for a group hug.

Monogram: I hate to break up the tender moment, but this portal can't stay open forever.

Albert: Wait, let me guess: You are from one week into the future. Doof made a robot to come back here to stop Perry. Monogram made one to stop the bad one, something went wrong, it went after us. Then the bad one went good, and the good one went bad. Right?

Doofenshmirtz: ..Note to self: Never mess with nerds. Yes, you are right. I've been watching all this, and man did I screw up. I can't believe my robot became GOOD!

Monogram: I can.

Doofenshmirtz: Shut up Mr. Pretty bunny.

Monogram; …Anyway, it seems like we really messed up today. But we did learn one lesson.

Stacy: The future isn't set in stone?

Irving: We have to survive bad situations more than prevent them?

Albert: Don't be a nitpicker and just enjoy your entertainment?

Doofenshmirtz: Robots suck.

All: Yeah, that's true.

Monogram: Well we got to jet.

Doofenshmirtz: And I'm taking my Norminator with me. I'll make him normal again.

Monogram: And I will take my N-1000 with me and dismantle it. I'm sorry for all the trouble.

They stepped through the portal and went home.

Irving: I'm glad we're all okay.

Stacy: Yeah, and I am very happy that Larry here is still alive. He's…a special guy *Whisper* I promise not to reveal your secret to anyone,, okay?

Larry nodded.

Stacy: And I think what you did was very sweet, Albert

Albert: I guess I can say the same for you.

They quickly hugged.

Irving: Okay enough love. I'm happy that's all over. I guess I can have epic adventures without the boys after all!

Just then, Phineas and Ferb came in.

Phineas: Hey, we heard they was something cool going on here. What happened today?

Irving: A killer robot from the future came to destroy me, while another one came to protect me. But we destroyed' it.

Ferb: ...Cool

And that's all I have to say about that.

 **END OF EPISODE 13**

 **AN: See what i mean? I swear, i predicted the whole stacing know perry thing, sort of! Yes, this was done in 2012 or so. It's so freaky. Anyway, still a fun episode. Next, is a bit of Christmas in june.**


	14. ELF

**Author's Note: Time for some Christmas in june! This is one i quite like but it is a bit rushed in the endand the subplot is weird. You'll see. Also ,i have like 3 songs in this one.  
**

 **The Adventures of Irving and Friends**

 **Episode 14: E.L.F**

 **Songs written by Spongey441, Planty, and Agent Goldfish.**

 **Narrator 1:** Okay, you have me for some narration. Normally I'd refuse to work for you ever again, but hey, it's Christmas and santa won't give me that pony if I'm naughty.

Narrator 2:' yay!

Narrator : But if you mess this up…I might hurt you. I've been working for too long to have to up with you again.

Narrator 2: I promise to be good, sir.

Narrator 1:Good. Okay, Ah, it's Christmas time. The time year full of happiness, when you aren't getting stepped on at the mall looking for that gift. This is the time of year we worship the great being known as Je-

Censors: AHEM!

Narrator 1: …Santa Claus. He works his butt off giving presents to every kid in the world. Of course, he doesn't do this alone. He has a workshop full of elves to build his toys. But, even the elves can't handle all situations. Sometimes, Santa needs to send a certain team to help with very dangerous tasks. And this Christmas, they will have to face their most daring task yet…okay, there's my narration.

Narrator 2: Very well done sir

Narrator 1: Thank y-wait…you didn't interrupt me!

Narrator 2: Well, you said to be quiet. So I did.

Narrator 1: But…you should have been disobeying! That's how the gag works!

Narrator 2: I was just respecting you. It is Christmas after all

Narrator 1: Well…thanks. So…let's finish up the narration/

* * *

Narrator 1: Twas the mid afternoon before Christmas eve, and at santa's workship. The elves were busy working, and they simply couldn't stop. However, two elves were working the hardest of all..

Will: Ah, Christmas sure is great. Eh, Zoey?

Zoey: You say that all the time, will. Can't you say something different?

Will: Uh…I like chicken?

Zoey: …Better. Anyway, how long until we go on break?

Will: Well, it should be right about…

Head Elf: BREAK TIME!

Will: There we go!

* * *

The two elves were not in a different location then before, so that translation was pointless.

Will: Pretty pointless transition, eh?

Zoey: Breaking the fourth wall is so mainstream.

Will: Indeed…so, nice weather isn't it?

Zoey: If you're trying to flirt, you suck at it.

Will: Ya….hey, wanna hear a legend I heard?

Zoey: It's not like I have anything else to do….like live my life.

Will: Well…I hear Santa has a special team of elves.

Zoey: …that's it?

Will: Yea, all I heard is that he has one. Nothing else.

Zoey: I highly doubt there's any time when Santa needs any more elves than the ones he already has.

Will: Come on, with all the weird stuff he has, it's not impossible.

Zoey: Eh, whatever. Believe what you choose to believe. I think it's silly.

Will: That's what the adults who don't think Santa is real say.

Zoey: …Good point. But I don't think this team is real

?: Oh, but it is…

Will: Who's that?

They turned around to see that the figure was….Buford.

Zoey: Hey, you're that kid who tries that one act of kindness thing.

Buford: Yes. Yes I am.

Will: Why are you here?

Buford: Santa was giving me a tour of this place. Don't ask for the details, it's a long story.

Zoey: Okay, so what do you know about this team of elves?

Buford: Quite a bit. Allow me to explain..

Zoey: It's going to be a song, isn't it?

 **(Buford sings The Elf police. It was a song cut from the P &F Christmas CD and it exist in demo for so you can go listen to it yourselves) **

Zoey: …Well, that's gonna be in my head all day

Will: See, he looks like a fine kid. He wouldn't be lying about this topic!

Zoey: Okay, it's now 20% more likely to be real.

Will: Okay, we should get back to work now./

Zoey: Indeed!

Santa: Attention Elves, I have some news to share about Christmas this year!

Will: Oh dear, he doesn't do that very often! The last time was a few years ago….when he had to pass the torch to mrs claus for the year!

Zoey: I shudder to think of that year…

Will: This could be really good, or really bad…let's find out!

Santa: Okay elves, I have some news. As you know, I don't do this news thing very often. Even when something bad happens, I try to keep it under wraps. But this year, something happened that I must talk about.

Elves: What is it?

Santa: Allow me to semi-explain…

And…a song started up.

 _Every year I bring gifts to children around the world_

 _Bringing tons of joy to every boy and girl_

 _But this year it won't happen at all_

 _Christmas this year must be canceled_

 _Christmas isn't coming this yeeeeear_

 _Nobody will have holiday cheeeer_

 _Christmas ain't happening for now_

 _And I suppose you'd like to know how_

 **(Elf** : Uh, Santa, wouldn't that be "why"?)

( **Santa** : Who are you, the grammar police? I needed a rhyme!)

 _Christmas isn't coming this year_

I _t's something I've always feared_

 _Christmas isn't coming this year_

 _Christmas isn't coming this year_

 _No pine trees, no glowing lights'_

 _no ornaments, no shopping fights_

 _No reindeer, no presents_

 _Holidays on December 25th, there's an absence_

 _Because Christmas isn't coming this yeeeeeeeeee-eeeeeeeeee-eeeeeeee-aaaaar_

 **Elf** : So why isn't It coming this year?

 **Santa** : Because something completely awful has happened to me!

 **Elf** : What could of possibly happened?

 **Santa** : the Naughty and nice lists….have been stolen!

 **Elf** : WHAT? That's horrible!

 **Santa** : Yes. Yes it is! And now you know. On with the song!

 _Christmas isn't coming this year_

 _Christmas isn't coming this year_

 _I believe I've made it clear_

 _That Christmas isn't coming this year_

(music slows down)

 _I don't know who's been naughty and nice_

 _So I'll just stay in this land of ice_

 _The whole world will miss their gifts_

 _I just hope that they don't shoplift_

 _I won't even bother leaving my home_

 _I won't even give out lumps of coooooooooal_

 _(music speeds back up)_

 _Because Christmas isn't coming this year_

 _Nobody will have holiday cheer_

 _I think that it's completely clear_

 _Christmas isn't coming this year!_

Santa: (spoken) I'm gonna shed a single tear

 **(Song ends)**

Will: This can't be!

Zoey: But Santa, can't we just track down the guy who did it?Or use that digital version we have?

Santa: Normally we could, but somehow our major power has been cut off. I can't believe you didn't notice, it's been pitch black in here for like an hour. I suspect it's the same person who stole the list.

Will: How will we find it?

Santa: We won't . I'm packing it in for this year.

Zoey: But we have to do something! Christmas eve is tomorrow!

Santa: Well, I'd love to hear to a suggestion.

Will: What about….the elf police?

Santa: ..shhhh, I don't anyone hearing!

Will: Is that legend true?

Santa: Yes…it is.

Will: So they can help get the list back!

Santa: Well…I'm not sure.

Zoey: Come on, it's the only way to save Christmas!

Will: Why do you care so much?

Zoey: If Christmas goes under, I'm out of a job.

Santa: Okay…I'll call them to help save Christmas

Will: YAAAAAAAY!

Santa: Okay, now come over to the secret Santa cave….

* * *

But enough of that. You came here for Danville. So in the town on Danville, everyone was getting ready for the holidays. However, Christmas was not the only special day on certain peoples minds…

Phineas and Ferb were sitting in the backyard, after a good morning on setting up some epic Christmas decorations.

Phineas: Well Ferb, I think this will be the best Christmas yet. Of course I say that every year, but I mean it this time! Though I think there's something else we should be preparing for…I don't know what it is…

Ferb held up a calendar and pointed to December 24th

Phineas: I know December 24th is Christmas eve, ferb

Ferb pointed to tiny type at the bottom of the square

Phineas: It says…Albert's birthday! His birthday is on Christmas? How lucky! We should do something super special for it. But what?

Ferb: …I got nothing,.

Phineas: Well, I say we go to the one thing that will give us ideas…television

* * *

Television: Animation Network, which has a live action on it, presents "Grandpa Got ran over by a polar bear" for the 1000the time today!

Phineas: Seen it.

Television: Tonight on some channel, check out the 1000th version of A Christmas carol, or it's a wonderful life, or some crap like that.

Ferb: Nah

Television: Today on Humor Central, check out the roast of Charles Gleen!

Phineas: Roast?

Ferb: A roast is an event in which an individual is subjected to a public presentation of comedic insults, praise, outlandish true and untrue stories the implication being that the roastee is able to take the jokes in good humor and not as serious criticism or insult, and therefore, show their good nature.

Phineas: That was a lot of words, Ferb. But anyway…Hmmmm, …..Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today! Hold a roast for Albert's birthday. This should be fun. Let's get started.

* * *

Narrator 1: And with that, the two boys started gathering famous people, regardless of how funny they were, to riff on aLbert. They started advertising like mad. With all the noise they were making in the house, they were bound to catch the attention of their sister, who was currently with her best friend…

Narrator 2: Good job.

Narrator 1: …Okay, now the nice act is getting creepy.

* * *

Candace: Okay, I actually got Jeremy's gift early this year. So no bad sitcom antics will ensue THIS year.

Stacy: Yeah….

Candace: Hey, you're not happy OR snarky today. What's the problem?

Stacy: Well, it's Christmas time, and I have a boyfriend. What do you think the problem is?

Candace: Now there's the Stacy I know and…like as a friend. But seriously, don't tell me you have that cliché issue I had last year

Stacy: Well, I do. But it's worse. You see, Christmas is…Albert's birthday.

Candace: Wow, how lucky. You know you should-what was that?

Stacy: I didn't hear anything.

Candace: My busting senses are tingling!

Stacy: Oh joy

* * *

Phineas: Which is weird because crabs don't HAVE uvulas..

Candace: Okay, what are you up to this time?

Phineas: Ohai Candace. We're holding a roast!

Stacy: For who?

Phineas: Albert! His birthday is coming up. So I thought we would host a friendly roast for fun.

Candace: So wait, you're gonna invite all his friends, and me, to make jokes at his expense?

Phineas: That's about the gist of it.

Candace: ….This is perfect! I have so many great jokes I can make!

Phineas: I'm glad you're happy, Candace.

Stacy: So wait…I have to make jokes at his expense?

Phineas: Yes. And it's required that you choose one thing you dislike about albert to make fun. Just don't be too mean. That's the only rule.

Stacy: But….i can't find anything I dislike about him!

Phineas: Well, you have until Christmas eve to find something. That's plenty of time!

Candace: But wait…how will find one…OUT OF SO MANY?

Stacy: This is going to be an interesting Christmas….

* * *

Back at Santa's workshop, Santa was showing them that cave…

Santa: Okay elves, I present to you, the cave of…the elf police!

Santa took the blindfold, that I never mentioned, and the two elves saw the cave, and the elf police themselves…

Both: Blay'n and Clewn't!

Blay'n: Oh dear, we seem to be busted.

Candace and Vanessa (Off screen): BUSTED!

Santa: It's okay guys, I let them in.

Clewn't: What seems to be the problem, Santa?

Santa: Well, you see, the naughty and nice lists have been stolen.

Both: WHAT?

Santa: Yes, and these two elves, suggested I call you.

Clewn't: But no other elf can know about us, unless they are part of the elf police!

Santa: Which is why Will and Zoey will be temparoy members of the elf police.

Both: WHAT?

Will: I don't know if I want to do this…

Clewn't: Normally I wouldn't want anyone intruding….but that's very cliché.

Blay'n: We don't like to be mainstream

Zoey: I'm starting to like these guys. Do you like obscure indie bands?

Both: Heck yes!

Zoey: Nice.

Santa: So elves, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to find who stole the list. I need to get it and check it twice, so I can find who's naughty, or nice.

Will: I don't know if I can do this…but I'll do it anyway!

Santa: Okay elves, head out and find my list!

All: Yes sir!

* * *

Narrator 1: And so the elf police ran out and went In search of the list theif. They walked about a mile after leaving the workshop, when they saw something quite interesting…

Narrator 2: Do you want me to mess up? You seemed to be uneasy last time..

Narrator 1: I'm fine!

Narrator 2: If you say so…

* * *

Will: Have we found anything yet?

Blay'n: Actually, yes!

Zoey: it's….'

All: An igloo?

Zoey: I thought this was just a stupid stereotype.

Clewn't: Well, I've seen igloos around here, but never in this exact location.

Will: I think the thief is in there! Why else would a random igloo be here? Clearly they hid here after they stole the list!

Zoey: If I stole the freaking naughty list, I wouldn't hide ONE MILE AWAY!

Will: ….Let's check anyway,.

Blay'n: I guess it wouldn't hurt to politely knock on their door.

Zoey: Fine.

Will: Okay, let's do this. LERORRRRRRRRY JINKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENS.

Zoey: That joke is so mainstream.

 **(So much so that the actual show used it. I'm really creepy sometimes)**

Will busted into the igloo.

Will: Freeze!

?: That's not too hard to do out here.

Clewn't: Hey wait….you're…

All: IRVING AND ALBERT?

Albert: Well, it looks like you were right, Elves do exist.

Blay'n: What on earth are you doing out here?

Zoey: Dorking it up, most likely.

Albert: You know us?

Irving: Of course! They work for the guy who writes the naughty and nice lists after all!

Will: Speaking of which, we have a problem…

Clewn't: Someone seems to have stolen the naughty list

Irving and Albert: WHAT?

Will: Yea, long story short: Both lists have been stolen, and Santa called a team called the elf police to help out, and my friend zoey and I tagged along.

Albert: …Buford was right?

Buford (Off Screen): Haw!

Irving: So here's our story: I kept trying to tell albert that santa is real, he didn't believe me, so we went on a road trip here, and we wanted to camp out for the night.

Blay'n: Oh, that makes sense. We're trying to find the guy who stole the list.

Irving: Oh, can we help?

Albert: Uh…I don't know if I wanna do this. I mean, they clearly have this under control. Elves are very smart creatures after all.

Will: We don't like to be called creatures.

Zoey: That's racist!

Albert: Do people have to bring race into everything?

Clewn't: Actually, these two kids could be helpful. Albert has been on the naughty list before,so he knows what goes through a bad kids mind. He might know the motivation behind this theft, and be able to locate the thief.

Irving: What about me?

Blay'm: Well, we have to include you because…the show isn't called The Adventures of Albert and friends.

Blay'n: Okay, let's all go find the thief, shall we?

Albert: …Well, I guess I'll join you.

Clewn't: Great! We only have a little under a day to find the list before santa makes his run for this year. We need to act fast!

Irving: Oh, this is gonna be good…

Albert: Bah humbug.

* * *

Narrator 1: While the elves were busying saving Christmas, Stacy hirano was in her room with Candace, dealing with her own problems…

Stacy: I don't know about this, Candace. Can I find something I dislike about him?

Candace: I'm sure you can find something. No one's perfect after all…except for Jeremy of course.

Stacy: So you are allowed to not have an issue with your boyfriend, and I'm not?

Candace: Well, Jeremy's not the subject of roast, is he?

Stacy: That's a flimsy reason if you ask me

Candace: I'm trying to cover up my bias, thank you very much

Stacy: Whatever. I need to find one thing I dislike about him

Candace: Well, think about each aspect of him until you find even the smallest flaw.

Stacy: That seems fair. I'll start with his looks…well his hair is sorta blondish…it's...quite….nice.

Candace: Come on, that rats nest?

Stacy: Hey, I think it looks kinda cute.

Candace: Okay, forget the hair. Try lower.

Stacy: CANDACE!

Candace: I meant his face.

Stacy: …oh. Well, there isn't much to say. Those glasses do look rather nice on him of course.

Candace: Okay, we're finding nothing. We need to find a flaw YOU personally find.

Stacy: Sorry, I just like him too much.

Candace: You need to forget this weird wall of perfection that love has set up around him.

Stacy: Only you could come up with that phrase.

Candace: …Indeed. Okay, let's try another part…

* * *

Narrator 1: Gosh darn it, can't these go on longer? I hate having to narrate every 5 minutes.

Narrator 2: Can't argue with you there.

Narrator 1: Indeed…ANNOY ME DARN YOU!

Narrator 2: …uh, so the elves and the nerds marched on through the frozen tundra for several hours in search of the thief!

* * *

Will; We've been looking for hours!

Zoey: We already know that, Will

Will: I wasn't telling you I was telling the readers!

Zoey: Not only is it mainstream, it's annoying,.

Albert: We need to find this darn thief fast. Seriously.

Clewn't: Well, I think we should have actually done some detective work instead of blindly going into the cold.

Blay'n: In hindsight, that was a bad idea.

Zoey: Well, this is perfect.

Will: I'm sure we'll find the thief eventually.

Zoey: Well, we need to find SOMETHING to tide us over.

Albert: Well, that will be hard. There's nothing out here but ice and snow!

?: Oh, really?

They turned around to see…

?: Please don't scream .It really hurts my hears.

All: You're….

?:: Yes…I'm the Abominable snowman.

Albert: I thought you were a myth.

Blay'n: Oh hey Abby, what's going on?

Abby: Oh, I've been good. I'm glad I moved away from the hymnals. This place suits my needs more. Plus, the klimpaloon was really getting to me.

Irving: Well, never thought I'd meet you, abby.

Abby: And I never thought a human would meet me without yelling.

Zoey: Oh hey abby, I heard about you before.

Albert: Let me guess, he's actually very nice and humans made up the myth of him being evil?

Abby: That's not entirely true. I've been known to have a…mean streak

Albert: …Okay, so is there anything else we need to know about you?

Abby: Allow me to explain…

All: in song?

Abby: Well… I wasn't planning on it, but since you guys insist

(Music starts)

All: NO!

(Record scratches)

Abby: Aw…. Okay. Well, here it goes…

When I was a wee li'l 'un…

(Music starts)

Albert and Clewn't: (under their breath, spoken) Crud

 **Abby:** _I made my way into the public's eye_

 _When I was 'round 9 or 10_

 _Saved a harmless little butterfly_

 _From being eaten by some jerk-butt's kitten_

 _Was world-renowned for that little thing_

 _Got money, some cars, and some serious bling_

 _I was happy as could be, and I wanted the happiness to last_

 _Had to hurry, think up a plan, my fame was fleeting fast_

 _Soon I realized, to keep all the fame I had_

 _Very simply put, I had to begin being bad_

 _So, the next morning, I walked out of my cave_

 _Reigned some terror before dawn_

 _Burned the flag, cracked some racist jokes_

 _Used no protection, and killed some folks_

 _And as it turned out, the reaction was greater_

 _Than it could have ever been if I kept doing good_

 _That was when, right there and then, I knew just what I should_

 _Portray myself in a negative light_

 _Give the boys and girls a big ol' fright_

 _Do bad, and in my mind I'll be doing right_

 _Just go down to the bar and pick a fight_

 _Because it gives me such a thrill_

 _I'll find a sudden urge to kill_

 _By doing wrong, I'm doing right_

 _'Cause I'm portraying myself in a negative light_

Irving: (spoken) Doesn't that sound kinda like the motives of a villain?

Abby: (spoken) I don't think so. It's all in good fun, so where's the harm?

Irving: (spoken) Well, uh, gee…. I don't kn~YOU KILLED MULTIPLE PEOPLE.

Abby: (spoken) Whoa, whoa, whoa-ho. Settle down, little nerdy boy. As long as I'm not being serious, it's fine. Right?

 _All that I do is wrong, I know_

 _But I'm doing it for my benefit, not their remorse_

 _If there is a problem, I won't deny that I'm the source_

 _But for the sake of time, and to stop beating a dead horse_

 _Maybe I shall go straight back to the chorus_

 _See, I'm just portraying myself in a negative light_

 _When I'm doing right, I'm in their wrong, which is my right_

 _Look, this is my life, so why try to fight_

 _Because for now and forever, I'll be picking fights_

 _Not doing right_

 _Causing chaos_

 _Painting the town white_

 _Not gathering moss_

 _My gain's your loss_

 _Eternal night_

 _With all my might,_

 _I'll be portraying myself in a negative light_

Albert: Does everything need a song?

Irving: Of course! Though that song was…quite creepy

Abby: So do you need to know anything else about me?

Irving: Have you been around the world?

Abby: Well, I went to Pasadena once. Long story, don't ask.

Clewn't: Say Abby, do you where we could find the person who stole the naughty list?

Abby: oh, someone stole the list?

Blay'n : Yes. Perhaps you saw someone come through here?

Abby: Well, I did someone fly above my head earlier. Maybe it was him.'

Will: oh! Where did they go?

Abby: I'm not sure. I don't think they left the area though, they never came back in this direction.

Clewn't: Well, we know the thief is in this area!

Abby: So, does anyone want a snowcone?

Irving: Sure.

All: Eh, why not?

Abby passed around some homemade snowcones.

Abby: I hope you enjoy these.

Irving: …Eh, they're okay.

Abby: …okay?

Zoey: yea, they're alright

Abby: …okay? OKAY? OKAY? OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY?

Will: …Uh, are you mad?

Abby: OKAY? OKAY?

Albert: …should we run?

Abby: OKAY?1 OKAY? OKAY?

Blay'n: Yes. Yes we should.

Abby: OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAy?

* * *

At lake nose..

Bob Webber: I feel…a disturbance.

* * *

Back at Stacy's house…

Candace: Okay, so you like his fair, face, stomach, chest, legs, shoes,left kidney, and his personality for lord knows what reason.

Stacy: I just can't do it! I can't find a single flaw with him!

Candace: Well, I found tell you the flaws I notice…but I'm saving it for the roast. I still can't find the one thing I want out of so many..

Stacy: is there one you ditched?

Candace: Yes, but this is fic is only T so I can't mention it.

Stacy: Okay, enough fourth wall jokes.

Candace: Fair enough.

Stacy: I don't know if I will ever be able to find that one flaw..

Candace: okay, why don't you think it over while I go try to think one flaw I can use out of about 9001

Stacy: that would be a good idea. See you later Candace.

Candace: Bye!

Stacy: *sigh* ..

* * *

A few hours later, Stacy was lying in her bed, trying to think of something…

Stacy: I's no use brain, you can't find one thing about Albert that sucks

Brain: Like you ever use me anyway!

Stacy: oh shut up!

Brain: Bah humbug.

Stacy: Maybe I'm too lovestruck. Maybe he really is perfect, and I will never find a flaw….ugh, this is hopeless.

Suddenly, the room started to get really cold…

Stacy: …whoa, it just got really cold. How did that happen?

Stacy then heard a strange noise…

Stacy: Wait, it's really cold, I hear a strange noise, I'm unhappy due to something Christmas related…No, it can't be

?: oh, it is

Stacy: ….Candace?

?: No, I'm just a ghost taking the image of her. My actual name is Harley.

Stacy: oh, I get it. Like Marley.

Harley: don't explain the joke!

Stacy: Okay, I know how this goes: I will be visited by three ghosts to show me some kind of moral.

Harley: Actually, I'm the only ghost they could book for this evening.

Stacy: Good, I don't have all day you know.

Harley: of course. So anyway, I understand you can't find a flaw with your boyfriend, Albert.

Stacy: …That's this is about? Ghosts are concerned about my love life?

Harley: They couldn't resist doing A Christmas carol spoof. I told them it's been done, but they would not listen.

Stacy: Fair enough. So I'm ready to be shown the past now.

Harley: Now that's the spirit! Pun intended.

Stacy: Let's just get on with this.

Harley: Fine, Mrs pushy.

* * *

Harley: Here we are!

Stacy: What, no big epic flying scene?

Harley: We're on a budget.

Stacy: Whatever. Just show me this past.

Harley: Good. So, I am about to show the not so distant past.

Stacy: Last Sunday?

Harley: no, last summer.

Stacy: ,ah, I see.

Harley: You see, you've been with albert for a while. However, I am about to show something from before he was with you.

Stacy: oh, this should be fun. I like seeing things I wasn't there for.

Harley: I don't think you'll like this….

Stacy: oh hey, there's Albert and Irving!

 **CLIP BLOCKED DUE TO COPYRIGHT**

Harley: See, Albert did not treat Irving very well there.

Stacy: Eh, I can see how you think that, but I think he's just being funny.

Harley: He threatened to hurt him with nunchucks!

Stacy: He wouldn't really do. He's just being…Albert, you know?

Harley: …Wow. Okay, if nunchucks doesn't convince you, perhaps this this..

 **CLIP BLOCKED DUE TO COPYRIGHT**

Harley: Damn it, I hate copyright crap. But I think YOU saw it, I hope.

Stacy: I saw it.

Harley: Albert has threated Irving with nun chucks AND refused to believe his own brother and dragged him off by his underwear. Now do you see a flaw?

Stacy: Well, that kind of thing isn't too easy to believe. I mean, Candace has been trying to convince linda for a long time. And plus, the underwear thing is…well I'm not sure. I guess it's just a fun way to take him away.

Harley: …Seriously? You don't see the huge flaw he has?

Stacy: Not really. He's fine to me.

Harley: After those two clips, which had nun chuck and underwear pulling, you STILL think he's perfect!

Stacy: Yes.

Harley: …I can't work with you! You are so gosh darn love struck! You can't see obvious flaws just because you love him! I can't convince you! You are impossible!

Stacy: Maybe you can show me the present to-

Harley: No! I'm done with you! I can't help you, you cannot be swayed!

Stacy: But-

Harley: Goodbye!

And with that Stacy woke up in her bed.

Stacy: Whoa! That was a crazy dre-yes I know it was real. Man, even after that I can't find a single flaw! I guess I am too love struck…

Stacy: Wait…THAT'S IT! I think I found the answer to my problem….

* * *

Back in the frozen north, The elves and nerds had decided that they had been running from abby for too long, and had set up camp for the night.

Albert: Hey, why didn't the narrates …narrate that time?

Narrator 1: I'm lazy.

Albert: Eh, fair enough.

Will: Ah, isn't this nice? A bunch of pals camping outdoors…in the frozen tundra with little food…or water…wow, this isn't nice at all

Blay'n: At least we have each other

Albert: Don't remind me.

Irving: You can stop with the snark Albert. It's Christmas time!

Will: He's right. We should try to enjoy each other's company

Albert: I try that with irving. It never works.

Clewn't: Do you WANT to be on the naughty list this year?

Albert: I'm still on the fence about that…

Irving: Come on Albert, we should try to be nice.

Will: Yea, I mean, I haven't even properly introduced myself!

Clewn't: Ah, splendid idea. Let's introduce ourselves, and get to know each other better

Albert: eh, sure why not?

Blay'n: great. Well, my name is Blay'n, and I'm an elf.

All: Hello Blay'n!

Blay'n: My age is disclosed, but I'm 2nd in command in the elf police. I've been working for Santa for about 50 years, and I joined the elf po-

Clewn't: Don't tell them everything! We're a secret organization!

Irving: I'm an honorary OWCA agent, I'm used to this kind of thing.

Clewn't: Oh, you are? Well, tell monogram that agent R is doing fine. He'll know what you mean.

Will: Okay…Well, I'm Will, and I've been working for santa for only 20 years, but I'm still one of the hardest workers, I think.

Zoey: Work hard, or hardly working?

Will: That made no sense in this context.

Zoey: Context is so mainstream

Will: …Indeed. Well, why don't you go up?

Zoey: Fine. My name is Zoey. I've been working for santa for about 20 years. I only took up this job because I was short on money.

Albert: I hear ya, bro

Zoey: Don't call me bro.

Will: Let me guess, it's soooo mainstream

Zoey: I can do without the snark, thanks/.

Will: I guess it's too mainstream for you

Blay'n: Hey, no fighting!

Zoey: Fighting may be mainstream,…but it feels so right!

Will: Stop! Let's just have a nice talk.

Zoey: Talking is too mainstream!

Will: You said that to bother me, didn't you?

Zoey: Maybe. What are you gonna do about it?

Albert: Ugh, I wish Stacy was here…

Will: Who's stay?

Albert: My girlfriend.

Zoey: …You have a GIRLFRIEND?

Irving: I couldn't believe it either

Blay'n: Ah yes, I know her. Nice person, she is.

Zoey: How did a jerk like you end with a nice person like her?

Albert: I am not a jerk! I mean, I guess I kinda was in, in hindsight. But after I feel in love, and we hooked up…I feel nicer. I don't know, maybe I was nice the whole time, and I'm crazy.

Clewn't: Actually, you were kind of a di-

Blay'n: Clewn't!

Clewn't: Well, he was! He's been on the naughty list for years. But after he fell in love, he started to think about his jerk-ness, and how it's been affecting his love life. So, he became nice, due to how nice Stacy was.

Irving: …Wow Albert, I didn't know..

Will: Aww, it's nice to see things like this…I'm sorry Zoey.

Zoey: ..apologizing is...apology accepted.

Irving: I think this calls for..

All: A song?

Albert: Well, we _are_ at a campfire…we need a song

Irving: I know one! Let's gather 'round the campfire, and sing our campfire

Albert: No! A Christmas song

Irving: ...Let's gather 'round the Christmas fire -

Clewen't: _I know one_

 _The fire is warm_

 _The weather is cold_

 _We're warming our hearts_

 _Without Frankincense or gold_

 **Blay'n** : _Two nerds_

 _Four elves_

 _One girl_

 _The rest are males_

 **Albert** : T _he snow is falling down_

 _My hands are freezing off_

 _The heat is rising up_

 _And I'm so cold I'm about to snee - *COUGH COUGH*_

 **Irving** : _The partridge is in a pear tree_

 _Our Grandma got run over by a reindeer_

(Spoken) Albert: *sniffle* Grandma ;~;

 _When Santa Claus came to town_

 _He brought us figgy pudding and a cup of good cheer_

(instrumental break)

 **Will** : _My nose is frozen_

 **Zoey** : _I'm frozen on my toes_

 **Irving** : …So…you were…frozen today?

 **All** : ugh!

 **Albert** : _Get closer to the fire_

 **Will** : _I'm too tired_

 **Blay'n** : _We'll have to try to keep warm_

 **Clewen't** : _And keep our luck_

 **Irving and Albert:** _We'll keep the fire going_

 **All** : _Until-_

Just then Albert stood up to dance…when something fell out his pocket.

 ***Record Scratch***

Irving: Whoa, let me help you with that

Albert: Oh, no thanks, I got it.

Clewn't: Nonsense, allow me.

Clewn't picked up what fell out…a piece of paper.

Clewn't: say, what's this?

Blay'nL I think it's nothing.

But then…the rest of the paper dropped to the ground, and like it all cartoons, it extended to a million miles in a quirky funny fashion

Clewn't: Wait a minute…this says…THE NAUGHTY AND NICE LIST?

All but Albert: what?

M Night Shyamalan: WHAT A TWEEST!

All: Get out, M night!

Irving: Albert, YOU stole the list!

Will: How could you?

Zoey: So he's STILL a jerk!

Albert: No, I can explain!

Clewn't: …Okay, explain. I'm nice.

Albert: Okay…for years I've been on the naughty list. But I didn't believe in santa. Whenever coal showed up under the tree, I always thought it was a prank from one of the jerk-y girls at school I always hit on. So I would try to get even with them, and when the news spread that I would always try to be mean to those girls, not many girls wanted me,. Then some serious coal started showing up, and I got worse on them. Eventually, I got used to it and stopped, and people got used to me, so they just picked on for being a nerd, rather than being a jerk. I just didn't like getting coal, and when Irving told me he wanted to prove Santa existed, this was my chance. When he showed me his workshop, I knew I had no choice. I was nicer this year…but I really didn't want to take any chances. Part of me didn't want to, but this was my life's dream, to do this. So while irving was making the igloo, I hiked over to the workshop and stole the list. I also used to nerdy smarts to shut down all the high tech machines, so they couldn't track me down.

Irving: That's why you were gone for one hour when you said you were just going to the bathroom!

Albert: I'm really sorry. When we were talking…I really regretted doing this. This may seem like a crappy explanation, but I just…wanted to be seen as nice.

Buford (Off Screen): I feel your pain, bro!

Will: I have a confession…I knew Albert stole it

All: What?

M Night Shyamalan: WHAT –

All: GET OUT OF HERE!

M Night Shyamalan: Fine! *Cries*

Will: You see, when we first saw Albert, I noticed the list sticking out his pocket. I pretty much figured out his entire reasoning behind it. It's simple when you know your stuff. I didn't want to tell you, because I wanted Albert to learn a lesson. So I wanted to try to get a decent conversation, but then I decided to piss off zoey, so albert would mention his girlfriend, so it would be him learning the magic of friendship, and thus feel bad.

Zoey: …Dang, that was a good plan.

Will: thanks.

Clewn't: Well, you're shaping up to be a good elf. Infact…would you and your friend like to join the elf police?

Zoey: …That's…underground…little known…and awesome….YES YES YES!

Blay'n: I thought you'd like that.

Will: I'd like that a lot.

Albert: So, what are waiting here for? Let's go give this to Santa!

Clewn't: We shall take care of that. In the meantime, we'll send you two home.

Irving: You know, this special seems more Albert based then me based..'

Narrator 1: That's what I said! But did the writer listen? No!

Albert: Go away, disembodied voice.

Irving: So, let's all go home!

Clewn't: Well, goodbye. And merry Christmas.

Blay'n: And happy birthday, Albert!

And with that, they used their elf magic to teleport them away

Zoey: You know Will, you're pretty cool.

Will: Cool-ness is too mainstream

Zoey: ..You're mocking me, aren't you?

* * *

Narrator 1: The next day everyone started on their Christmas stuff. They did last minute shopping, watched some Christmas movies, and got everything ready for old saint nick. But later that day, it was time for the big roast of Albert…

* * *

Phineas: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen to the roast of Albert Du Bois

Albert: Wow, a roast. I did not see this coming. Well, I've always wanted to be made fun in a way that doesn't make me mad. This should be fun!

Meanwhile, backstage…

Candace: So stacy, do you have everything ready?

Stacy: Oh yes, Candace. I finally found something to use!

Candace: Well, good luck out there…I mean it.

* * *

Narrator 1: And so the roast began. People went on an roasted albert like a friend turkey. I won't go into the boring details, but everyone had fun. Albert cracked many smiles, and even laughed. He had learned what it means to be nice. But then, it was time. First, Candace went up…

Phineas: And next up, Candace Flynn!

Albert: Oh, THIS should be good. She always has good insults.

Candace: Okay Albert, you are…..no, that's a big too mean. Your face is….no, still too mean. Oh, your mom is…no, too cliché. Oh, your d-….no, too dirty.

Phineas: Uh, Candace, do you want to back down from this?

Candace: no, I got this! So…Albert….i can't think of one! They're all too mean. That…and they aren't….really jokes.

Phineas: oh, well too bad.. you may be dismissed, Candace.

Cancace: Dang it.

Candace stomped off.

Phineas: And now for the final roaster, Albert's girlfriend, stacy Hirano! I'd make a joke about that fact….but I think Stacy will provide the jokes.

Stacy: So, I'm Albert's girlfriend. Sure we haven't been together very long, but it's more than **(insert Celeb here)** can say.

 ***audience laughs***

Stacy Hirano: yes, that joke is overused, but hey it's the best I can do. Anyway, so I'm the girlfriend of albert. That's one sentence I never thought I'd say. But hey, if **(insert bad film maker here)** can get movies green light, anything is possible!

 ***audience laughs***

Stacy: So Albert really likes me. Some may say he likes me too much, but that's nothing compared to me. I mean, if Albert robbed bank, I'd just say he was just being assertive with his loans!

Audience: Eh, that was okay.

Narrator 1: Stacy had found her joke, and she found that sometimes, you have to make fun of yourself….

* * *

As little bit later…

Albert: Well, that was a fun little roast.

Candace: I can't believe I didn't find a good joke…

Albert: It's okay, I already know how much you hate me. No need to sugar coat it.

Candace: Whatever.

Albert: So Stacy…that was a cool thing you did. I mean, I thought you really would be one of those love struck people and can't find a flaw in me. But you knew to make fun of yourself. It was….sweet, I guess.

Stacy: Thanks. Merry Christmas eve….and happy birthday. *Cliché kiss*

Irving: Enough of that jazz, it's party time!

Narrator 1: And with that, they all partied until their party muscles were sore…

Narrator 2: …Can I narrate now?

Narrator 1: …yes. Yes you can

Narrator 2: …really?

Narrator 1: Sure. It's Christmas, after all.

Narrator 2: Yay! And so Santa went on his trip, as planned. Everyone got their gifts. Irving received a new pair of FABULOUS green glasses. Albert got a new pair of safety nunchucks…Made of Styrofoam…And with a Hello Kitty symbol on them

Albert: Who gave me THIS?

Stacy: …Sorry. It's for your own safety.

Narrator 2: And Stacy received shoes. And everyone else got something I don't feel liking mentioning, It was a very merry Christmas at all

Narrator 1: You're not so bad after all.

Narrator 2: …Thanks. Merry Christmas, narrator 1.

Narrator 1: …You're welcome. Merry Christmas to you too.

Both: And a happy new year!

Zoey: New Year's is so mainstrea. ...That joke got old.

 **END OF EPISODE 14**

 **AN: Yeah, the Stacy plot would make more sense with Candace/Jeremy and Al was forgiven a bit too quickly but ah well, this is still an okay episode. Yes, there will be more Xmas eps even after the show ends. Next up is one of the...more edgy ones.**


	15. Odds and Ends

**Author's Note: Well, this is the weirdest episode. ot in terms of content, but in terms of what it is. It's the longest episode, the least canon and...the darkest. Yeah. Just buckle up, it's a weird one.  
**

 **The Adventures of Irving and Friends**

 **Episode 15**

 **Odds and Ends**

/

 **Jingle Singers** : _Doofenshmirtz evil incorporated!_

Agent P crashed into DEI, as he does every day.

Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the platypus! Check out this new trap I got.

Doof pressed a button…and nothing happened.

Doofenshmirtz: oh come on! Stupid trap isn't working. …Uh, Perry the platypus, could you just….PRETEND you are in a trap…made of something that hurts platypuses?

Perry sighed and nodded.

Doofenshmirtz: Thanks! So anyway, I've been thinking about my evil plans. As you know, I always try each plan I come up with only for them to fail….epically. And why is that? Is it due to my lack of planning? My vague understanding of how things work? NO! It's because I don't think of the outcome! …okay, maybe it is lack of planning. See, if I knew what each plan might result in, I wouldn't do too many plans that can fail! But you may wondering "How could you possibly know the future in the first place?". Yes, it may shock you that I caught on to my brand of idiocy. Well…the hate mail Rodney sends needs to be read SOMETIME, you know. Oh wait, you don't know. I always hated that phrase.

Doofenshmirtz: Sso anyway, I made a great inator to help out….

Doof pointed to a big TV screen, which had a sticky note, which Doof read the name of…

Doofenshmirtz: Behold, the what if inator! You see, it's simple. I tell the machine a what if question, and it will show me exactly what would happen! So I will try a bunch of my planned schemes, and see if they will work. Once I find one that shows me a good outcome, I'll do it, and take over the tri state area! Of course, once I do that I wi-

?: THE END IS NIEGH!

Doofenshmirtz: oh, what's going on down there?

Doof peeked his head out the window to see who was yelling.

Doofenshmirtz: what are you yelling about?

? : Oh, hello sir. I'm Arnold Hiking.

Doofenshmirtz: What are you doing in front my building?

Arnold: oh, I am giving everyone a warning

Doofenshmirtz: warning of what?

Arnold: Allow me to explain.

 **SONG TIME YAY**

 _Life has been pretty peaceful, wouldn't you say?_

Doof: Yeah, I guess so

Arnold: _Despite your evil schemes failing every day_

Doof: Wait. How do you know about my schemes?

Arnold: _Oh, I know everything_

 _Sure every day is a bit more cliché_

 _But you can't deny you like it that way_

 _I'm sorry you're used to your routine life_

 _You're mundane days and your average strife_

 _By now, you're probably thinking I'm totally deranged_

 _But be prepared for the world to change_

(Doof: How, exactly?)

Arnold: _Oh, well, it will be great_

 _Starting with something equating to an earthquake_

 _Birds and snakes will flee, then something with an airplane_

 _And Lenny Bruce won't be afraid_

Doof: How could he be? He's dead

Arnold: Zombies, man. Zombies)

 _Everyone will go crazy trying to serve their own needs_

 _Paying no mind to your need_

 _Trying to escape, their attempts are in vain_

 _Leave some behind; it's too late to save_

 _Newsmen are on the scene\_

 _This is too odd for them to perceive_

 _Planes crashing when they hear the news_

 _Come on now, it's too early to lose_

 _Hundreds are now dead and gone away, yet_

 _We're still overpopulated_

 _Nothing to do except watch them bleed_

 _Getting out would be too extreme_

 _You're hyped up enough, you wanna go, but no_

 _Just sit back and watch the show, oh_

 _\We know you want the world to prosper_

 _All of this is just too much for_

 _Everybody who is yourself_

 _Now, it's time to draw the line_

 _It's the end as we know it, and I feel fine_

 _It's now 6:00 to me_

 _And on TV, you can see_

 _Thousands without homes, so sad_

 _Terrorists take this time to be bad_

 _And while we're on a roll,_

 _Let's let the conservatives be bold_

 _Destroy the things they think give minds mold_

 _You realize you be bad_

 _Trying to survive is one of the better plans you've had_

 _Do all you can to save yourself!_

 _Help no one and accept no help_

 _You're becoming one of them_

 _Just want to live to see past the end_

 _Your plan may fail, but that's okay_

 _In your mind, it's the only way_

 _For now, you'll avoid all disaster_

 _And you'll do it quite faster_

 _Than anybody else who would_

 _We know you want the world to prosper_

 _All of this is just too much for_

 _Everybody who is yourself_

 _Now, it's time to draw the line_

 _It's the end as we know it, and I feel fine_

 _Disaster strikes, you're not prepared to fend_

 _Not the world's yet, but it is your end_

 _When you arrive, Bernstein, Bruce, and Bangs to cheer you on_

 _A celebration may be in our plans_

 _You're not the last; this is certainly not the end_

 _Through everything I can't help but notice,_

 _This is where all begin to lose focus_

 _Our overlords are quite mysterious to me_

 _Insert change, press 0-1 for justice_

 _Or 0-2 or tyranny_

 _And your choice is quite clear to me_

 _Now, it's time to draw the line_

 _It's the end as we know it, and I feel fine_

 _And I feel fine_

 _And I feel fine_

 _And I feel fine_

 **END SONG**

Doofenshmirtz: Wow, good song.

Arnold: Thanks.

Doofenshmirtz: But I think you are full of crud.

Arnold: Oh come on, not again!

Doofenshmirtz: Dude, people have been crying end of the world for years! I always believe them every time, and get myself worked up over nothing!

Arnold: But there was a song this time!

Doofenshmirtz:Ssong schmong! I don't believe you for one minute.

Arnold: Fine, believe what you want. You'll see I'm right!

Doofenshmirtz: Get off my lawn you hippie!

Arnold: You don't have a lawn!

Doofenshmirtz: just go away!

Arnold: Fine!

Arnold did as Doof said and stomped away.

Doofenshmirtz: Geez, that guy's insane. End of the world? What a load, eh Perry the platypus? Oh, I should back to my plan..

Doof ran up to his what if inator

Doofenshmirtz: Okay, what if…..hmmm, that end of the world stuff has me thinking….eh, why not? Hey, what if machine…What if…the world ended today?

What if inator: Smulation ready. Now starting.

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, this should be fun…

* * *

DANVILLE

SUMMER

 **Whatever year this is** AD

/

Danville now stood in a state of ruin. Most of the buildings in the city were mostly torn down. All the food was suddenly gone, and other cliché apocalyptic scenery was present.

Phineas: …Uh, what just happened?

ONE MINUTE EARLIER

Phineas: Hey ferb, how long until this invention disappears?

* * *

Cut to Irving behind the tree

Irving: This is cool!...I hope they don't find me here. I should have picked a better spot.

Cut to Candace dragging Linda, with Lawrence behind her, into the backyard

Candace: It's right here! oh, I wonder what kind of crazy event will take this thing away…

Just then, everyone saw a big huge flash, which blinded them. When the light went away, they were standing in the scenery I just described.

Candace: ….Uh,…what was that?

Ferb: Judging by the post-apocalyptic scenery, I think the world just ended

Candace: Normally I'd be mad that the boy's invention went away BUT THE FREAKING WORLD JUST ENDED!

Linda: …D-did that just happen?

Lawrence: Yes. Yes it did

Irving:…Whoa.

Phineas: Ohai Irving!

Irving: ...Oh, I forgot I was hiding.

Candace: …how did this happen?

Phineas: I'm not sure. One moment we were building something, the next moment there was a huge flash. And now the world has ended.

Irving: How do you know for sure the entire is world is ending?

Phineas: My "World status meter" said so

Candace: …I am not shocked you have that.

Linda: …The world just ended. The world just ended. THE WORLD JUST ENDED!

Candace: Mo-

Linda: THE WORLD IS OVER!

Candace: No need to go crazy.

Irving: This coming from CANDACE? Funny how the end of the world is the one time she doesn't freak out.

Candace: Oh shut up.

Phineas: …So where's everyone else?

All of Danville: THE WORLD HAS ENDED!

Phineas: …Hey, where's perry?

Suddenly, Monogram came up to them from…other there.

Monogram: Hello Phineas…and ferb.

Irving: Monogram, what are you going here?

Candace: You know him?

Irving: Long story.

Monogram: I would explain, but I'll just do this.

Monogram held a small flashy stick thingy. He pressed a button it, and there was a flash.

Irving: What did you just do?

Monogram: I restored their memories from the 2nd dimension problem.

Irving: why?

Monogram: Well, the world is over, so there's no reason for the OWCA, thus no reason to keep anything secret. Though not all memories were kept..

Phineas: Hey ferb, I forget. What did I do before our memories were erased that day?

Irving: You sly dog you…

Linda: Hey, I just remembered: Candace was right this whole time!

Monogram: Oh yeah, that Doof inator must have hit her once.

Irving: So now what?

Monogram: No idea.

Candace: So perry can stay with us now?

Monogram: Yntil we all die in about 3 days.

All: HEY!

Monogram: Just keeping it realistic here.

Phineas: I'm sure we can do something!

Monogram: let's head to the center of town where everyone else must be by now.

Irving: Man, this is all going by so fast. I blame rushed writing.

* * *

Everyone was at the center of town. Most were screaming and yelling though.

Linda: I think I'm calm now. I won't yell like all these other people.

Monogram: Okay, roger is about to say something.

Roger: ….So…the world is over. I know this because no outside scientists have told me the world is fine. Danville has no scientists because I sent them to a retreat. So…we have no way to fix all this so…SCREW YOU GUYS I'M OUT OF HERE!

Roger quickly ran away from the scene. Everyone stared as their beloved mayor ditched them.

Albert: …I knew he was a jerk.. I should know. I was one once.

Candace: Yeah, once..

Stacy: Candace…

Irving: Ohai guys. What do you think of the world ending?

Stacy: I don't care for it

Irving: So what should we do?

Phineas: We could help re-build the world!

Candace: Are your tools even still intact?

Phineas: Well…not really. But we could make something to help

?: I don't think your help is needed, young man.

Monogram: Who is that?

Albert: Do you know anyone else with a Druselstienan accent?

Doofenshmirtz: Ygh, I knew I should have taken speech classes like roger.

Irving: Doofenshmirtz?

Candace: That guy perry fights?

Linda: …Perry what?

Monogram: …it's a long, 4 Season story.

Irving: Perry is a secret agent for OWCA, monogram is his boss, and this guy is his nemesis.

Linda: ….This is a weird day.

Doofenshmirtz: Okay, you may think I'm evil….and I am, but I must say something. The world has ended, and I am shocked by this. But order must be kept so we don't all die within a week. So I think we need a new leader, who will also rule the entire world.

Guy: But roger left!

Crazy Old Coot: And I quit the mayor thing forever!

Doofenshmirtz: I don't mean roger or…whoever that guy is! I mean someone whose building is half standing. Someone whose tools are still working because he shot an anti-breakable inator at them. Someone who can actually help rebuild the world.

Phineas: Ferb and I?

Doofenshmirtz: No!

Albert: Irving and i?

Rodney: Me?

Doofenshmirtz: NO! Especially not you, Rodney! I mean ME!

Everyone: WHAT?

Doofenshmirtz: Yes! I have some tools, and inators left over. I have quite a bit money for myself. I am the only person with more than 100 bucks in this world. Thus, I am the most powerful person in the world!

Monogram: Oh no! Agent P, get out here!

Perry: Grrrr…

Phineas: Oh there you are Perry

Irving: You can't do this!

Monogram: Actually…he can. His logic makes sense. The world's governments has fallen, so no one can say he can't do anything. He can take over if he wants.

Doofenshmirtz: And I do want! I think it's time for the world order to fall! You all must stop living the happy life you know! The normal order is gone! And up must go…the order of doof!

Monogram: I smell a musical number.

Doofenshmirtz: _As ruler my life will be complete_

So stay out of the kitchen if you _can't stand the heat_

 _I've taken over the world in its dystopian state_

 _While post-apocalyptic I've discovered my fate_

 _(Music speeds up and becomes the Broadway tunes Doofenshmirtz is known for)_

 _It's the order of Doof I own every hand, foot, and hoof you're all my subjects_

 _And don't even try to object_

 _Because this is the order of Doof I'm not the fairy of tooth_

 _Only because it's hard to rhyme with doof because it's the order of Doof!_

 _(tune slows down to the way it was in the beginning of the song) While we may have some rocky times_

 _I've run out of Doof rhymes we'll make it through_

 _We will survive_

 _We'll escape_

 _With all our lives_ (SPOKEN) except you, you will be the first we'll eat when we run out of food

Random Guy: Awww

(SUNG) _Because this_

 _Is The Order of Doooo-oooooo-ooooo-oooooo-oooooooof_

RANDOM DOG: Woof woof!

 **(End Song)**

Monogram: Great, now I have this song stuck in my head!

Candace: I don't want THIS guy telling us what to do! No one tells Candace what to do!

Irving: She's right!

Doofenshmirtz: No one in Danville shall go against my rule!

Irving: So…as long as we are in Danville, we can't disobey you?

Albert: Where are you going with this?

Irving: You'll see…

Doofenshmirtz: Correct! So you shall be obeying me for the rest of your lives!

Irving: Then…we'll just leave Danville.

Everyone: WHAT?

Phineas: Really?

Irving: If we aren't in Danville, we don't have to listen to you!

Stacy: Does that mean…

Irving: Yes. We are all leaving Danville!

Everyone: …YEAh!

Doofenshmirtz: …No. By my orders, you cannot leave unless you are banned! And you get banned by committing treason.

Irving: Crap,

Doofenshmirtz: And guess what? You, the nerdy ninja guy, the girl with a bow, and the loud one all just committed treason!

Everyone: WHAT?

Candace: Loud one?

Doofenshmirtz: I hereby kick Irving, Albert, Stacy, and Candace all out of town! Hey, I remember your names!

Phineas: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Ferb: I do not approve of this.

Linda: You can't kick out my daughter…and friends! And Irving and Albert!

Monogram: Does no one listen to me?

Doofenshmirtz: You kids are now banished!

Albert: Dang it.

Irving: Whoops. I just wanted all of us to leave,

Doofenshmirtz: Shut up and be banished!

 **COMEDIC CUT TO THEM OUTSIDE THE DANVILLE RUINS***

Albert: …Well…this sucks

Candace: Yes, and World War 2 was a minor disagreement.

Stacy: …I'll never see my mom again.

Albert: I'll never see MY mom again…

Candace: I'll never see Phineas and ferb again.

Irving: NEITHER WILL I! ….Oh and I won't see mom too.

Albert: Well, this is fine mess you've gotten us into.

Candace: Yes. Yes it is.

Irving: Oh, it's not that bad.

Stacy: Irving, the world has ended, that doof guy took over Danville, and we got kicked out. That is a textbook example of bad!

Irving: How would you know, you don't read!

Stacy: Oh no you didn't!

Irving: I did! But I guess you didn't notice.

Candace: This is not the time for bickering!

Albert: She's right.

Irving: …So Stacy and I are going insane, and you guys are the only sane people?

Stacy: …I DON'T KNOW WHO WE ARE ANYMORE!

Irving: But anyway, I think Candace is right. We are the only free people alive now.

Stacy: Yeah…but what do we do?

Irving: Well, in the movies the survivors always try to start their own society.

Stacy: Oh, that could work!

Irving: Yep, I'm a genius.

Candace: don't push it

Albert: Okay, then I where do we start?

Irving: First we establish a camp. It will be nightfall soon. And in a post-apocalyptic world, night is not the best time.

Stacy: Good thinking, Irving

Candace: Did you really just say that?

Stacy: Yes. Yes I did.

Albert: But we don't have any supplies!

Irving: Actually, I have some in my backpack.

Candace: …did you have that backpack before?

Irving: Nope!

Candace: …okay.

 ***Silence***

Stacy: Weird. Guess Bob died.

Albert: How dark.

* * *

About 10 ten minutes later, camp was set up.

Albert: Hope this is better than the last time I went camping with Irving.

Irving: Oh come on, your butt healed!

Stacy: Ah, I love a good noodle incident,.

Candace: okay, so what is our overall plan?

Irving: Well, while spying on Phineas and ferb, I've picked up a few things. We will try to rebuild Danville!

Albert: Will we have to…repopulate?

Irving: …I don't feel like answering that

Candace: …The levity of this situation just hit me. All of our friends and family are gone, and we're the last free people in the entire world!

Stacy: There's the Candace I know and is shipped with by creepy fanfic writers!

Albert: It seriously took this long for you to start freaking out?

Candace: it just happened so fast!

Irving: I know this is tough, but we'll live. Sure, we'll most likely die in a few weeks, but if we keep it up, maybe one of us will at least get the world going again!

Albert: …That didn't help at all!

Irving: This is why I'm not a motivational speaker

Stacy: So let's start rebuilding the city!

 ***silence***

Albert: …Where's the quirky worky song?

Stacy: guess the singers died.

Irving: Just cut to the city being built.

* * *

The city was now built, though not quite well. But it was enough for now, at least until they find something better/.

Irving: So, how's the city? I built it on rock and roll…I mean good intentions.

Candace: Eh, it's okay. At least I got to build the mall.

Albert:Aat least it's livable

Stacy: Does it have any shoes?

Irving: No.

Stacy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Candace: Calm down Darth vader, we can make some shoes.

Stacy: ..Yay!

Candace: Wait, there's one thing we're missing.

Albert: Muffins?

Stacy: Pie?

Irving: Oh I know a leader!

Albert: I NOMINATE ME!

Irving: Albert you can't lead an army of ducks!

Albert: Tell that to my Ducky Momo MMO friends.

Everyone: …what?

Albert: Nothing

Stacy: Normally I would question Irving being the leader, but it would just cause unneeded conflict

Candace: …She has a good point.

Albert: Hmmm, argue over it and have a big election and waste time, or have Irving be the leader and eventually prove he sucks at it and cause problems anyway? …Eh I pick the latter.

Irving: See, this is what happens when you use logic.

Candace: …Logic is for losers.

Stacy: true that sister

Irving: So I, Irving shall rule this city. I shall dub it…new Danville!

Candace: Why not call it irvingville?

Irving: In that case I might as well have called it Egopolis!

Candace: Good point.

Irving: So I shall establish this city, and make myself known as its sole ruler!

* * *

A couple days later, things went to crap.

Irving was in a crappily made city hall sitting in his chair with his jaw dropped in awe. Stacy was next to him, in her old secretary outfit from when Candace was the mayor...though she wasn't due to that confusing thing.

Stacy: Well in the past two days, you have built a hospital, only for it GIVE us diseases rather than cure then, you tried to make a mall, only for it to collapse under me, and you became a dentist and I will not remind you what happened then.

Irving: Well all that stuff wore off after a while! I may have made some mistakes during the last two days, but at least the city is still standing!

Stacy: Well, I think you should give the citizens jobs, so they can contribute.

Irving: …Stacy you're a genius!

Stacy: Can you call my mo-oh wait.

Irving: Tell everyone to gather here!

Stacy: you mean Albert, Candace, and that hobo that wandered into town?

Hobo: OH MY GOD THIS IS THE GREATEST TOWN I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!

Stacy: I regret letting him sleep here

* * *

Albert: So why were we called here? I have lots of nothing to do.

Candace: And I have a Jeremy to cry about

Irving: And I bet the hobo has something to do as well?

Hobo : Nah, I'm free.

Irving: Good. Now, today I shall assign you all jobs, so you can help more.

Albert: Let me guess, you couldn't handle doing everything?

Irving: …Yeah. And so I shall give you a job.

Albert: I already had a part time job.

Irving: You did?

Stacy: Yeah. He was an amateur hat maker!

Irving: Why did you never tell me about that?

Albert: Would you want your brother begging you for a free hat?

Irving: …touché.

Stacy: So what will their jobs be?

Irving: Good question. I shall pick the jobs…out of this hat!

Albert: …is it one of my hats?

Irving: E-nope.

Albert: then I object!

Irving: Al, the hat picking has been a sacred tradition for centuries!

Albert: Don't care.

Irving: Okay, guess I'll make you the janitor then…

Albert: …Fine, I'll do the stupid hat thing,.

Irving: Good! So I shall pick Albert's job…

Irving reached into a hat he pulled out of hammer space, and read the slip of paper he now had.

Irving: Albert shall be a…fashion designer!

Stacy: Wwhat?

Albert: That's stupid! I only know how to make hats, nothing else!

Irving: The word of the hat is law, dude!

Stacy: I don't think Albert would make a good fashion designer.

Candace: Yeah, have you seen his taste in shirts? Disgusting.

Irving: Too bad!

Dirty Hobo: Me next!

Irving: Okay, let's consult the hat!

Irving pulled another slip of paper out of the hat

Irving: This hobo will be…a surgeon!

Dirty Hobo: Awesome!

Candace: I don't want that guy near my guts!

Stacy: Okay, this hat thing is a really bad idea.

Irving: Eh, it could be worse. He could be the bra designer…

Everyone: …What?

Irving: Never mind,.

Albert: So what job will Candace get? Can't be worse than a surgeon..

Irving: :et's see..

Irving picked another slip of paper from the hat of…hatness

Irving: Candace is.. A Professional bear wrestler

Candace: WHAT?

Stacy: Are you out of your mind?

Albert: This is insane!

Stacy: This is stupid!

Candace: According to 2 Guyz N Da Parque, if you're wrestling a bear then you ain't got a chance!

Irving: The hat never lies!

Albert: Irving, this hat thing is the worst idea you've ever had! Even worse than electrician Japanese tigers!

Stacy: …Do I want to know?

Candace: If all you're going to do is do stupid stuff like this, I don't think I want to be in this city!

Dirty Hobo: Eh, I'm okay with this. I like touching people's organs..

Albert: And with that disturbing comment, I take my leave.

Irving: …What?

Albert: Come on, you pull this stuff and expect us to STAY?

Irving: Well…yes. It is how this plot works. You do the jobs, you screw up at them, you get mad, and THEN you all leave!

Stacy: Well…we'll skip to the leaving part!

Albert: Stacy, you too? I thought I'd have to convince you to leave with us.

Stacy: I was convinced when the hobo became a surgeon!

Candace: I am not wrestling any bear, So I won't be sticking around here!

Irving: You can't leave…because you're banished!

Albert: You can't banish us, because we are leaving!

Irving: You can't leave if you're already banished!

Albert: We can't be banished if we're already leave-

Stacy: Okay, we get it!

Albert: …Sorry.

Dirty Hobo: Eh, I'll stick around here.

Irving: Well, fine! I don't need you anyway! I can rule a city all by myself!

Albert: So guys, shall we leave before we regret our decision, which we will in a few hours anyway?

Stacy: Yes. Yes we shall…a be.

Albert: That's my line

Stacy: Sorry.

Candace: Enough yapping. Let's leave.

Stacy: Funny how fast this whole thing is going. I feel like the world ended only several scenes ago. Either time just moves fast, or this episode is really rushed.

Candace: And that's one less part of the world that's intact.

They then finally went off to exit new Danville, leaving Irving in his office…with a dirty hobo.

Irving: Who needs them anyway? We can run this city by ourselves!

Dirty Hobo: ..Nah dude. I was only here because there was a dude with nun chucks here. Now I'm outta here.

Irving: Why didn't you go with them?

Dirty Hobo: There were two ladies there, man! I smell like rancid cat barf, for Pete's sake! You gotten respect a ladies personal space when you smell like rancid cat barf.

Irving: Yet you stayed here while she was here?

Dirty hobo: don't question my motives. . Dirty hobo is out, peace!

Irving: Crud…

* * *

Albert, Candace, and Stacy were now outside of new Danville.

Stacy: so what now?

Albert: Well, the way I see it, Irving will try to hold the fort by himself for about two hours. Once he sees he needs us, he will run out and try to find us, and after a grand musical number, we will help him out, build the city to be better than doofville back there, then in a couple months, the citizens of doofville will overthrow doof, come to us, we'll merge, and then us, plus Irving, shall share custody of the world, and all our friends will be alive, and no harm will come to anyone.

Candace: …You sure do plan ahead.

Stacy: And that's why I picked Albert over some jock.

* * *

Irving: *Sigh* Well, it looks I'm alone. Might as well go sulk for an a couple days and then realize I need them back.

Irving went to go that when suddenly…he bumped into something shadowing and in the background.

Irving: Hey, shadow-y background guy! Move out of the way! …Hey, what are you doing? Hey, don't-

* * *

Candace: So how long until Irving turns around?

Albert: About two hours. In the meantime, we stay around here.

Stacy: What if Irving gets into serious trouble?

Albert: Don't worry, he won't. He'll just get really sad and then ask us for help. We will only go back there if we hear him yelling for help. If he does that, he's in danger.

Irving: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Stacy: Oh no, he's in trouble!

Albert: He didn't say help!

Irving: HELLLLLLLLLLLLP!

Albert: He didn't call for us.

Irving: ALBERT, CANDACE, STACY! HELLLLP!

Albert: Dang it. WE'RE COMING BRO!

Candace: Are you going because he yelled?

Albert: Nah, I just thought it would be funny. I wouldn't let my brother stay with an empty city during the end of the world. I'm not that much of a jerk!

* * *

The three ran back into the city, and into Irving's office.

Albert: Irving, what's going on?

They looked to see that Irving was standing in front of a hooded figure. The robe said hood was on was insanely huge, preventing them from seeing any of the figure.

Irving: Thank goodness! This creepy guy with the really huge robe is gonna…hurt me, I guess!

Stacy: Who are you, creepy guy?

Creepy Guy: I shall not tell you right now.

Candace: How am I supposed to insult you if I don't know your name?

Creepy Guy: You won't be alive to find out.

Irving: Look creepy guy we-…did you just say "Won't be alive"?

Stacy: Look, if you think you're going to hurt us, you are sadly mistaken!

Albert: Ad explain who you are and what's going on!

Creepy Guy: Sorry, but you being alive was not part of our plan. Therefore, we must eliminate you before we visit your precious Danville…

Candace: Why do you want to visit Danville? Why must you get rid of us?

Irving: And what you mean by we?

Creepy Guy:Tthat information is classified. All you must know is that we must visit Danville, and you must be out of the way so you won't tell everyone about us.

Irving: So I'm guessing you are a bunch of mutants that survived the end of the world, and wish to take over what's left of the world, and we are getting in the way of that, and so we must be killed?

Creepy Guy: I can neither confirm nor deny that.

Albert: Stop being so cryptic!

Creepy Guy: That statement shall not addressed

Stacy: Okay, stop talking like that!

Candace: If you're going to kill us, do it!

Creepy Guy: Fine, if you say so.

Everyone: CANDACE!

 **ONE CLEVER SCENE TRANSITION LATER***

The four were now tied to a nearby pole, with the creepy guy standing in front of them/.

Irving: That was a very sad defeat.

Albert: Let us never speak of it again.

Candace: Great, now we're gonna die

Stacy: No we won't

Creepy Guy: Nah, I'm gonna kill you.

Albert: Wonderful. Simply marvelous!

Stacy: We are not going to die!

Irving: Okay creepy guy, I don't care who you are or anything. I just wish to know how you will kill us.

Creepy Guy: I will tell you.

Stacy: Oh come on you stupid pile of crud! You think you can just waltz up, do all this shi-

Creepy Guy: I…shall SHOW you!

Then suddenly, a laser looking gun peeked out from his sleeve. His hands were still not visible, but they could see enough to know what was going on.

Irving: A laser? That's it.

Creepy Guy: sometimes the simple weapons are the most affective.

Albert: He's right.

Irving: …*Sigh* go ahead.

Candace: Irving, what are you doing?

Irving: Succumbing to our fate. This guy will kill us and there is nothing we can do about it. Doof will end up killing everyone else back in Danville, and this guy will be the only living thing on earth.

Stacy: Come on, don't be so negative!

Albert: Besides, this guy's gonna kill everyone in Danville before doof does!

Stacy: …Not helping, albert.

Irving: Go ahead, and kill us. I give up.

Candace: Oh no this isn't going to be a big sappy scene, is it?

Irving: Ew, no. I just feel we should just let them kill us so we can come back from the dead as zombies!

Candace: …Go ahead, kill us.

Albert: …Should I object?

Stacy: Nah, I bet Irving has a plan.

Irving; Uh….sure, let's go with that.

Creepy Guy: It is now time for your demise.

The creepy guy points his laser at the kids.

Creepy Guy: I shall enjoy this greatly.

The laser charges up…

Creepy Guy: Good bye.

He was this close to shoot it…

Albert: Goodbye cruel world…

But then, just as the creepy guy was about to shoot….there was another bright blast that hit the creepy guy and sent him to the ground!

Creepy Guy: Oof! That's what I get for not shooting first.

Candace: Who was that?

The figure that shot the creepy guy ran to where the kids were. Then they saw that he was…

Everyone: JEREMY?

Irving: …Even M night wouldn't have seen that coming.

Candace: Jeremy, you've come to save us!

Albert: …Yes. Yes he has

Jeremy: I know this seems too awesome of a thing for me to do, but let me explain.

Stacy: That pharmacist guy was getting too much, so while he was taking a nap, you ran off to find us, since no one else wanted to do it, and took some weapons with you, and shot the creepy guy when you saw him about to kill us.

Jeremy: …That's right.

Stacy: Yeah, why is that shocking?

Jeremy: No reason.

Candace: And that is why I love him.

Albert: I deeply apologize for any bad things I have said about Jeremy. I now hate you a little bit less.

Jeremy: …Thanks?

Stacy: Where did your sudden awesome-ness come from?

Jeremy: I guess I've always had it. Just never felt the need to use it

Irving: Okay, Jeremy being awesome aside, we have to get back to Danville.

Jeremy: Okay, good. I snuck out before doof could see me. We just need to get back, and we can solve the whole banishing problem later.

Candace: Wait, how are we going to get back in?

Albert: She's right. We can't just walk right into town!

 **IRONIC SCENE TRANSITION***

Albert: You know, I CAN believe we're walking into town. Stupid Gilligan cuts…

Candace: so do we have a plan, or are we walking in and hoping nothing happens?

Jeremy: I don't know, I didn't think I'd get this far.

Albert: I knew the awesome-ness wouldn't last long.

Irving: When did you leave town, Jeremy?

Jeremy: This morning.

Stacy: But it took us like two days to get to where we built new Danville!

Jeremy: You moved slowly. I went fast.

Stacy: Eh, fair enough.

Irving: So based on the behavior patterns of Doof that I've been studying, he should be taking his seconds nap of the day right now.

Jeremy: …How do you know this?

Irving: Don't ask.

Albert: Seriously. Don't.

Irving: So let's just head to a safe area in town and once there, we'll figure out what we'll do for the rest of our lives.

Jeremy: Sounds good. Let's do this.

The four continued to walk into town. It seems that Irving was right; there was no doof in sight. (Hey I rhymed)

Irving: Okay, so far so good. Let's just make sure no one calls any attention to us.

Albert: Aaaaand, he jinxes it.

?: THEY'RE BACK!

Suddenly, they were hounded by the other Danville citizens, who came out of hiding.

Stacy: Oh there you are…everyone.

Citizen #1: How did you survive?

Citizen #2: Did you get lost?

Crazy old coot: DID YOU FIND ANY GOLD?

Irving: Whoa, slow down everyone. I never imagined anyone would be this happy to see me. Anyway, all questions hall be answered during this dissolved showing a passage of time.

 **DISSOLVE***

Irving: And that's how new Danville was made….and other stuff happened.

Crazy Old Coot: aw, no gold?

Albert: What is with this guy and gold?

Phineas: That's really cool, Irving. But what are you going to do now?

Irving: I'm going to Dis-,…uh, I mean I'm not sure yet, I never thought I'd get this far.

Jeremy: I said that first.

Irving: I don't see your name on it.

Candace: I think we've had enough pointless arguing for one day, boys.

Irving: Whatever.

Albert: How come no one's been cheering Jeremy for being the reason we're even here?

Jeremy: YOU'RE the one pointing that out?

Albert: Of course. The fact you became awesome stuck in my mind.

Random Guy: Oh yeah. We forgot.

Everyone: YAY JEREMY…AND THOSE OTHER GUYS!

Irving: Okay, now that we've settled, we just need to-

?: HEY YOU!

Albert: Hey watch the caps, buddy.

They looked to see the voice was coming from…Doofenshmirtz!

Doofenshmirtz: I'm not your buddy, pal

Everyone: Eh saw it coming.

Irving: Seriously, that accent is glaring.

Doofenshmirtz: Well excuse me, princess!

Albert: So close, but yet so far…

Doofenshmirtz: I wake up early from my nap to see the people I've banned are back, and one of my citizens rescued them. Do you know how that feels?

Irving: I don't think I WANT to know.

Doofenshmirtz: Well it feels quite unpleasant!

Albert: Do we really care how you feel? You're evil!

Doofenshmirtz: Evil people have feelings too.

Albert: So do good people and I don't normally care about them.

Doofenshmirtz: Whatever, I didn't angrily stomp here to argue with a nerd.

Albert: Too late.

Doofenshmirtz: Could you please be quiet before I just harm you without thinking.

Albert: Sure, why not.

Doofenshmirtz: Judging by the lack of question mark, I think that was sarcasm!

Albert: Weren't you in the middle of chewing us out?

Doofenshmirtz: Oh yea. So as I was saying: I banish you and you dare to come back!

Irving: It's a long story. Allow me to explain…

 **'*DISSOLVE***

Irving: And that's all I have to say about that.

Doofenshmirtz: Well, I must commend you for surviving all that without dying. Even if you had to get rescued by some pretty boy. And I must commend him for being awesome.

Jeremy: Is me being awesome so hard to believe?

Everyone: Yes. Yes it is.

Candace: Oh screw you all!

Doofenshmirtz: But wait, how did he get so awesome anyway? He must have learned it somewhere.

Candace: Maybe he was just born that way.

Jeremy: Uh, actually, I have a confession.

Irving: Oh this should be good.

Candace: What is it?

Jeremy: You see, after you were banished, we knew we had to get you back. I volunteered to rescue you, but of course they all laughed.

Albert: Can't say I blame them.

Candace: Shut it.

Jeremy: So anyway, I was wondering myself how I could save you. And while I was wandering around the remains of Candace's house, I ended up in some underground lair.

Irving: Agent P's HQ!

Jeremy: Yeah! So after I figured all that out, perry showed in there. I think he wanted to close it off since the world was over. After I told him my situation….he kind of trained me to do the rescue mission.

Phineas: Hey, you never trained us!

Perry: …grgrgrgr?

Ferb: In a previous lifetime perhaps.

Jeremy: So yeah, he trained me and that's how I was a bad enough to dude to save you guys.

Doofenshmirtz: I was wondering where perry the platypus was all this time.

Stacy: Okay, can we skip to the part where Doof tries to do something really bad to us?

Doofenshmirtz: Well fine, Miss Impatient! You have come back despite being banned, AND pretty boy here ran away to help them come back. That's a double crime!

Albert: And what exactly is the punishment? Being under your rule is bad enough.

Doofenshmirtz: …That's actually a good point. Having to be under my rule is punishment enough.

Albert: Told ya.

Doofenshmirtz: But since I'm evil, I think there can never be enough punishment!

Candace: Nice going, Albert.

Albert: Oh, shut up.

Doofenshmirtz: And for your heinous double crime, I say that you shall-

?: Stop right there!

Irving: What's with all the question marks today?

Doofenshmirtz: What the heck?

They looked to see it was….the creepy guy! Only this time…he brought identical friends.

Albert: Oh great, it's this guy again.

Candace: And he brought friends.

Irving: Yes, I read the narrator, dude.

Creepy Guy #1: You were able to escape my wrath.

Creepy Guy #2: But you won't escape now that we're here!

Doofenshmirtz: Oh look, it's those guys from your backstory. Those are some really big robes.

Albert: Why do they wear those anyway? You think showing their mutant bodes would make us more scared of them, and thus unable to fight back.

Creepy Guy #3: Ee have our reasons. But seeing as you won't be seeing anything ever again, we might as well show you our true form.

Stacy: But everyone else in town is here too.

Creepy Guy #1: Well since they'll be getting used to us, I think it's about them they know what we really are.

Doofenshmirtz: Well? What are you waiting for? Take it off!

Albert: …No comment.

Candace: What do you think he looks like?

Albert: He can't be uglier than doof.

Doofenshmirtz: he-eh good point.

Stacy: Okay, give us your worst.

Creepy Guy's: okay, feast your eyes on this!

The creepy guys then ditched their huge robs. And now their true bodies could be seen by everyone. And it turns that in reality, they were not humans, nor mutants they were….

Everyone: VENDING MACHINES?

Albert: THOSE are the guys trying to dominate us?

Vending Machine #1: Yes, we are indeed vending machines. It's a long story, but you see, we became tired of being pushed around by humans. So a nice man decided to help us out, and now are evil and are ready to become the dominate race!

Doofenshmirtz: See I told you all! I've been preparing for this my whole life! You all said I was crazy! But I was right!

Candace: Wait, this whole thing makes no sense.

Vending Machine #2: it doesn't have to make sense, we have a monster truck!

Stacy: …No you don't

Vending Machine #3: well, we still don't need to make sense. So if there are any holes in our brief backstory, keep them to yourself.

Albert: Worst handwave ever.

Irving: So we are being attacked by vending machines who wish to become the dominate race. This has been a strange day.

Albert: Wait…were YOU the ones who ended the world?

Vending Machine #1: yYu got it! We decided to finally take over the world by ending 90 percent of its population!

Candace: YOU are the ones who caused all this! I…can believe it. Phineas and ferb have done weirder things than this.

Phineas: Yeah we have.

Doofenshmirtz: I for one welcome our new vending machine overlords. Would you like some coins?

Vending Machine #2: that would be nice.

Irving: So what are you going to do to us? Kill us?

Vending Machine #1: Well, no. We have decided to just dominate you.

Candace: …no comment.

Stacy: Dominate us, eh? I'm willing to bet that won't end up happening.

Vending Machine #3: and why do you figure that?

Stacy: The episode has been running long enough already.

Albert: That poor fourth wall…

Candace: I'm sure something quite serendipitous will happen in a few seconds

Albert: I'm shocked serendipitous was spelled right

Irving: *looks up* Hey, what's that?

Stacy: What's what?

Irving: That.

They all looked up to where Irving was pointing to. And now, they saw what he mean.t

Candace: Is that a…

Albert: Water balloon?

Yes, there was indeed a giant water balloon in the sky. And it was headed right for them.

Irving: Oh look, there's a giant water balloon headed right for us…

Albert: Should we scream?

Irving: Yes.

Vending Machines: Now you shall-wait,…WATER BALLOON?

The humongous balloon then landed right on the vending machines. The balloon let loose tons of water onto the machines.

Vending Machine #1: NOOOOOO!

Vending Machine #2: THE WATER!

Vending Machine #3: IT'S TOO MUCH!

Stacy: What's going on?

Phineas: I think the water is short circuiting the machines!

Irving: Oh yeah, I forgot that these scary guys were just vending machines at their core.

Vending Machines: NOOOOOOOOO!

Stacy: Could you just die already?

Vending Machines: k

The machines then all fell into a crumpled heap. They were finally defeated.

Doofenshmirtz: Well, I never thought of that. I collected all those coins for nothing!

Candace: Where did that water balloon come from, anyway?

Irving: Over there.

They looked to where the water balloon came from and they saw it was from a certain building…

Everyone: DOOFENSHMIRTZ EVIL INCORPORATED!

Silence*

Doofenshmirtz: Dang it, the slacks died too?

Stacy: This is a really dark episode.

Albert: Why would there be a giant water balloon coming from DEI?

Doofenshmirtz: Don't look at me; all I've done in there today is sleep!

Irving: Take a look.

They all looked back to DEI to see what could have flung the balloon. They saw two interesting sights.

Doofenshmirtz: Hey, it's my water balloon inator! I made it to fling giant water balloons at my enemies! I just…never used it that much.

The other sight was the person who was using the inator…

Everyone: PERRY THE PLATYPUS?

Perry got out his trusty glider and went safely to where everyone else was.

Doofenshmirtz: That was…actually quite expected. You are the good guy after all.

Phineas: Perry, you saved us from certain doom!

Irving: That is AWESOME!

Candace: Now I see why Phineas and ferb are so fond of him.

Albert: Now that is a platypus worthy of a theme song.

Monogram: Okay, enough praising. We know Agent P is great.

Doofenshmirtz: Ohai Monobrow.

Monogram: Stop calling me that!

Doofenshmirtz: NEVER! By the way, why were you so silent for past few minutes?

Monogram: …I don't know. Anyway, I must speak to the kids…and Perry.

Doofenshmirtz: Go ahead. I can wait.

Monogram: Thanks. Irving, Albert, Candace, Jeremy, and Agent P, you have shown immense bravery in-oh screw it. Let me cut to the chase. You were all super awesome today.

Irving: Thank you.

Stacy: This is the 98th time I've been called that!

Candace: Gee, who did it the first 97 times?

Albert: Shut it.

Irving: So what do you get?

Monogram: The knowledge you have done well!

Albert: …really?

Monogram: What, were you expecting a medal or something?

Albert: Maybe

Monogram: The world ended. There are no medals to give. Sorry.

Irving: Sh, I don't want any stinking medal anyway. I faced the end of the world and evil vending machines! I think the fact I can say that sentence is good enough.

Candace: Eh, I guess you're right.

Albert: So now what?

Doofenshmirtz: Well, I have to apologize for…all this. I was being a little power crazy back there.

Everyone: A LITTLE?

Doofenshmirtz: Okay, Very power crazy. But now that all is said and done, I'd like to just…share the world. We can build it from the ground up and we can worry about that leader nonsense another time.

Monogram: I hate to say this…but Doof's right.

Irving: Now that proves it's the end of the world.

Phineas: Yeah, we should forget about all this nonsense and just work on re-building the world. With us, it should only take a few weeks!

Doofenshmirtz: Well it seems like it's settled.

Phineas: Who wants to rebuild the world?

Everyone: *cheers*

Ferb: I'd like that.

Stacy; Well, this is the most insane day I've ever had.

Albert: Eh, I've had weirder days.

Stacy: O you…

Candace: Okay, enough…of that. Let's rebuild this thing!

Irving: Well, this is weird. It's almost like this entire thing is a simulation or something.

 ***SIMULATION OVER***

Doofenshmirtz had finished watching the simulation his what if inator had just presented to him.

Doofenshmirtz: So…That is what would happen if the world ended. Uh….how…interesting. That was a very…fascinating simulation.

Perry halfheartedly nodded.

Doofenshmirtz: Perry the platypus, I think I am going to take a nap. This…has been a strange day for me. You can go back to Major Monogram and just tell him you defeated me early.

Perry complied and quickly crept away before things got even weirder.

Doofenshmirtz: That was insane. Well, nap time for me!

Doof walked off to go take his nap. However, the What if inator was still running. And the simulation was still presenting itself…

 **SIMULATION***

Irving: Well the world is starting to look almost half way decent.

Albert: I agree, brother.

Stacy: I just have one question.

Albert: Yes?

Stacy: What caused the vending machines to rebel anyway?

Irving: …That's a good question. I actually don't know.

Albert: Do we do still have the…"bodies" of them?

Irving: Yes, why?

Albert: Bring me one of them.

Irving: …Uh, sure. Whatever floats your boat I guess.

About a minute later, Irving brought him the remains of one the killer vending machines.

Irving: Here are the remains of a killer vending machine. That was an amazing sentence.

Albert: Okay, let me inspect this thing…

Stacy: I hope you know what you're doing.

He began to inspect it.

Albert: Let's see…aha! I got something.

Irving: What it is?

Albert: There's a photograph in here.

Stacy: Why is there a picture in there?

Albert: I don't know. Let's take a look. The caption says "Our leader". This must be the guy who made the machines to insane!

Irving: Who is it?

Albert: Don't know.; He's kind of ugly. I'll look on the back.

Albert flipped the picture to look at the back of it.

Albert: take a look. It says this guy's name is…

Everyone: ARNOLD HIKING?

 **THE END?**

 **AN: ...Yeah, told oyu it was odd. But overall, I liked this one for how different is. But i did have way too many 4th wall jokes. Also, yes Doof did see Perry's true indenity and didn't comment on that. ...forget that happened. I may do more what if type things in the future. Next up is...well the other weirdest episode.**


	16. July Fools Day

**Author's Note: Here's the real filler episode! Remember that April Fools episodes of icarly and Victorious? It's like thta only set in July. Yeah, it's short and fun, so enjoy.  
**

 **WARNING: THOSE WHO LIKE LOGIC SHOULD NEVER READ THIS. EVER.**

 **The Adventures of Irving and Friends**

 **Episode 16**

 **July Fools Day**

It was a normal sunny day in Danville. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and Fluttershy was a tree.

Irving and Albert were hanging out at Phineas and Ferb's house. Well, Albert was. Irving was stalking from behind a fern plant while Albert was talking to Phineas.

Tacos are plants.

Albert: So you're telling me there ARE more than 104 days?

Ferb: The network demanded it.

Phineas: Indeed. So remind me Albert, why are you here?

Albert: Well I figured that I need to actually talk to Phineas and ferb by myself so I can see if I can stand them.

Phineas: Uh….Cool story bro.

Albert: Wait, what were we talking about before?

Phineas: So far we've talked about War, the presidential election, Kony, and a giant talking muffin.

Albert: Well that's odd. I don't care about the election!

Phineas: Well it isn't until later anyway. Wow, I forgot how far away the end of summer is.

Albert: We've had summer since like, 2007. That's an understatement.

Irving: *giggles* he broke the fourth wall.

Phineas: I heard that Irving. I

rving: Drat, I've been spotted!

Irving stepped out from behind the plant, and sat down on the couch the others were sitting on.

Phineas: Why were you spying on us when you could freely talk to us?

Irving: It's more fun.

Phineas: that makes sense.

Albert: so….any good holidays coming up?

Irving: Not that I know of.

Phineas: I think it could be international cheese steak day.

Irving: Oh! Yay!

Albert: I mean a real one! Like…April fool's day!

Phineas: April fool's day? That's my favorite holiday!

Everyone: IT IS?! P

Phineas: of course! I build insane inventions all the time. Imagine what I do on April fool's day!

Irving: but shouldn't you be against pranking people?

Phineas: Why? There's no harm in a little joke. Besides, I do funny pranks, not cruel ones.

Irving: Okay then.

Albert: Why can't it be April fool's day today?

Phineas: Because it's July.

Albert:Tthen why can't it be JULY fool's day?

Phineas: Hmmm…Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today!

Irving: Meh

Phineas: ….did you just react to my catchphrase with "meh?"!

Irving: JULY FOOLS!

Phineas: Haw, I see what you did there!

Albert: okay….

 **Long silence***

Albert: So…

Phineas: what?

Irving: Shouldn't you be asking where perry is?

Phineas: Who cares about Perry?

Everyone: Gasp!

Phineas: July fools!

Irving: Ah! You got me there!

Phineas: but seriously, where's perry?

* * *

Perry was of course, already in his HQ, about to receive a mission from Monogram. Pancakes are people.

Monogram: Good mid-evening Agent-P. Dr Doofenshmirtz has done absolutely nothing and it doesn't concern us, so don't find out what he's up and don't put a stop to it.

Carl: And I like cheese cake!

Monogram: And I like pie. No, this episode makes no sense. So go do things that make no sense.

Carl: Wanna go get some Spanish chocolate cheeto's?

Monogram: Sure!

Perry walked away, without even blinking.

* * *

Jingle Singers: _Doofenshmirtz's…place that he owns!_

Perry burst into DEI for the 10000th time this year.

He waited for the usual trap…but for some reason, nothing happened.

Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the platypus! I am so glad you're here. ….JULY FOOL'S! Haw, yes. Got you there. You see, there's no trap, because in order for a prank to work, it has to be unexpected, you expected a trap, so there is no trap! Of course…now you can escape if I do anything evil…guess I should have thought this out more. Well anyway, you may wonder what's going on. We'll let me show you my latest invention.

Doof pointed to said invention.

Doofenshmirtz: Behold the random inator! Whatever or whoever this baby hits is forced to do random things that make no sense! You see Perry the platypus, back in Gimmelshtump my parent's never-wait…where's my wavy flashback clip? I thought I had a clip. Darn. Ah well. Let's move on.

Doofenshmirtz: The point is, I want to spread random chaos! You see, my favorite holiday is April fool's day. I can spread evil all I want, and no one cares! So I figured I should spend April fool's day early, cuz why not? So yea, I fired the inator over the entire town this morning. So far it seems to real fun. But I haven't noticed anything odd around this place so far.

Norm: Boss, can I go roller-skating with weasels?

Doofenshmirtz: Sure, just be back by 4. See, nothing odd!

* * *

Phineas: So off-screen I told a bunch of people about July fool's day.

Albert: Good, so what do we do now?

Phineas: I don't know, I don't notice anything odd.

Then, Candace arrived from upstairs, with Stacy by her side, dressed in French Maid outfits

Candace: Ohai Phineas.

Albert: oh there you are Stacy…and Candace.

Candace: Me and Stacy are heading out to do some stuff.

Ferb: Stacy and I

Candace: This isn't about you!

Stacy: Pfft, grammar nazi…

Irving: Wait, something is odd here…Candace isn't trying to bust!

Candace: oh, I didn't notice. Eh, I don't feel like it.

Albert: …k then. Well you girls have fun.

Candace and Stacy: Bye!

They left.

Phineas: So nothing odd so far..

Then a satellite crashed into the house.

Linda (Off-screen): Candace, you're in charge!

Then a herd of moose ran in.

Linda: Still in charge!

Albert: Still nothing.

Irving: Let's go outside

Phineas: Good idea!

They all went outside and of course, they were met with break dancing werewolves.

Albert: Dng it, I hate these werewolves Irving: At least they're wearing shir-nope they just went off.

Werewolf: Shirts are too mainstream

Vampire: At least you didn't your girlfriend pregnant when I should have known that no condoms=babies. …I'm an idiot.

Phineas: That was forced.

Vampire: Shut up!

Albert: Twilight bashing is too mainstream.

Phineas: Still nothing odd! Why is no one going crazy for no reason?!

Then Rodney walked in piloting a giant robot…sort of

Rodney: Behold, my giant robot!

Irving: I don't see anything. you're just standing there with a sign saying "CGI to be added later

Rodney: Yea, my effects team is working on it. It's going to be really cool later!

Albert: Will you have anything interesting to it than just throwing CGI everywhere?

Rodney: …Not really.

Irving: whatever, Micheal bay. …wait, who the heck are you?

Rodney: I'm a carrot

Then Rodney was a carrot

Ferb: …Cool story bro.

Albert: I bet that CGI's gonna suck anyway.

* * *

Doofenshmirtz: So Perry the platypus, that is how I became king of Canada. And as you would expect, I am also part hamster. So where was I? Oh yeah, the random inator thingy. I don't think it worked. I haven't noticed anything odd.

Vanessa then walked in wearing a lobster cosutime

Vanessa: Dad, I'm gonna go get some lunch. Bye.

Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, have fun sweetie. See, nothing! I don't get it.

Then Norm turned into a taco

Norm: I'm yummy!

Doofenshmirtz: Shut up norm. See what I mean? I guess the inator didn't work.

Then Norm blew up. And john was a zombie

Doofenshmirtz: Hey something is odd around here….that picture frame over there is crooked!

He then fixed the crooked picture.

Doofenshmirtz: Much better. ….I'm bored now.

* * *

Phineas: So have we forgotten something?

Albert: don't know.

Irving: I think I know.

Phineas: what?

Irving: The song!

Everyone: Oh yeah!

Phineas: Begin the obligatory song!

Then a song started

 **Phineas** :

 _Every single day we see something strange When people look at us we look quite deranged_

 _The plot comes to a screeching halt_

 _Don't blame us, it's not our fault Every word we say suddenly starts to rhyme No matter how long it is, we don't lose time_

 _Everyone around us feels an incredible force They're shocked there is no music source!_

 _Folks who couldn't sing can suddenly sing_

 _Everyone does lots of crazy things In the background, there's a catchy beat_

 _And everyone around is stomping they're feat You may ask yourself_

 _If we like acting like ding dongs Well it won't be that long_

 _This is the obligatory song!_

 _Yes, the obligatory song At first we only had two_

 _But Disney asked us make some more_

 _Now we have one in every ep These songs are catchy, yep_

 _We can do so many genres There's so many choices_

 _We can raise our own voices_

 **Irving** : _This is the rap verse._

 _I bust out some funky rhymes_

 _At least if we have some times You may think_

 _We're trying too hard to be hip Well, just take your mouth and make It zip._

 _I'm busting out amazing beats_

 _As long as you don't wear stupid cleats Just listen to my epic rap_

 _Don't sit down, or take a nap!_

 _This will be out of date in like 15 years_

 _But it doesn't matter, don't shed any tears!_

 **Albert** : _Now we're into the rock verse We're rocking this whole universe_

 _We sing about satan_

 _And evil things And giant bees that like to sting_

 _At least that's what people assume_

 _Those are the facts that they consume_

 _We rock around all night and day_

 _Our rocking stuff is here to stay_

 **Phineas** : _Now you know all about The Obligatory song! We sing it all day long_

 _It happens in every episode Even if it doesn't make sense_

 _It won't ever make you tense It's random and often weird_

 _It's not as bad as you feared_

 _They're quite as random and odd_

 _As a big lipped alligator's fishing rod!_

 **Irving** : _Don't ask why this occurs It goes by like a big ol' blur_

 **Albert** : _So just get up and sing a long_

 **Everyone** : _Because this is the obligatory SOOOOOOOONG!_

Phineas: Well, that was fun.

Then, Isabella walked onto the scene.

Isabella: Hey Phineas. Watcha doing?

Albert: We're here too you know.

Isabella: I…really don't care

Phineas: We createdJjuly fool's day! I told everyone about it. Though nothing odd has happened so far.

Just then, they were approached by The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Irving: Oh look, it's the Ninja Turtles!

Michelangelo: Were you expecting maybe, the adams family?

Albert: …What?

Raphael: shut up, Mikey.

Irving: Sorry guys, we don't have time for stupid crossovers

Michelangelo: oh come on!

Albert: GO!

Turtles: whatever

Then they left

Phineas: So who wants to go get some food?

Everyone: I do!

Irving: let's go to that burger place that just so happens to close to us!

They walked into the place that just so happened to be right across from them.

But the minute they walked in, they saw they were in the middle of another planet, with aliens and robots beating the crap out of each other

Albert: Oh look, we're in a space adventure movie!

Irving: Cool.

Then they were approached by an odd looking alien.

Alien: Beesa bar bar jinks!

Irving: Darn, it's a space adventure prequel

Albert: let's get out of here!

Phineas: Yeah.

They quickly ran out.

They were back out on the streets were they were before

Albert: This day has been really boring. Something fun needs to happen!

Irving:Llike what?

Baljeet and Buford then walked in…but Baljeet was a Elephant and Buford was a Pygmy marmoset

Buford: Hey look. I'm proof god has sense of humor!

Albert: I thought that was the platypus

Phineas: HEY!

Albert: Ph, sorry

Baljeet: So how goes it, comrades?

Phineas: fine. Though I think this episode has been going on too long

Irving: I think it's too short.

Albert: Well too bad!

Phineas: So how will we end it?

Just then a delorean appeared and landed right beside them. And of course, Another Baljeet stepped out of it

Phineas: Baljeet?!

Future Baljeet: Guys! You have got to come back with me!

Isabella: Where?

Future Baljeet: Back to the future!

Irving Wait, what happens to us in the future? Do we become jerks or something?

Future Baljeet: Yes, but that is not the problem! It is your kids!

Albert: Whose kids?

Future Baljeet: The kids of Phineas and-

Irving: Oh come on, Back to the future parodies are overdone and lame!

Future Baljeet: Quiet you! Just get in the car

Albert: No way!

Phineas: But wait, we don't have any clever jokes for a good parody?

Future Baljeet: jokes? Where we are going, we do not need…jokes.

Irving: Get out of here!

Future Baljeet: fine.

The other Baljeet then left in the time machine thing.

Albert: Well that was stupid. How the heck will this episode en-

 **THE END**

 **AN: ...I regret nothing.**


	17. NinjaDude and FanMan

**Author's Note: Another filler one. Sorry, the next one is a real ep. This takes place in the world of Team Improably, from Out of Toon. Enjoy!  
**

 **The Adventures of Irving and Friends**

 **Episode 17**

 **NinjaDude and FanMan**

Narrator: PREVIOUSLY ON TEAM IMPROBABLE!

Multi Man: Guys, my head just turned into a pumpkin!

Ferb Guy: I have decided I shall speak more often.

Hanaman Man: Hitler has been resurrected in the form of a teddy bear!

Control Freak: I need your help.

The Rainbow: I need to create a phony previously on segment that isn't funny or witty!

Belch Man: If you're going to shove a stick up a hobo's butt, I don't think we deserve to be friends!

Hanaman Man: I told you it was the dry clean lady!

Multi Man: my copy has stolen my bananas!

BelchMan: FerbGuy, why do you have one shoulder pad, ridiculously huge muscles, and a gun too big for you?

FerbGuy: I want to parody 90's comics

Control Freak: You see Multi Man; I am…your sister!

Ferb Guy: Eh, saw it coming.

Narrator: But who cares about that? Let's skip to today's adventure! Run the intro!

 **Singers:** _Ask yourselves: If you could have one superpower, what would it be?_  
 _Would you be everywhere, control unicorns, or grow to fifty feet?_  
 _That may seem impossible to you..._  
 _But it's what Team Improbable can do_

 _MultiMan is everywhere at any given time_  
 _He'll duplicate and re-create in order to fight crime_  
 _Which one is he, is he over there?_  
 _I don't know... he's everywhere_

 _Ferbguy has no powers (or so I'm told)_  
 _He wears a belt with tons of gadgets_  
 _Yet he isn't very old_  
 _Power drill, belt sander, hair dye_  
 _He's Ferbguy_

 _The Rainbow controls unicorns_  
 _Rainbows, goodness, and French horns_  
 _She'll beat you up with pink_  
 _She will make you think_

 _The next member is Belchman_  
 _What else can I say?_  
 _He burps to fight, he enjoys ham_  
 _He also loves a cheese tray_

 _Hanumanman wanted to control rainbows_  
 _But The Rainbow got it, so now he grows_  
 _He's a flying blue monkey_  
 _He's the opposite of chunky_  
 _He grows to massive size_  
 _To crush the evil guys_

 _Team Improbable_  
 _Team Improbable_  
 _Might seem impossible_  
 _But nope, just improbable_  
 _They're not Kim Possible_  
 _They're Team Improbable!_

Narrator: Team Improbable: Episode 96: 'Fanning the Flames!

Narrator: The city of nadville, that town that is so not a fictional take on the city the creators live in! It's clam, peaceful, and happy…

Citizen: AHHHH!

Narrator: …most of the time.

Monster: Roar!

A horrible monster was terrorizing the city, and doing monster stuff, like squishing people.

Citizen: Oh man, no one can stop this monster!

?: We can!

Everyone looked to see it was..

Everyone: Team Improbable!

Multi Man Stop right there, monster!

Belch Man: you do know he's not going to stop, right?

Multi Man: Yeah, but it just sounds cool.

Hanaman Man: yes. Yes it does

The Rainbow: let's stop this monster!

They started to fight the monster, using their awesome super powers. It was so epic we're too lazy to describe. Just take our word for it. It's epic.

The Rainbow: This guy won't stay down!

Multi Man: I think we need some back up!

Belch Man: Oh, does this mean we're introducing her?

Multi Man: Yes. Yes it does.

Belchman: I'll call her with my super calling burp.

Belch man let out a huge sonar burp thing-y which helped summon whoever he wanted.

Belchman: and now we wait.

Multi Man: Yes!

*silence*

The Rainbow: So….

Hanaman Man: anyone seen any good movies lately?

BelchMan: Well I saw-

? I am here!

BelchMan: There we go!

All the citizens looked up to see.

Citizens: Control freak!

Control Freak: That name really doesn't work now that I'm good.

Multi Man: But it sounds cool!

Control Freak: Eh, good point. By the way, it's about time I finally got introduced to the public as a superhero!

Multi Man: Sorry, now help us stop this monster!

So with the help of Control Freak, they fought the monster, in a battle that is still too epic to show.

Monster: Ow, that hurts! Fine, I get the message. I'm going home. Ungrateful jerks!

The monster stopped away

Monster: Maybe I'll have better luck in Toyko..

Multi Man: Well that was easy.

News Reporter: You saw it here folks. Team Improbable has saved the day once again. With their new member, their former nemesis, control freak!

Citizens: YAY!

However, little did they know, there a mysterious figure in a trench coat watching them

Trench coat Person: Yes, cheer all you want. Your demise shall come soon….

* * *

Meanwhile, in a secret unground lair, two very powerful superhero's watched the scene unfold on their TV..

FanMan: Oh man, isn't this awesome?!

NinjaDude: yeah, I guess.

FanMan: What's the problem, NinjaDude?

NinjaDude: It's just that we see them rescue people every day, and here we are, doing nothing.

FanMan: Well I only got my super powers last week, and YOU were trying out the whole super villain thing

NinjaDude: Yeah, that didn't quite work out. Good thing they now have that rule about choosing your side in the first month you have your powers. But if they had it in a few years ago, I'd be stuck as a villain

FanMan: Yeah, enough exposition. I get it.

NinjaDude: Anyway, it's just that even the lower level superheroes are more well-known than us. Team Improbable takes all the fame!

FanMan: Don't say that! They make sure to share spotlight will all fellow heroes.

NinjaDude: It just dawned on me that my complaining makes no sense since we have not done any superhero stuff yet.

FanMan: Exactly my point. We should go out, and do something!

NinjaDude: Yeah, but how will your powers be any useful?

FanMan: Hey, my powers are plenty useful! In case you forgot, I have superhuman intelligence, and super photographic memory, and can print pictures with my mind, you certain!

NinjaDude: Oh, big word!

FanMan: oh shut up

NinjaDude: okay, I see your point. Sure your powers aren't as good as my power to become invisible, but I see what I mean. We should be out and about!

FanMan: Yes! We should do something!

Ninjadude: but wait. What if we get overshadowed by Team Improbable?

FanMan: I have the solution to that. We try to get them to notice us, and if we do a good enough job…they'll put us on the team!

Ninjadude: What?! That'll never work! They're exclusive as heck!

FanMan: Belch man got in by burping.

Ninjadude: Good point. We should go and fight crime, and get noticed!

FanMan: …That's pretty much what I said.

NinjaDude: Yes, but I said it in my sexy voice!

FanMan: Your voice is so not sexy!

NinjaDude: It so is!

FanMan: Is not!

NinjaDude: It is!

FanMan: Do you want to argue over the sexiness of your voice, or do you want to go and stop crime?

Ninjadude: …good point. Let's head out and do some good!

FanMan: Yea! Cue theme song!

NinjaDude: yea let's-…theme song?

* * *

 _Yes they're NinjaDude and Fan Man!_

 _Busting crime wherever they can_

 _If an evil doers doing bad_

 _They'll come right away, don't post an ad._

 _They can do this city some real good_

 _If your car is broke, they'll check the hood_

 _They will still good, they'll never change_

 _They don't got weapons, much less long range_

 _NinjaDude has got mad skillz_

 _Fan man's too young to pay the bills_

 _They do not have a secret base_

 _When they see bad, they give the chase_

 _While they're here you all can rest_

 _And wait until we actually find the best_

 **Albert** : Hey!

Cuz they're NinjaDude… and Fan Man!

 _Ninjadude can disapear_

 _his face will be right out of here_

 _Fan Man is super smart_

 _when it comes to heroing, he has the art!_

 _Yes, they both can save the day_

 _They work for free, you shall not pay._

 _They will stop those evil guys_

 _we telll the truth, we shouldn't lie!_

 _They're NinjaDude and Fan Man!_

 _Ninjadude and Fan Man!_

 _NINJADUDE AND FAN MAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!_

The two heroes were now in front of the Nadville national bank

Ninjadude: So why are we here?

FanMan: Well you see, you used my newest invention, the crime detector 2000! It says that a crime will be committed in about a minute. We just wait until it starts, then we stop it!

NinjaDude: Can't we just stop him from commiting it in the first place?

FanMan: This is more fun!

Ninjadude:….good point. Let's do this!

They walked into the bank. Everything seemed pretty normal.

NinjaDude: Now, we just need to wait for the criminal to strike.

Man: THIS IS A ROBBERY!

NinjaDude: why do robbers always say that? If they hold up a gun at a bank, I assume it's a robbery!

Robber: …Shut up! Hey, aren't you a little young to be supeheroes?

FanMan: yes. Yes we are!

NinjaDude: Wait, most of Team Improbable is young and you except them!

Robber: Stop questioning me, bub!

FanMan: well anyone, we shall stop you fiend!

Robber: oh, *squeaky voice* really?

NinjaDude: hey, did your voice just crack?

Robber: *normal voice* uh…no

FanMan: yeah, it did!

Robber: uh…hey look a puppy!

FanMan: where?!

Robber: over there!

Irving ran over there to find the elusive puppy

NinjaDude: FANMAN! You idiot!

Suddenly, NinjaDude looked back to where the Robber was, and saw that FanMan had already returned

NinjaDude: good, you already came to your senses! Oh hey look the robber guy dropped some of the money hey took. Go take that to the proper authorizes, okay?

FanMan picked up the money and ran right out the door

Ninjadude: I said take it, not run like a criminal! Moron…

Ninjadude turned back to where the robber was earlier, and saw FanMan standing there.

NinjaDude: Whoa! I almost forgot you have the occasional super speed!

FanMan: …Indeed. So where's the robber?

NinjaDude: I think he ran off. Hey, did you snap a mind picture of him?

FanMan: Just did. Why?

NinjaDude: just in case. I think there's more to this robber than meets the eye…

* * *

They were now back at their lair, watching TV.

FanMan: Weren't we going to find out more about that robber?

NinjaDude: Eh, we'll do it later. Let's just watch TV in the meantime.

FanMan: …eh, whatever.

News Dude: This is Joel Nelson here with a special news bulletin!

NinjaDude: Oh, he's gonna talk about our amazing hero work!

Joel: this afternoon, the Nadville bank was Robbed..

FanMan: Oh here it comes!

Joel: Yes, it has been robbed…by two kids!

Both: WHAT?!

Joel:Yes, one teenage boy, who we shall dub "el pico" was caught taking a giant sack of money,. Oh and some boy was with him.

FanMan and Ninjadude: I took the bag/we didn't do that!

FanMan: …I mean, we didn't rob the bank!

Joel: This new super villain…and that boy, could be trouble. Keep an out for them. We do not know what powers they have, but no matter what, stay away from them!

FanMan: you've got to be kidding me!

NinjaDude: They think we're villains!

FanMan: Why?!

NinjaDude: Maybe because you were running with a bag of money!

FanMan: hey, I-

NinjaDude: Okay, let's clam down.

FanMan: But we only just started to argue!

NinjaDude: Well we wouldn't have to argue if you just-

FanMan: But NinajDude, i-

NinjaDude: This entire mess is happening because you-

FanMan: If you would just listen-

NinjaDude: I don't need to listen, i-

FanMan: I WAS FROZEN TODAY!

NinjaDude: …what?

FanMan: …Never mind.

NinjaDude: …So anyway, this mess can be cleaned up easily. We'll just do a real superhero feat, and we'll be seen as superheroes!

FanMan; If it's so easy, why didn't you suggest that a minute ago?

NinjaDude: …I have no idea.

FanMan: …well never mind, let's go find more super hero stuff to do!

NinjaDude: Wait, there's nothing for us to do!

Joel: This just in, there is now a giant robot terrorizing downtown! This is the unluckiest town ever..

FanMan: That certainly was convenient

NinjaDude: Let's do this!

 **SPINY BATMAN LOGO THINGY***

. In the middle of the city, a giant robot was indeed destroying stuff.

Robot: MUST DESTROY CITY

Citizen: Man, this city is unlucky!

Joel: that's what I said!

Citizen: Who will save us?

?: We will!

They looked to see it was

NinjaDude and FanMan: We will save you!

Citizens: …IT'S THE ROBBER…AND SOME KID!

Irving: Oh come on!

NinjaDude: Citizens, we are not-

Robot: MUST DESTROY

FanMan: I think we should drop that for now and stop this robot!

NinjaDude: Right!

FanMan: wait…how do we do that?

NinjaDude: …Planning, what's that?

FanMan: the act or process of making-

NinjaDude: It was a rhetorical question!

FanMan: Well excuuuse me prin-

Citizen: AHH, ROBOT!

NinjaDude: Oh yeah, him. Let's stop arguing.,

FanMan: How do we stop him?

NinjaDude: Hmmm…I'll use my nunchucks!

NinjaDude tried to pull out his nun chucks from hammerspace…but instead got a grappling hook gun…thing.

NinjaDude: What the-

FanMan: I replaced your nunchucks. Some parents complained about them being too violent.

NinjaDude: That's just stupid!

FanMan: Okay, forgot the weapon. Let's use our powers!

NinjaDude: Right! I'll go invisible to distract the monster and you…do whatever it is you do.

FanMan: You mean nothing?

NinjaDude: Oh shut it.

NinjaDude went invisible, which confused the robot. It looked around for the hero, but found nothing.

FanMan: Okay, now how will I stop this giant robo-oh look a penny!

He bent over to pick up a penny

Robot: Random shut down, initiating.

FanMan: Did someone say something?

NinjaDude: Huh?

The citizens watched as the robot mysteriously shut down for no reason. Only two people didn't see it shut down…

FanMan: What just happened?

Sadly, it was them.

NinjaDude: Oh, I know what to do! I'll turn the robot off from the inside!

FanMan: Great idea…wait where are you?

NinjaDude: Coincidentally, behind the robot!

FanMan: That certainly is convenient

NinjaDude: indeed! Now to turn this thing off!

NinjaDude jumped onto the robot, and opening up his back, to reveal a bunch of wires and stuff.

NinjaDude: Ah, here's the switch. Whoever made this sucks at hiding this thing.

He flipped the switch, in hopes it would turn the robot off.

NinjaDude: There we go!

But of course, the robot instead turned on

Robot: MUST CONTINUE TO DESTROY

FanMan: WHAT?!

Citizens: …THEY'RE HELPING THE ROBOT! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

NinjaDude: What?~ No, we're-

Citizen: they're going to kill us ALLLLL!

FanMan: Oh son of a-

Citizen: who will save us now?!

?: We will!

Team Improbable then ran onto the scene.

MultiMan: We will stop this robot!

They proceeded to beat up the robot in an epic battle that blew the entire budget.

FanMan: …Let's go sulk back to the lair.

NinjaDude: …yea, let's do that

* * *

They were back in their lair, thinking about today's disastrous events.

NinjaDude: I can't believe this! No matter what we do we fail somehow

FanMan: for once, I agree. Those citizens wouldn't know heroing if it kicked them in the butt!

NinjaDude: There has to be a reason this is going so badly. We can't possibly be THIS bad at it…

FanMan: right.

NinjaDude:….Hmmm, hand me some mind pictures of the robber and the robot

FanMan did so, and two pictures appeared in his hands, he handed them to NinjaDude

NinjaDude: Thanks. Okay, these are the failed heroing subjects. What do they have in common?

FanMan: Well they both a serious case of red eye

NinjaDude: You're missing the poin-wait, red eye?

FanMan: Yeah, red eye. It happens in pictures all the time.

NinjaDude: but you took this with your mind! Do you remember them having red eyes?

FanMan: Actually…yes. Well it makes sense. Evil robots always have red eyes

NinjaDude: But robbers don't! What is going on?

FanMan: Maybe my powers are on the fritz

NinjaDude: Maybe. Take a mind picture of me'

Irving flashed his eyes, and took a mind pictures of NinjaDude. A picture appeared in his hands. He handed it to NinjaDude

NinjaDude: Let's see. I look pretty normal. No red eye. Okay, something is going on. Why would a robber have red eyes?

FanMan: Hmm… I have a theory, but it's a tad far fetched

NinjaDude: I think I know. People with shapeshifting as a power have red eyes to indicate they have taken the form of another, to help others pick them out. Those bad guys were shape shifters!

FanMan: …I was going to say they both pigged out on ketchup, but your theory is good too.

NinjaDude: I noticed the robbers voice squeaked a bit back there…it must be a female shape shifter! She must have turned into you, stole the money, and pretended to be shut off as the robot!

FanMan: So she's trying to make everyone hate us?

NinjaDude: Exactly. But why is she targeting us?

FanMan: I have no idea

Suddenly, the TV turned on

Joel: We forcefully interrupt your life for this news bulletin. A robot was destroying downtown today. And our old buddy el pico was helping him…and some other guy was there too

FanMan: Oh come on!

Joel: This is getting to be a problem if you see him, or that other guy, please notify the right authorities. We must stop el pico…and that other guy. Seriously, who is he?

FanMan OH COME ON! Not only do they think we're villains, but they completely ignore me! Not only did all of my "friends" ignore me throughout my life, but now the entire city is ignoring me! Well, screw that!

NinjaDude: Calm down, fan man!

FanMan: I will not! You can forget about this hero thing! I'm leaving

NinjaDude: But you live here!

FanMan: Not anymore! I'm going somewhere I will be appreciated

NinjaDude: Well fine! If you're gonna chicken out, fine. I'll do this hero thing myself!

FanMan: have fun, jerk!

NinjaDude: I will, dork!

FanMan stomped out

* * *

He was now in the dank, dark, alley which the exit of the lair lead to.

FanMan; this alley sure is dank and dark. Well, it's better than being in THERE! I just hope this cliché alley doesn't have any cliché villains in it or something

?: Prepare for your hopes to be dashed…'

FanMan: AH WHO'S THAT?!

?: Can't you tell?

FanMan: No, you're hidden in the shadows

?: Oh. Let me fix that'

The mysterious person stepped out of the shadows, to reveal it was…

FanMan: Stacy?!

Stacy: Don't use my civilian name! Tat name went away when my respect for Control Freak did…

FanMan: Okay, then. You're villain name was Princess Pain, right?

Princess Pain: Yes. Yes it was. And still is!

FanMan: I was wondering where you went when Control Freak became good…how have you been? '

Princess Pain: Not good. When my evil partner decided to change to good, I was conflicted. Should I go with her, or stay evil? I've been changing between good and evil my whole life. So I decided I should be evil!

FanMan: I know most of that stuff already. It was all over the news!

Princess Pain: I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to them!

FanMan; …Oh, I must say, I love the costume. It looks…slimming. Too bad this writer is too lazy to describe it

Princess Pain: indeed. So, I've noticed the troubles you are going through. Neglected by friends, ignored by enemies. How sad…

FanMan: Yeah…hey, are you the female shape shifter that's been making us look like villains?

Princess Pain: Uh…no. so anyway, you've had to go through a lot of crud recently.

FanMan: Yeah, I wish I could do something about it…

Princess Pain: oh, but you can! Since the side of good has ignored you again and again, maybe you can have a change of pace…are you thinking what I'm thinking?

FanMan: I think so, but don't horses eat grass?

Princess Pain; Uh…I have no idea what you just said. I mean, you should join me!

FanMan: You mean….you want me to be your evil sidekick?!

Princess Pain: YES! Just think of what we could do! No one will dare to mess with us! We could take over the world!

M Bison; OF COURSE!

Both: What the-GET OUT OF HERE!

M Bison: well, fine.

He left, from wherever the heck he came from.

Princess Pain: so what do you say? You became evil and rich, and everyone gets what they deserve. It's win-win!

FanMan: Hmmm…I'm not sure…

Princess Pain: We have cookies!

FanMan: …Sold! If they want a villain…they'll get a villain.

Both: *EVIL LAUGH*

* * *

Back in the lair of NinjaDude and the now evil fan man, NinjaDude thought about what had happened.'

NinjaDude: Stupid fanman. Who needs him? I can stop that shape shifter all by myself! I just need to figure out who the shape shifter. She's a girl, and knows FanMan. So she must be someone who has been in contact one of the members of Team Improbable. They're the only people he's ever met, after all…

The TV turned once again

Joel: This is plot convenience news with a special update. We have just sighted former Control Freak sidekick, Princess Pain out in the streets. As you know, she split off from Control freak once she turned to good. She went missing for a while, and now she's out and about. We tried to ask her some questions, but all we got was "Get out of my face, my new sidekick needs to be trained to evil!". Whatever that means..

NinjaDude; Princess pain? Never thought I'd see her pretty face again…Did I just say that out loud? Eh, I'm alone, so it's okay. But anyway, she has a sidekick now?! Could it be…no. it can't! I gotta check something

He ran with all his might up the stairs, which lead into the dark, dank alley.

NinjaDude: Why did we put our lair under a dark alley? Okay, FanMan has to be here…

He looked on the ground to see.

NinjaDude: An official superhero badge?! Oh no, this must be FanMan's badge! My worst fear has been realize! Princess Pain must have made us look like villains, so FanMan will want to turn evil and join her! But why does why want him? Well I'll find that out! FanMan, I'm coming for you, and when I find you, you will be in big trouble!

* * *

Princess Pain took FanMan to her secret lair. It was hidden under the Nadville Mall. No one knew it was there since everyone is an idiot.

Princess Pain: Welcome to my lair under the mall! This where I've been coming up with my genius evil plans

FanMan: Great! So what will the final plan be?

Princess Pain: Well first things first, I need you to tell me something you know

FanMan: sure. What is it?

Princess Pain: Tell me…the secret weaknesses of team improbable!

FanMan: oh that's easy. MultiMan and Ferb Guy hate having nothing to invent.. Belchman can't life without carbonated soda. The Rainbow hates bad weather. Hanaman man dislikes bad grades, and finally, Control Freak hates people calling her a jerk. She hates lots of things, but that's a big one.

Princess Pain: Wow, I thought you'd hesitate

FanMan: Hah, it's fine. It's not like you'll use any of that info anyway

Princess Pain; …Right. So now I need you to gather all of that stuff.

FanMan: why?

Princess Pain; all be revealed in good time. For now, just go get that stuff

FanMan: Okay. It should only take me about…one scene transition.

 **ONE SCENE TRANSITION LATER***

Princess Pain: Wow, you were right

FanMan: It was pretty easy to get, though the failed tests were a bit hard. Don't ask, it's a long story…

Princess Pain: …Okay. While you were gone I built some of our big invention. I just need to put all this stuff into it, and our plot will be complete!

FanMan: What is it?

Princess Pain: Once it is done, you will know.

FanMan: Why are you being so cryptic? Are you hiding something?

Princess Pain: No. I am totally not using you at all

FanMan; …Okay.

Princess Pain: Once our plan is complete, no one will dare laugh at us again!

FanMan: Yes, and then we will take over the world! …that's what evil people do, right?

Princess Pain: Yes. But we're starting small. Let's do…the state. Than the world. Okay?

FanMan: That sounds fair. No one can stop us now!

Suddenly, someone crashed through the walls of the underground lair..

NinjaDude: I have come to stop you!

Both: I knew that would happen

NinjaDude: Ah, princess pain. I never thought I'd see you again. Sure, we've never met face to face. But you have a nice face, so here we are

Princess Pain: Indeed. But you are too late! FanMan has chosen his side, and we will rule the city!

NinjaDude: Don't listen to her! You must be good, FanMan!

FanMan: No way! All throughout my life, I've been ignored. No one cared about me. Well now, that changes. With the help of princess pain, we will rule!

NinjaDude: She's fooling you! She is the one who has been making us look like villains!

FanMan; YOU LIE~!

Princess Pain: Silly nerd, Fanman is with me now! He can't be swayed any more.

NinjaDude: Fanman, listen to me! I'm making more logical sense. Isn't it odd she just came out of the blue to make you her sidekick?

FanMan: She just happened to see I was sad, and took me in,. simple as that!

NinjaDude: Why don't you listen to reason?!

FanMan: Reason is good, and I'm evil;

Princess Pain: Oh, good one!

NinjaDude: Well if you won't come back, I'll MAKE you!

Princess Pain: Nothing will make him come back! Once I finish building this super weapon, nothing will stop us!

NinjaDude: I can try! And even if I end up failing at this, at least I'll fail with dignity,.

FanMan: Wow, that's brave of you. But…I don't find you cool anymore, so I don't care!

Princess Pain: Let's stop this hero for good, FanMan

FanMan: yYes, lets!

NinjaDude: But you can't do this, guys!

Princess Pain: Of course we can!

FamMan: We're supervillains for badness sake!

Then…a song started

 **Princess Pain:** _We are super villains for badness sake. yeah. We are supervillains, make no mistake. Now bow down to my feet, or surely your neck will break_

 _Both_ : _Yeah, we are super villains, for badness sake! You must give up_

 **NinjaDude** : _No, I won't quit!_

 **FaMan** : _We're gonna rule the world_

 **Both** : _Once our plan's unfurled!_

 **NinjaDude** : _Man, i've gotta stop you two_

 **Princess Pain** : _With all our superpowers, there is nothing, you can do!_

 **FanMan** : ' _Cause we are supervillains, for badness' sake._

 **Princess Pain:** _This entire world will crumble, and we'll cause earth quakes!_

 **NinjaDude** : _I can't stand idly by, the world's future is at stake!_

 **Both:** _But We are super villains, for badness' sake._

 **Princess Pain** : _We will work together._

 **NinjaDude** _I'll stop your plan_

 **Princess Pain** : _but your partner is now evil_

 **Both** : _And his names fanman!_

 **FanMan** : _so just back down, from our evil threat_

 **Princess Pain** _We will both take over, and let us, not forget..._

 **Both** : T _hat we are supervillains, for badness' sake, yeah. We are supervillains make no mistake._

'' _Princess Pain_ : Your chance does not look good

 **NinjaDude** _But that's a chance I'll have to take._

 **Both** :

 _But we are supervillans, for badness' sake!_

 **(end song)**

NinjaDude: The jokes on you, your weapon isn't finished yet!

Princess Pain: Well the jokes on YOU, because I built it while you were busy singing!

NinjaDude: But….i saw you singing! How is that possible?

Princess Pain: Every time I was off screen I was building it.

NinjaDude: That's impossible!

Princess Pain: Well not for me. Besides, shut up

NinjaDude: How mature.

FanMan: Can we shut up and start the weapon?

Princess Pain: With pleasure!

She ran up to the huge weapon

NinjaDude: No!

Princess Pain: Yes! With the power of this invention, I will get rid of Team Improbable!

FanMan: …WHAT?!

Princess Pain: ….Did I just say that out loud?

NinjaDude: Yep. You just reveled your whole plan. You shape shifted into the robber and robot to make the citizens think we are villains, so FanMan will get sad, and agree to join you. Then he would tell you the weaknesses of Team Improbable so you can make an invention to weaken them, and then they would be out of your way forever!

Princess Pain: Wow, you're good.

FanMan: …So you were using me?

Princess Pain: Yeah. Don't take it personally, I'm evil. You understand

FanMan: I understand. I understand…that you are a coward!

Princess Pain: ..What?

FanMan: you just shape shifted your way into victory. All you did was put us in the wrong place in the wrong time. If we had just put our minds to it sooner, this entire plan would fall apart. And I bet I knew exactly why you are doing all this!

Princess Pain: Oh yeah?

FanMan: When control freak turned good, you were confused. So many emotions were heating up, you decided to just stay evil. You had no idea if you should be happy our friend is good now, or feel betrayed. And because of the way you've been taught, you chose the later. You aren't out for Team Improbable, or Control freak. You are out for yourself!

Ninja Dude: Wow, he's good.

Suddenly, more people crashed into to the lair

Princess Pain: OH COME ON! Who is it?

Team Improbable: Ys!

Princess Pain: …Oh crud.

Multi Man: we heard about all this stuff on the news. So we deduced where princess pain was, and came over here as soon as we could

Fan Man: You are a little late. I just called out Princess pain and figured out her whole plan. Deep down, she really just misses Control Freak.

Control Freak: Really?

Princess Pain: yeah...he's right. I was just so confused. I had no idea what to do. So I did the only thing I could: I stayed evil and came up with this whole plan to get revenge

Control Freak: You know, you could have just told me calmly what was going on with you, instead of yelling and doing all this.'

Princess Pain: Yeah, I'm….sorry. being evil has honestly….kind of troublesome. But maybe…I will change, like you did.

NinjaDude: Wow FanMan. You were able to unravel her plan AND turn her good! I'm impressed. But why did you choose to be evil with her in the first place?

FanMan: I didn't. I knew all along what she what up to, and I just ran with it.

NinjaDude: …Wow, you are smarter than you look

FanMan: Yes. Yes I am

Princess Pain: so why don't I just shut down this liar and go join Control Freak, eh?

Multi Man: that's a great idea!

NinjaDude: You know, you should keep that villain outfit. It's very slimming.

Princess Pain: Are you hitting on me?

NinjaDude: Yes.

Princess Pain: …Okay.

FanMan: I love shipping in the…midafternoon.

Hanuman Man: It is a good thing we settle this with words instead of wasting the budget on an epic battle.

Control Freak: It's good to have you back, Princess Pain. Are you keeping the name?

Princess Pain: You keep YOUR name

Control Freak: Eh, good point.

NinjaDude: let's all go get a bite to eat, eh?

FanMan: Lets!

Ferb Guy: …this has been a weird day.

 **THE END**

…

Later that night, NinjaDude and Fan were simply handing round the liar, doing nothing. Suddenly, they …Major Monogram standing near the door.

FanMan: Hey, who are you?

Monogram: I'm Major Monogram…I'd like to tell you about the Team Improbable initiative.

NinjaDude: …so this whole thing was to set up a big Team Improable thing?

Monogram: Yep.

FanMan: …Cool

 **THE END FOR REAL**

 **AN: This one is okay. It was fun to do and i liked hte story. Though it is a bit unironically cliche in some places. Ah well, it's still a neat experiment. Next is...well a lost episode. You'll ...not see**


	18. The Life of a Dummy (No, Not Irving)

**Author's Note: You may wonder where Episode 18 is? Well, I did write it but i only put it on and since my account is gone, so is that episode. Ah well. It's called "Irving and Albert" and you may find info on the fanon wiki so you can see what that was like. So let's move on to this episode which is...kind of a crossover. You'll see.  
**

 **The Adventure of Irving and Friends**

 **Episode 19**

 **The Life of a Dummy (No, Not Irving)**

It was a rainy day in Danville. It was dark, creepy, and dramatically convenient. Three girls, most likely around 12, and a man, around 30, were stand on a side of a street

Man: Okay, are we really going to do this?

Girl #2: Yes. Yes we are. This is our only chance.

Girl #1: Are we this desperate to get rid of him? To go all the way out here?

Girl #3: come on, it'll work.

Man: I hear these kids are miracle workers. Maybe they can destroy this guy once and for all.

Girl #1: Fine. But let's just dump it and go home.

Man: Fine. Let's go.

* * *

Phineas and Ferb were working on their latest invention

Phineas: It's lucky that rain actually powers this invention! With this, we can turn rain into any substance, so rain can be a good thing! Too bad our friends didn't feel like coming out in the rain. They'll come out when this baby does its thing!

Irving: I'm here!

Phineas: Irving, you'd be here if I were in an earthquake

Irving: …Yep!

Phineas: Glad to have you here. Let's do this thing!

Suddenly, the strangers stepped into the backyard

Man: Hello. Are you Phineas and Ferb?

Phineas: Yep. Who are you?

Man: My name is Jimmy, and these girls are Lindy, Amy, and…. Trina.

Irving: Aw, I thought that last one would end with a Y...

Trina: shut it! Amy: be nice

Phineas: what brings you here on a rainy day?

Man: I hear you can do anything…

Phineas: eh, I wouldn't Say anything. But yeah, we can do a lot.

Man: Well, we need something…disposed of.

Phineas: O? What? Irving: is it a body? Amy: show him.

Jimmy reached into a bad he had, and produced…..a wooden dummy

Phineas: A dummy?

Trina: This is no ordinary dummy...

Amy: not at all!

Jimmy: Kids, let's not scare them

Phineas: why can't you just throw it away?

Lindy: we can't!

Jimmy: we can't explain. You just need to get rid of it somehow!

Phineas: …well, we can try our best.

Amy: okay, can we go now?

Jimmy: come on, we need to fully explain-

Trina: no, let's go!

James: but what if they don't fully get it and end up screwing themselves over?

Lindy: please, that'll never happen

Phineas: we're right here

James: of course. Just take him!

He handed the dummy to Phineas.

Amy: let's go ladies…and jimmy

They walked off

Phineas: should we get rid of this guy?

Irving: I think those guys were just playing a dumb prank.

Phineas: I don't know…they seemed serious

Irving: Come on, these people come and dump a dummy on us? I think it's rigged to blow up or something.

Phineas: They must be really good actors then.

Irving: You'd be surprised how many pranksters should go into acting. Albert seriously has some chops

Phineas: Well…maybe you should take it.

Irving: what?

Phineas: You're smart. You should examine this thing, and give it to us if you find reason to get rid of it. If not, then you can keep it.

Irving: oh, yay! I've always been interested in ventriloquism. Though most kids would pick anything over it, short of genocide Phineas: …you gonna take it or not?

Irving: Of course! I'll take him home and have some fun. But what do I call him?

Phineas: Does he have a name on him?

Irving: Let me check. Oh, he has one etched on his shoe. "Slappy"

Phineas: Oh, nice name

Irving: Indeed. See ya later

Suddenly, the rain stopped

Phineas: That was convenient

Irving: ….Well, I'll go check this little guy out

Irving left

Phineas: Ferb, do you think we did the right thing letting him take Slappy?

Ferb: No, but let's see what happens.

Phineas: …Hey, where's perry?

* * *

Monogram: Good Morning agent P. that was your best entrance yet! Dr Doofenshmirtz has purchased all of the wood, and joke books in the tri state area. He's also been researching how to throw your voice. I hope this isn't related to puppets. I hate puppets. Just doing that puppet show a few days back scared me

Carl: That's…really lame sir

Monogram: Do I need to dock your pay?

Carl: You don't pay me.

Monogram: Let's keep it that way... So agent P, just go find out what he's up to. Oh, and one more thing. We've located him at a Comedy club. So…go there. Perry saluted and ran off Monogram: and where are you going, Mr "really lame"? / Irving walked in his house.

Albert: There you are Irving... please don't walk out into the dramatic rain again.

Irving: Fine. Albert: Whatcha got there? Irving: a dummy! Albert: Ok, but what's with the puppet? Irving: …I hate you. Albert: Hey, what's that slip of paper in his front pocket?

Irving: I didn't even notice the pocket! Let's see…oh it has words on it. "Karru Mari Oddana loma moluno, karrano". Weird..

Albert: Why did you read it aloud?

Irving: Why not? What could happen from me reading it?

Slappy's eyes closed in a wink.

* * *

Jingle Singers: _Doofenshmirtz at a Comedy Club!_

Perry walked into the club, while a…magician was on stage

Magician: I, Amaz-o, shall tell a joke! What do you get when rabbit won't go out of your hat? A bad hare day!

Man: YOU SUCK!

Amaz-o: NO YOU SUCK!

Perry sat down to watch the show

Amaz-o: Anyway, so what's up with this city? I've seen two boys build a giant laptop that shoots ice cream and no one notices! I guess they're all too busy writing bad fan fiction online.

Man 2: BIO-DOME WAS FUNNIER THAN YOU!

Man 1: Whoa, he's not THAT bad!

Amaz-o: Okay, I'm leaving. Everybody's a critic! I can' believe I turned myself back into a human for this.

He walked off.

Doofenshmirtz: He was really bad, huh?

Perry turned to see doof siting behind him.

Doofenshmirtz: Hey, perry the platypus! I would like you to meet…Little doof!

Doof pulled out a wooden dummy version of himself. It looked like doof only smaller, and more wooden. So nothing like him,.

Doofenshmirtz: you see, Ventriloquism has gotten big recently. Mostly with kids, which is odd since...well you know how much they should like it. Anyway, I thought that people always pay attention to puppets. I mean, just look at how many kid's shows have puppets!

Statler: They're the only things more wooden than your personality!

Waldorf: Besides mine of course

Both: D'ohohohohoh!

Doofenshmirtz: Ugh, those guys have been here all week! Anyway, I decided to make this guy so I can use him to get people to listen. Watch this. Hey Little Doof, what do you call perry when he's scared?

Little Doof: A platy-pussy!

Doofenshmirtz: Whoa, that can be taken the wrong way! Sorry, I put a joke chip in him with every joke ever, and some odd ones slip out. But of course, there's always a chance they won't find me funny. I know ,it's crazy!

Doofenshmirtz: So I made this!

Doof pulled a little laser thing out of his pocket

Doofenshmirtz: Behold, the laugh inator! Anyone hit by this will be forced to laugh at anything they hear! And since I need to trap you..

A giant whoopee cushion fell from the ceiling and ended up trapping perry

Doofenshmirtz: Like it? I installed it when the owners weren't looking. And don't think of breaking out. If you do, it'll make a fart sound and everyone will mock you, then I WILL have the upper hand! Oh yeah, I thought this out.

* * *

Irving: Okay, Albert, and Mom. I have gathered you here today to show you my act!

Irving's Mom: It's great to see you doing something like this.

Albert: And without Phineas and Ferb

Irving: Thank you…I think. This, is Slappy! Say hello slappy!

Slappy: Hello, Slappy

Albert: …Meh

Irving: Say Slappy, didn't you have termites once?

Slappy: yes. Ever heard of the terminator? We had to call the ex-terminator!

Irving's Mom: …Got anything better?

Slappy: Okay, here's one. What's the difference between your face and your butt?

Irving's Mom: …I don't know

Slappy: Me neither!

Irving's Mom: Hey!

Slappy: Don't even get me started on Albert! You're so stupid I bet you think 9000 plus 1 is 90001!

Albert: It's not? I mean HEY!

Irving's Mom: You are being way too mean!

Irving: What the-I'm not saying it!

Albert: Oh yeah, and I suppose the dummy is doing it

Irving: Come on, my mouth wasn't open! Would I really be that good on my first try? Would I really insult you with a dummy?

Irving's Mom: Irving. I am an adult, which means I am not supposed to believe you and only be a skeptic.

Albert: And I am the older brother, which means I must be a jerk!

Irving: Well that's normal.

Slappy: did I mention you're all ugly?

* * *

Doofenshmirtz: Okay Perry the platypus, I'm going up. Come on little doof!

Doof got up on the stage.

Doofenshmirtz: So Little Doof, how was your flight over here?

Little doof: Please tell me it's not the arms gag

Doofenshmirtz: …So do you have a girlfriend?

Little Doof: Of course. Do you think i like having YOUR hand up my butt all day?

Doofenshmirtz: Stupid joke chip! Okay, I hear you had termites? Did you call the doctor?

Little Doof: No, the carpenter

Man: BOO YOU SUCK!

Doofenshmirtz: Yh…so how about…forks?

Man: RIP OFF ARTIST!

Doofenshmirtz: Great, I'm stinking on ice! Time to bring out the big guns!

Doof pulled his laugh inator and zapped everyone.

Doofenshmirtz: okay here it is goes…what do you get when you cross a yak and Martian? My mother!

Everyone: *laughs*

Doofenshmirtz: Looks like I am having the last laugh…literally!

* * *

Irving's Mom: I can't believe you did that Irving!

Irving: It was the dummy, I swear!

Irving's Mom: Aren't you a little old to be telling tall tales?

Irving: I'm not making it up!

Albert: Alikely story!

Irving: I would never do anything like that!

Irving's Mom: I don't care, we're skeptics~

Irving: fine, believe what you want to believe!

Irving took Slappy and stormed up to his room

Irving: Slappy, are you alive? …oh of course not. He's just a dummy, they don't do much. I just wish I had someone here to get my mind off this dummy

The doorbell rang

Irving: ..Nice

Irving ran downstairs quickly and opened the door and..

Irving: Oh it's Django.

Django: Hey Irving!

Irving: Where have you been?

Django: Over there.

Irving: Oh.

Django: Wanna see a new drawing of mine?

Irving: sure. Come upstairs!

The two headed upstairs to Irving's Room.. Django noticed something…

Django: hey, what's that poster on your wall?

Irving: Oh, you noticed? It's a poster Albert gave me as a joke. It's of the Paisley Sideburn brothers. I hate them, and Albert gave it me for Christmas because he's a jerk likethat. Mom won't let me take it down for some reason.

Django: that stinks.

Irving: it's fine. Let me see your painting

Django pulled out his drawing, which all laid out on a piece of paper. It depicted a little brown dog.

Irving: oO, cute! …what is it?

Django: it's my old dog, Evan. He kind of…ran away to live on kindly old man Simmons farm.

Irving: why are so many pets going there?

Django: No idea. But this drawing was really special to me. I like it. What do you think?

Irving: it's great. Hey wanna go get something to eat? Just leave the drawing there, it'll be fine.

Django: Hmmm..Okay. Let's go!

They both let to do what they do.

 **30 minutes later & **

The boys returned from their quick trip to slushy burger

Django: That was some good slushy burger. Or dawg. What do they call it anyway? Irving: I don't know, but they don't get any better

Django: Okay, let me go get my drawing so I can home.

They walked into Irving's room to see a horrible sight

Both: NO!

The drawing was lying on the floor. However there was a tiny different. It was defaced so now the dog had a big bushy beard and stupid glasses. To make it worse, Irving's poster was torn down. Wait, that's a good thing.

Django: MY DRAWING!

Irving: YAY MY POSTER'S RIPPED~!

Django: AHEM!

Irving: oh, the other thing's bad. Really bad

Then they noticed a certain dummy lying on the floor, oddly close to the picture and poster...

Irving: Slappy! Do you think…

Django: No, that's impossible!

Irving: \But who did it?

Both: …ALBERRRRT!

As if to answer the call, Albert stormed in

Albert: Did I hear my name shouted?

Irving: Albert, did you vandalize django's art?

Albert: Django? Where has he been?

Django: Over there

Albert: Oh.

Irving: Answer the question!

Albert: If I had known of this, I would have vandalized it. But seeing as no one informed me, I didn't

Django: …He has a point.

Irving: I bet you didn't tear my poster either? Albert: no! I live for your humiliation! Who did this!?

Irving: That's what we're figuring it out!

Django: Let's go tell your mom!

Albert: You do it. I'm lazy

The two ran downstairs. Irving's Mom was in the kitchen preparing some food.

Irving: Mom!

Irving's Mom: Yes? Ohai Django. Were you over there again?

Django: Yes.

Irving: That poster in my room got trashed…by slappy! At least I think so.

Irving's Mom: It just fell, sweety. That happens.

Django: Irving. Mention my drawing of my dead dog! It's way more important.

Irving's Mom: There's no way the poster got torn by slappy.

Irving: What about the DRAWING?! That's more important.

Django: You only kind of mentioned it Irving! Make a bigger deal of it!

Irving's Mom: There's no way slappy did those

Irving:Bbut it's the only option. I didn't do it, Django didn't, and Albert didn't even know of the drawing!

Irving's Mom: Sorry Irving, but I'm a skeptic.

Django: Wow, Adults are useless. I should have stayed over there!

Django stormed out, to go back to being forgotten by his creators.

Irving: You have to believe me! I think slappy is alive

Irving's Mom: Sorry, I don't

Irving: …My mom doesn't believe me.

Candace (Off-screen): I feel your pain!

Irving: *sigh*

* * *

News Man: Hello, and welcome to plot convenience news. Dr Heinz Doofenshmirtz has slowly become famous for his comedic stylings, which I have yet to hear,. It's all going down at the Danville comedy club. Doofenshmirtz has gotten people laughing all around town. People are coming to see his jokes, and laughing at them,. We now take you to our field reporter, Stan Brown.

Stan was inside the comedy club, as everyone was laughing hard.

Stan: Thank you news guy, I am standing in the comedy club as Dr Doofenshmirtz is telling some jokes. Tell us one doof!

Doofenshmirtz: Okay…how about that airline food?

He zapped Stan with the laugh inator

Stan *laughs* that's funny!

Doofenshmirtz: Yes, I'm winning! Wait. I'm winning?! YES! YES! And…I feel good? Wow, I thought I'd feel empty. I feel…good!

Everyone: Good! That's a good one. HAW!

Doofenshmirtz: ..That wasn't meant to be funny

Man: HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Doofenshmirtz: …K. Stan, would you like to hear more about how funny I am?

Stan: *laughs* sure!

Doofenshmirtz: Well…

Doofenshmirtz (signing): _I get a guffaw or two several times a day_

 _Just from that age-old chicken quandary_

 _What can I say?_

 _I'll make them laugh_

 _I'll take your picture with a spritzing flower_

 _Tell you fake headlines about mattresses gaining power_

 _Anything that I do you'll find humor in_

 _I'll make you laugh_

 _They say that power brings limits_

 _But I can't attempt to obey_

 _I've got control over people's sense of humor_

 _And by some relation, their free will as well_

 _I greet a meter maid or two, try to pick up a few_

 _They all laugh in my face, that's what I want them to do_

 _Although I may regret it soon_

 _I'll make them laugh_

Doof (spoken): Hey, you! What is two times two?

Man (spoken): *laughs* YOU... *laugh* INEXPLICABLY... *laugh* HILARIOUS *bursts into fit of laughter*

Doof (spoken): Erm... I would've taken "I don't know", but, y'know, that works too... Anyways, it's fore.

 **Doof pulls out a golf club and hits man with it***

Man (spoken, while laughing): I think I'm bleeding.

Doof (spoken): But I'm funny, right?

Man (spoken, while laughing): Somebody please call an ambulance

Doof (spoken): Oh, quiet, you.

 _No sorrow for a real long time_

 _Just can't commend it_

 _So if science can't cure depressedness_

 _Well, at least it can prevent it_

 _When your uncle dies, you'll be too enraged in laughter to care_

 _It's not totally evil, in a way, I swear_

 _When terrorists appear,_

 _I'll make them laugh_

Doof (spoken): Okay, so what's the capital of Russia?

Woman (spoken, while laughing): I'm not sure

Doof (spoken): Moscow!

 **Doof shows a picture of a cow covered in moss***

Woman (spoken, while laughing): I don't get it.

Doof (spoken): TAP SOLO!

a lot of tapdancing ensues*

 _My humor is everlasting_

 _And never, ever profane_

 _I trust you will find humor_

 _Because that's in my -inator's name_

 _80s guy sits alone in parks_

 _Listening to Robin Williams and Groucho Marx_

 _While their humor may fade, mine won't lose its spark_

 _I'm the real king of comedy_

 _I'll make you laugh_

 _That's right, I'm the king_

 _Number one_

 _I spread humor like wildfire and before I'm done_

 _I'll rule these states_

 _All three of them_

 _Your laughter will hinder_

 _Your objections_

 _One thing is surely guaranteed_

 _While dying of laughter, you'll bow down to me_

 _That's such a feel-good, groovy thing_

 _I'll make you laugh_

 _I'll make you laugh_

Doofenshmirtz: Oh yeah

Everyone: HESAIDYEAH! HAW!

Doofenshmirtz: …I hope I don't regret this

* * *

Baljeet had arrived at Irving's house. He was holding someone interesting in his hand..

Lil Jeet: Why are we here?

Baljeet: Oh, it's fun to talk to a dummy…that isn't Buford.

Lil Baljeet: Please stop trying to be funny.

Baljeet: Whatever. Let us find out why Irving requested our presence

Baljeet rang the doorbell. It did not take long for Irving to open it and step out

Irving: Oh there you are baljeet! …and ill Jeet

Lil Jeet: Hey

Baljeet: Why did you ask for me?

Irving: Come up here

Baljeet, and Lil Jeet followed Irving upstairs to his room

Irving: Okay Baljeet, take note at the…THING, siting on my floor!

Lil Jeet: My long lost brother?!

Baljeet: Oh, it's another dummy!

Irving: You see, today Django came over-

Lil Jeet: About time his existence was remembered

Irving: Yes. So he had this drawing of his dead dog, and we left to get some food, and when we came back…it was vandalized! And guess who was at the scene of the crime.

Lil Jeet: Me?

Irving: …What? No. slappy!

Baljeet: …That Is quite the problem

Irving: I think slappy is alive, and I was wondering if you and your dummy had any ideas

Baljeet: Oh because I own a dummy means I know everything about dummies?

Lil Jeet: …I think you should just set slappy on fire.

Irving: …But in the movies, the villain always comes back if you do stuff like that!

Baljeet: Well, you are screwed.

Irving: …What?

Lil Jeet: Yeah, that dummy is gonna kill you

Baljeet: WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT CONTRACTIONS?!

Irving: ...Uh, are you even controlling that thing?

Baljeet: I am an enigma.

Irving: …Can we talk out in the hall, where it's normal? Without any dummies?

Lil Jeet: But Baljeet will be there!

Baljeet: Quiet you.

Baljeet Set Lil Jeet down and allowed Irving out to the hallway, and closed the door.

Baljeet: Okay, let us talk

Irving: I really need to get rid of slappy, but I'm afraid he'll just get angry.

Baljeet: Maybe he isn't alive. Perhaps it was someone else

Irving: Dude, no one else knew of the drawing, I've checked, slappy was in the room!

Baljeet: …It is hard to be a skeptic with that logic.

Irving: Exactly. What should I do?

Baljeet: I suggest waiting for him to take offensive action. After all, no one seems to believe you right now. So perhaps then you could snap a picture, or maybe the ensuing noise will be heard

Irving: ..I don't think I want to risk my life like that

Baljeet: …How did you even get this thing?

Irving: Oh, three girls and some other guy showed up while at was Phineas and Ferb's house, gave it us, told the boys get rid of it, then they gave it to me for safe keeping

Baljeet: …Four strangers?

Irving: Yes.

Baljeet: You took in a dummy that four strangers gave to the two smartest boys in Danville to get rid of?

Irving: …The way you say it, it sounds dumb

Baljeet: ..How about we just got in and get slappy?

They walked back into the room. However, they saw an awful sight.

Both: WHAT?!

Lil Jeet was lying on the floor. He had very noticeable marks all over his body. It looked he had gotten quite dirty. He also had some scratches, which indicated someone had touched him

Baljeet: Lil Jeet?!

They were horrified. And who was right there, next to Lil Jeet, sitting triumphantly?

Irving: Slappy!

Baljeet: IT'S ALIVE!

Baljeet ran screaming

Irving: But what about lil jeet?

Baljeet: DON'T CARE!

With that, Baljeet was gone

Irving: …Slappy, are you alive?

He stood there in silence. Slappy just sat there, doing nothing

Irving: I guess…it's all in my head? Wait no, that's dumb. You're alive! Come on, kick me in the butt or something. Do it!

Nothing happened.

Irving: We're alone here. You don't need to play innocent. Come on, do something bad. Kick me in the butt!

Irving started to walk away

Irving: Stupid dummy

Suddenly, he felt a rough kick in his rear end. He toppled over.

Irving: What the-

He looked up to see Slappy standing tall over him

Slappy: You didn't say please

* * *

Doofenshmirtz: Okay, why did the chicken cross the playground?

Monogram: ... No idea Doofenshmirtz: Whoa, how did you get here?

Monogram: I was alerted of a near victory going on here. But it seems like you aren't doing much

Doofenshmirtz: Oh yeah? Ahem…to get to the other slide!

…

 **Cricket chirps***

Monogram: quiet down, Agent C

Doofenshmirtz: Okay, taste my laughter!

Doof fired the laugh-inator at Major Monogram

Doofenshmirtz: Okay, you now have to laugh at everything I say. Since, well, I was holding it. That's how I programed it. Sorry, I left that part out of my evil speech with perry the platypus earlier

Monogram: PERRY! HAWHAWHAWHAWHAW!

Everyone: *laughs*

Doofenshmirtz: Okay, enough of this small time stuff. I need to get my laughs on a bigger scale. Let's take to the streets!

Man: YEAH LET'S DO IT! HAW!

Doofenshmirtz: Yes! I am winning!

* * *

Irving: You…you're alive!

Slappy: And the day has been saved, by captain obvious!

Irving: But…how?!

Slappy: Want my origin, eh?

Irving: …That'd be nice

Slappy: Clunky exposition time! You see, thousands of years ago, I was a powerful sorcerer. Me and my twin, who was also a wizard, would often fight to see who was the best wizard. Long story short, he wanted to get rid of me so he created a dummy out of coffin to trap my soul in. of course, I got the better of him, and did that same thing to trap his soul. But…we kind of ended up trapped as dummies at the same time. But, this twin made it so a certain phrase would bring him to life as a dummy. The same phrase YOU read

Irving: …Makes sense. But what does this have to do with you, and how those kids got you?

Slappy: I was getting to that. See, the words affected both of us, since we were made for the same coffin. Good thing I like to recycle. Anyway, we both up in tons of chaos as evil dummies, and eventually we ended up apart. Thank goodness. I ended up in a dumpster, and got taken in by lindy, and her sister. Then, they named Mw Slappy!

Irving: I'd hate to see why...

Slappy: Shut up. Okay, Eventually, my twin, named mr wood , by sheer bad luck, ended up with them too, and he tried to kill them before he got to me. However, he got crushed by a steamroller, and his soul flew out. This act, brought me to full life, but also me made 1000 times more evil than he was!

Irving: Have you killed anyone?

Slappy: Yes, but I like to mess with people's minds. Much scarier

Irving: Nice. So finish this up, we have to move the plot along

Slappy: Fine. The kids ended up stopping me, but eventually I lived on to terrorize other family. One was this girl named amy, and another was this other chick, Trina. After that, I got my first slave, the man jimmy o james. But…he stopped me, and teamed up with linda, kris, and trina to finally dispose of me, by going to the boys who can do anything!

Irving: That's why they gave you to Phineas and Ferb! They could get rid of a dummy like you!

Slappy: Exactly. But…it seems like you were dumb enough to take me in and read the words!

Irving: Wait, what happened to Mr Wood?

Slappy: Don't know. Haven't seen him since he got crushed. His soul most likely drifted into another dummy eventually. He must have gotten far enough that I'll never see him again

Irving: So.…you causes all this crud to make me look crazy, and thus mess with my mind, and my family, and tear us apart so I can be your slave!

Slappy: Wow, you're smart.

Irving: Thanks. Anyway, I can't let you do that. I'll never be your slave!

Slappy: Oh, but you will. I'll do whatever evil acts I can to get you to serve me! Though you are a little young to be a slave...

Irving: Yes. Yes I am, so let me go!

Slappy: ...Nah! I like' em young...

Irving: *Cough* Pedo...*Cough*

Slappy: If I had a nickel for everytime I've been called that…

Irving: ….I guess you could buy a candy bar

Slappy: Enough! It's slave time!

Irving: Never!

Irving dashed out of the room

Slappy: …Should have locked that.

Slappy chased Irving outside.

Irving: Great, seems like mom and Albert are gone. How dramatically convenient!

Slappy had chased Irving right into the streets.

Slappy: You can't go too fast, Irving. I'll get you!

Irving: NEVER!

Slappy: I love a good chase. You know this calls for?

Irving: *pant* What?

Slappy: Villain song!

Irving: …Crud.

Thus, a villain song started.

Slappy: _You think you can escape me!_

 _Many have tried and failed!_

 _I'll haunt you for eternity,_

 _And you have one opportunity_

 _To keep your worthless life!_

 _If you choose to serve me,_

 _Then I'll let you keep your soul!_

 _But if you refuse my offer,_

 _I'LL SWALLOW YOU WHOLE!_

Irving: that's too bad, because I'll never give in

Slappy: _then I guess you're body will go in a bin!_

 _Run, run as fast as you can!_

 _You can't escape me! I am the Puppet Man!_

 _You'll be my servant, my lackey, my slave!_

 _And if you disobey, well I'll MAKE you behave!_

 _Many years ago I put my soul in this dummy_

 _And now i'll terrorize everyone, even your mummy!_

 _I got tons of magic powers_

 _that you can't even understand_

 _I don't grow flowers_

 _I make people my slaves!_

 _I'll grab them by their necks_

 _Before they have time to shave!_

 _There's a very good reason that Slappy is my name_

 _Because once i hit you, you'll never by the same!_

 _I'll take you by the collar,_

 _before you go to pee!_

 _And this all true because..._

 _You can't escape me!_

 _Irving: I'm shocked we ran for the length of that song_

Slappy: …Sid you like it?

Irving: the lyrics were good. Too bad this is only in written form.

/

Back at the Comedy Club, Doofenshmirtz was almost ready to take his laughing army out to the streets

Doofenshmirtz: Okay Guys, are you ready to go make everyone in Danville laugh?

Everyoner: HESAIIDDAN! HAHAH!

Doofenshmirtz: there's nothing funny about "dan". it's a fine name!

Everyone: NAME! HAHAHAHAHA!

Doofenshmirtz: stop laughing! You are supposed to take me seriously!

Man: You're name is Doofenshmirtz.

Doofenshmirtz: why aren't you laughing?

Man: HESAIDLAUGH HAHAHAHA!

Doofenshmirtz: … I think I put it on the wrong setting. They're laughing at all I say! Well, I can fix this. As long as no one barges in..

Then, the doors to the club were thrust open

Doofenshmirtz: CURSE YOU FATE!

And just who had ran in?

Irving: RUN! THERE'S A DUMMY AFTER ME!

Doofenshmirtz: IRVING THE HUMAN BOY?!

Irving: DOOFENSHMIRTZ?!

Man: LOUD NOISES!

Irving: Enough of this. An evil dummy is chasing me!

Doofenshmirtz: you sound like Monogram

Irving: Shut it! His name is Slappy, and he's gonna make me his slave! I think I'm safe in he-

Slappy ran in, and stood beside Irving

Slappy: Fate's a jerk

Doofenshmirtz: yes. Yes it is. Wait…is that a living dummy?

Irving: Too bad it's late afternoon, or this would make for a good book title. Anyway, AHHH SLAPPY!

Slappy: Yes, I've got you now!

Doofenshmirtz: Excuse me, I am in the middle of something!

Slappy: Do I look like I care?

Doofenshmirtz :You're just a puppet, why does it matter?

Slappy: Whatever, I doubt you are looking for slaves like I am

Doofenshmirtz: …Actually I am. I am making everyone laugh at my jokes and thus follow me. It seems to be working!

Slappy: hmmm, how interesting! Perhaps you could join me

Doofenshmirtz: That'd be great!

Little doof: That would be awful!

Doofenshmirtz: What the-I didn't do that. and it's not in my joke chip!

Slappy; Wait…you have a dummy too? Why are there so many dummies here?

Little doof; slappy?

Slappy: …How do you know my name?

Little Doof: I'd think you'd like mine…Mr Wood

 **Dramatic music***

Doofenshmirtz: that gag doesn't work in text!

Quiet, you

Irving: Whoa, this little doof dummy is Mr Wood?

Mr Wood: yes, and now I can stop doing that stupid accent. Seriously, how do you do that? Your throat must be kill you.

Doofenshmirtz: eh,. It comes naturally.

Slappy: Let me guess, your soul ended up in this dummy, and when Nerdving said the words, you came to life

Mr wood: Exactly. And it seems my old brother is here. ready to settle this?

Slappy: you know it

Irving: uh, what about the slave thing?

Slappy: Irving,. I am fighting with my brother. That's a bit more important. You know how it is. When this guy is finished, I'll deal with you

Doofenshmirtz: Wow, a nemesis confrontation and a brother rivalry? It's like a combination of everything I love!

Mr wood: hmm, you'd make a good hence man when this is done

Doofenshmirtz: I do not hench!

Slappy: Quiet! I think it's time to fight!

Mr Wood: you know it is! Let's do this!

Irving: What am I going to do? Two evil dummies are going to fight right here! …that's kind of cool. But evil! It must be stopped!

Monogram: You are *laughs* ri-*laughs* HAHAHAHA!

Irving: …It looks like those who aren't laughing are the only ones who can stop this

Doofenshmirtz: Exactly. But these dummies can do whatever they want. I'll just go grab my laugh-inator and head outside.

Slappy: hey look, a ray gun!

Slappy went and snatched the inator from Doof's hands

Slappy: This will help!

Doofenshmirtz: No, that's not-

Slappy: Face your doom, Mr Wood!

Irving: No!

Irving jumped and tackled slappy

Slappy: what the-you little-

In the scuffle, slappy had randomly fired the laughinator

Irving: Wow, I tackled an evil dummy!

Slappy: you are so dead

Everyone: ha! He said dead! *laughs*

Slappy; Why are you laughing? IT'S NOT FUNNY!

Monogram: That makes it funny! *laughs*

Doofenshmirtz: if you actually payed attention, you would know that you fired my laughinator

Slappy: Stop laughing! FEAR ME!

Everyone: *laughs*

Irving: Wow, Doofenshmirtz saved the day!

Doofenshmirtz: what? I can't hear you! This laughing is so loud! No one could even hear a whoopee Cushion in here!

Back inside his Whoopee trap, perry heard what doof had said. He knew this was the right time. He punched his was way out of the trap

 **fart***

Singers: perry!

Doofenshmirtz: did anyone hear anything? I thought a noise was made Slappy: I can't hear anything over this laughing!

Everyone: he said anything! *laughs*

Perry saw tow dummies, and also two wooden puppets. He was used to weird stuff but this…was odd.

Doofenshmirtz: PERRY THE PLATYPUS?! The laughiator must have covered up your humiliation

Irving: Oh there you are perry. As you can see…two evil dummies are alive and in the middle of something. I think…the laughinator thing has made people laugh at slappy. I think…it's better if you left. The laugh…thing…is over with now

Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, go home. I'll file this under defeat for me. Bye!

Perry decided there was no reason to stick around, so he just ran back home.

Slappy: STOP LAUGHING!

Irving: You're finished, slappy!

Slappy: Olease, I can't let laughing stop me!

Mr wood: let's take this outside!

Slappy: yes, where no one will be laughing!

The two dummies ran outside. Irving: …wanna go check it out? Everyone: sure.

Every ran outside. It was now raining once again

Doofenshmirtz: Stupid dramatic rain..

Irving: Hey, where's slappy?

They looked up to see…they had now climbed onto the roof of the comedy club

Irving: Two dummies fighting on the roof of a comedy club in the rain. Why is that normal to me?

Doofenshmirtz: should we…stop them? Irving: let's see what happens.

Slappy: You are going down, Mr Wood!

Mr Wood: Oh no, you are!

Slappy: Look, I'm the real star here, you'll never last. Give up!

Mr Wood: Yes, but who keeps being defeated by little girls?

Slappty: They stopped you too!

Mr wood: It was the steamroller!

Slappy: And I got stopped by another dummy. Stupid dennis. Infact, the dummies stopped me on the trina thing too..

Mr Wood: so that's your weakness! Other dummies!

Slappy: Please, Mr Wood. Don't you get it? I'M INVINCIBLE! *evil laugh*

Just then, lightning struck Slappy, and he blew up.

Irving: tTat was…anti climatic.

Mr Wood: slappy blew up! He is exterminated forever! And../he's my twin…which means …my soul will now float out of this dummy body. Oh darn

The Doof-ish dummy body of Mr Wood fell down. It was now nothing more than ugly wood. Suddenly, the soul of mr wood floated out. He looked like you image a wizard would look like

Mr Wood: You haven't heard the last of me! Slappy may be gone but I will live on for many sequels!

The soul floated away in defeat

Doofenshmirtz: should we do something?

Irving: It's not our problem anymore. Besides, a soul attached to another, like with wood and slappy, can't live for long. I give him a week until he finally moves on to the afterlife.

Doofenshmirtz: …That makes sense. Well, the dummies are dead, my laughinator most likely got lost in the shuffle, it's rainy, and I'm tired.

Irving: Call it a day?

Doofenshmirtz: Oh yes. So…uh…who do I curse?

Irving: Slappy.

Doofenshmirtz: Fine. CURSE YOU SLAPPY THE DUMMY!

Doofenshmirtz walked home to go sulk again

Irving: My work here is done.

Suddenly, the three girls, and the man, ran up to the scene.

Jimmy: I heard a loud noise! What happened?!

Irving: Hey, you're the guys who gave me this dummy!

Trina: We gave it to Phineas and Ferb! We hoped the two boy geniuses could get rid of slappy once and for all. But they told us you took him and when we heard dummy fighting, we knew you messed up, big time

Jimmy: explain!

Irving: Oh, you see, Slappy did some stuff, then one chase later, we ended up here. then it turns this dummy that was here had the soul of mr wood in him

Lindy: MR WOOD?!

]Jimmy: I did wonder what had happened to him..

Irving: Yeah, as it turns out slappy and mr wood are twins, made from the same coffin. Their life forces seem to be linked in some way. Don't ask how, it's really complex. Once slappy meet Wood, he kind of…forgot, they were linked now. So lightning came and blew up slappy.

Amy: …And this killed slappy? And made mr wood's soul float out, and it will fizzle out soon?

Irving: Exactly. Slappy got so caught up in his little sibling fight that we forget he needed Mr wood. Slappy's body is in pieces, and is impossible to piece together. Both of their souls will fizzle out eventually.

Jimmy: But what if they find a wooden host soon?

Irving:…Don't know. I'm just using inferencing based on what slappy told me. If I had to guess. I'd say neither will find another dummy body before fizzling out. I think it will take about an hour for both to go out, shorter for slappy since he's lived longer

Jimmy: Wow. Slappy did to himself what we couldn't do.

Lindy: The reign of slappy is over..

All: YAY!

Monogram: Ugh…all that laughing hurt my throat. I see Agent I has helped stop evil today

Irving: Well, I didn't do too much. I would say I knew mr wood was here and such…but I didn't

Monogram: But you still showed bravery in this situation. Plus, you tacked an evil dummy. That is amazing. As such, you will be given a medal off excellence…in the mail. It takes a while to make these

Irving: Wow, thanks. The curse of an evil dummy is stopped and I got a medal. Best day ever!

Jimmy: Thanks. We all thank you

Amy: Let's go home ladies. And Jimmy

Irving: By the way, how did you gets to Danville from where you live?

Lindy: Turns out we all happened to live in the town next door.

Irving: Oh. Neat! See ya!

They 3 girls and man left, finally fee of slappy

Irving: that was an insane day. I'll just go home and relax.

* * *

Irving had arrived home. Albert happened to be waiting for him

Albert: Okay, explain all this dummy stuff. I know you know what is going on!

Irving: Oh, your home. Uh, the dummy was alive but he got stopped. It's a long story. Check my blog for it later!

Albert: …Eh, good enough.

Irving: I'll just go take a nap. By the way, if you see Phineas and ferb, tell them the dummy is stopped, and don't worry!

Irving walked up to his room. But he noticed something ..

Irving: Lil Jeet! I forgot about you. I'll return you to baljeet. Wait…what if Mr Wood found his way into Lil Jeet before fizziling out?!

He started at Lil Jeet. He would move any moment now. Any moment..

Irving: I'm waiting..

He stood there for a solid minute and..

Irving: Okay, there doesn't seem to be a forced twist ending.

He bent down to pick up the dummy. Slowly…very slowly..

Irving: Screw it.

He picked him up.

Irving: ..Okay, clearly this guy isn't coming alive anytime soon. You don't have to wait for the twist. ..

Irving: Seriously, it's over.

Lil Jeet: You sure?!

Irving: …That was me. You're so jumpy, reader. No dummy Is jumping alive, no one is an alien, and I'm not a dog or something. Just go!

 **End of Episode 19**

 **AN: Yeah, this was a Goosebumps. Hope it still made sense. This is another favorite of mine, but i do think the story got too complicated with the Mr Wood stuff. Ah well. Just one more normal ep before i put some of the specials up.**


	19. Anything For Him

**Author's Note: Now for the main reason i put this fic back up. See, there's another fanfic series known as The Fireside Diaries, and for fun, we did a crossover. We did a story and his side would have part 1, written by him, and my side will have part 2, written by me. But once htis got taken down, no one could see . But now it's back! So please, go read the Fireside Diaries episode "Anything for him" then come back here, cuz this goes from where that left off.  
**

PREVIOUSLY, ON THE FIRESIDE DIARIES..

"But to ensure it operates to our calculated parameters, we need a certain part...Normally we'd have something special like that delivered right to our backyard, but all the delivery drivers in the Tri-State Area are on strike. ….Nevertheless, we need a volunteer..."

"ME"

'ME!"

"What are you proposing, Isabella?"

"A race! First one there wins and gets to hand it to him." "Please let the train be late! ..."There's not supposed to be another one for ten... OMG! Is that... is that..."

AND NOW, FOR THE CONCLUSION..

Isabella: Irving, did you cause the power outage so you could write the rest of this in your point of view? Also, when did you get in?!

Irving: No, of course not! I just got lucky. I'll just pick up where you left off and put in my blog I will not change anything to make me look better, I promise. ...Also, I'm like a ninja.

Isabella: ...Fine, but put down this one part with me that we need to fill in.

Irving: Fine, here go..

 **The Adventures of Irving and Friends**

 **Episode 20**

 **Anything for Him Part 2: The Reckoning**

Isabella: Milly?!

(Wait wait, why are we writing in script form now?)

(It's easier for me)

(..Fine, as long as we get this out)

Indeed, Milly was here on a handcar.

Milly: Oh, hi Isabella

Isabella: What are you doing here?

Milly: I's handcar thursday...Don't judge me.

Isabella: I won't! But I will ask for your help.

Milly: What is it?

Isabella: Long story short, I have to catch that train!

Milly: Sure thing, chief!

And so the chase was on once again. They caught up with the train two stations down, but there was only one problem

Isabella: I have to legally board the train, or I'll just feel bad.

Milly: Well okay, but I say we skip to the next scene to skip the boring part.

(Irving!)

(Heh..)

A couple minutes later, Isabella was on the train and Milly had left to go where the wind takes her.

Isabella Okay, I'm finally on.

The train then stopped and Irving got off.

Isabella: ..Should have just went to Irving's stop.

Isabella got off and was now caught up with Irving.

Irving: Oh, Isabella. We meet again.

Isabella: Cut the villain speak, okay?

Irving: Fine. But I will BEAT you, you know.

Isabella: Come on, don't be silly. Besides, I deserve to win more than you anyway.

Irving: Oh, Why is that?

Isabella: I'm...stronger and smarter than you in every way!

Irving: Cut the fecal matter, we both know what this is about. This is about your crush on Phineas!

Isabella: Uh..Well..We know this is about YOUR crush on Phineas...fanboy crush I mean, I'm not saying-

Irving: I get it, don't get us banned by Disney or something. Though at least there was no Gluten this time..

Isabella: Very topical. Uh, I mean...This is not about my crush on Phineas! ..Crud, I just admitted it.

Irving: Did you really think the number 2 stalker in Danville wouldn't know about your crush already?

Isabella: Number 2?

Irving: Number one is M- actually, I won't tell you. Anyway, back on topic. I do...admit I may be doing this just to gain Phineas' respect. After all, he's cool to me, but I think he doesn't view as more as than just ...a fanboy.

Isabella: Are we getting deep now?

Irving: Only as deep as you want me to go. Which means no.

Isabella: Well, I am doing this to impress Phineas..because all the obvious reasons, really. Actually, it's the same reasons as you except replace all that with "He wouldn't notice me except for like 5 times he did"

Irving: Yes, I'm aware of that mess. I see why you'd want to impress him after all that. I mean, I like Phineas but man, he's blind sometimes. Though he did once confirm you are the cutest thing in the universe so that has to count for something.

Isabella: Yeah, that was nice but I'd never turn down a chance to try to get him to notice me somehow.

Irving: So I want to be seen as more than fanboy, which hasn't happened all too often, while you want Phineas to just notice you, which has happened quite a few times, even though he was too dumb to jump on that train.

Isabella: Are you saying You have a better reason than me?

Irving: Nah, I just wanted to be snarky. The point is, I think we both are equally deserving, which is realized in only a few minutes.

Isabella: I agree.

Irving: You do? Wow, that was short.

Isabella: Yeah, no one of us is inherently more deserving. ...BUT I'M STILL GONNA WIN!

Isabella ran off.

Irving: Oh, she's good. I'M GONNA WIN!

Irving ran off as well.

* * *

Their race took them back out into the city. Isabella had a head start, so she was pretty much winning at this point.

Irving: Drat, how am I going to catch up with her?

?: Irving?

Irving: Oh, hi Stacy...and Albert.

Albert: Way to ruin the mystery.

Indeed, Albert and Stacy were standing near Irving on the side of the road.

Irving: Sorry. Wait, why are you guys here?

Albert: What, a couple can't take a walk without being questioned about it?

Irving: It's just that this isn't the kind of thing you usually do, you know what I mean?

Stacy: How do you know? Do you stalk u-don't answer that.

Irving: ..Whatever. So guys, long story short, I'm racing Isabella to a specialty store to get a part phineas needs.

Albert: Ah, I see. And you want our help?

Irving: ...I actually didn't at first, but now that you mention it, I could use some helpers.

Stacy: What do you want us to do?

Irving: Well perhaps you can-

Man: AHH, THERE'S A FOOD TRUCK HEADED RIGHT FOR US!

All: Huh?!

 **A FEW MINUTES EARLIER, ELSEWHERE...**

Poofenplotz: Free samples, get your free samples!

Before she could yell any louder, Pinky jumped out and started to fight Poofenplotz.

Poofenplotz: How do you escape my trap? By just climbing out of the can and the fee-oh. I assumed you were dumber than that.

Their tussle takes them back into the foodtruck, which seems to turn out well for Poof's side until she ends up hitting the parking break.

Poofenplotz: ..Uh-oh.

Because of their small battle, the truck moves and starts going down the hill.

Poofenplotz: Note to Self: Get better traps.

It went down the hill at a fast speed...and ended up going into the street. Pinky knew a failed plan when he saw one, so he jumped ship...er-truck.

 **BACK TO THE PRESENT...AKA A MINUTE LATER**

Irving: And now there's a foodtruck headed for us. Lovely.

Stacy: It's gonna hit that car! Somebody do something!

Irving: I don't know what to do!

Albert: Hmm...I do!

Stacy: You do? What's your idea?

Albert: Cars always stop when you are about to run over a kid, right?

Irving:..i Guess?

Albert: Now check this out!

Albert ran in front of the truck, which was about to crash into a car. Suddenly, the truck stopped.

Poofenplotz: Whew, we almost ran over that kid.

Irving: ...How did that work?

Poofenplotz: Okay, now I can give out some free samples once I get out of here!

Man: Oh, really?

The owner of that car walked out, revealing himself to be..

Poofenplotz: ...It's the health Inspector.

Health Inspector: So after I denied you a permit, you planned to give out that trash anyway.

Poofenplotz: ...What if I said I meant free samples of something else?

Health Inspector: What if I said I can smell it from here?

Poofenplotz: ...I'd say call the cops now so can we stop holding up traffic.

A few minutes later, Poof was being dragged into the cop car.

Poofenplotz: CURSE YOU PINKY THE CHIHUAHUA!

Irving: ...What just happened?

Albert: A subplot ended early because whoever wrote this had no idea what to do with it.

Irving: ...Isabella is way ahead of me by now, so bye!

Irving ran off and tried to get ahead of Isabella.

* * *

Isabella was now pretty close to the parts store. She was lucky Irving didn't just run out the truck's way to get back to the race.

Isabella: Looks like Irving slacked off. I'm gonna win!

Irving: Oh, really?

Isabella looked to see that Irving was running beside her.

Irving: Before you ask, I've recently become a VERY fast runner.

Isabella: How are you-

Irving: Magic. So can we finish up so I can win?

Isabella: I'd make the oh so witty comeback of "Don't you mean so I can win" but I'm above that.

Irving: You know, if we argue instead of paying attention to where we were going, we'll end up running the wrong way or something.

Isabella: You mean like we are now?

Irving: ...What?

Irving stopped to see where we was.

Irving: Wait...no we're not!

Since Irving stopped, Isabella can ahead of him once again.

Irving: Drat, why didn't check while I was running?! We're almost there and she's gonna win! Unless I do a little...trickery. Hey, look, shoes on sale!

Isabella: Oh I get. I'm a girl so that will trick m-where is the sale?

She got distracted by that lame attempt at trickery just enough for Irving to quickly get up to her.

Irving: Wow, my failed attempt somehow become a success. I find new ways to be awesome!

Isabella: The store is coming up, Irving. Shut up and let's finish this!

They ran as fast as they could. The store was so close, they could taste it.

Both: And the winner is..

Irving and Isabella ran inside the store, where the doors are conveniently open. They stopped before they could slip and fall like normal people would.

Both: ME!

Irving: Uh...No, it was me.

Man: Actually, I saw you both run in at the same time. Your little race was a tie. Don't you love a predictable conclusion?

Isabella: ..Well crud, it looks like our race ended up being pointless.

Man: Are you the kids the triangle boy sent to get the part? He just called and asked if you got here yet.

Irving: Yes, yes we are!

He handed Irving and Isabella one part each.

Isabella: Wait, there are two?

Man: Yeah, he also told me to tell you that you need two of this part.

Irving: ..Now our race was even more pointless.

…

Both: First to give it to him wins!

 **ONE LONG RACE LATER**

The two stormed into Phineas' backyard.

Phineas: Oh great, you're back just in time!

Both: Here you go!

They handed him their part.

Phineas: Great. Now I can use this part...FOR MY EVIL DOOMSDAY MACHINE!

Phineas than turned into a big giant demon.

Phineas: This part is really for a machine I will use to take over the world because I'm evil!

* * *

(IRVING!)

(What? It's better this way)

(Write what actually happened!

(...Fine)

Phineas: Great, thanks Isabella and Irving!

Both: ...SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

They both fainted happily, now that they both got what they wanted.

Ferb: ...I'm not cleaning that up

* * *

Irving typed the last words.

Irving: The end!

Isabella: Okay, now we can post this.

Irving: ...Do I have to leave now?

Isabella: I'm not even sure why you came here in the first place.

 **END OF EPISODE 20.**

 **AN:** Bit of a weak ending, eh? Well, I don't care, Mr Fireside Diares came up with it, I only put it down. Besides, it's funny. Also, the poofenplotz bits were not written by irving or izzy or whatever. We just saw it along with what he wrote. Did you think Irving would give away pinky's secret right in front of Isabella? Please..

So ends the rather unceremonious 20th episode. Hope you liked it!This is also the most recent ep, but i'm putting one off specials as eps next.


	20. The Irving Zone

**Author's Note: So I wrote two one off Halloween Specials, and of course one of them got lost. So here's the other one, which is now an offical episode.  
**

 **The Adventures of Irving and Friends**

 **Episode 21: The Irving Zone**

 **Narrator:** Hello, and Welcome to a world. A different world. A…Metaphorical world. Yeah..Oh, speech time!

Narrator: You unlock this fanboy's innermost thoughts and fears with a key Of course, it's not an actual key. The key is just a metaphor for something that makes the fanboy... be a fanboy, I guess. Anyways, the key in this situation is two step-brothers who try to make each and every day a day to remember.

Narrator: This fanboy's mind qualifies as an alternate dimension. Not the alternate dimension that the two step-brothers traveled to. Not even the one that the fanboy and his brother traveled to. No, this is a special dimension. It is a dimension of geekery and hatred; of life and death; of rainbow-maned pegasuses…or pegasi..pegapeople?, Whatever. Oh, and fourth-wall breaking pink earth ponies, but... uh, that's beside the point.

Narrator: Importantly, this is a dimension of things and ideas. It's a place lacking in not only sight sound, but mind. Especially mind. Some may say you just crossed over the boundaries of sanity. But, no, not. I. (No, I say, you just crossed over into The Irving Zone.

And… **SONG**

 _You're entering a dimension much different than your own_  
 _Where in a crowd of people, you're alone_  
 _Where after 5 minutes, only 30 seconds have passed_  
 _Where even when you're first, you know you're last_

 _Where anything can happen and you know it will_  
 _Where your television has an urge to kill_  
 _From this point on, you're on your own_  
 _Welcome to The Irving Zone_

 _How shall you survive in this world of much renown_  
 _Where the grim reaper can take the form of a clown_  
 _Where a simple illusion can be a race against time_  
 _Where everybody has no clue who you are_  
 _Even when you're close by, you view things from afar_  
 _And your perception of people is the exact opposite of what they are_

 _Where cats and dogs always unite_  
 _Where everything ia wrong, even if it's right_  
 _Where on her quest for complete power, Celestia takes control of the night_  
 _Now that you're in The Irving Zone, I doubt you'll last one night_

 _Welcome to The Irving Zone_

 _You might say this world has a mind of its own_

 _Filled with trickery and evilness, you're never truly alone_  
 _You might say this_

 _(But, no, not I)_  
 _But, no, not I_

 _You may have the urge to cry_  
 _In The Irving Zone_  
 _Oh, no, you're not alone_  
 _In The Irving Zone_  
 _Oh, welcome to The Irving Zone_  
 _The Irving Zone_  
 _The Irving Zone_  
 _(No, I say, you just crossed over into The Irving Zone.)_  
 _THE IRVING ZONE!_

Narrator: Submitted for Your approval, so you better like it. I mean, I did work hard on this. So it'd be nice if you appreciated something I did for once, you jerk! Uh…anyway, on to the story. A sweet little girl…;or so she seemed. For, this wasn't a normal girl. This girl has special powers. Evil powers. And that girl…was Suzy Johnson. Shocking, I know. But little did she know, she was about to meet her match..

 **IN THE LINE OF SUZY**

It was a fairly normal day at the Johnson household. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and Suzy had turned mr Johnson into a football.

Wait, what?

Mrs. Johnson: Suzy, isn't this a little-

Suzy: A little WHAT?

Mrs. Johnson: ..Nothing.

Jeremy: Isn't this silly?

Suzy: Well…maybe it a little crazy.

Jeremy: Don't you think daddy is better as a human?

Suzy: Eh…sure.

Suzy then turned her father back into a human.

Mr. Johnson: Thank you, sweetie. You're a…nice little girl.

Suzy: Yes. Yes I am

Jeremy: And nothing will ever change you…

* * *

Irving was at his house, staring at a big screen on the wall which showed the last bit with Suzy. Every citizen had one of these, so they can see suzy all the time. Though at this point, they were on break from watching. However, Irving used his smarts to get the screen to work all the time. Don't ask.

Irving: Ugh, that Suzy. She thinks she's so scary with her magic powers.

Albert: She is scary dude. I mean, she even gives Buford the willies!

Irving: He also wants to float around like a woodland pixie.

Buford (Off Screen): OH COME ON!

Albert: Suzy is a scary little devil spawn, Irving.

Irving: She's not scary. She's just an annoying little girl, who won't leave us alone!

Albert: Well, the fact of the matter is, she will always be here to use her evil magic on people, and there's nothing we can do about it.

Irving: Yeah…just imagine having all that power. You could do anything!

Albert: Too bad she's keeping all that power to herself. If only she had someone to share her evil with…but that's never going to happen.

Irving: Hmmm…that's it!

Albert: Oh no, did I accidentally say something that gave you an idea again?

Irving: Actually, I was thinking while you were blabbing about power. So unless you were talking about the idea of me gaining suzy's respect so we can share the power..

Albert: Actually…I sort of was.

Irving: Really? Wow, great minds think alike

Albert: You have a great mind? Wait…YOU HAVE A MIND?!

Irving: Oh shut up. If you excuse me, I have a little girl to gain the respect of

Albert: Wait! …be careful. I like to see painful things happen to you…but only if I am the cause it. So please, don't get hurt.

Irving: …Are we sharing a tender moment?

Albert: …No. No we're not.

Irving: ..Okie dokie lokie

* * *

Back at the Johnson house, Suzy was playing with her trains…which her now the size of real trains. Oh, and the parents were tied to railroad tracks.

Mr. Johnson: Isn't this a little dangerous?

Suzy: The trains aren't on you know. I'm not THAT evil.

Jeremy: How…sweet.

Just then, the door slammed open, revealing Irving standing triumphantly.

Irving: Greetings, Johnson Family!

Mrs. Johnson: NO! RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN!

Suzy: Okay, who is this interrupting my playtime?!

Irving: You might be wondering why I am brave enough as to barge in on Suzy Johnson without fear of being sent to the moon or something.

Suzy: Actually, I was just wondering why you were so rude, barging in like that instead of knocking.,

Irving: Oh, Sorry about that. ..Wait, aren't you gonna get all angry and like kill me or something?

Suzy: Come with to the kitchen so we can discuss the matter

Irving: Aren't you a little young to be talking like this?

Suzy: I have magic powers. I'm beyond normal.

Irving: …Good point.

The two went into the kitchen to talk.

Suzy: Okay, let me explain something to you: I'm not all that evil.

Irving: But…you were doing some seriously messed up stuff back there!

Suzy: I was just having random fun. Besides, everyone thinks I'm evil, even my own brother. So I might as well let them think so, or they may not respect me all that much.

Irving: I see what's going on here. You wa-

Suzy: Please don't continue. I don't care what you think my problem is. I just want you to leave peacefully.

Irving: Wait, don't you think it'd be nice if you had someone to share your magic with? Someone who could help improve your lonely lifestyle in ten seconds flat?

Suzy: Hmmm, that sounds temp-NO! I do not want to share.

Irving: Come on, please?

Suzy: If you get something cool, I might

Irving: Like what?

Suzy: That's for me to know, and for you to find out.

Irving: That doesn't seem very fair.

Suzy: You have 10 seconds to get out before I torture you.

Irving: …I'll be out in 5!

Irving then ran so fast that the road runner looked like a snail.

Suzy: Silly boy.

* * *

Narrator: The fanboy had ran home. He had no idea what he was getting himself into. For most of the time there was daylight outside, he was thinking. Well, sometimes he was. He actually played video games until he remembered he had to think. Eventually, that night he-wait, why am I still narrating? I should only be at the start and end of these segments!

Director: Just do it!

Narrator: Fine. That night, Irving had figured it out. But little did he know, that…was the easy part. Getting the object in question? It would be a nightmare. Irving was in the Danville Cemetery, at around 10 pm at night. The moon was already high in the sky, and several scary noises filled the air..

Irving: Geez, wolf howls, lightning with no rain, and wind? Could this place be any more stock?

Then…something tapped Irving on the shoulder!

Irving: CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!

Candace: It's me, Candace!

Irving: WHICH ALSO STARTS WITH A C!

Candace: ..I hate you.

Irving: Why are you here?

Candace: I come here every night to hide from Suzy.

Irving: I'm here to find something Suzy will like so she will let me team up with her so we can share the powers, and thus I will be able to be happy in a world where little girls have magic powers.

Candace: I didn't ask for your story, but whatever.

Irving: Wait…do you want to help?

Candace: Let's see, if this fails, we might end up horrible scarred for life at the hands of my boyfriend's little sister...sure.

Irving: Okay, let's see if we can find what I'm looking for..

Candace: Watcha looking for?

Irving: Actually…I don't know. I was hoping something decent would be in this graveyard that Suzy would like

Candace: Well, it's better than hiding at any rate

Irving: Okay, let's go check near the back of this place where it's really dark.

Candace: …Sounds like a good idea to me!

The two walked over the other side of the graveyard. Suddenly, everything became darker. So dark, that now, the only things visible were the eyes of Candace and Irving.

Candace: AHHH! Where'd the light go?!

Irving: AH, WHY DO I SEE FLOATING EYEBALLS?!

Candace: My eyes aren't floating, twerp. It's just do dark all we can see are someone's eyes!

Irving: Oh yeah, that old gag

Candace: Oh, hey look, if I jump up and down it looks like my eyes are jumping!

Irving: You have pretty eyes…

Candace: Shut up if you like seeing with yours

Irving: Ohhh, Feisty!

?: Quiet down!

Candace And Irving: CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!

?: Why do people always yell that?

Candace: who are you?

?: Hold on, let me turn on this flash light.

The mystery person turned on a flashlight, which now made it so everyone could see their faces/ The figure revels herself to be…an old lady,

Irving: A Creepy old lady in a graveyard…should I be scared?

Lady: No, I'm a kind old lady. I am Clarissa the crystal woman. But you can just call me Clarissa. And if you make a "Can you explain it all joke", you're dead. .

Candace: Okay…so do you live here?

Clarissa: Yes, I like to live among the dead. Plus, that's where my magic is strongest.

Irving: …Magic?

Clarissa: Yes, you see I'm a magical person. I also sometimes give magic powers to those who might need it.

Candace: Heh, funny, I know this little girl who has magic power-HEY! Wait a minute…does that mean-

Clarissa: I did give powers to a little girl once. It was a few years ago. She seemed nice.

Irving: NICE?! That girl is using her powers for evil!

Clarissa: Oh dear, this kind of thing happens a lot. I give magic to some nice person, and it makes them evil. This is bad,.

Irving: Okay, how do we fix this?

Clarissa: Well, normally the way to fix this, is fight fire with fire. And by fire I mean Suzy. And by fire I also mean magic.

Doofenshmirtz (Off Screen): JOKE STEALER!

Candace: So what you're saying, is we should get magic powers, and use it to fight Suzy?

Clarissa: Yes, and I will be glad to hand a slice of power to both of you. Just enough to put Suzy in her place.

Irving: Great! But one question: Are you just some magic weirdo who hands out magic to anybody who asks?

Clarissa: Pretty much.

Irving: Okay then. So Candace, you join me at Suzy's house tomorrow morning so we can do our plan.

Candace: Okay. This is going to be great!

* * *

The next morning, Danville was as happy and cheerful as always. Despite the fact that a little girl was still at large. Suzy wasn't torturing her family on this particular day. Well…not as much as usual.

Mrs. Johnson: Is there any reason you put us in these plastic cases they put toys in?

Suzy: Not really. Just seemed like a fun idea.

Mr. Johnson: Having a 2nd kid was your idea.

Just then, the door slammed open, and Irving and Candace ran in.

Irving: Stop right there!

Suzy: Ohai Irving. I see you brought my favorite play thing!

Candace: I won't be your plaything anymore! No one else will!

Suzy: Oh, really?

Irving: Yes! You see, we just happened to stumble upon…Clarissa!

Suzy: You WHAT?!

Jeremy: Who?

Candace: Clarissa is the woman who gave Suzy her powers in the first place

Irving: And we spoke with her and we got a little something…

Candace: A little something called…MAGIC POWERS!

To test out these powers, Candace teleported right next to Jeremy.

Candace: LOOK I'M TOUCHING YOUR BROTHER!

Candace lightly touched Jeremy on the shoulder, then teleported back to Irving.

Suzy: Well…it seems like you have gained an advantage

Candace: Yes. Yes we ha-wait your going to blast or something, aren't you?

Suzy: E-yup!

Suzy then fired a blast of energy from her hands…aimed squarely at Candace.

Jeremy: NOOOOOOO!

Jeremy then ran and jumped right in front on the blast, preventing it from reaching Candace. It hit Jeremy, sending him to the ground.

Mrs. Johnson: JEREMY!

Mr. Johnson: Suzy, what have you done?!

Suzy: I…I didn't mean to!

Candace: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Irving: Are you done yet?

Candace: Almost. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Okay, I'm done.

Mrs. Johnson: Well young lady, now do you see what this has brought you?

Suzy: I…just wanted some respect. But people only respected me when I was acting evil, so that's what I was. I especially wanted Jeremy to still like me. I thought that with these powers, I could keep him by my side forever. Oh, and if you mention the creepy implications of that, you are dead.

Mrs. Johnson: And now he's…well not alive. Kind of...ironic.

Irving: Okay Suzy, do you regret doing all this?

Suzy: Yes…

Irving: Then how about you put those powers in this magic box Clarissa gave me?

Suzy: Fine.

Suzy then transferred her powers into the box riving was now holding.

Candace: There we go! Okay Jeremy, you can get up now!

Jeremy stood up, alive and well.

Suzy and Jeremy's parents: WHAT?!

Jeremy: Yea, you see I really wanted Suzy to be a normal little girl again. So before suzy woke up, I made a plan with Irving and Candace. I was just going to reason with her, but then she fired at Candace and I had to protect her. Thankfully the blast didn't hurt, but I pretended to be dead so Suzy will learn her lesson and be…my favorite girl BESIDES CANDACE SO DON'T INTERRUPT, OKAY?~

Suzy: Guys…I'm sorry about this. In retrospect it seems a little silly. Do you forgive me?

Irving: Sure.

Candace: Eh, okay.

Jeremy: Of course!

Irving: Funny how a silly little story ended on a such on a heartwarming note,.

Candace: So what did you do the box?

Irving: Oh, I threw it out the window while Jeremy was talking. Don't worry, I don't think anyone will find it.

* * *

The box was now sitting in the hands of a new owner, who was looking at it…

Albert: Oh, what's in this shiny box?

Narrator: And so the moral of the story is: Never underestimate a possible gary stu. Also, little girls are scary, So anyway, I guess this story was a metaphor for how people just do what everyone else does so they don't stick out, or something. I never really looked into it. So ya…things are just a little weirder in…the irving zone.

* * *

Narrator: I got some good approval from that first one. thank you. So anyway, let's see if you like this one. Submitted for Your approval, a bunch of kids getting ready for Halloween But some...creepy...thing is about to happen. Yea, i didn't put much thought into this one. But enj0oy it anyway...

 **WHO HAS THE ALIEN HEART**

It has a dark and spooky Halloween night at irving's house. Stock animals noises filled the air. It was a full moon, and everything was a cliché as it could be. Not only was Irving there, but so was most of the people he knew. Oh, and some friends as well…

Albert: So Irving, please explain to me why you gathered all our acquaintances at our humble household

Candace: Yes, please explain. I'm only here because it's a short walk

Irving: That's a very good question. You see, we always seem to do Halloween separately. But I think we could have a great Halloween if we all spent it together!

Buford: What, you mean trick or treating?

Irving: Actually. We're a little old for that.

Phineas: You're never too old to get free candy!

Irving: Be that as it may, I still think it'd be fun to do something different…

Albert: Is this some kind of prank?

Irving: I assure this is not any kind of prank by me.

Stacy: Oh, he said assure. He must be serious.

Buford: Why so seri-

Irving: NO JOKER JOKES ALLOWED!

Buford: Jeez, sorry.

Stacy: I have a question: Why did you invite a pharmacist?

Doofeshmirtz: For the last time, I'm not a pharmacist!

Irving: Just thought it'd be fun to have him. But if you talk to him, make sure he doesn't bring up evil.

Phineas: So what shall we be doing on this fine All Hallows eve?

Irving: That's a very good question. You see Phineas, we shall spend the entire night…there!

Irving pointed out the window to a building which was not far from there.

Buford: Weenie hut Jrs?

Irving: No, I was pointing to the place next to it!

Phineas: You mean the real spooky house perched on a hill in a non-hill filled area?

Irving: Yes!

Albert: But Irving, there's a legend that says tons of stuff happened there. Like an old sea captain died cuz his wife was a cheating jerk and his ghost stole the head of this kid and the kid's ghost still looks for the head, and aliens land there every year!

Irving: Every spooky old house has a legend like that, and they never turn out to be true.

Baljeet: He is correct. As a man of science, I must say that ghosts do not exist.

Phineas: Well, if aliens are real, then why not ghosts?

Baljeet: Aliens?

Phineas: Yeah, we met this alien named meap.

Albert: Irving showed me some pictures of him once. He's the cutest thing in the world!

Stacy: Ahem!

Albert: I mean 2nd cutest.

Baljeet: So you went back in time AND met aliens?

Phineas: Yes.

Baljeet: WHY DO I MISS EVERYTHING?!

Irving: So anyway…let us venture forth!

?: STOP RIGHT THERE!

They looked to see that someone had burst into the house

. Man: FREEZE!

Irving: CRAP, IT'S THE GHOST!

Man: Quiet down I'm not a ghost. I'm just Joe. Joe the cop.

Buford: Cop? THAT'S EVEN WORSE!

Joe Cop: Okay Calm, I won't arrest anyone…yet.

Irving: What seems to be the problem, officer?

Joe the cop: Well, we've done quite a bit of research with our paranormal investigator, and we have reason to believe one of you…IS AN ALIEN!

Irving: I nominate Albert!

Albert: Why you little-

Doofenshmirtz: The good kind or the bad kind?

Joe: Bad

All: CRAP!

Joe: So I'm forced to put this place under lockdown while you guys figure this out.

Doofenshmirtz: Well, what are you going to do?

Joe: I'm going to go get a burger.

Irving: Don't you mean donut?

Joe: That's a stereotype!

Joe stomped out of the house, leaving them to settle the alien thing.

Irving: Well, let's start turning against each other!

Doofenshmirtz: I'm already against everyone. Can I go now?

Irving: Not until we find out who this alien dude, or woman, is!

Albert: Okay, we know it's not me, since if I was an evil alien, you would all be dead by now. I shall be the leader of this investigation.

Irving: But this is my party! I should be the leader!

Albert: Crud, you have a point there, Irving. For once.

Irving: Thank you. Anyway, let's list our top 5 suspects. 1st is Baljeet.

Baljeet: Why me?

Irving: Because…I couldn't think of anyone else

Buford: He's no alien, trust me. He's just really weird and nerdy.

Irving: Right, Buford would know if Baljeet was an alien...UNLESS BUFORD IS!

Albert: No Irving, most aliens are smart.

Buford: HEY!

Albert: Offense was intended.

Irving: Okay, Suspect #2…ferb

Both: ….Nah.

Stacy: What about me?

Albert: Stacy, no one would ever suspect you of being an alien. You are way too cute.

Baljeet: Actually, according to my knowledge of Science fiction, female aliens are usually quite attractive.

Buford: Pfft, that's stupid. All evil aliens are ugly. I don't see myself falling for an alien chick anytime soon

Irving: …Indeed. Okay, clearly no one is going to fess up being an alien. So I say we get help to detect a possible alien in disguise!

Baljeet: …Fine, but you owe me for this,.

Albert: Okay, let's do some alien hunting!

* * *

The three nerds were sitting the floor surround by dozens of alien books, science-y papers, and other stuff.

Irving: Okay, so after about one hour of hard research we have come to the conclusion that.

Baljeet: We suck at this?

Albert: Took the words right out of my mouth.

Phineas: Uh Irving? Perhaps ferb and I should take over.

Irving: …Nah. You always solve our problems, I want to be the hero…and so does albert. K?

Ferb: Whatever makes this Halloween special end faster

Buford: Dang it, I just repaired that 4th wall!

Albert: Okay, let's ask the first suspect that comes to mind..

Irving: You're right….

* * *

Albert: Okay dude, TALK!

Ferb: …That's against my nature.

Irving: Albert, why do you think Ferb's an alien?

Albert:...His name is flipping ferb?

Ferb: Actually, it's short for-

Irving: Whatever. Let him go, Albert

Albert: Fine/

Irving: Okay, bring in our next person.

* * *

Irving: TALK!

Lawrence: Who are you?

Albert: Joe said it is someone inside the house. He was OUTSIDE, you quarter wit! Heh, quarter wit…it's less than half

Lawrence: …Can I go now?

Albert: Yes. Yes you can.

Irving: Okay, bring in ANOTHER person

* * *

Irving: …Okay, talk.

Doofenshmirtz: ..You're just pulling random people, aren't you?

Irving: …Maaaaaaybe.

Albert: Look irving, we are almost out of suspects. I suggest we really think about this instead of blindly asking people.

Irving: Well, okay then. Has anyone been acting…different?

Albert: Not that I know. Everyone's been doing the normal formula as usual.

Irving: Has anyone disappeared for a short period of time?

Albert: Nope.

Irving: Has anyone showed any of the classic alien signs?

Albert: Not that I know of

Irving: Dang it! There's no easy way to spot the alien.

Albert: Maybe we should set up alien traps or something.

Irving: Eh, okay. I'm out of ideas anyway

* * *

Albert: Okay, did you get the trap ready?

Irving: Could you please explain this trap to me?

Albert: Well, I've set a special pad which activates a force field, which only traps aliens!

Irving: Well, that seems easy. Now all we have to do is wait for it to walk by… /

A few hours later, everyone was at different places in the house, bored out of their mind. Irving and Albert were especially bored

Irving: Go fish.

Albert: I thought this was Texas hold em'

Irving: …I don't know what game we're playing anymore

Albert: …Okay, I got a card game. Let's play 52 card pickup.

Irving: Fine.

Albert: *Throws cards on floor* pick up the cards.

Irving: Dang it, where's that alien?

?: hey, what's this force field doing around me?!

Both: …yes!

They looked at the trap to see….Meap.

Irving: oh, it's just meap

Albert: But…he spoke in English!

Meap: Mustache translator. Pretty handy.

Irving: So, what brings you here?

Meap: I detected an alien here, and I'm trying to find it.

Irving: Hey, us too!

Albert: Can you help us?

Meap: Well, I don't see why not?

Albert: Yes! Cue the alien hunting montage!

* * *

 **Singer:** _There's a strange little thing, sitting in this house._

 _You know It doesn't make a ding, and it's not a mouse._

 _It has a green little head, and big glowing eyes And when you see it, you might die._

 _Well, okay that might be entirely true._

 _Because, the look of an alien to us is quite new_

 _So all we now about these alien scum Is that they're not fond of wiping their bums Or maybe they are, we just don't know_

 _Sure, we're not all that useful, but that's how we roll Just grab all the weapons that you can_

 _And catch that big green., alien man_

 _You might need some camouflage_

 _As this is an alien hunting montage! Yes, an alien hunting montage._

 _You're running round the hound ,searching for that dude. After all this time, you're not in a good mood._

 _Just run around, keep setting those traps_

 _I hope this alien stuff isn't a bunch of…crud! Just to let you know, don't let him be_

 _He's scary as heck, and he's not ET_

 _And please oh please don't call this lame_

 _It's a serious thing, it ain't a game. Sneak around, and don't make a peep_

 _These aliens aren't too nice, they all aren't meap. Don't give up, this isn't a lost cause._

 _Because this is an alien hunting montage! Yes, an alien hunting montage! An alien hunting montaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaage!_

 **(End song)**

Albert: Okay, after searching around and finding we clues we have at least two suspects.

Meap: Perfect! Who are they?

Irving: Well, the first one we came up with is one we doubted earlier…

Albert: Yes…

Both: FERB!

Meap: ..Ferb?

Irving: Yes! It's so obvious! I know i said he isn't. but it just came to me! He's weird and mysterious, he has green hair, and his name is freaking FERB!

Albert: Plus he rarely speaks. Because English isn't his first language!

Meap: Uh…I want to point out the flawed logic in that, but I just want to see how this plays out.

Albert: Okay, let's talk to Ferb…again.

* * *

Everyone was gathered in the living room, to see what conclusion the nerds had come to.

Irving: Okay first of all, let me introduce you all to Meap!

Phineas: Hey, haven't seen you in a while!

Meap: Hey.

Albert: With the help of Meap, we have figure out who has the alien heart!

Lawrence (Off Screen): I get it!

Albert: And we know it's..

BOTH: FERB!

Phineas: …Seriously?

Irving: It's obvious why we think so. Thus, I will not explain it.

Meap: Irving, it's quite obvious that-

Ferb: I am the alien.

Meap: You see, I told you-what?

Irving: I KNEW IT!

Candace: …I am the alien!

Albert: But Candace, how could you-

Phineas: I am the alien!

Meap: The heck?

Baljeet: I am the alien!

Doofenshmirtz: I broke the dam! …I mean, I'm Spartacus. I mean, I am the alien!

Irving: YES! It's working!

Albert: What?

Irving: You see Albert, during the scene transition, I told everyone to say they are the alien in order to get the real alien so annoyed, they would show themselves

Albert: …that's genius!

?: UGH, YOU STUPID HUMANS!

Irving: yes!

They turned around to see that the alien was s-

 **END OF REEL***

Narrator: …Oh crap, I never finished writing this one. Well…..i should tell you what happens to the boys. …Everyone dies. The end. Bye!

 **THE END**

 **AN: Yeah, this one was pretty good. It was supposed to be 3 segments but i got lazy. Not much to say really. One more to go!  
**


	21. Albert Vs Jeremy

**Author's Note: Here's our last ep I will post before the finale, unless I find the missing ones. This one was actually written as a pilot for a spin off, but it went down so now it's Iaf. Oh, and it's a prequel, set before Bugging out. You kind of need to know that cuz this will make no sense, given how this is before he hooked up with Stacy and the whole bugging out incident. Enjoy!  
**

 **The Adventures of Irving and Friends**

 **Episode 22**

 **Albert Vs Jeremy**

It was an average day in the Irving/Albert household. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and Irving was tried as all heck. But his older brother Albert was the opposite. They were hanging out in the kitchen, while Irving was preparing a bowl of cereal.

Albert: Good morning, Irving.

Irving: What's go good about it?

Albert: Why the glum face?

Irving: Phineas and Ferb left for some fishing trip with their dad...

Albert: You mean, their whole family is not present?

Irving; Oh, no. Candace, and Linda are still there.

Albert: Candace? Great!

Irving: Why do you care if Candace is there?

Albert: Uh...no reason! I'm not going to...woo her or anything.

Irving: Sure you're not. But there's something i must tell y-

Albert: I have no time for you. I must be off!

Irving: But Albert, you gotta know about J-

Albert: Don't care!

Irving: ...Hey, where's Perry? ...Hey someone had to say it.

* * *

Perry had already gone through his usually epic entrance, and was now face to screen with Major Monogram.

Monogram: Morning Agent P, Doof is at it again. He's purchased several books on human emotion, as well as one called "How to hold a grudge". We have no idea what this means, but i'll guess it's not that good. Find out what he's up to and, as the kids say, kick his sorry butt!

Carl: ...No one says that sir

Monogram: Did i ask if they did?

Carl: Well no but-

Monogram: Then be quiet! So anyway, see ya agent p

Perry then left to stop Doofenshmirtz

* * *

Albert was now in the park, carrying some flowers.

Albert: This is gonna be wonderful! Candace will be mine in no time!

Albert saw Candace over near a bench...

Albert: Oh, there she is! Just as radiant as ever...

Then he saw a strange (to him), blonde sit next to Candace.

Albert: What the-who's this?

Candace: Oh, hi Jeremy!

Albert: Jeremy, eh? Better keep an eye on this.

Jeremy: Hey Candace, it's nice to get out once in awhile, ya know?

Candace: ...Yes. yes it is.

Albert: This is very suspicious...but nothing to worry about.

Candace: I'm kinda bored...

Albert: Perhaps i should walk over there to cure he-no, i need to see how this plays out..

Jeremy: Well, perhaps i have something to cure that..

Candace: You do?

Jeremy: Yes, this...

And to Albert's dismay, Jeremy leaned over...and kissed her

Albert: What the-NO! this can't be! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Candace: Huh? Did you hear that?

Albert: I can't believe this! How could-i gotta get out of here!

Albert then ran off.

Jeremy: I'm sure it was nothing.

* * *

A few minutes later, Albert ran into the house.

Irving: Oh hey Albert, that was quick!

Albert: Irving, you'll never believe this! Candace is with some blonde guy!

Irving: That's what i was trying to tell you! Before you left. She's been with him all summer, you never knew this?

Albert: I don't know everything!

Irving: I knew it!

Albert: Look, it doesn't matter! Candace has some other guy, and now I 'll never get her, which means I'll never find love! My life is ruined!

Irving: Oh Albert, you're talking crazy.

Just then, a kid ran by and peeked in the window that was close by, and saw what was going on.

Kid: Ha, you're a loser without a girl!

Irving: Would you like some ice for that burn?

Albert: Ugh, great! Now my life is ruined...

Irving: I guess know who to blame, yoursel-

Albert: ...Of course! I know who to blame...

Albert then turn to the sky-or rather ceiling and screamed.

Albert: JEREEEEEEEEEEMY!

The title popped up on screen.

 **Albert Vs: Jeremy**

* * *

Jingle Singers: _Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!_

Perry busted into DEI.

Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, how...i got nothing. And by nothing...i mean ABSOLUTELY SOMETHING! Oh, hey, there's one! Now, where did i put the trap remote? Crud, i think i lost it. Well..stay put, while i tell you about my new inator. Now, Perry the Platypus, as you know, i hold the award for Best Grudge Holder. And you bet your platypus-flank i am!

Norm: Yes, Yes you are

Doofenshmirtz: How many times must i tell you to stay in the closet?

Norm: I lost count sir.

Doofenshmirtz: Whatever. Anyway, I can hold grudges, but they say doing so tears them apart. I personally don't believe that, but i was thinking-

Vanessa: That's a first

Doofenshmirtz: IS THERE A SIGN ON THE DOOR THAT SAYS "Come in, no evil scientist BUSY"?

Vanessa: ...Whatever.

Doofenshmirtz: As i was saying, I will-

Vanessa: Let me guess, you built a grudge-inator to make people have a grudge against the first person they see?

Doofenshmirtz: Darn it Vanessa! ...Can I tell him myself anyway?

Vanessa: Sure

Doofenshmirtz: BEHOLD! THE GRUDGE INATOR! With this, i will give everybody grudges on each other, and spread chaos through the ENTIRE TRI STATE AREA! See, it sounds much cooler when i say it!

Vanessa: Whatever,

Doofenshmirtz: You're lucky, Perry the Platypus! You just gotta fight an evil guy, i have THIS! *Sigh* My life stinks. ...I'll start my inator in a sec. Just...give me a minute.

* * *

Back at the home of Sir Albert, king of all things ninja, he was talking with Irving about his plan.

Irving; ..Why did you yell that?

Albert: Because it's cool.

Irving: Fair Enough. But how are you going to get revenge on Jeremy?

Albert: Easy. I shall destroy all that he loves, until he is such a broken down mess, Candace will dump him, and go for the superior stallion, ALBERT MCDOODLE DU BOIS! ***Evil Laugh* *Lightning***

Irving: ...Where did that come from?

 **Cut to The Regurgtiator in jail***

Regurgitator: Why isn't my lightning remote working?

 **Cut back to Irving and Albert***

Irving: Well, if you want to know, Jeremy is supposed to be at Slushy Burger today. But, this is actually a special Slushy Burger that Phineas and Ferb built in their backyard. You know, because they don't like the actual one.

Albert: Yeah. Slushy Dogs never get any better! Okay, all i need to do, is ruin the Slushy Burger's buisness, then he will be out of a job! Then he will be ruined!

Irving: ...Okay, please leave me out of this.

Albert: Do it or I'll give you a wedgie.

Irving: When do we start?

* * *

Later, In Phineas and Ferb's backyard

Albert: Okay, it's time to start my plan!

Irving: How will do you do this?

Albert: Simple. I hire new workers who suck, they do so bad that no one comes to Slushy Burger, this place goes down, and when one falls, THEY ALL FALL! * **Evil Laugh***

Irving: You're good at this.

Albert: Thanks!

Phineas: ...So these are our new workers?

Crazy Old Coot: IF YOU FIND ANY GOLD, IT'S MINE!

Nagging Wife: Gold doesn't just fall out of the sky!

 **Gold falls out of the sky***

Husband (Off Screen): Even when I'm not there?

Sarcastic Norm: Oh she says it doesn't fall out of the sky, and it does. Haven't heard that one a million times.

Albert: Yep!

Phineas: ...Well okay then, you are hired!

Sarcastic Norm: Oh, the Slushy Burger, what a high class place

Phineas: Okay then, you guys start cooking, i'll be back in 20 minutes!

Nagging Wife: But i can't cook! What, is some skill gonna fall out of the sky?

Crazy Old Coot: Nice try sister.

Albert: I think this place is in good hands.

Sarcastic Norm: If I had any.

Crazy Old Coot: Mine stopped working years ago.

Sarcastic Norm: Geez, i thought Doofy smelled bad. Hey, there's this new thing called a shower.

Crazy Old Coot: SHOWERS ARE FOR WEENIES!

Nagging Wife: Why can't a Muzzle fall out of the sky?

Sarcastic Norm: Why can't an ax murderer fall out of the sky?

Crazy Old Coot: Do i have to shut you both up?

Sarcastic Norm: Let's get out of the sun, i want food to fry, not us.

 **RIMSHOT***

Sarcastic Norm: Oh there's the bird.

Nagging Wife: This is gonna be a long day...

 **20 Minutes Later***

Phineas: So how are things?

Albert: Take a look, you will see things are quite different now

Phineas: Wow!

He looked to see that...Business. was booming!

Stallion: Can i have a Slushy Dog?

Sarcastic Norm: Sure, you could gain a few pounds.

Albert: WHAT?

Phineas: It's doing great!

Albert: But,...i got the worst workers ever! How?

Sarcastic Norm: Turns out the coot was the cook for his friends on the western front. And nagging wife is a WIFE, what did you expect? Stereotypes ftw!

Albert: She said she couldn't cook!

Sarcastic Norm: She meant she was unable to at that moment, since she had no tools. But that sky just loves her for some reason.

Nagging Wife: Okay, now give my my million dollars!

Husband (Off Screen): STILL DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY!

Albert: Dang it! Jeremy still has a job!

Sarcastic Norm: Hey,, could you drop me back off at easter island. I don't even know how i got here in the first place.

Albert: A wizard did it.

Sarcastic Norm: Simpsons did it.

Albert: Oh shut up.

* * *

 **Back at DEI***

Doofenshmirtz: Okay, I'm good. Now for the grudge in-

Norm: Hey, what ever happened to my old self?

Doofenshmirtz: Now's not the time!

Vanessa: Wait, there's another norm?

Doofenshmirtz: I'll tell you when we are done!

Vanessa: Just activate your inator so i can stamp your fail card. One more and you get a free yogurt.

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, Goody! But not i must press this button!

Doof then pressed the button...

And nothing happened.

Doofenshmirtz: ...This could take awhile

* * *

Later that day, Jeremy was set to play his band at some kind of festival thing.

Albert: Okay, here we are at the "Some Summer Festival Thingy 2014"!.

Irving: They really ran out of excuses to party.

Albert: But it does give me an excuse for REVEEEENGE!

Irving: Does anyone tell you that you have an awesome villain voice?

Albert: Sadly, No. No one really compliments me..

Irving: Indeed. So, how are you gonna get rid of Jeremy?

Albert: Hmmmm, I think I got myself a decent plan…

Irving: Oh, can I help? I want to make sure you don't make an epic fail.

Albert: Yes! You are just what I need…

Irving: I don't like the sound of that…

* * *

Jeremy's band was getting ready to perform..

Jeremy: Well, this is inconvenient to me, yet the exact opposite for all who oppose me. But who does?

Coltrane: ..What?

Jeremy: Never mind. Anyway, our drummer is sick right before we're supposed to play.

Coltrane: That is inconvenient. Almost too inconvenient…

Jeremy: So, how are we gonna go on?

?: WITH ME!

They looked to see…Irving.

Jeremy: Irving?

Irving: Yes, it is i!

Coltrane: Can you play an instrument?

Irving: I can play over 100 instruments known to stallion...and others.

Jeremy: That's…pretty convenient. Do you wanna take our drummer's place?

Irving: Eh, I don't know…Yes!

Jeremy: He seems eager.

Coltrane: Almost too eager…

Jeremy: Please stop doing that

* * *

Albert: Okay, they're about to go on. Irving, don't fail me now!

Announcer: And now, the "Some Summer Festival Thingy" presents, Jeremy and the incidentals!

Irving: ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?

Teenager: YOU SUCK!

Jeremy: Are you sure you got this?

Irving: Is The Best Pony a the best pony?

Jeremy: ….What?

Irving: Now, just follow my lead.

Jeremy: But I'm the lead sing-

Irving: Okay, here's my song!

Then…SONG!

Irving: …BLARGGGGH!

 **(End Song)**

Then, there was silence.

Audience: ….YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Albert: …What?

Irving: Thank you, thank you!

Coltrane: *Wipes tear* That was beautiful

Announcer: Give it up for Jeremy and The Incidentals for their song "Blargh!"

Irving went over to where Albert was.

Irving: Wasn't I great?

Albert: Yes, But you were supposed to be TERRIBLE!

Irving: Sorry .Albert. I guess these guys will eat up anything.

Albert: Grrr…okay, this is driving me insane!

Irving: It's a short drive.

Albert: Shut it! I've had enough of you!

Irving: I've only messed up ONCE today! I think I'm in a rut…

Albert: This blonde pretty colt can't be stopped! I won't let Candace slip out of my arms!

Irving: This is starting to worry me. I mean, do you even like her anymore?

Albert: Of course! I do! Despite the unhealthy busting obsession, the screaming, the laughing and the flat chest. She shall be mine!

Irving: Albert, I think the one episode you liked her, and your desire to have her, has blocked all rational thought!

Albert: I feel fine. Now follow me, for the last step in my sweet REVENGE!

Irving: I hate my life.

Albert: I hate it more.

/

Back at DEI, the inator still had to charge.

Vanessa: |How long is this gonna take?

Doofenshmirtz: Be patient, Vanes-OH COME YOU STUPID INATOR!

Inator: Charging complete.

Doofenshmirtz: That was quick.

Norm: Almost too quick..

Vanessa: Seriously, what's your deal?

Doofenshmirtz: Okay Perry the platypus, prepare to see a real grudge match!

Doof turned on the machine and it fired.

Doofenshmirtz: E-YUP! It works…but it takes 5 minutes to take effect on who it hits..

Vanessa: This inator sucks, even for you.

Doofenshmirtz: Vanessa Doofenshmirtz it does no-actually, your right, it blows big time.

Norm: If at first you don't succeed, try try again!

Doofenshmirtz: Ugh, fine. I'll try one more time.

Vanessa: It gets hard to watch.

* * *

Candace and Jeremy had decided to celebrate his success at the festival with a date over at a fancy restaurant Albert and Irving were hiding in the bushes in front of it.

Albert: Okay, here's the plan that will help make my revenge complete! We will make sure they get the worst service, and food possible!

Irving: This place already has terrible Food. I should know, the boys hated this place so much they made Chez Playtypus.

Albert: Are you…implying that you lead them to a bad place?

Irving: Yes. Yes I am.

Albert: When this all over, I'll give you something nice.

Irving: Yay!

Albert: Okay, I'll go in the kitchen and try to make the food worse./ You dress up as a waiter and make sure they have the worst service ever!

Irving: Will do, Sir!

Albert: Revenge Won't slip through my hands today!

* * *

Jeremy: Hey, Candace, do you have some glasses? I can't see my entrée. You know, because it's so small.

Candace: Even I didn't think that was funny.

Jeremy: …Sorry.

Candace: That's okay. Now, where's our waiter?

Irving walked up to them; in a waiter outfit he totally didn't steal.\

Irving: Hello,, how may I serve you today?

Candace: Irving what are yo-

Irving: I'M NOT IRVING!

Jeremy: ..Okay.

Candace: Okay, so you are not Irving. Then you won't mind if I ask you to *Sexy voice* get our order right?

Irving: I…uh…I'll d-do that right away, miss…

Candace: Thanks.

* * *

Albert was in a…totally stolen Chef's outfit, in the kitchen.

Head Chef: Okay, I am Chef Muet- Cul. You're the new guy, right?

Albert: Uh…sure, why not?

Muet-Cul : First, Cook a bunch of stuff, while i yell swear words at you.

Albert: Or, you can go take a nap while we do all the work.

Muet-Cul : Oh, much better ! See you later.

Chef souteneur: Wow, we've been trying to make him take a nap for years.

Albert : Did you ever just suggest It ?

Souteneur : Non, non je n'ai pas.

Albert: I thought so. Now, make a rotten mouse sandwich with extra pickles!

Chef #4 : Uh…okay.

Albert : Get to It ! Now i just need to wait for Irving.

Irving peeked his head into the kitchen

Irving: Hey, off-screen, they asked for the chefs specialty!

Albert: Perfect! I'm almost done. You go and give them some crappy service, okay?

Irving: I'll try my best.

Albert: Yes! I shall have my sweet revenge!

Chef #4: You've got serious issues, dude.

* * *

Irving: Okay, I don't know what you are up to, Candace. But all I know is that I will take your order, and I will get it the way I want to!

Candace: Are you sure you want to do that?

Irving: …Uh, e-yup.

Candace: *Sexy voice* Come on, you know you want to do I tell you, and not what your brother is telling you…

Irving: Oh you are so-GRR MONSTER TRUCKS, BEER, RAWRRRRRRRR!

Candace: Just get us a drink, okay?

Irving: You will not sway me, red-headed vixen!

Candace: I know who you are, colt, and I know that if I turn my sexy-ness up even a bit, you will anything I say.

Irving: NEVER!

Candace: Please?

Irving: …Right away miss.

* * *

Irving poked his head into the Kitchen once again.

Albert: Okay, here's the food. I'll be at the table next to you in a second, to watch my revenge!

Irving: Yeah, about that, Candace sort of-

Albert: Did she run off to bust Phineas and ferb for the 96th time?

Irving: Well, no-

Albert: Is she saying annoying crap about how cute Jeremy is?

Irving: I don't think you like Candace as much as you say you do.

Albert: I do! Shut up!

Irving: I think I know what's wrong. You initially liked her a lot, and you only wanted to bust the boys that one time so I would no longer bug you. You just didn't want to admit that you had grown tired of her busting. You eventually lost the passion you had for her, but she just cute enough for you stay strong,. And when you saw she had somebody, you snapped. So that's why you have this lust for revenge. Am I in the ballpark?

Chef #4: You just got served.

Albert: I…guess you may be rig-NO! I WANT MY SWEET, DELCIOUS REVENGE!

Irving: Oh no, it's worse than I thought! Albert must of gained a sort of spilt personality!

Albert: I don't like cand-NO, WE LOVES CANDACE, WE NEEDS CANDACE! No, she's only okay. GREAT! Okay. GREAT!

Irving: ..Okay, I'll be giving them that food if you want me, Gollum.

Chef #4: Are you his brother?

Irving: Yes. Yes I am.

Chef #4: I feel so sorry for you.

* * *

A few minutes later, Irving was at Candace and Jeremy's table.

Candace: Did you get me the right food?

Irving: I-uh-

Candace: Do I need to break out…the voice?

Irving: OH I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

Irving ran over to the table of another couple…

Nagging Wife: I can't believe you spent all your money on some food at this place but your too full from lunch to eat it. What did you think this food was going to disappear somehow?

Irving: HEY LOOK A THINGY!

Irving snatched their plate of food and ran off.

Husband: At least nothing fell out of the sky.

Irving gave the food to Candace.

Irving: Here's your correct food, Miss Flynn.

Jeremy: Candace, why is Irving dressed as a waiter?

Irving: Am I that obvious?

Everypony: Yes. Yes you are.

Jeremy: Well, uh thanks for the food.

Albert jumped up from the table he was sitting at across from them.

Albert: OH COME ON!

Irving: Whoa, did you teleport?

Albert: I'VE BROUGHT IN HORRIBLE EMPLOYEES FOR SLUSHY BURGER, PUT IRVING IN JEREMY'S BAND, AND MADE MYSELF A CHEF, AND IRVING A WAITER, BUT SOMEHOW, and REVENGE ISN'T WORKING! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU STALLION?

Jeremy: Could you uh…speak quietly, please?

Candace: What's this revenge thing all about? Are you trying to split us because you obviously like me?

Albert: Your okay-GREAT-okay-GREAT!

Irving: He's having serious issues right now.

Candace: Do you even like me that much?

Albert: I…DON'T!

Jeremy: …What?

Albert: I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I've been trying to hold it in with my split personality but I can't! I. DO. NOT. LOVE. CANACE ANYMORE! Infact, I slightly DISLIKE HERE! She's annoying, she talks about Jeremy too much, she laughs annoyingly, she screams too much, she tries too hard to do something that she'll never succeed in, and her right ear is a tiny bit too big!

Just then, the grudge inator zapped Jeremy, who then stared at Albert.

Jeremy: ..What did you just say?

Irving: He said Candace was a-

Jeremy: I heard what he said!

Jeremy suddenly got all up in Albert's face

Jeremy: Look dude, no one, and I mean NO ONE, insults Candace like that,. She is a teenage filly, so therefore her love for me is a bit big, so thus she talks about me a lot. I think it's great, as that means she cares! She is not annoying, her laughs and screams and yells, make her funny, and quite adorable! She does not hate her little brothers, she loves them! She is simply jealous that they seem to be the favorites, that they get so much attention for what they do, and she gets in trouble for a small intimate get other, but they don't get in trouble for their larger than life is a great pony, and doesn't ever change no matter what somepony thinks of her. Ponies like YOU who get her wrong, make me sick!

Everypony stood stunned in silence.

Albert: ..Wow Jeremy.. I...Didn't know you had it in you. It's like you got a sudden…Grudge rage. Like an invention that was way overpowered hit you. I guess I don't dislike you that much. I let my small like of Candace get in the way of my normal thinking process. I guess this revenge wasn't needed. But I will do more revenge once the summer is out. See ya!

Albert left, leaving a stunned Jeremy there.

Jeremy: …What did I just do?

Candace: I don't know...but it was sweet.

Candace then kissed him.

Candace: Bye!

Irving: …At least Al's single now.

* * *

Back at DEI..

Doofenshmirtz: Okay perry the platypus, you've been waiting for a few hours, but I swear this inator will function right!

Vanessa: Is it too late to change my last name?

Doofenshmirtz: Now, I shall activate the grudge inator at a low rate, as to not cause grudge induced rages.

Doof pushed a button and..

Inator: Battery low. Please charge.

Doofenshmirtz: OH SON OF A-

 **THE END.**

 **AN: Weird Doof plot side, I had fun with this one. I like it. Not sure if a whole "series" like htis would work but i like htis episode. With that, I've posted all of Iaf side from two lost eps. Stay tuned for the epic finale!**


End file.
